It might have been a possessive thing. Once she was gone, I’d return to my normal, endless existence.
She turned her head, scrunching her face. “I don’t know.”
“Why not? Did you not enjoy the time we’d spent together?”
She brought her gaze back to me. “Immensely. But I still don’t think this is the right lifestyle for me.”
Relief swelled within me. That meant she wouldn’t have another vampire’s cold touch on her satin skin.
The relief was swept away with an icy realization. That meant I’d never be able to arrange for her to return. I’d never be able to touch her again.
Fuck.
“But I want to see you again.”
She countered with a gaze hinting at the rebellious fire within. “Well, I’m done being a courtesan.”
“Mia.” I clutched at whatever I could find. “What if you were my courtesan exclusively? I can talk to Madam Lucia, and you’d receive a significant payment.”
She smiled at me but then shook her head. “No.”
“Why not?”
She gave me a long look before she replied. “It’s too complicated. If it was a simple business exchange, a service for money, that would be one thing. When you look at me, I see your pain. I can almost feel it. You think I betrayed you. And I’m sorry about that. But I’ve lived with guilt for so long, and I can’t live with it anymore.” She exhaled, and her shoulders sagged. “Our feelings got in the way. At least on my part, which is my fault, I know. A foolish young courtesan rookie move.”
I gave her a rueful smile. “And a hardened, seasoned vampire one apparently, as well.”
Her eyes took on a curious glint as she examined me. “Have you ever been in a relationship, Renato?”
My mouth twitched in response to a question I didn’t want to answer. “Why would I expose myself that way, leave myself open to rejection?”
She opened her mouth and closed it. “Just because your father wasn’t there for you, you shouldn’t let it affect you for eternity.”
I turned away. “When you’re hurt deep enough, you never let yourself open to experiencing such pain again.”
“You’re going to go through immortality alone because of something that happened decades ago? What about your future?”
“What about it?”
“Don’t you want someone to share it with?”
She was sliding too far beneath the surface. Of course, I didn’t want to spend eternity alone. Who would?
Instead of answering, I turned and countered. “What’s to say what you feel for me now isn’t a fleeting thing, an exciting little fling for you?”
“Because I’ve had crushes and infatuations, like anyone else. This isn’t like that. I’ve gotten to know you while I lived here. What I feel for you in here is real.” She put her hand over her heart.
She slipped further in. She was opening every lock on that rusted old cage around my heart.
“You’re so young. You may wake up tomorrow and change your mind about me. I’m not right for you. Once you realize how different we are, you’ll come to think the same way.”
Her crushed look almost made me relent—pull her into my arms and take back everything I’d said.
She forced a smile. “So, this is it?”
“I guess so.”
I stared at her, unwilling to believe I’d never be with her again. A growing ache left me bereft.
Yet, she deserved better than to be contracted to someone like me, despite my selfish wants. I was nothing but a cold-blooded vampire, while she had dreams, aspirations. I wanted her to be able to reach them, find the closure she needed.
“If you ever need anything,” I said, not sure where I was going with it. “You know where to find me.”
“Thank you,” she replied. “For everything.” She gave me one of her sassy grins. “Have a nice life. Or immortality. Whatever you want to call it.”
“Wait. I’ll be right back.” I rushed out of the room and returned with the vial of holy water I’d confiscated her first night here. I placed the vial in her palm and closed her hand around it. “Be careful out there. Never trust a vampire. If they lose control, they could drain you dry.”
She stared at our joined hands. “Have you killed people that way?”
“Yes.” I was a monster. It had been decades since I’d learned to master control, but it hadn’t changed what I was. “Always have some type of weapon on you.” The idea of her going out alone in a world full of threats filled me with dread. “Promise me you’ll do that.”
Glancing up at me, the surprise in her eyes turned to determination. “I will.”
With tremendous reluctance, I pulled my hand away. I let her go.
Mia
My two weeks with Renato were over. It was time to go back to my apartment and back to my life. When I opened the door to my studio, it seemed smaller than before. With the money I’d made, I was tempted to search for a place bigger than a shoebox. But that was impractical. I had more pressing bills, with many more to come.
Too bad I’d decided not to stick with being a blood courtesan. No, I couldn’t think that way. I’d gotten what I wanted. I had samples of my blood mixed with a vampire’s. I was sure that there was something in there that could be a breakthrough. If vampire’s blood could heal a wound, could it cure a mysterious blood affliction?
Madam Lucia called later that afternoon to check in. She was eager to hear all the details about my first experience. I knew better than to think she did it with my well-being in mind. Renato had made a first-time request with me, breaking his three-night rule, which had earned her a good heap of money. I’m sure she wanted to keep that gravy train rolling.
“Your fee will be deposited into your bank account tomorrow morning,” she said.
“When will you be ready for your next assignment? Someone has been eager to see you.”
I scrunched up my face. “Who?”
“Gideon. He apologized for being aggressive at the ball and asked that you give him another chance. In fact, he offered a bit of money to make up for it.”
