Into the Deep

by Samantha Young

  Mom used Rick’s input to turn the conversation to grandbabies (Mom could somehow manage to turn any conversation to grandbabies) and my phone buzzed, distracting me.

  A text from Jake.

  Supergirl is on the television. Made me think of you. Hope you’re having a nice time at home.

  There was something placating in his text. Usually he teased me or cracked a joke, starting a battle of wits. I wondered if he was still stinging from Dad’s cut, and then I wondered why I felt bad about that. Feeling too hot all of a sudden, I got up and wandered into the kitchen. Leaning against the cool countertops I stared at my phone, trying to decide whether to answer him.

  “Was that Jake?”

  I jerked my head over my shoulder in surprise, unaware that Andie had followed me. “Yeah.”

  My big sister’s lips pinched together. “You look miserable. I mean, you’re putting on a good front but we all see it.”

  Honestly, I was sick of everyone telling me what it was I was feeling. I was sick of everyone reminding me of what Jake had done and how I’d reacted. It was hard enough attempting to wade through my own emotions without having to bear the weight of my family’s feelings regarding Jake too. “Maybe I’d be okay if everyone would stop going on about my relationship with Jake like it was this epic thing.”

  “It was. It is.” Andie took a determined step forward. “You know it was. That’s why you’re hurting so much. Please don’t rewrite history in order to accommodate him in your life again. Look, it’s obvious Jake cares about you still or he wouldn’t be so adamant about remaining in your life. But he has to know how selfish it is of him to put you through this. So ask yourself if that’s a friend worth keeping.”

  What she said was scarily similar to what Lowe had said and I immediately felt a headache coming on. “I’m going for a walk.” I strode toward the kitchen door, shoving my feet in my boots. “Will you let Mom and Dad know? I’ve got my cell.”

  Andie nodded. “Yeah, sweetie. Take all the time you need.”

  I left the house, taking in deep breaths of crisp air. My feet really did the thinking and before I knew it, I was standing in the empty parking lot of the high school.

  All around me was silence but in my head, I could hear the hum of chatter, the shouts, the laughter. In front of me was just a parking space but in my head was a crowd standing around a figure curled up on the ground …

  It was Wednesday, the day before Brett’s funeral.

  Still no word from Jake.

  Although Lukas had returned to school, Jake was still not in attendance. I’d gotten a sympathetic nod from Lukas at the main entrance yesterday morning but he’d disappeared when I’d approached to ask after Jake.

  I felt like a leper and the only one brave enough to be around me was Alex.

  Today, however, there was a tension among all the students. The pall that had cloaked the school on Monday was back as Brett’s funeral approached, and honestly I just couldn’t be around it. All it did was give me flashbacks to pleading eyes and bloody hands.

  Not exactly feeling like an exemplary student these days, I’d decided to head out of school grounds for lunch and drop by my mom’s store. I needed a friendly face. So Mom it was.

  As soon as I stepped out the front entrance to the school, I heard the commotion. My eyes darted across the parking lot, following the sounds. I saw a small crowd had gathered around something. I was going to ignore it, but then I saw Damien’s hardened face appear in the center as he stared down at something or someone on the ground. When I saw that Jackson was with him, instinct told me what was going on.

  Fury fuelled me as I dropped my backpack and tore down the stairs and across the lot, shoving people hard out of my way, my eyes dipping to the ground to see Lukas in a fetal position on the ground, bleeding.

  “You asshole!” I screamed, shoving Damien back with all my might.

  It sent him stumbling into Jackson. I stepped around Lukas, putting myself in front of him.

  “Get out of the way, Charley,” Damien hissed. “This has nothing to do with you.”

  “You want him, you go through me.” I beat a hand against my chest.

  He narrowed his eyes.

  “Come on, Damien!” I cried disdainfully. “You can beat up a freshman, two juniors against one freshman kid, but you won’t lift a hand against a girl? That’s a fucked-up set of principles.”

  “I won’t warn you again. Move, Charley.”

  “You want Lukas? You’re going to have to hit me to get to him.”

