by Lane Hart
“Nah.”
“Nah?”
“I left a few boxes of condoms in the bathroom.”
“Royal!” Hannah exclaims, slapping me half-heartedly on the shoulder. “We’re not supposed to encourage them to have sex.”
“I didn’t,” I assure her. “In fact, I told all of the guys on my hall that they should wait, because there’s a lot more to sex than two body parts banging together. But I seriously doubt that’s going to stop them. So, I also said that if they were going to be idiots, to at least wrap it up first.”
“They’re probably sneaking out or sneaking girls in as we speak!”
“And what am I supposed to do about that? I can’t guard all the doors all night long,” I point out. “It’s on the camp for not locking down the dorms or installing security cameras at the exits. Besides, a little hypocritical of you to want to stop them when you’re in my bed.”
“But we’re not having sex. We’re just talking.”
“Maybe the campers are just looking for a little conversation too,” I tell her with a grin.
“Yeah, right,” she says with an eyeroll. Then, with a heavy sigh, she admits, “There’s not much we can do to stop them except lock them in their rooms, which is a huge fire hazard. I just don’t want any teen pregnancies on my conscience.”
“Well, I already have one on mine…”
“You do?” she asks.
“Yeah, Blake and Caroline’s. It was my fault they hooked up and also my fault for not providing protection.”
“Seriously?” Hannah asks with a grin.
“Yeah. I actually feel a little guilty.”
“So you do have a heart!” she exclaims and then rubs her palm over my chest. “Yep. There it is. I thought it may have shriveled up and turned to ash.”
“I wasn’t that bad last year.”
“Yes, you were,” she assures me. “You called me every name in the book.”
“And still you wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Oh, so the taunting was intended to try and get a reaction?” Hannah asks.
“Yep. Although I was also pissed. Not just at you but the world.”
“It wasn’t my fault the dork at the SATs confessed like his life was on the line.”
“I know,” I tell her. “I asked around until I found someone who was there. Adam, a junior on the football team, was taking the test that day and told me how it all went down.”
“Oh. Well, I’m glad you know the whole story,” she says before yawning again.
“Hey, Hannah?” I say, knowing my time with her tonight is running out.
“Yeah?” she asks, eyelids heavy.
“I’m glad you weren’t with anyone else after me,” I tell her. “You have no idea how much I wish I hadn’t let anyone else touch me…”
“It’s okay,” she says with a sad smile.
“No, it’s not,” I say, thinking about Collette and how maybe I wouldn’t have done anything with anyone else if not for her. “But what’s done is done and in the past,” I say with a sigh, unable to go back down that road. “I can tell you that I never actually slept with anyone after you.”
“You didn’t?” she says, sounding surprised.
“Nope. So that first is still yours.”
“That’s…wow, I don’t know what to say, Royal,” she replies, brow furrowed in thought.
“You don’t believe me,” I say in understanding.
“Have you got an alarm set for tomorrow morning?” she asks, changing the subject and giving me a hint that she’s ready to sack out for the night. Which sort of sucks because I like talking to her. I just wish she could trust me.
“Yeah,” I reply, hating that she’s about to roll out of bed and leave so soon. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up the stuff about fooling around with other people.
“Okay. Goodnight,” Hannah says with a pat of her palm on my chest as she closes her eyes.
“You’re sleeping here tonight? With me?” I ask her in surprise.
“I’m too tired to walk back to my dorm. Is that all right?” she asks, her hazel eyes opening to look at me cautiously like she’s worried I’ll say no or hurt her at any second.
“Sure. Yeah,” I agree.
Being wiped out from working all day is definitely one way to ensure I keep my dick in my pants. The problem is that, without the distraction of sex, I may fall for Hannah even harder.
Rolling to my side, I cover Hannah’s hand with mine and then easily begin to drift off to sleep.
A lot of things may have changed over the last two years, but one thing is still the same. Here, in this stupid camp, in a hot as fuck dorm room with Hannah is still, somehow, a little slice of heaven on earth.
I’m not sure what I did to deserve it, but I plan to soak up as much of her goodness as I can over the next few weeks.
Chapter 27
Hannah
The six a.m. alarm comes way too soon. I’m not ready to leave the comfort of Royal’s arms yet, but I know I need to slip out of the dorm and get back to mine for a shower before anyone sees me.
As soon as I push myself into a sitting position, he removes his arm and lets me up to reach and shut off the radio alarm clock.
“You leaving?” he asks, sitting up.
“Yeah. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria for breakfast?”
“Okay,” he agrees as I start for the door. “Oh, wait a second!” he exclaims, jumping out of bed in his boxer briefs that are noticeably tented and nearly see-through. “I’ve been meaning to give you something but was too tired to get up and get it last night,” I vaguely hear him say since I’m so busy staring at his sculpted body. I only take my eyes off his abs when he comes closer and holds something out to me.
“What’s this?” I ask but answer my own question as soon as I see the front cover of the spiral notebook. “A sketch book?” I say in surprise.
