by Lane Hart
“Hawthorne’s law school is ranked even higher than Duke. It’s a great school that’s hard as fuck to get into,” I explain to him. “You don’t have to like my decision, but you’re not going to change my mind.”
Since he doesn’t say another word, I turn around and walk away, feeling proud of myself for doing what I think is best for me. For me and Caroline as well, but I won’t tell him or her that. I know it’s a little crazy, but I want to be wherever she is, even knowing there’s a chance she may not want anything to do with me after the baby comes and we give him or her to the Bartons. That’s a chance I’m willing to take, because I care about her and will worry about how she’s coping with everything in August. So, I don’t just want to be with her; I need to be there by her side.
Caroline
“So, what was your prom like?” Maddie asks as we browse through dresses on the rack in the third formalwear store, looking for something that doesn’t make me look like an elephant trying to squeeze into a sequin tube top.
“Eh,” I respond with a wrinkle of my nose. “It was okay. I think I had more fun getting ready than dancing, though. Not to mention I got a concussion that night in the hotel room.”
“A concussion?” Maddie repeats with her jaw gaping.
“Yep, not that it was actually diagnosed or anything,” I answer as I continue searching for a dress. “My date, Jordie Wheeler, and I had been sneaking vodka all night. Guess we had a little too much because while we were getting busy in bed, we went rolling off the mattress where I hit my head against the wall. I may or may not have lost consciousness. Either way, I slept hard until room service came in and found me the next day.”
“What about your date?” she asks.
“Oh, he was sleeping too, but he climbed back up on the bed.”
“He left you on the floor all night?”
“Sure did,” I reply.
“That sucks,” she says.
“No shit. I barely remember anything before hitting my head except getting ready,” I tell her.
“Well, this prom is going to be different,” Maddie promises. “None of us are going to be drinking, and Blake wouldn’t let you fall off the bed.”
Pausing with my hand on a garment bag, I ask her, “Who said I was going to sleep with him on prom night?”
“Oh, come on!” she exclaims. “Aric may be the only one who didn’t notice you leaving the house at all hours of the night a few weeks back. It didn’t take a detective to figure out you weren’t going for a run but were going to visit Blake. Guess the only thing you weren’t lying about was getting in some cardio.”
“We haven’t, you know, in a while or anything,” I admit to her.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m gigantic,” I say, letting go of the dress to point down at my bump as if it doesn’t have its own zip code. “And because I think the pregnancy and adoption was too much for him to handle when there’s college and all the end of the year events he should be focusing on.”
“So, you didn’t stop seeing him because you don’t want to be with him, but because you don’t want him to worry about you and the baby.”
“That’s one way to put it,” I mutter with a shrug of my shoulders. “I think I’ll try this dress on,” I tell Maddie, grabbing the closest bag and heading to the changing room to avoid answering any more of her probing questions.
It turns out that the long, black velvet dress with spaghetti straps actually stretches to accommodate my bump. And the slit up the side gives it a hint of sexy, revealing my leg, taking attention away from my swollen boobs and belly. “Maddie!” I call out before opening the changing room door to step out. “What do you think about this one?”
“Ooh, it’s perfect!” she exclaims, much to my relief. “From straight on you can’t even tell you’re pregnant.”
“That’s what I was hoping for,” I say as I turn toward a full-length mirror to take another look. “I guess this is the one then.”
“Yay!” Maddie squeals.
“Good thing too, because my feet are now the size of melons,” I remark, lifting the fabric to show her my cankles.
“Oh jeez!” Maddie gasps at the sight. “We’ve got to get you home and prop up your feet!”
“Okay,” I agree. “But first, I want to go stop by Blake’s really quick to let him know I found a dress.”
“Hi, Mr. Sullivan,” I say as I pass through the living room on the way up to Blake’s room as soon as Maddie and I get home from shopping. I’m surprised to see his father at home and upright on a Saturday afternoon.
“We need to talk,” Blake’s dad replies.
“We do?” I ask. “You and…you and I?”
He gets up from the sofa and marches right up to me, his black, scruffy jaw clenched tight. I haven’t seen him very often, but it’s impossible to notice that Blake got his height and Clark Kent good looks from his dad.
“You’re not going to ruin my son’s life,” he begins.
“Ah, what? I wasn’t planning on ruining Blake’s life,” I respond. “That’s why I’m putting the baby up for adoption.”
“Why is he suddenly talking about going to Hawthorne?” he asks.
“Hawthorne? Really? He’s considering Hawthorne in the fall?”
Mr. Sullivan nods solemnly as if that’s the worst thing ever.
“Oh. Well, I-I didn’t know anything about that. Blake didn’t tell me he had changed his mind about Duke...”
“Isn’t Hawthorne where you were going to school before you got knocked up?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“And doesn’t it seem obvious that his sudden interest in the university is because of you?”
“Blake hasn’t mentioned anything to me about his college plans, other than the fact that he was pretty sure he was going to accept at Duke. I didn’t know he was even seriously considering anywhere else. We don’t talk much about anything other than the adoption or-or doctor appointments.”