  “Charley, don’t,” Lukas grunted, and I felt movement behind me as he tried to sit up.

  “Move out of the way, Charlotte,” Damien took a step toward me, “or I will make you move.”

  “Dude,” Jackson didn’t seem so sure, putting a hand out to stop him.

  Damien shook him off. “She’s on their side. Brett’s dead, her boyfriend saw to that, and this kid is smart-mouthing us about it and she’s trying to protect them both. She’s a traitor to this town. She deserves what she gets.” He moved toward Lukas as Lukas stood but I pushed Jake’s brother behind me, jutting my chin out in determination.

  “I mean it, Damien,” I warned him. “You’ll have to fight me first before I let you touch Luke. And I fight dirty.”

  “Bring it.”

  I braced myself, ready to take a beating so Lukas wouldn’t have to.

  In the end I didn’t have to either because suddenly Alex was there, fury on his face as he shoved Damien away from me. “Are you crazy!” he shouted, pushing him harder.

  Damien stumbled, shock and betrayal in his eyes. “They killed Brett, man.”

  “Fuck you, Damien. I was there. So were you. Brett fell on his own knife. It’s not Jake’s fault and it’s definitely not Lukas’s and,” he dropped his head, getting in Damien’s face, “it’s definitely not Charley’s. She tried to save his life, remember? I swear to God, if I ever see you come at her again, I will kill you.”

  The two friends started to argue in quiet voices so I turned to Lukas, cradling his left side. His nose was bleeding and his right eye was swollen shut.

  The anger caught in my throat again and I glanced up across the parking lot to the security cameras. Those bastards were going down. Without saying a word, I grabbed Lukas’s bag and held his arm, gently asking him to follow me. He did, his head bowed in humiliation.

  “You have nothing to feel embarrassed about, Luke. They’re bigger and older than you and it was two against one. They’re the pathetic ones.”

  “Where are we going?” he sucked in his breath as he tripped on the curb. I winced in sympathy.

  “To see Sheriff Muir.”

  “Uh, why?” he stopped.

  “Because if we report it to the school, the likelihood is that Coach will try and talk the principal into letting Damien and Jackson get away with it. I tell Sheriff Muir and also give him the heads-up that the school security cameras caught the whole thing, he’ll make sure Principal Watts does something about it.”

  “It’s fine, Charley.”

  “It’s not fine, Lukas,” I snapped. “Jake gets dragged through the mud and he’s completely innocent while those assholes are the biggest bullies I’ve ever seen and they get away with it. Even now … Brett is the one who pulled the knife. It’s tragic what happened but he did it to himself. Not Jake. And I won’t have Damien and Trenton Thomas try to say any different, or bullying people into believing different. Not in my town.”

  Luke cocked his head to the side, giving me a small, weary smile. “You’re hot when you’re mad, Charley Redford.”

  Affection and tenderness and anger for what had been done to him warred within me. “I’m sorry that they did this to you, Luke.”

  He winced and hobbled beside me. “Don’t. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You’re, like, one of the best people I know.”

  And that just made me want to go back and smash Damien’s face into the ground.

  Instead I settle
d for getting Lukas to the station. Sheriff Muir took our statements and called Mr. C. out. I insisted on going with them to the nearest hospital a half hour outside Lanton. The doctor had just finished telling us that Luke had probably fractured a rib or two when I felt him enter the room.

  I turned, my breath catching as Jake strode in with his mom, his hard eyes on Luke. They flickered to me for a second before moving quickly back to his little brother.

  As he took in the mess of Luke, Jake’s fists curled around the foot of the hospital bed.

  Mr. C. saw. He shook his head at his eldest. “Don’t even think about doing anything stupid. Charley saw to it that those boys will pay for attacking your brother. Don’t make your situation worse by demanding your own retribution.”

  “They can’t get away with this, Dad. They should leave us alone.”

  “They won’t get away with this. I told you Charley saw to it.”