She named the fee for a night with him. One that made my eyes bulge. Yet, my body responded with repulsion. All my muscles tightened while I shivered with disgust. To let him drink my blood or have sex with him—I couldn’t even go there in my head and had to force the image away.
Gideon had been the reason I’d decided not to become a blood courtesan to begin with. His pushiness. His sliminess. His predatory demeanor. Funny how Renato had a predatorial look, but his drew out a sensual response rather than an off-putting one.
I couldn’t do it.
“Thanks, but I’m not interested.”
“Any reason in particular?”
If I accepted this job, I couldn’t rationalize that I was doing so for some greater good, for some insight into a possible medical breakthrough, or whatever hogwash I wanted to sell myself.
“I just — don’t want to see him again.”
“I will note it. Not all of our matches pan out.” Before she ended the call, she said, “I’ll be in touch if anything else comes up.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t know if this is for me.”
“I thought it went well with Renato?”
“It did.” Until he’d caught me deceiving him after I’d taken his blood. I didn’t blame him. He’d confided in me in the graveyard, and the moment he offered me his blood, I deceived him. With the lingering ache inside, I needed more time to get over him.
“I’ll check in with you in a few weeks.” She ended the call.
After I put down the phone, my thoughts drifted to Renato, as they often did. What was he doing now? Probably sleeping. After all, it was still daytime. I wondered if he dreamed, and if so, would he ever dream of me?
No. I’d be forgotten as he moved on to the next in line. Sure, he extended our arrangement for two weeks, but that just meant he enjoyed some aspect of our time together. Whether it was the taste of
my blood or the sex, who knew?
Dwelling on the situation wouldn’t help me get over him.
Renato
Immortality had never seemed so endless.
That was the pitiful lament of a brooding vampire, which was what I’d become since Mia had left.
The house no longer felt the same. Without her vibrancy, the rooms echoed with emptiness, a hollow reminder of how alone I was. Even worse, I could sense her pain from afar, which intensified my own. The blood bond might’ve been a bad idea, after all. But I couldn’t let her go without having some sort of connection to her.
After a week of moping around, James asked, “Are you all right, Renato?”
He brought me a glass of Chianti, sitting it down on the coaster next to me. His question was unusual as he knew I preferred privacy and let me be. I had to appear in a rough state for him to express concern.
“Fine.” I took a sip of the wine, savoring the flavor as it slid down my throat. “Thanks.”
James nodded. “You miss her, don’t you?”
Was it that obvious? He’d never asked me about a courtesan before.
“I do.”
She should be here. I wanted her here.
“Anything I can do?” he asked.
“I’m afraid not.” I studied him, my loyal butler, whom I knew so little about. “Why did you never marry, James? And end up with an old moping vampire like me?”
“You’re not so bad,” he said with a laugh. Then his face turned sullen. “I loved someone once. And lost her.”
“What happened?”
He tightened his jaw. “I stalled too long. And missed out on the opportunity. She married someone else.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Every day.”
It was strange how I’d never known this about James after the thirteen years he’d lived with me.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Me, too.” James gave me a knowing look, as if to say don’t be an idiot like I was. He didn’t dare say it aloud, though. I was his boss. “Can I get you anything else?”
“No, thanks.”
After he left the room, I glanced at my phone, which taunted me from the end table. Call her. Call her.
No. I took a sip of the Chianti and slammed the glass down, shattering the silence.
She was human and young, innocent and kind. She had so much promise and potential to help people. People. Not monsters like my kind. She was better off if I overcame my urges and stayed away.
I didn’t think I was capable of such sadness. It had been so long since I’d learned to shut down emotions like that, which could leave me exposed and susceptible to pain. Pain like what I’d felt watching my father’s family as an outsider.
This was a different kind of ache. It didn’t stem from jealousy nor a thirst for vengeance. It was more like a longing for a part of me that had gone missing. A part of me that I hadn’t known was there until I met Mia.
I finished the wine and stood. Sitting in my chair and brooding about someone I couldn’t have wasn’t going to do any good. I was a vampire, immortal, with too much time to think. If I let her consume my thoughts, I’d be headed down along a long, dark descent.
As I walked down the hallway, I glanced into one room after another, letting the memories flood me. It was stupid, I knew. Countless other blood courtesans had walked those halls and warmed the bed, but the only one in my thoughts was Mia.
Time to get her out of my head. I exited the house and walked on my road to Brattle Street, taking the left to head toward Harvard Square. Losing myself among the pedestrians in the activity would help distract me.
I spent time watching a juggler, listening to an old man play on an accordion, and watching an artist paint quick visuals of his surroundings. I tipped each one handsomely. After all, were they performing out here night after night because they wanted to, or because they had a desperate need for money? Plus, I wanted to do something for somebody else. The way Mia had devoted her life.
What she aimed to do gnawed at me. If my mother had been the one to suffer, would I have done the same? No, I’d gone on a quest for revenge. Aimed to destroy anyone who’d hurt her. And where had it left me? As bitter and empty as I’d always been.
