Courage

by Kristen Proby

  “Well, neither of you is tall enough, so I’ll take care of that part,” I interrupt, shutting down an argument before it breaks out.

  “Okay, we’re going to have a system here,” Tash says. “We’re not going to just be all willy-nilly about this.”

  “Willy-nilly,” Kelsey says with a smirk. “That’s funny.”

  “Some of the ornaments are fragile, so we have to be careful,” Tash continues as she opens a box. We have all of the Christmas décor from Monica’s house here. Tash already went through most of it, but I know this won’t be an easy evening for her.

  For either of us.

  “Aw, look at this.” She holds up two ornaments, one pink and one blue. “Your mom bought these for your first Christmas. She was so excited that year. The holidays were her favorite anyway, but she really wanted to make that first one special for you guys.”

  Tash passes the ornaments to the kids.

  “Go ahead and put these on the tree.”

  We both show the twins how to hang the ornaments from a limb of the fake tree, and then she brings out more.

  “This one is Uncle Sam’s.” She passes me the GI Joe ornament with a grin.

  “I’ve had this one since I was about your age,” I tell the kids and then fasten it to a limb.

  For the next hour, we pull out the special ornaments, one by one, telling the stories attached to them and then adding each to the tree.

  “Where are your special ornaments, Auntie Tash?” Kevin asks.

  “Oh, I usually just do generic ones,” she says with a smile. “Different pretty colors, that sort of thing.”

  “You don’t have special ones from when you were a little girl?” Kelsey asks.

  “Not that I know of,” Tash says, and I make a mental note to pick something up for her. “Now, I got two new ornaments for this year.”

  She opens a little box and pulls out two clear bulb ornaments hanging from red ribbons.

  One says Mom and one says Dad.

  “Why are there white feathers inside?” Kelsey asks.

  “Because those are angel wings,” Tash replies. “We’ll always hang these on our tree, every year, and we’ll know that your mom and dad are with us, even if they’re gone.”

  She passes them to the kids so they can hang them, and I can’t take my eyes off her.

  My God, she’s amazing.

  Thoughtful.

  Loving.

  “Do you always know what to do?” I ask her softly as the kids find a spot for the new ornaments on the mostly full tree.

  “No.” She blows out a breath. “I feel like I never know what to do. But I think this was the right thing. Monica always bought special ornaments every year. It seemed fitting to get one for this.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” I kiss the top of her head as the kids turn back to us.

  “Are we done now?” Kevin asks.

  “Yeah, you guys can watch The Grinch while I finish up,” Natasha replies and gets the twins settled for the holiday special.

  “What do you have left?”

  She looks at me and then laughs. “We literally just decorated the tree. I have to switch out the dishes in the kitchen for the holiday ones. Put up wreaths and garland. I have pretty snowflakes that I found online to put on the wall in the dining room. Your mom made these cute Santa and Mrs. Claus figurines that I want to put on that shelf, but I need to clear it off first. And that’s just the start.”

  “And you’re planning to do it all tonight?”

  “Most of it,” she confirms. “I don’t have time the rest of the week, and I want to enjoy it for as long as possible. Because the day after Christmas, all of this is coming down.”

  “I’ll help.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I have some things to talk to you about anyway. We can knock them both out at the same time.”

  “Okay, that works for me.” She fastens the lid on the last ornament box, and I lift them to follow her to the garage. “I thought I had a lot of holiday décor. I’m a novice compared to what Monica had. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it all. I guess I’ll go through everything after the holidays, keep what I love and what is sentimental and donate the rest.”

  “You don’t have to do anything right now.”

  “I know.” She points to where she wants the empty totes and then to the ones she needs me to grab. “But I can’t keep it all. My house isn’t big enough. It’s even smaller now.”

  “Are you thinking about moving?”

  She sighs. “Not right away. The kids have had enough upheaval, and I can’t really afford much bigger.”

  “Let me help with the freaking rent, and you can.” I cock a brow at her. She hasn’t accepted help from me since I moved in, and it pisses me the hell off. “I live here, too, Tash.”

  “I can afford the rent.”

  “You aren’t working.”

  “I have a lot in savings.” She blows out a breath. “What did you want to talk about?”

  More upheaval.

  “I got a call today from the fire chief in Spokane.”

  She pauses slightly in hanging the wreath on the door but then keeps moving.

  “Uh-huh?”

  “He needs to know sooner than we thought if and when I’m going out that way.”

  She frowns but doesn’t look my way. The knot in my stomach gets tighter than ever.

  “And what did you say?”

  “That I needed a day or two. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Why me?”

  I grab her arms and turn her to look at me. “Why do you think? We’re—”

  “We’re what?” Her chin comes up, and she stares at me boldly. “What, Sam?”

  “Together,” I reply. “You’re my girlfriend, I guess. Shit, I hate labels, and I don’t know what else to call it. But you’re mine, damn it, and if I take that job, it’ll change things.”

  “I won’t be yours if you take the job?”

  I scowl and want to punch the fuck out of someone just at the mere thought of that.