  “She was awesome,” Luke grinned up at Jake, his eye now completely swollen shut. “She jumped in front of me and told them that if they wanted me, they had to go through her. If it hadn’t been so emasculating, it would’ve been hot.”

  I smirked at him. “It wasn’t emasculating.”

  “Dude.”

  I took that to mean he disagreed.

  Jake’s head whipped to me and I flinched at the blaze in his eyes. “You were going to take a beating?”

  “I knew they wouldn’t hit me.”

  “Uh, I don’t know. I think Damien definitely would’ve swung for you if Alex hadn’t stopped him,” Luke grimaced.

  The muscle ticked in Jake’s jaw, a sure sign he was ready to lose it.

  Jake kept silent as the doctor finished up with Lukas. It wasn’t until we were out in the hospital parking lot that Jake finally spoke. “Can you guys wait in the car? I need to talk to Charley.”

  His family nodded hesitantly and slowly walked away, shooting us concerned looks over their shoulders.

  Feeling ill, I glanced up at Jake. He gestured for me to follow him. We moved far away from the entrance, giving us a modicum of privacy.

  “I know you’re mad at me,” I started, “but—”

  “Just be quiet, Charley.” He sighed, his expression blank again.

  I tried to swallow my annoyance over his tone, over his attitude, but I couldn’t. “Jake, I know you’re going through a lot but I would really appreciate it if you’d stop speaking to me like that. And stop shutting me out,” I hissed.

  “Our front window got smashed in yesterday,” he answered flatly. “Our phone keeps ringing and then the callers hang up. Trenton and his goons are getting restless,” he muttered.

  I closed my eyes, resenting Trenton. The man was going through a lot, but he did it mostly to himself. “Jake, I’m sorry. But it’s just Trenton. Everyone else knows you didn’t attack Brett. They know it was an accident.”

  “I should’ve walked away, called his bluff.” He shook his head, his eyes hollow. “He died because I wasn’t smart enough to walk away from a drunk. I didn’t put the knife in him but I’ve still got blood on my hands.”

  “Jake, he swung at you. If you’d walked away, turned your back, he was drunk enough … he might have hurt you …” I reached for his hand and squeezed it but he gave me nothing back. “We’ll get through this.”

  He stared silently at me in answer and I felt that horrific weight settle in my stomach again.

  “Jake?”

  “I have to get through this on my own.”

  “What?”

  “I can’t do it with you around me.”

  I shook my head, panic pressing down on my chest. “Are you … breaking up with me?”

  He looked away, unable to meet me eyes as he replied, “Yeah. I’m breaking up with you.”

  I couldn’t catch my breath. “And everything between us … everything you promised … that’s just gone?”

  He tensed and then shook his head. “I’m not sticking around to listen to this.”

  “Don’t walk away from me!” I cried, anger thankfully breaking the panic into pieces. “You owe me!”

  And suddenly the fury was back in his face when he stopped and whirled to face me. “I owe you? I owe you? I played a part in a kid’s death. Do you know how fucked up that is? How fucked up I feel right now? Can you think of someone other than yourself for just a second?”

  “I am!” I argued. “I’ve been thinking about you constantly for days. I’ve been worrying nonstop. All I want is to help you. I don’t understand why this is my fault?”

  “I told you we shouldn’t have gone to that party.” He was back to unbridled anger again. “We should never have been there and none of this should ever have happened.”

  I felt like he’d punched me. “So you blame me?”

  “No,” he grew quiet, “I’m just done.” Jake turned to leave me again and I ran after him, yanking on his arm.

  “Don’t,” I growled up into his face, feeling a pain and ire I’d never felt in my life. “Don’t you walk away from me like I don’t deserve better than ‘I’m just done.’ You promised me!” I pushed him and he took it, stumbling back. “I gave you everything.” I shuddered, trying to control myself. “Every piece of me. So if you’re breaking up with me … I deserve an explanation.”

  “The explanation is that I need to be alone. Don’t make it hard for me. I’m exhausted. I don’t need this …” He gestured helplessly to me.

