Feel the Fire (Hotshots)

by Annabeth Albert

  “Distance never works.” Slowing down again, Walker kicked at a rock. “And especially not when Mary Anne has it all planned out now. Live together for college, get married—”

  Tucker made a strangled noise and tripped over some roots. “Married?”

  “Don’t sound so shocked.” Walker stuck out an arm to keep Tucker from falling. “You were younger than she’s planning on being.”

  “Yeah, but that was different.” Looking away, he adjusted the straps on his backpack.

  “Not that different.”

  “Please tell me she’s not...” Tucker couldn’t even finish the thought.

  “No. Your safe sex lectures paid off, so you can stop looking like you just ate a live frog.”

  “Thank you.” Wiping his suddenly clammy forehead, Tucker wasn’t even going to pretend to not be relieved.

  “She wants to teach a few years, then have two kids, two years apart, boy and girl.”

  Lord help us. Tucker was back to having to work to keep a nonjudgmental tone. “She has some rather specific plans.”

  “Yup.” Mouth thinning out to a tight line, Walker gave a sharp nod.

  He started to reach for Walker’s shoulder, then thought the better of it. “Do you think your plans match hers?”

  Walker rolled his shoulders. “She’s kind of planning enough for both of us. She says if I get a business degree, I can work for her dad or something.”

  Tucker could barely keep back a groan. Mary Anne had ranching grandparents and various family members in businesses all around the area, but her father and uncle owned an insurance agency that specialized in farms and ranches.

  “I’m absolutely not knocking insurance work, but you’ve talked about being a marine biologist for years.”

  “And this is why I haven’t brought it up before now. I knew you’d be all against me switching plans.”

  He wasn’t wrong, so Tucker did some deep breathing before replying, trying to find his calm and objective voice again.

  “People swap majors all the time. You’re not going to let me down if you go to college and pick another path on your own.” This time he did touch Walker, a brief pat on the shoulder that he predictably shrugged off. “But swapping plans should be your idea.”

  “Maybe when you love someone, their idea can be your idea?” Walker brightened like this new philosophy had just come to him.

  Tucker had to take a minute to mull this concept over, try to find a way to explain nuance to a seventeen-year-old in over his head. “Sometimes. I’m not going to lie and say that love never requires sacrifices, but if you do something you truly hate or give up something you wanted more than anything, you might have some serious regrets.”

  “Like you?” Face stormy, Walker looked back over his shoulder as his steps got heavier.

  Ah. Maybe this was some of why he’d seemed rather conflicted about Tucker’s friendship with Luis. “You mean having you guys? No. Never. Raising you has been my life’s greatest success.”

  “See?” Walker’s tone had all the self-righteousness of an investigative reporter calling out an inconsistency. “You had to do something you weren’t crazy about like getting married young to get something that makes you really happy now. Maybe a family with Mary Anne will make me happy too.”

  Damn it. Tucker didn’t have an easy answer for that. He wouldn’t wish the struggles he and Heidi had had on him, but he also couldn’t live with himself if he gave Walker the impression that he resented having had the boys. And his perspective that he wouldn’t change the way things had turned out had taken years to fully achieve. “Maybe you’re too young to know right now.”

  “I knew you’d say that too.” The trailhead was in sight now, but Walker slowed to a stop, bitter disappointment in his voice that Tucker would do anything to take away.

  “What would you like me to say?” He moved so that he could meet Walker’s eyes. “What could help?”

  “Tell me that you trust me to make a good choice.”

  “I do.” They were among the hardest words he’d ever had to utter, but he knew not saying them could do permanent damage. “But I also want you to truly think about what it is you want. Really imagine your options.”

  Surprisingly, Walker’s eyes actually fluttered shut, like he was doing that right then. “I try and then I can’t imagine not having Mary Anne.”

  “Okay. Take your time. You still have all of senior year—”

  “I get that. But some things are simply reality. Like long distance not working and there not being any oceans near here.”

  Oh, how Tucker knew the truth of those words. Some things were reality for him and Luis too. He couldn’t magically make the kind of culture Luis loved appear here, the live music and plays and endless variety of eateries, and he couldn’t make the miles between them disappear any more than he could remove Luis’s past hurts. He was the last person able to argue with Walker. “I wish I had answers for you.”

  “I know.” This time it was Walker patting him, and Tucker’s throat tightened. “And hey, if I do stay here, at least Wade can stop worrying about you being all alone and puttering around missing us.”

  “That should be the least of your concerns.” Being stern didn’t work out so well when he was fighting against rising emotions.

  “What is it you like to say? ‘I’m always going to worry about you. It’s my job.’”

  He managed a laugh at that. “True, but—”

  His cell trilled with a familiar tone, cutting him off. He groaned even as Walker made a “go ahead” gesture with his hand.

  “That’s your work number, isn’t it?”

  “Damn it, yes.” A few minutes later, he had all the details and a growing sense of foreboding. Hanging up, he turned back to Walker. “There’s a fire. I have to go after I drop you at home. I’ll call your mom on the way so she knows I may be busy a few days. They’re setting up a fire camp about an hour and a half east.”

  “Understood. And worry about that, not me.”

  No way was Tucker going to be able to follow that advice. His talk with Walker had only raised his level of concern for his son, but also illuminated some stark truths for himself too. And now he had to go and turn his attention toward work, but those worries were going to dog him the whole time. What he needed was life to slow down and stop throwing him curveballs, but he might be better off wishing for an August ice storm.