“You don’t talk much about anything at all, do you? I know what the two of you are doing when you sneak over here in the middle of the night, and it sure as shit isn’t talking.”
I don’t have a response to that because he’s right. Not that we’ve done that lately, but it doesn’t seem like the right time to correct him.
“You need to end this, and you need to end it now,” he tells me.
“End what exactly?” I ask in confusion.
“Blake has to make a decision in less than a week! I want you to do the right thing and make sure he doesn’t waste his time following you off to school in August.”
“I-I don’t know what you mean.”
“I mean,” he grits out, “stay the hell away from Blake. You and your parents can blame him for putting you in this position, but we both know who is responsible. How many guys did you screw before my son, huh?”
“That-that’s none of your business!” I exclaim in outrage.
“Oh, I think it is. I’ve heard the rumors; I know all about your little reputation. I’m not even surprised you got knocked up. I’m just pissed that you didn’t just screw over Blake in the process, you’re also messing with his head. Do you think that if you sleep with him enough times, he’ll love you? Sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but it doesn’t work that way. He doesn’t love you now, and he never will. If you try and trick him into wanting to be this baby’s father, all he’ll ever feel for you is resentment.”
“I didn’t…I’m not trying to trick him into being a father or-or anything else!” I shout. I would never ask Blake to give up anything for me or for the baby, because…well, because I love him and only want him to be happy.
“Right, well, maybe you need to set the record straight before he makes a decision that he won’t be able to take back.”
I can’t speak another word even if I knew what the hell to say to Blake’s father. If Blake had told me he was considering Hawthorne because of me, I would’ve told him that was crazy since I’m no
t entirely sure I will be going back in the fall.
Besides, he only thinks he cares about me because of the baby. Soon, it will be gone, and everything can go back to the way it was before, with Blake following his dreams, the ones he made well before we made a mistake together.
Chapter 33
Blake
When I text Caroline after I get home from school and ask if she wants to come over, she tells me no, that she wants to meet at the park.
I don’t know what’s up with that, but I’m all for it. It’s good that she’s getting out of the house since lately she seems more and more withdrawn and depressed.
After I park in the gravel lot, I head for the front gate and follow the stone path until I spot her standing on the bridge, looking down into the steam underneath.
“Hey,” I say as I approach. “It’s a beautiful day, right? Finally starting to feel like spring.”
“Ah, yeah,” she agrees, barely giving me a five second glance before her gaze goes back to the water.
“Everything okay?” I ask when I’m standing next to her, resting my forearms on the wooden bridge. “Are you all right? The baby?”
“We’re fine,” she says.
“Then why do you look like you just came from a funeral?”
“Blake,” she starts. “I never meant to lead you on. You know that, right?”
“Okay?” I reply in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“The night of your party, I didn’t go up to your room with the intention of sleeping with you. The thought never crossed my mind before we...”
“I know that,” I mutter. It’s not like I didn’t already know that I was invisible to her before that night when Royal meddled; it just stings to actually hear it out of her mouth.
“And, ah, the last few months have been fun, fooling around together, but it was just that, though. It didn’t mean anything. The hormones made me want sex, and you just happened to be there and were willing to oblige…”
“Whoa! Where is all of this coming from?” I ask Caroline.
“I think we should stop seeing each other,” she blurts out.
“What? Why?” I ask because that’s the last fucking thing I want.
“Because I’m starting to think that maybe you care about me more than you should.”
“Of course I care about you,” I tell her. “What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t feel the same way,” she says softly.
“So, you don’t care about me?”
“You’re my brother’s best friend. Or at least you used to be. I’m not even sure if we were ever friends.”
“That’s pretty fucking harsh, Caroline. Is this really you talking, or is it the hormones? We both know they can make you crazy as fuck.”
“It’s me, okay! So just don’t text me or call me anymore. In a few months, this will all be over with, and we never have to talk about it again.”
“That’s it? You’re just done with me?” I ask as my throat begins to burn. “You really expect me to pretend like none of this ever happened?”
“Yes.”
“If this is what you want, then why the hell are you crying?” I ask while blinking back my own goddamn tears that are stinging my eyes.
“Don’t make this harder than it already is, okay?” she says before she rushes off the bridge and toward the parking lot.
I let her go, unable to move a muscle to go after her. She left me stunned and paralyzed with a broken heart, so what the fuck am I supposed to do?
Chapter 34
Caroline
May
Blake: Are you at least still going to prom with me after ripping my heart out?
Blake: Caroline, please answer me.
Blake: Caroline!
Blake: For fuck’s sake, just come to prom with me.
Blake: Please say something!
After Blake sends four texts, I know he’s right. I have to respond.
Me: You should take someone else to prom.
I hate typing the words and want to cry when I send them, but what choice do I have? Blake’s father made it clear that I need to leave his son alone before he ruins his future. And isn’t that the whole reason why I’m giving the baby up for adoption? So that Blake and I both can have the futures we want?
