by Lane Hart
Aric and I haven’t thrown any more punches, but we’re still not back to being best friends or anything. At most, we’re…tolerating each other since we have the same group of friends. I also attribute his absence in the afternoons and weekends to having a girlfriend, who lives with him, rather than me and Royal.
Everything in my life has taken a turn for the worse since I told my dad that my mom had an affair.
And each day, I regret telling him a little more.
Maybe it would’ve been better to just pretend like the affair didn’t happen.
Then again, it’s impossible for me to forget that I slept with Caroline Prince even though some of my memories of that night are fuzzy. One thing I’ve realized for certain is that sex changes everything. After years of waiting, I gave Caroline my virginity and ended up hurting her unintentionally, doing the same thing that prick, Sean Jacobs, did to her years ago.
If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change anything that happened, but I would tell her from the beginning that I was pissed at Aric and why, since I don’t think she had any idea. That way, she would’ve known about our history and could be sure that she wasn’t a part of my revenge.
Caroline
My academic struggle continues through the month of November. I don’t go out, I don’t sleep with anyone, and I definitely don’t have time to date. The drama that resulted from messing around with Blake made me feel like a fool, which was enough to convince me to stay away from guys for a long, long time. All I do at Hawthorne is keep my head down and study my ass off until I feel like I’ve packed so much information into my brain it may explode.
I even stay off of social media and my cell phone for the majority of the day, only picking the device up to answer when my mom calls to check in and to respond to Blake’s daily text messages.
Honestly, I have no idea why he hasn’t stopped apologizing. I guess he’s waiting for me to accept and forgive him.
He really shouldn’t hold his breath. Hell could freeze over, pigs could fly, and all the other clichés would have to occur before I let him off the hook for using me.
Aric did tell me a few weeks ago that he and Blake at least called a truce and that they also agreed to stop sleeping with family members.
Maybe the sex wasn’t as good for Blake as it was for me if he could easily agree to never let it happen again. I said I wouldn’t forgive him, not that I wouldn’t one day possibly be up for another round just to prove that the first time was a complete fluke because of the gummies.
And if Blake doesn’t want sex, then why the hell does he keep on sending me messages?
I’m also starting to think that my brother could be behind the apologies, requiring Blake to repent until I finally cave in order to try and make things right. Who knows? Either way, I wake up each morning bright and early to a text from Blake. I stupidly find myself thinking of what I’ll say for the next day’s offensive response when I should be paying attention to lectures. He’s the only distraction I can’t shake off no matter how hard I try.
So, it’s not all that surprising when, despite my hard work, there’s still only a slight improvement in my grades before final exams. I was able to get an A in statistics, pull my biology grade up to a D, chemistry lab to a C, but chemistry is still a big fat F.
I welcome the Thanksgiving break even though it means going home to our now packed house with three extra kids I don’t know. Still, it will give my aching brain a few much needed days off.
My plan is to come home on Wednesday and go back to campus on Black Friday to study for exams since they count for about thirty percent of my final grade.
“Mom? Dad? Aric?” I call out when I walk through the front door Wednesday afternoon. “I’m home!”
“Hey! Happy Thanksgiving!” Maddie says when she comes jogging down the stairs with a big smile on her face, making me drop my bags at my feet. And I thought I used to be peppy.
“Where is everyone?” I ask.
“Your mom is out grabbing a few last-minute things from the grocery store for tomorrow, and your dad and Aric took Matt and Mandy to pick out a Christmas tree. It’s early, I know. That’s what I told them too, but they were just so excited because we’ve never had a real one before…”
“So why didn’t you go with them?” I huff, annoyed that not only has one of our family traditions been ruined but also because I hate how Maddie looks super pretty with all her red hair, looking like a scrawny supermodel in her skinny jeans and brown sweater, while lately I’ve felt like a bloated killer whale, which is why I opted to wear black leggings and a baggy, blue sweatshirt home. Not only do I feel enormous, but all of my jeans have gotten so tight I have to use a rubber band to keep the top buttoned together. Guess the freshman fifteen strike fast. I may have been indulging a little in some comfort food while I struggled to keep my head above the failure water. It’s amazing how fast a pint of Ben & Jerry’s can disappear when you’re studying.
“Oh,” Maddie starts, “well, I wanted to go with them, but I figured I better finish cleaning the house so your mom wouldn’t have to worry about it and could just cook tomorrow.”
I find some comfort in the fact that she’s a modern-day Cinderella, cleaning and shit, which is something I’ve never had to do in this house.
“What happened to Henrietta?” I ask her.
“Who?” she replies with her brow furrowed.
“Our housekeeper. She’s the one who usually cooks and cleans, especially for holidays.”
“I dunno,” Maddie answers with a shrug. “I guess your parents wanted to do it all themselves this year. You know, like a real family.”
“Right,” I say, biting my tongue since she’s not a part of our real family. Jeez, why does this girl aggravate me so much? I swear it’s worse today than it was a few weeks ago when I came home. Maybe it’s because I thought my parents had momentarily lost their minds by fostering three random kids and would come to their senses after dealing with the little brats for a few weeks. Guess not.