Until I’d met Mia.
She wasn’t like that. She’d aimed for a better purpose, prepared to make countless sacrifices to make it happen.
Who was I ever to judge her? Think poorly of her for what I’d seen as a betrayal?
Of course, that’s all I could see—myself and my own selfish nature.
I should be more like her and think of others for once.
I passed the restaurant we’d dined at the first night she’d arrived at my house. Then there was the theater where we watched the Addams Family. When I thought of her escape from the real world into movies with a container of popcorn to nibble at, a smile spread across my face, for the first time since she’d left.
The street was full of memories. Our walks hand in hand. Our talks. There would never be a permanent distraction when it came to Mia. Memories of her were everywhere. She wasn’t just in my head—she’d left a mark on my world.
I stared down the stairs at the theater entrance and came up with an idea.
Over the next few days, I hired the people to make it happen. With my connections and my money, things happened quicker than it would for the typical human.
It would entail putting myself out there, and she might shoot me down, but it was a risk I had to take.
CHAPTER 9
Mia
The first day after leaving Renato and returning to my typical life had been the most difficult. I told myself to stay busy and focus on my goals with school, the way I’d always lived my life. Yet my mind often drifted to him.
The days stretched on, and nothing changed. I had to accept we were over. The only way I could continue our relationship was as a courtesan, which I wasn’t interested in pursuing. That was a service, lacking any emotional attachment. It was better that I moved on and learned to forget him.
Madam Lucia had called me after a week had passed. Other vampires were interested in meeting a new courtesan, and were willing to pay more for it. The emotional toll on me after leaving Renato was too taxing to consider another assignment.
Although staying away from Renato was the sensible thing, my body thought otherwise. Longing for him.
I missed him. Especially late at night. Missed his touch, his kiss. His company. Even sitting quietly leaning next to him watching a movie. It was much better than sitting on my sofa alone.
When I walked home at night, I often turned over my shoulder, convinced I was being followed. I hoped it was Renato, watching over me to make sure I was okay, but that was wishful thinking. I never saw anyone. Simply my imagination hoping he thought about me as often as I did about him.
One evening after leaving the library, I took the student shuttle into Harvard Square. It was a bad idea, given how much the landmarks would remind me of Renato. Maybe I wanted to wallow in misery.
Instead of staying in the Square, I walked down Brattle. Clearly, I had a need to torture myself that night.
What was Renato doing? Since the sun had set, he’d probably be awake. One perk for vampires in the cooler months must be the longer times they could be outdoors. How different from the New Englanders who stayed inside for much of the winter. Although a good number bundled up in layers and hit the mountains to ski or snowboard, I was not one of those hearty souls and preferred to hibernate inside with a hot cocoa.
Peering down his street, I fixed my gaze on the Tudor with shades that appeared to be permanently drawn. An urge to go to him came over me. Why not go say hello and see how he was doing? The draw grew stronger. Like Renato was encouraging me to go to him.
That was crazy. Now I was imagining things.
It took all my willpower to stifle the compulsion. No need to act like a groupie stalking a rock star.
What if he had ano
ther courtesan there? My gut churned with a wretched spasm.
Coming here was a terrible idea.
I forced myself to turn left onto a side road to circle back home, instead of heading down his road. It was ridiculous to long for something I could never have.
The street was quiet, like many in the area. Within a minute, the sound of rustling leaves behind me signaled I wasn’t alone.
“You want to go back to him, don’t you? Yet you think you’re too good for me?”
I knew that cool voice. It made my skin crawl. Spinning on my heel to face him, I opened my mouth to reply. But I didn’t have a chance.
Gideon covered my mouth with his hand and lifted me like I was a ragdoll. No matter how I tried to fight him, it was futile. He rushed down the street so quickly, I couldn’t even see where we were going. Everything zipped by me in blinding motion. My stomach lurched at the sudden twists.
With him pinning my arms down with one powerful arm and covering my mouth with the other, my struggle was useless. I jerked my head back, hitting a hard expanse of chest, which likely hurt me more than him. When I kicked, it was like hitting a stone statue.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I should have gone to Renato.
Could I reach him now? He’d said we were bonded. The only time I felt something was when I sensed that pull coming from his house a short while ago, which I’d bet was my imagination.
I didn’t know how to communicate with him, but tried to send him a message:
Renato, I’m in trouble. Gideon has me.
When we stopped moving, we were in an old graveyard.
“A graveyard? Seriously.” Although I was terrified, I wouldn’t let him have the satisfaction of seeing me tremble.
We’re in an old cemetery.
What was it with vampires and cemeteries? With Renato, it had been a far different experience, though. Being with him helped me overcome my apprehension. When we’d danced, and he’d told his story, I’d forgotten where we were. Somehow I doubted this visit with Gideon would have the same outcome.
Gideon laughed, a cold sound without any mirth, and I resisted the urge to shiver.
“When I’m done with you, this is where you’d end up anyway. So, I’m just shortening the trip.”
Pursued: A Vampire Blood Courtesans Romance Page 10