It’s the right thing to do, I know that.
So then why does it feel so shitty?
I’m wallowing in bed for the millionth day in a row where all I do is eat, sleep and cry each time I feel the baby kicking and moving around, which is frequently, when I suddenly have an unexpected visitor appear in my doorway.
Looking at me through her fingers in the shape of a frame, Sophie Hill says, “They should put you on a billboard to promote safe sex.”
“Ha, ha, Sophie. What are you doing here?” I ask, sitting up with my back against the headboard.
“Maddie let me in,” she explains, sweeping her long blond hair over her shoulder. “And I came to check on you. Word is you haven’t left the house in days.”
Weeks, but who’s counting?
“I’m fine,” I tell her.
“If you’re fine, then why aren’t you going to prom with Blake? He said you agreed to go, and now you’re telling him he should go with someone else!”
“Things changed.”
“Well unchange them,” she says.
“I can’t.”
“Blake’s refusing to go with anyone else,” she tells me. “Despite me trying to set him up with half the cheerleading team who would blow off their current dates to go with him. Blake says he won’t go alone either.”
I should not be happy to hear that he turned down the skinny little, non-pregnant cheerleaders, but I am. It’s the happiest thing I’ve heard in days.
“Caroline, you can’t let him miss his one and only senior prom!” Sophie exclaims with her hands on her hips. “It’s a rite of passage. A tradition! One he’ll always regret missing if he doesn’t go!”
“I know and I’m sorry, but I just, I can’t.” Unlike some high schools, Mercy doesn’t have junior proms or whatever, only one – for seniors.
“Do you care about Blake?” she asks, but I bite my lip to keep from responding to that question honestly, since the truth is I don’t just care about him. I’m so in love with him that I’ve felt physically sick since I had to stop seeing him.
“Caroline, if you ever cared about him, even a little, you won’t let him miss this,” Sophie says when I don’t answer her question.
“That’s not really fair of you to ask of me,” I reply. “You don’t know what we’ve been through these last few months!”
“I know it’s a lot more than just him knocking you up based on how often I saw you sneaking over to his house through my yard these past few months. Then, suddenly, you stopped, and now he looks devastated. And, girl, no offense, but you’re not looking great either and it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re sixty months pregnant. When was the last time you showered?”
“Yesterday,” I lie.
“Whatever,” she says with a wave of her hand through the air. “Just, tell me the truth. Do you care about Blake?”
“It’s…complicated,” I hedge.
“Well, prom is a great time to let loose and have fun for one night, forgetting about all of those complications.”
“Not much fun to be had when you’re as big as a whale,” I mutter.
“You can still dance and laugh and make memories with him,” Sophie tells me. “Blake can be an ass. We all know that. But has he done something to you that would warrant screwing him over on prom?”
“It’s not Blake…” I start to say before catching myself.
“So, he hasn’t done anything to deserve your cruel and unusual punishment of being stood up on prom?”
“No, I guess not,” I say.
Blake’s father told me to end our relationship and I did. But what harm would it be to spend one night out with him if his future is all set?
&
nbsp; “Did Blake accept admission to Duke?” I ask Sophie.
“Yeah, he did. There was a big celebration and shit at school for him last week.”
“Good. That’s good,” I say.
“You care about Blake and his future, so don’t hurt him this way. Please?”
I chew on my thumbnail as I consider all of the points she has made. His dad can’t really be mad about me going to prom with him since Duke is a done deal. There’s no way I can screw that up for him now.
“I do have a dress,” I mutter. “Maddie and I bought it a few weeks ago. That is, if it still fits.”
“Then try it on, and let’s do this tomorrow!” Sophie encourages me.
Blake
I’m trying to find something to binge on Netflix while my friends get ready to head off to prom, but it’s useless. Of course I want to be with them, but I couldn’t imagine going with anyone other than Caroline, or even consider going alone. That’s just too fucking pathetic.
When the doorbell rings, I ignore it, figuring it’s someone selling shit or whatever.
But then it rings again and again before my phone sitting next to me on the sofa starts chiming with messages. The first one is from Royal, telling me to answer the door, and then one from Aric. Instead of getting up, I text back in a group chat, I’M NOT GOING TO PROM ALONE!
Royal’s response is instantaneous, Then open the door for your date!
I DON’T WANT A PITY DATE! I type back in all shouty caps.
Aric: Are you seriously gonna keep your gigantic baby mama waiting on your front porch?
Aric: Don’t tell her I said that.
My baby mama? Caroline?
That finally has me getting up and hurrying to the door in just my blue sweatpants and socks.
For a second, I think the guys may be lying to me, just so I’ll open the door and they can kidnap me, dragging me away to prom with them. But before I reach the door, it opens; and Caroline’s filling it, her peach scent breezing into the house with her after she used the key I gave her months ago to let herself inside. In an elegant black dress with her perfect, chocolate waves flowing over her shoulders, she looks stunning. But the way I feel seeing her would’ve been the same even if she had just woken up and was in her flannel pajamas.