Fat Vampire

by Adam Rex

  Well, she still thought he was a vampire. There was a way she could check. She’d thought of it before.

  By the time Cat finished crying, Sejal had something like a plan.

  She silently cursed herself for taking Cat’s key ring, especially when her friend was in such a state. But she remembered how Cat had looked at her earlier when the subject of vampires came up, and she knew this was just something she was going to have to prove to herself. She was tired of feeling fresh off the boat.

  The nice thing about her new wardrobe, she thought, was that it was good for sneaking. In her black velvet dress, she was like a frilly ninja.

  Before she could do whatever it was she expected to do tonight she would need to know where she was going. She thought again of her lost (no, disowned) suitcase and whispered a prayer that Ganesha, Lord of Beginnings and Remover of Obstacles, might keep the Browns’ geriatric internet connection free and clear long enough for a web search and a set of directions. Despite her many faults. Despite her leaving him at the airport. And then, once the directions were secured and silently copied, she considered asking for a fresh obstacle—a browser crash, a frozen cursor, some prudent rockslide to cut her off from the World Wide Everything. But, no—she’d had enough favors lately.

  If she ever saw her Ganesha figurine again, Sejal thought they might have a little talk. It could be that she was willing to manage her own obstacles for a while.

  She did send one email. A much overdue one to her parents:

  amma and bapa,

  i am sorry i have not written for a few days. i am sorry this will be so short. i promise to write again soon and tell you everything. my studies go well. rehearsals go well. cat is a great friend, and i am trying to be a help to auntie and uncle brown. i continue to enjoy america, but could do without the vampires.

  much love,

  sejal

  p.s. can you believe I’m writing on a pentium II? did these people rob a museum?

  Then she took a breath and turned the computer off.

  Now she crept out of the dark house with Cat’s key ring, and approached the older of the Brown family cars. She eased into the driver’s seat and closed the door as quietly as she could. She barely knew how to drive. The steering wheel was on the wrong side of the car. This would be interesting.

  She shifted into neutral and let the sedan slide down toward the street, and flinched against her seat belt when she felt the rear tires sink into soft grass. The Brown mailbox passed inches from the passenger side like a dark sentry and set her heart pounding.

  Finally, safely in the street, she started the car and jerked forward into destiny.

  34

  DONOR

  A GRIPPING half hour later, Sejal pulled up to a MoPo convenience store and parked next to a champagne-colored SUV. She got out of the car and squinted into the bright store windows.

  “Hey, how you doin’ tonight?” said a voice.

  There were two boys in the SUV. High-school age, maybe a little older. “I’m fine,” Sejal said, and she made an effort to smile. Americans were always smiling.

  “There’s nobody in there,” said the boy in the driver’s seat as he jerked his chin toward the MoPo. “Door’s open, though.”

  That seemed odd. Odder still was that the boys appeared to be opening fresh bags of crisps and sipping fountain drinks. Perhaps they had left their money on the counter.

  “Well, I suppose I will go in and wait,” said Sejal.

  “We got snacks. Why don’t you come with us to this party.”

  “Thank you, no.”

  “I gots this book I think I seen you in. The Kama Sutra of Love.”

  Sejal flailed her hands. “Look here. Why do you eveteasers keep saying that? Do you even know what the Kama Sutra is?”

  A flutter of doubt crossed the boy’s face. “Of course I know. It’s Indian for ‘sex book.’”

  “I assure you it is not.”

  “I’m…pretty sure it is.”

  “Oh, pooh—I’m done with you now. Go.”

  She turned toward the store, and after a moment the SUV’s engine started. “Bitch!” called one of the boys as she pushed through the jingling door.

  “Yes, yes. Bitch. Very good,” she said, scanning the store. There really didn’t seem to be anyone in here. She weaved through the shelves and stepped over a spill of candy necklaces. There was a swinging plastic door the color of old tires in the back, and Sejal pushed it open a crack.

  “Hello?”

  Nothing.