  I swallowed hard and dragged a hand through my hair, trying to think of something to change his mind, to stop this. In the time it took me to do that, Jake had started walking away again.

  “I’m sorry he did this to you, Jake. I’m sorry his dad is still doing this to you.” He hesitated so I continued, “But I’m standing by you, ready to help you work it all out. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  The look he gave me ripped me apart. “No. I can’t be here, in this town with these fucking people. And you’re one of them. When I look at you, that’s all I see.”

  Desolation crashed over me. Nausea rose through me, my eyes burning with tears I was determined to keep in check around him. But the realization that he’d ended it, that we’d never talk again, that I’d never feel his warm hand in mine, that no one would ever look at me or make me feel the way he made me feel ever again shattered me. The tears started to fall and Jake looked sharply away.

  Swiping at the traitorous teardrops, I curled my lip in disgust. “You’re just as big an asshole as they are—” my voice broke as the emotion became too much. “I can’t believe I gave you everything,” I whispered.

  “Yeah, well, we all do stupid shit sometimes.” He shrugged callously, turned and walked quickly out of my life.

  Five days later word reached me that the Caplins had gone back to Chicago. Two days later a for-sale sign went up in the front yard of their home. Someone, I imagine Trenton, re-broke the window that had been fixed.

  Jake’s departure re-broke me.

  “It feels like a lifetime ago. How is that possible?”

  I spun around at the intrusion, a soft smile playing on my lips as I drank in the welcome sight of Alex Roster. “Hey, you.”

  He grinned and took two steps toward me on the lot so he could haul me into a bear hug. “Your sister thought you might be here.”

  “It’s official,” I sighed, easing back to stare into his handsome face. “My sister is creepy spooky.”

  Alex took hold of my hand as I stepped back. “Missed you this semester.”

  After Jake had left, I’d felt lost for the first time, not really sure where I fit in the town I’d loved my whole life. Alex had been feeling the same way after Brett’s death and we’d clung to each other, finishing out high school as best friends and heading off to Purdue together. From there things had gotten complicated until I’d uncomplicated them. “I missed you too. How’s Sharon?”

  “She’s great. She’s home in Tampa with her family. We’re still not quite at the spending Christmas with one
another’s family stage.”

  Sharon was a sophomore Alex had met almost a year ago. She was tiny, cute as a button, loud, girly, the complete opposite to a now-reserved Alex. I thought they were great together. She loosened him up. “It’s been almost a year. Holidays-with-the-family time is approaching.”

  He rubbed a hand over his close-shaven head and nodded. “She’s talking about coming here in spring, so I think you’re right.” His gaze flickered behind me to the parking lot before they returned to me, his study careful and perhaps a little worried. “So I’m guessing from everything you told me that you’re here because of Jake.”

  Other than Claudia and Andie, Alex was my closest confidant. Despite the convoluted history between us, I told him everything because at the end of the day, he was one of my best friends. This meant I’d kept in close contact with him while I was in Edinburgh and he knew how messed up I was feeling over Jake being back in my life. Although he’d always been neutral in our conversations as he quietly advised me to follow my gut, I was braced to hear him tell me what everyone else was recommending: to get Jake out of my life.

  “It’s gotten really hard to be around him and Melissa,” I confessed quietly. “He changes me, Alex. I become this neurotic, whiny girl, and I don’t want to be that person.”

  “One: you could never be a neurotic, whiny girl. Two: just because he makes you feel weak doesn’t mean you are. Three: this whole time you haven’t been honest with him. I know you were close, and I know he thinks he knows you, but has it crossed your mind that he actually has no clue you still care about him? Char, he said some unforgiveable things to you. He took every bad feeling he had out on you. If I were him, I would presume a girl like you would’ve moved on from a guy who treated her like that.”

  I shook my head. “He knows, Alex.”

  “Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. The thing is, you do. It’s your decision.”

  I glanced back over my shoulder at the school, angry butterflies stirring inside me. I shoved them aside, determined to get myself back on track. When I looked back at Alex, I nodded. “I know what I have to do.”