“Do you want to help?” Maddie asks. “I’ve still got to vacuum and clean the bathrooms.”
“Do I want to help you clean bathrooms? No thanks. I just drove six hours for what should’ve been four hours but wasn’t thanks to bumper-to-bumper holiday traffic.”
“Oh, right. That must have sucked.”
“It did. So, I’m going to my room to recover, unless you’ve taken it over completely by now.”
“Nope. I’ve been sharing the guest room with my brother and sister,” she informs me. “That’s what I should’ve done in the first place, but Aric and your mom insisted that I take your room to have my own space. But I’m good without space. There’s plenty of it in the guest room.”
“Are you always this talkative and annoying?” I ask her when I pick up my bags from the floor.
“Yeah, I guess so lately. Before, I was, like, a really big bitch, but that was just a defense mechanism of sorts to keep people away. Then, I met your brother, and he bullied his way inside my life whether I liked it or not.” Smiling, she says, “Turns out, I liked it.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, you’re making my head hurt!” I tell her as I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Sorry. Are you feeling okay? You look exhausted and a little pale.”
“I’m fine,” I tell her. “Just try and keep it down, will you?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
I walk around her with my things, heading upstairs, intending to take a little nap. But when I wake up, it’s ten o’clock at night and the house is dark and quiet when I slip downstairs to make a sandwich, not a soul in sight.
Welcome home, Caroline.
Chapter 13
Blake
It’s Thanksgiving, and my dad is MIA.
“Hey, Dad. It’s me,” I say after his voicemail picks up and then beeps, prompting me to leave a message. “Today’s Thanksgiving, so I was just wondering if you were planning to come home or not. Guess you’re busy with work and
whatever else has been keeping you out every single night. Talk to you later.”
After I end the call, I fling my phone against the garage door in the kitchen, sending pieces of the plastic case flying in different directions.
Fuck it. Fuck him. Fuck holidays.
I’m so sick and tired of my dad ignoring me like it was my fault mom cheated on him with one of my best friends. I got hurt here too. If anything, I would prefer that he come home, and we bad-mouth Aric Prince together. We could bond over our mutual abhorrence for the self-centered prick.
Today, Aric’s probably going to sit down to an amazing meal with his mom and dad, along with Caroline, Maddie and her brother and sister. He has it all, and I have nothing except Chinese takeout if I get hungry enough.
Royal at least comes over to keep me company during halftime of the Cowboys’ game.
“Thought you might want some of the traditional shit,” he says when I open the door and he offers me an aluminum foil-covered plate of his family’s leftovers that I take.
“Yeah, thanks,” I tell him after I shut the door and start for the kitchen. “It’s odd having a holiday without my parents.”
“Where’s your dad?” Royal asks when he follows behind me.
“No fucking clue. Drunk in a bar somewhere?” I respond while removing the foil on the plate so that I can stuff it into the microwave to heat the food up because I’m starving and not in the mood for Chinese food today.
My life sucks. I have no parents and only one good friend.
I miss having a big meal on the table, eating piles of turkey and then watching football with my dad since he would usually take Thanksgiving and Christmas Day off work.
“Why didn’t you go over to the Princes’ for dinner? I thought you and Aric quashed shit weeks ago,” Royal says while I watch the plate go around and around in a circle.
“Yeah, we did, but I don’t think he or Caroline want me sitting at their family’s table anytime soon.”
“Are you still holding a grudge?” Royal asks.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I try not to, but it’s hard to forgive him, especially today when shit is fucked sideways.”
“Do you think he’s still pissed at you?”
“Oh yeah. Don’t you?” I reply. “He barely speaks to me. Not that I want to talk to him either…”
“Aric’s not going to forgive you until Caroline does, man. And once he does, things can maybe get back to normal and you can let go of his past transgressions.”
“I’ve apologized to Caroline, like every day for, like, four or five weeks now.” I don’t mention to Royal her various, colorful responses. And I’m disappointed that she didn’t send one today of all days.
“You need to try harder,” Royal suggests.
“Why do I have to try harder when what Aric did was helluva lot worse than what I did?” I ask.
“Because I’m getting sick and tired of being in the middle of you two!” he exclaims. “It sucks. I wish he wouldn’t have fucked your mom, and I wish you wouldn’t have fucked his sister. You both made stupid mistakes, and it’s time to suck it up and move on. It’s the holidays, for fuck’s sake. Why can’t you both put it all behind you already? This is our last year together, and we’ve wasted too much time as it is.”
“I’ll keep working on Caroline,” I tell him when the microwave beeps and I pull out my plate to dig in, because he’s right. As soon as the year is over, we’ll all be going our separate ways. Well, except for Royal…
“Good,” he huffs.
The leftovers are delicious and bittersweet, reminding me of all the previous Thanksgivings when I had a normal family. Even though my dad was a workaholic and my mom was an adulterer, at least we could pretend everything was great. And pretending was better than nothing.
Caroline
“Good morning,” my mom says cheerfully from the sink where she’s washing dishes when I shuffle my pink, fuzzy slippers into the kitchen Thursday morning in search of caffeine.