  “No, that’s not what I mean. It’ll change our day-to-day lives. I’ll be here every other week, but that also means I’ll be gone every other week.”

  “This job is what you want,” she says slowly, seeming to turn it all over in her head. “You’ve said so for a couple of years.”

  “Yeah.” I prop my hands on my hips. We’re still on the front porch in the cold, where the kids can’t hear us. “Yeah, I want this job.”

  “Then I don’t know why we’re having this discussion,” she says, but there’s no anger or censure in the words. “This is your dream, Sam, and I’ll be damned if I stand in the way of that. I’ve known you for most of my life, and I know this is important to you.”

  “You’re important to me.”

  “And I’ll be here.” She cups my cheek in that way she does that makes my breath catch. “I’m not going anywhere. And neither are the kids. Sam, we can make anything work as long as we have each other. As long as we’re together.”

  I yank her to me and kiss her, long and hard, pouring every ounce of the cacophony of emotions bursting through me into the kiss. I don’t want to leave her, but I’m so fucking grateful to her for knowing what I need and saying what I needed to hear.

  For her unyielding understanding.

  “Thank you,” I murmur as I pull back. I can’t help but press my lips to her soft forehead. “I don’t know what else to say except thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me,” she says softly. “This is what family does, Sam.”

  Chapter 15

  ~Natasha~

  I’m so damn exhausted.

  Is Christmas this exhausting for all parents? We’ve done everything: school plays, the Christmas stroll, parties, gift and cookie exchanges. Hell, I’m going to another cookie exchange tonight, but this one includes wine.

  I need all the wine in the land.

  I’ve baked more cookies in t
he past two weeks than I have in my entire life combined.

  If I never see another red or green sprinkle, it will be too soon.

  But the kids have loved it. The lights, the treats, seeing their friends more than ever. They’ve both smiled more since we put the tree up than I’ve seen since their parents died.

  I guess it’s been the mood booster we all needed.

  But on top of all of the activities, I’ve also been wrapping gifts and delivering things to friends and loved ones.

  We’ve received at least half a dozen invitations for Christmas dinner.

  And I have to admit, I love that our community has rallied around us at this time, for the first holiday without Monica and Rich, and that they want to support us all.

  I’m grateful.

  But I’m also so damn tired.

  Sam and I decided that we’d spend Christmas at home, just the four of us. He isn’t on call at the station, which surprised me because he also had Thanksgiving off.

  But that’s another thing to be grateful for. Our time together is ticking down, so I’ll take every minute with him that I can get.

  “Okay, guys, I shouldn’t be late.” I hustle into the kitchen and make sure I have everything I need in my handbag. “I’ll have my cell on me if you need anything.”

  “We won’t need anything,” Sam assures me as he sidles up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck from behind. “Why do you have to look so delicious tonight?”

  “I definitely don’t,” I reply with a laugh. “My makeup didn’t cooperate, the jeans I wanted to wear were in the laundry, and I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

  “Cookies?” He reaches over for the big roaster pan full of the cookies I’m bringing to share. It’s nestled in an empty pan that I’ll fill with an assortment of everyone else’s cookies.

  I’ll have to freeze them. We have cookies coming out of our ears.

  “I’ve never been this social before.”

  “People like you,” he says simply.

  “They didn’t like me last year?” I lean over to kiss his cheek. “Okay, I’d better go.”

  “Hey.” He takes my chin in his fingers and tilts my head up so he can examine my face. “You okay?”

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You have dark circles going on. You look beat, babe.”

  “So tired.” I sigh and close my eyes for just a moment, but then I straighten and offer him a brave smile. “But fine. I won’t be late, and I’ll go to bed early for the first time in over a week.”

  “You could stay home,” he suggests. “Get comfy and lounge.”

  That sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard. But I know I can’t do that.

  “Ellie will be sad if I don’t come. It’s her first cookie exchange. Or, biscuit exchange, as she calls it. I can’t bail on her.”

  “You’re going up the mountain?” He frowns down at me.

  “No, it’s at Nina and Sebastian’s place.” I kiss him one last time, then hug each of the kids. “Have fun. I’ll see you in a bit.”

  “Drive safe.” Sam walks me to the door and kisses me once more, lingering a little longer than needed. “And have fun.”

  “Yes, sir.” I wink at him and trudge through the snow that fell all day to my car.

  The engine doesn’t want to turn over, but it fires up after a couple of tries.

  “Must be the cold,” I mutter and briefly wonder if I should have an engine block heater installed. I’ve never needed one on this car before, but it gets damn cold here, and a dead car is the worst in the winter.

  I mentally add it to the long list of to-dos in my head and take off toward Nina’s house on the lake. Less than five minutes later, I pull through her security gate and make my way through the front door, cookies in hand.

  I love this house. The first time Monica and I came here when Ellie invited us over to help her seduce Liam, we were stunned by the beauty of the inside of the home, not to mention the stellar views of the lake.

  It’s a fantasy, really. And one I get to take part in regularly.

  How did a girl like me get to be good friends with the royal family? It’s a question I ask myself often.

  But I’m not complaining at all.