  Then, a small noise behind her, from the middle of the store. A clicking. She approached the checkout island, a stomach-high oval counter piled with impulse items and two cash registers. But there’s no one here, she thought as she leaned into the counter.

  “Oh! Hello.”

  A young woman sat on the floor in the center of the oval, tapping long nails like stick candy against the linoleum floor. She wore the green belted dress of a MoPo employee and the vacant look of a slightly-more-dazed-than-usual MoPo employee.

  Sejal tried again. “Hello?”

  The girl stirred and touched a hand to her hair. Then she looked up at Sejal, and down at herself.

  “I’m on the floor.”

  “Yes,” Sejal agreed. “Are you all right? Do you want me to call someone?”

  “Nah…I’m all right,” said the girl with a guilty smile.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, but is this the MoPo where the Ghost stopped a robbery?”

  The girl nodded, then nodded harder with an ever-widening smile. “He was just here! He came back. I think…” She seemed to notice her legs, which were stretched out in a V, and pulled her knees together. “I think we did it.”

  Sejal had her doubts. She tried to examine the girl’s neck, but could only see the left side. She circled around the checkout island, pulled a yearbook from her bag, and opened it to the page she’d marked.

  “Did he look like this?” Sejal asked with her finger by a photo of Douglas Lee. The girl squinted.

  “Yyyyyeah, but…”

  “But better. I know.” There was a small spot on this side of the girl’s neck. It could have been a bug bite. It could have been anything. “He didn’t happen to mention where he was going?”

  The girl stared for a moment, then shook her head.

  All right then, said Sejal in her mind, as fragments of half-remembered conversations bubbled up to the surface. That’s fine. Someone had once told her where this was all going to end anyway.

  “Could you direct me to Clark Park?”

  35

  VAMPIRE HUNTERS

  LOOKING UP at the house of Stephin David, Doug couldn’t imagine why Victor had come here. It was just a rusty birdcage, and an old crow, and two hundred years of crap. Still, there was no doubt he’d arrived. His smell was in the air, and the front door was just slightly ajar.

  Doug stepped onto the porch, grimaced at the groaning boards, and slipped inside. The entry hall was more spartan than before—the stacks of books were gone, and the only remaining detail was that conspicuous portrait on the wall, no longer covered with drapery. Doug paused. It was a Civil War soldier, the same as when he’d stolen a glance during his first visit. Now that he had a chance to let his eyes linger, the soldier looked a bit like Victor. More so the longer he stared. But a small brass plate on the frame said CORPORAL THOMAS NORTH.

  He passed the tree branch to his left hand and wiped his clammy right hand across his shirt. Then came the strains of floorboards above. And, if he remained still and listened keenly, voices. A low voice first.

  “It was easy. You were a Nancy. You’re a Nancy now. Or what would you kids say? A bitch?”

  “Shut up. You had no right.”

  “Nonsense. You know what we are. It gives me the right. I’ll do it again.”

  Doug crept toward the stairs slowly, holding his weight only on the outside edges of his feet.

  “You can’t keep ruining lives! I should…stop you.” />
  Doug started up the stairs.

  “You? You cannot stop me. A pretty little thing like you?”

  The stairs were noisy.

  “Wait,” said the voice that was almost certainly Victor’s. “What was that?”

  Shit, thought Doug.

  “That,” said Stephin, “is probably your friend Doug Lee. Why don’t you invite him up?”

  Doug held the branch behind his back. There was a cacophony of squeaks and groans, and Victor appeared at the top of the stairs. Clothed, for a change.

  “What are you doing here, Doug?” Victor hissed.

  “What are you doing here?” Doug said, and braced himself against the banister.

  Victor studied him a moment. “Is that a wooden stake?”

  No sense hiding it anymore, then. Doug brought the stake out in the open.

  Victor nodded. “Do you want to stop being a vampire?” He’d been wondering just this for weeks, but when Doug spoke his answer still surprised him.

  “Yes.”

  Victor waved him forward. “Then come on!”