“To replace the one I threw out your window,” he explains with his hands on his hips.
“You didn’t have to do that. I haven’t really been drawing much lately,” I tell him.
“Well, maybe you’ll have some time to draw while we’re here,” he tells me as he runs his fingers through his messy but sexy bedhead. “You never know.”
“Yeah. Thanks,” I reply before I slip out the door with the book in hand.
It feels like I’m sleep walking back to my dorm. I don’t even remember taking a shower. My mind is blown by this new, nicer, sweeter side of Royal, a side I’ve never seen or imagined existed.
Is it the real him, though?
Yes, I think it is.
In fact, I think the Royal I got to know two years ago was the real deal too. It just sucks that we let other people cause problems and make us think what we had together was a lie.
Never again.
We’re both older and wiser now. And from here on out, nothing can come between us.
I’m only slightly disappointed when Royal keeps his promise regarding not sleeping together for the next few weeks. Mostly, I’m impressed. His willpower is incredible and so is his work ethic. He makes me look bad at most sites, putting in twice the effort on each and every community service project, as if he’s got something to prove.
And while I’m sad that camp is coming to an end, the four weeks passing in a blur of sweating during the day and kissing and snuggling with Royal at night, I’m also excited to find out what comes next once we’re back home.
I’m so ready to lift the no sex rule that my ovaries may explode.
There’s still this tiny bit of doubt I have, worried that Royal no longer wants me if he could so easily resist getting naked with me for a month when we slept together every single night.
Hopefully, he was just being a gentleman, doing what I asked and is still interested in doing more…
“Thanks for giving me a ride home,” Royal says after we say goodbye to everyone and are throwing our things into my car.
“It’s no problem,” I reply even t
hough he hasn’t yet told me where I’m taking him.
“Holy shit!” he exclaims as soon as we both climb inside and he turns on his cell phone while I blast the air conditioner. My phone is still restarting, and while I’ve called my parents a few times from the pay phone, I’m excited to be able to talk to Maddie again.
“What?” I ask.
“Caroline had the baby. A boy,” he says with a smile as he scrolls through text messages. “They’re both doing great. Apparently, her and Blake changed their minds. They’ve decided to keep him instead of putting him up for adoption.”
“Oh, wow,” I say with my own happy grin
“Yeah, crazy,” he says. “You mind dropping me off at his place when we get back to town?”
“Sure, of course,” I agree.
“Thanks.”
“So, um, what are you doing tomorrow?” I ask Royal as I pull down the long winding road out of camp, driving us down the mountain. “There’s this art exhibit at Madison, actually it’s my, um, exhibit and it starts at four, so I was hoping you would come see it with me.”
“Oh,” Royal says. “Sorry, but I, um, I sort of have plans tomorrow that I can’t cancel. I wish I could…”
“No, it’s fine,” I say. “Maybe we could go next week or something…”
“Hannah, I’m really sorry, but I can’t go with you next week either.”
“Oh,” I mutter, swallowing down what feels like a dozen razor blades thanks to his rejection that basically tells me he doesn’t want to see me once we get home. History is repeating itself, and I’m such an idiot…
“It’s not because I don’t want to. I do. I really, really do want to go, baby,” Royal starts while the tears welling up in my eyes cause the road in front of me to blur. “I just, I won’t be here.”
“Why not?” I ask with relief at hearing him say he wants to spend time with me but can’t. “Where are you going? Did you get into a school somewhere?”
“No, I’m not going to school.”
“Then what are you going to be doing?” I sneak a quick peek at him when he doesn’t respond, noticing his jaw is clenched tightly before my eyes have to go back to the road. “Royal?”
“I enlisted in the army,” he finally says.
The words echo around in my head for several seconds before they actually sink in. “You did what?” I exclaim while slamming my foot on the brake and pulling off the road. Surely, I misheard him.
When the car comes to a complete stop, I put on the parking brake and turn toward him. “Please start from the very beginning and explain what you just said.”
“There’s nothing to explain really. I’m joining the army.” There they are, those insane words again.
“The army?” I repeat to be certain. “As in the United States Army?”
“That’s the one,” he agrees with a slow nod.
“Why? When?”
“I signed the contract a few months ago after going through testing and the physical. I’ve already taken the oath, but I deferred my reporting until tomorrow, August first,” he says. “The local recruiter is going to drive me down to Fort Bragg…”
“No, stop! I don’t understand!” I blurt out. “So…so you’ve known about this, that you were enlisting in the army all summer long, and you just didn’t bother to tell me?”
“I wanted to spend my last few weeks here with you, without worrying about the future.”
“How-how long?” I ask. “How long will you be serving?”
“Four years active service and then four years reserve.”
“Four years?” I exclaim. “That’s-that’s forever!”
“No, it’s not. It’s just four years, the same amount of time you’ll be in college,” he says with a grin.
“No, Royal, you can’t!” I tell him.
“I have to, Hannah. Think about it. What else is there for me to do? I don’t have a place to live or a dollar to my name!”