“Morning,” I reply. Is it too early for ice cream? If I were in my dorm, I wouldn’t think twice about it, but I have a feeling my mother wouldn’t approve.
“Breakfast will have to be cereal or a granola bar this morning because I have a ton to do to get everything ready for dinner,” she tells me. “I’m just finishing up cleaning the kids’ cereal bowls, and then it’s turkey time.”
“What’s up with the cooking and cleaning?” I ask her. “Where’s Henrietta?”
“I gave her some time off when we agreed to foster the Collins. It’s nice to do things the old-fashioned way once in a while,” she replies with a smile as she rinses the dishes. “I used to cook for you and Aric when you were little, and I don’t think Maddie, Matt and Mandy have ever had anyone cook a meal for them.”
And there it is.
“Are you feeling okay?” my mom asks when she eyes me over her shoulder while I wait for my cup of coffee to brew. “You slept all afternoon yesterday, and Maddie said you looked rough when you came in.”
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “I just haven’t had a shower yet.”
“You sure everything’s okay? Your face is a little puffy with a heck of a breakout. Did you fall asleep before washing off your makeup? Have you been eating too many sweets in the dorms?”
“I just woke up! Jeez, could you lay off of me until after I have some caffeine in my system?” I mutter.
“I’m just worried about you,” my mom says. “You barely say more than two words whenever I call.”
“I’ve been swamped with assignments,” I tell her, the knot of guilt in my stomach feeling like a bowling ball. Soon enough, I’ll finish midterms and my parents will find out just how badly my first semester at college went. I’m dreading that day and intend to enjoy what little time I have left before the other shoe drops.
“So, Maddie, have you thought about where you’re going to school next fall?” my dad asks from the head of the table after we all sit down to eat a late lunch.
“I’m not sure. Whichever school is closest and offers the biggest scholarship?” she responds cheerfully.
I was starving all day, snacking on peanut butter and crackers, but now that I’m sitting at the dinner table having Thanksgiving while hearing about how smart and wonderful Maddie is, I sort of want to puke.
“Why do you need a degree, Maddie, if you’re just going to marry my brother and let him support you for the rest of your life?” I ask aloud, which is quickly met with several gasps. It may be a little — okay, a lot — harsh, but the truth hurts. And I can’t seem to help my sudden snarkiness.
“That’s not what I’m going to do at all,” Maddie snaps back at me. “I don’t need anyone to support me.”
“Really?” I reply since that’s exactly what my parents are doing.
“Ignore her,” Aric says to Maddie while rubbing her back and glaring daggers at me. “What’s your problem, Carol? You’ve been in a foul mood for weeks now.”
“I don’t have a problem,” I say when I notice my plate is, unfortunately, clean and I’m still hungry. Tossing my fork down, I tell him, “I just don’t think I’m the only one wondering if Maddie has ulterior motives…”
The tray of sliced ham is closest, so I reach and grab a piece, shoving it into my mouth to hopefully shut myself up while everyone just stares at me with slack jaws. “Mmm, this is good,” I tell my mother as I devour it. Her face is full of anger and…confusion. Only when I actually swallow do I realize my parents and Aric are no longer looking annoyed but in shock. “What?” I ask, reaching for another piece.
“When did you start eating meat again?” my dad asks, making my hand freeze on the way to my mouth with the offending food.
Oh. Shit.
What the hell am I doing? I’ve been a vegetarian ever since I was ten and decided I would rather starve than eat another animal. Not even once have I slipped…until now.
I toss the normally disgusting slab of meat down on my plate and
push my chair back just as my stomach flips.
I run to the hallway half bath because it’s the closest and upchuck in the toilet while tears stream down my cheeks. I don’t even know why I’m crying, if it’s from throwing up or from eating meat for the first time in almost freaking ten years.
“Are you okay, honey?” my mom asks while she pulls my hair back from my face to hold it up.
And great, now I’ve ruined everyone’s Thanksgiving, because not only could they probably hear me getting sick in the dining room, but they can possibly even see me.
Once again, I’ve fucked things up and disappointed my parents.
“I-I’m fine. I wasn’t paying attention,” I tell her even though that’s a lie. I actually enjoyed it. I rarely even ate pork before I became a vegetarian because I hated the taste. Since when did that change?
As soon as I wipe my mouth, I stand up and tell my worried mother, “I think I’m gonna go lie down for a while.”
“Do you have a fever? Could it be the flu?” my mom asks as she places her palm on my forehead.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I just don’t feel well.”
“Let us know if you need anything,” my dad calls out when I slip past my mom and jog up the stairs and into my room.
I do lie down, not planning to fall asleep; but when I wake up, it’s dark outside my bedroom windows yet again. I’ve never been much of a napper, and now suddenly I’m sleeping for a few extra hours a day and eating meat.
What is wrong with me? Maybe my mom is right. I must be coming down with something. I’m pretty sure I heard that the flu was going around campus last week, but I thought people were just making up excuses to get extensions on assignments.
I grab my phone from the charger on my bedside table and send Gwen a text message, asking if she’s been sick since we live in such close quarters and if there was an outbreak.
Her response is instantaneous. No. I don’t know of anyone that was actually sick with the flu. Why?