  It was the best invitation Doug was ever going to get, so he lunged up the steps and swung his weapon high toward Victor’s chest. But standing on a lower step put him at a disadvantage. Victor deflected Doug’s arm to the side, both boys lost their footing, and two entangled bodies came tumbling down the stairs.

  On the ground floor Doug collected himself but couldn’t account for the stake. He couldn’t even remember dropping it.

  Victor coughed, still on his back. “What are you doing? Not me! Stephin David!” He tried to get to his feet, but Doug pushed him off balance again. Victor’s back hit the wall, the portrait of Tom North came down on his head. The glass shattered.

  A creaking upstairs told Doug that Stephin was now on the move. And so was Victor. He scrambled backward to the front door. Doug went at him again, but this time Victor found his footing and hit him, hard. Everything went red. Doug felt and heard a door slam right between his ears. He staggered and took a few halting steps backward. Glass crunched under his heels.

  “I’ve been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda,” he mumbled. “I should be a video game.”

  He took two deep breaths and charged again. A moment before Victor tossed him over backward and through Stephin’s front door, Doug questioned the wisdom of rushing a varsity football player, and as he lay at the bottom of the porch steps he silently congratulated himself on his insight.

  He was acupunctured all over with splinters. Victor came to the door, breathing hard. Doug was counting on this—he was full of convenience store blood, but Victor was running on empty.

  “Stop it, Doug! I didn’t kill Jay! Stephin David probably did it—he’s a seriously bad guy!”

  “Very bad.” Stephin’s sonorous voice tolled behind Victor. Victor scrambled forward and turned, and both boys could see the man was holding Doug’s lost stake. “Did anyone drop this?”

  Victor made as if to grab it, but Doug grabbed Victor and dragged him down the porch steps into the street. The boys traded punches and the fight lurched across the street and into the park.

  Doug could feel an itching in his gums. Victor’s fangs were bared, too. Victor got under him and threw Doug up against the thick branch of a tree. There came the cracking of wood, maybe ribs, and when Doug picked himself off the ground there was a sizable piece of tree next to him.

  Victor was on his back, winded from the effort. Doug took the tree limb over his knee and snapped it in two. Then he went after Victor, swinging, but Victor clambered away, tottered at the edge of a hill, and went down.

  Nearly half Clark Park was given over to a huge natural bowl, the length of a football field, which had once been a millpond. Victor tumbled into the basin and Doug came tumbling after.

  “I’m sorry, Victor,” Doug huffed, “but you’ve gone bad. And I need a do over for these past few months.”

  “I didn’t hurt—” Victor began, but Doug clubbed him with the tree limb. Victor reeled and collapsed.

  Doug breathed, light-headed, and tried to focus on the limb. It was thick for a stake, and it wasn’t sharp, but hadn’t Stephin told him all the old movie tropes weren’t really that important? He stood over Victor with the branch like a great spear, and heard a faint voice calling his name.

  “Doug! No! Don’t do it!”

  Looking up, Doug could see two people had joined them in the basin. Stephin, and Sejal.

  “Sejal?”

  She was running toward them from the other side of the bowl, dressed like the heroine of some dark story. His story, maybe.

  “Don’t do it, Doug!” Sejal shouted again. “I do not know what Victor has done, but he didn’t hurt Jay.”

  Doug went to her, his head swimming.

  “You’ve got to leave here. This is a very dangerous…” He struggled to finish, but dropped to the ground by her feet.

  “Your back,” said Sejal. “You’re bleeding.”

  “Didn’t know…”

  “Well, this has been a super evening,” said Stephin. “It’s nice to see you again, young lady—I assume you’ve remembered our little chat.”

  She scowled at him. “You could have just killed yourself, you know.”

  “Suicide is ungrateful. And my life is not my own.”

  “And so you make vampires of boys like Victor. The sorts of boys who you think will want revenge.”

  “Hmm…” Stephin began, his hands folded in front of him, holding a spike of wood. “I’ll volunteer that my selection of Victor was a little more complicated than that, but you’re essentially correct.”