“You were staying with Sophie. Why can’t you keep living there?” I ask.
“I can’t live with her forever. Besides, in two weeks, she’s leaving for school in California,” he reminds me.
“Oh,” I say on a sigh as I run my fingers over my braid, trying to think of another option, any other option. “I just, I don’t understand. This is dangerous, Royal. The army is deploying soldiers every other week to the Middle East, and some of those guys won’t ever come back!”
“I know that, baby. I watch the news too. But even with the risks, I have to do this. I need to do this,” he says. Reaching over, he removes my hand from my hair and interlaces our fingers. “I’m strong and I’m tough, so being a soldier makes sense. Also, you make me want to be a better man, and this is the only way I know how to do something good.”
“Why…why couldn’t you just stay in Winston-Salem and be a firefighter like Aric?” I ask.
“Because I don’t want to be a firefighter, and because my name is already down in Uncle Sam’s book. I have to see this through, not only for myself but to prove to my father that I’m not the worthless piece of shit he’s always said I am.”
“There’s nothing you have to prove to that asshole who hurt you,” I assure him as a teardrop slips down my cheek now that it’s really sinking in. Royal is going to do this. He’s going to serve in the military, and he may not come back alive.
“There’s not much I can do without a college degree. I don’t even have a home anymore, Hannah. I’m fucking homeless!”
“I could be your home,” I tell him. “You could stay with me at Madison. We could get an apartment…”
“I wish I could, baby, but Madison is your dream. You need to do that on your own.”
“Wh-what if you leave and I never get to see you again?” I ask.
“If you want to see me again, then you will see me again. But I don’t think you will…”
“That’s not exactly something you can guarantee,” I point out since whether he lives or dies is going to be out of his hands. He’ll be a soldier who has to go where he’s told and do what someone else says, even if it’s dangerous. Even if it could kill him…
“Once you start painting and drawing and do everything that makes you happy, you won’t even notice I’m gone,” he says while swiping his thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tear that’s quickly replaced with another.
“But you make me happy too,” I whisper.
“Sometimes, maybe. Mostly, I make you miserable. I hurt you bad for a long time…”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I remind him. “It was mine for not talking to you, for not telling you about Garrett’s recording or the truth about the SAT.”
“I was still an asshole and you deserve better than that. You deserve someone better than me, Hannah. You always have.”
I shake my head in denial of his words as tears stream down my face. “I don’t want anyone else!” I sob. “I love you, and now you’re telling me all of this after an amazing summer, and-and it’s like you’re breaking my heart all over again!”
Chapter 28
Royal
“Don’t say that!” I growl at Hannah through clenched teeth when she buries her face in her hands while she breaks down crying. “Don’t tell me I’m breaking your heart again when I’m hours away from leaving you and there’s not a damn thing I can do to fix it!” She’s upset because of me. I managed to fuck everything up. Again.
That’s not what I wanted and not why I didn’t tell her sooner about enlisting. I thought she would be ready to get rid of me by the end of the summer, like my parents, so that she could go off to college and be free of me once and for all.
Of course, I knew I would miss her and that spending four weeks together would make it that much harder to walk away. But I needed to see her, to fix things before I had to leave.
If I had known she would be this upset, that I would hurt her instead of healing the old wounds I caused, I would’ve just reported to the bootcamp right after graduation like I originall
y planned before the night at prom.
Leaning over, I release Hannah’s seatbelt buckle and then pull her onto the passenger's seat with me so that she’s straddling my lap. I need to hold her while she cries. And, boy, does she cry and cry some more with her face pressed against my chest and her entire body trembling. Seeing her hurting makes me ache all over with each and every tear she sheds. There are so many that they soak through my t-shirt and seep into my skin.
“Shh, it’s okay, baby,” I say as I stroke my palms up and down her back, underneath her shirt so I can feel her warm skin one last time. A shake of her head is her only response, so I just keep my arms around her, holding her to me until she gets it all out of her system.
When she finally starts to settle down, minutes or maybe hours later, I try to talk to her again. “I would tell you I could visit when I can or call you or we could write each other romantic letters like people used to do, but we both know that after a few weeks you’ll probably be too busy with new friends and new guys to talk to me. Then, the weeks will become months, and you’ll have a boyfriend who wants you to stop wasting your time on some asshole from high school…”
“That’s not true,” Hannah mutters into my chest. “I waited years for you once. I could do it again.”
“Now who’s making promises they can’t keep?” I tell her.
“I promise,” she says softly. “And you know I’m not a liar.”
“Don’t get my hopes up, baby. That would just be cruel. You’ll have better things to do than wait around for me to call or visit. As soon as I’m gone, you’ll remember all the bad shit I’ve done and forget all the good, because there is so much less of the good. It won’t take long before you question everything you felt and wonder if it was real or just me telling you what you wanted to hear to try and get inside of you…”
“You went a whole month without trying,” she reminds me.
“Yeah, only because I knew that being with you would make today even harder, that I would probably consider fleeing the country and going AWOL after having you underneath me again.”