  When I enter the foyer, a server holding a silver tray full of what looks like hot chocolate martinis approaches.

  I’m officially in love.

  “Miss,” another server says as she takes my cookie tray from me. “I’ll just set these with the others. Please, be at home. We have the hot chocolate martinis here, peppermint martinis in the great room, and there is plenty of festive charcuterie to eat, as well.”

  “Thank you,” I murmur as someone slips my coat off my shoulders. The next thing I know, I’m walking into the living room with the best martini I’ve ever tasted.

  “You’re here,” Ellie says with an excited smile. “And you look marvelous.”

  “I think you mean underdressed,” I reply as I glance around and see that everyone but me is in either a dress or slacks. “You should have told me that I shouldn’t wear jeans, El.”

  “You’re gorgeous. There is no specific attire, my friend.”

  “You mean, everyone but me just knew to wear something fancy? How did this escape me?”

  “You’re in the middle of your first holiday season as a parent,” Nina says as she joins us. “I’m shocked that you’re conscious and not weeping.”

  “Oh my God, you guys. Why is it so hard?”

  “So hard,” Nina agrees. “And we have help. I would be lost without Jordan to help with things.”

  “God, we love Jordan,” Ellie agrees.

  Jordan is married to Nina’s personal security guard, Nick. She came on staff when she married Nick, and as a nurse, took care of all three of the princesses when they were pregnant. She stayed on as medical staff and to help with the babies.

  Nina, Ellie, and Aspen all insisted that they didn’t want full-time nannies. They wanted to raise their children themselves.

  But Jordan has been a huge help over the years and became part of the family.

  “Is someone talking about me?” Jordan asks as she joins us.

  I love that the royal family befriends their employees—especially those who work closely with them every day.

  “We’re simply grateful for you,” Ellie says with a smile and then waves toward the doorway. “Oh, Cara and Jillian King just arrived. I’ll go welcome them.”

  “She loves to host a party,” Nina says.

  “Aren’t you co-hosting?” I ask and sip my amazing beverage.

  “No, I just provided the venue. This is all Ellie’s doing. The cocktails, the food, the décor. All her.”

  “She’s been nervous,” Jordan confides. “She wanted it to be just so.”

  “Well, she didn’t need to worry,” I reply. “It’s all gorgeous and delicious.”

  I know that I told Sam that I’d be home early, but this party is just too good to leave early. People I’ve known all my life are here, and the food is amazing.

  Monica would have loved this.

  “This is the best holiday party I’ve been to all season,” I inform Ellie later when most of the guests have left.

  “Really?” She turns hopeful eyes to mine. “I so hope the others enjoyed it.”

  “Are you kidding? The cocktails alone were special, but then we didn’t have to fetch our own cookies. This is the only cookie exchange I’ve heard of where the cookies were divvied up for us and handed back to each guest when they leave.”

  I sip the peppermint martini I switched to.

  “Will you be able to drive home?” Ellie asks me.

  “Oh, absolutely. I’ve only had three martinis over the course of that many hours. I’m just tired, not drunk.”

  “Are you sure you won’t come up for dinner tomorrow night?”

  Tomorrow night is Christmas Eve. “No, thanks. Sam and I decided we want to stay in and start makin
g some new traditions with the kids.”

  “I think that’s wonderful,” Ellie says.

  “Speaking of Sam and the twins, I should go. But thank you so much for such a fun party, El.”

  “You’re welcome.” She hugs me close. “Drive safe. Text me when you get there, okay?”

  “You’re the youngest, and yet you’re such a mother hen.” I grin and give her a wink. “I’ll check in.”

  I wave at Nina and make my way to the front door where a staff member hands me a pan full of cookies and my other belongings.

  If I wasn’t already sober, the brisk, biting winter air would do the trick. It’s cold tonight.

  I glance up but only see stars.

  No snow, just damn cold.

  I climb in my car and turn the key. It sputters the way it did earlier, but with some coaxing, it fires up, and I head toward home. About a mile from my house, the car just…quits.

  I coast to the side of the road and try to start it back up, but it’s no use.

  It’s dead.

  I could call Sam, but he’s home with the kids. He can’t leave them alone to come and get me.

  There are others I could call, but it’s only a mile away. By the time someone arrived to give me a ride, I’d already be home.

  That’s just silly.

  I bundle up in my coat, root around for my hat and mittens, and make sure I have my purse and the cookies, then lock the car and set off for home.

  “Jesus, it’s cold,” I mutter as I trudge through the snow to the sidewalk. It’s icy, so I have to be careful where I step.

  Which means, I have to move much slower than normal.

  By the time I make it up the steps to my front door, I feel like my fingers and toes might fall off.

  “Where the hell have you been?”

  I scowl at Sam when he yanks the door open. “Huh?”

  “What the hell happened?” he demands and helps me inside. “Jesus Christ, Tash, you’re frozen solid.”

  “Car broke down.” My lips don’t want to work. I’m stiff. “Only walked a mile, but it’s cold.”

  “Ellie was worried and called me. Said you promised to text her when you got home. That was an hour ago. You didn’t answer your phone.”

  “Forgot it in the car.”