  Stephin stepped to the base of the hill. “It came to my attention several months ago that my behavior had become reckless, inadvisable. What seemed at first to simply be poor decisions began to look like a subconscious plan. I was scouting my own executioner. When I heard all these boys had concocted some fantasy of a mysterious female vampire, I thought the end was near. They obviously would not let it stand, being assaulted by someone like me. But now look at them,” he said, his gaze falling on both Victor and Doug in turn. Victor wasn’t moving at all.

  Sejal was cold. “That night I met you, you said you were observing. Observing me, perhaps, but also Jay, isn’t it? He lives nearby.”

  “Yes. Trying to get people motivated. Doug wanted to kill the head of his vampire family. He had only to realize who that was. How is Jay?”

  “You don’t care,” said Doug, trying again to stand. His breathing was labored, and his arms gave out from under him.

  “I suppose neither of you would believe I do,” Stephin told them.

  “Victor left his mom a note…” Doug whispered. Sejal could barely hear. “I get it now…He wasn’t here to kill you ’cause you’re gay, just an asshole.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Stephin to Sejal, “what was that last bit? Our Doug seems to be losing steam.”

  “He said you’re full of shit,” Sejal hissed. “These boys are better than you think.”

  “What a comfort. So. Your champions seem to be down for the count. Are you going to kill me yourself? Here.”

  He tossed Sejal the tree branch stake. It landed out of reach but rolled a few feet in the crackling leaves. Sejal watched it with a sick feeling.

  “Is this why you brought me here? Am I your plan B?”

  “Brought you here? My dear, I haven’t made you do a thing. I only planted the merest suggestion in your mind. But, no, frankly, you were only meant to be here to assuage my ego. I’m just vain enough to want a witness.”

  Sejal looked from the stake to Doug. She couldn’t tell if he was awake or asleep. Alive or dead. She satisfied herself that he was still breathing as Stephin continued.

  “You have to strike very hard. I wonder if you have the strength. And the catch is, for all my dreams of oblivion, I don’t believe I’ll go without a fight. I may just let you do it. Or I may take your little stick and snap it along with your neck.” He gave an
embarrassed smirk. “I honestly don’t know.”

  “Don’t do it,” groaned Doug from the ground. “I’ll get him. I screwed this all up, but I’ll make it right.”

  “Yes, there’s an idea. Put all your faith in Doug Lee. What could possibly go wrong?”

  There was a lot to occupy her mind, but in truth Sejal was most taken with another figure who had just appeared on the lip of the bowl, a thickset man in an army coat with something in his hands. He slid down the hill behind Stephin.

  “Make up your mind, dear,” Stephin said, walking toward her, “or I’ll win. I’m a monster, a murderer, and I’ll be worse—I can feel it.”

  The vampire was close—thirty feet away, maybe twenty.

  “Will you run?” he asked, still closer. “You can’t run. I’ll CATCH YOU. PICK UP THE STAKE, SEJAL, I’M—”

  His whole frame shuddered, and he halted, mouth slack. Eyes heavy. With his long fingers he touched at the sharp tip of a cone, a cone at the end of a shaft, a shaft of wood that had emerged from the center of his chest.

  “Finally,” croaked Stephin, and he dropped. Behind him stood the man in the army coat, holding a gun Sejal had seen on TV.

  “If he’s a murderer, it’s justifiable,” Mike breathed, and tried to make sense of these people in the park. These vampires.

  “There’s so many,” he whispered with rising panic. “They’re everywhere.”

  There was the one he’d killed, and then the vampire boy there, on the ground, and maybe another one a little way off. And a fourth, on her feet—wearing a vampire dress. Saying something.

  Mike couldn’t hear anything over his own heartbeat, and the scratch of his hands against his coat as he fumbled for another whippit, and a new stake to reload. Then he raised his Redeemer and sighted the vampiress down the barrel.

  Doug had been bracing to come between Stephin and Sejal. He was sure of it. But Stephin was gone, and now there was a man, a familiar man with a gun. He saw what was about to happen and forced himself to his feet as the gun hissed and fired.