  Chapter Fourteen

  A weird mix of anticipation and restlessness coursed through Luis as he and Tucker loaded up his SUV at headquarters. The official vehicles were all already underway, with more personnel coming in private vehicles like them. Time was of the essence, and Luis could have caught a ride with some others heading to the fire site, but he’d chosen to wait for Tucker for reasons he didn’t want to examine closely.

  “Thanks for waiting for me.” Tucker slammed the back of the SUV shut.

  “Yeah, figured you might want some company on the drive.” Luis tried to play it casual, like him wanting to see Tucker alone before the chaos of the fire camp wasn’t a big part of his motivation for waiting. “You sure you don’t want me taking a turn behind the wheel? You look exhausted.”

  Tucker wiped some sweat from his forehead. He was in forest service clothes, but his face was dusty and hair messier than normal. “Sorry. I barely had enough time to change, let alone shower or recover. I was out hiking with Walker. Took your advice and got him out of the house.”

  Warmth spread though Luis’s midsection. He liked knowing he’d been able to help Tucker, liked being listened to. “Good. Did it work?”

  “Sort of. He talked, but it’s not something I can fix. Big life direction and college questions.” Sighing heavily, Tucker leaned against the SUV, not making a move to head to the driver’s side. Luis took the opportunity to reach for the keys dangling from T
ucker’s fingers.

  “That sucks. And it looks like it wore you out in more ways than one. How about you set the GPS? That way you can shut your eyes, try to rest while I drive. I promise to take good care of your baby.”

  “It’s just a car,” Tucker said with the weary wisdom of a guy who had actual kids and a perspective on his priorities. Pushing away from the SUV, he let Luis go ahead and take the keys. “Yeah, that sounds good. Wake me up if calls start coming in that need my response.”

  “Probably not a ton we can do until we’re on site.” Luis opened the driver’s side door. He liked that Tucker was willing to let him drive, wasn’t such a control freak that he couldn’t turn it off when needed, unlike some guys Luis had known. And taking care of Tucker simply felt good. Right.

  The fire was on federal lands east of Prineville, a small ranching town enough distance from the fire to not need evacuation, unlike the popular national forest campgrounds closer in. Traffic going away from the fire was heavy, lots of RVs and campers leaving the forest area. The quick spread of this fire situation was why the code red and extreme warning level they’d escalated to yesterday was so important. The plentiful dry brush surrounding the scenic vistas coupled with many unpaved roads at risk of sparks from passing vehicles could be a recipe for disaster, which was why the interagency fire management had made the decision to respond aggressively, setting up a fire camp for the many crews en route.

  Smoke was visible over the mountains even when they were still more than twenty miles out. The steep terrain, some of which had dead timber from prior fires, would be an extra challenge. Aircraft had already been sent in with water and retardant, but last Luis had heard they were holding ground crews at the staging area due to concerns about snags, those dead trees that could cause sudden, deadly flare-ups. That was where he could make a difference—predicting fire movement including the effect of the snags.

  Somehow Tucker managed to doze even through the changing terrain. Luis hoped he hadn’t worn him out too much the night before. It had been late when they’d parted, and while Luis had slept in, it sounded like Tucker hadn’t been so lucky. Unexpected tenderness swept over him each time he glanced over at his sleeping face.

  “We’re getting close,” he murmured as he turned off the main road.

  “’M Awake,” Tucker lied adorably, blinking and stretching like he’d been deeply dreaming.

  “You’re cute when you nap.”

  “I wasn’t really asleep,” Tucker protested, stretching again.

  “Ha. You snored. You sure last night isn’t to blame?”

  “Not a chance.” Tucker gave him a surprisingly heated look. “I enjoyed every minute. I hope you know that.”

  “I do.”

  “I’ve got no idea how long we’ll be on site here, but after we’re done, I’ll show you how not exhausted I am.” Tucker winked as the sound of aircraft overhead increased, traffic picking up too, trucks from the various agencies heading to the makeshift fire camp base.

  “Ha. More like you’ll be ready to sleep for a week.” Luis had to stop glancing at Tucker and focus on navigating the tightly curving road.

  “Not ruling that out either, but I do have that big master shower...”

  “Tempting.” Luis liked that Tucker had been thinking about them showering together. He was trying to be careful and not let Tucker think he expected sex in a given situation. He wanted to make sure that Tucker had the emotional connection he needed, but there was also no denying that Tucker was sexy as fuck and Luis enjoyed the hell out of spending time with him in that way. Making Tucker feel good was a rush whether feeding him or giving him an orgasm. Maybe if the stars aligned, in a few days he’d have a chance to do both.

  But first there was work to do. Within minutes of their arrival, they were pulled into a trailer for an administrative meeting dealing with logistics. There was a push for moving ground crews in, but concerns about safety persisted as leadership worked together to come up with a plan. Luis had more than enough to occupy him, but every so often he was struck by how damn good Tucker was at his job, juggling multiple variables to make insightful recommendations in a way that commanded respect. His competence increased his appeal and made Luis quietly proud. There had been glimpses of Tucker’s potential when he was younger—on the football field, in group projects, settling friend disputes—but seeing him as the capable man he was now was satisfying in a way Luis wasn’t prepared for.

  He also was pleasantly surprised by how people he’d known less than two weeks listened to him too, the leadership team coming together in a way that made the job that much easier and smooth. Luis ended up on a team headed close to the fire to collect better data, and as he left, his eyes met Tucker’s.

  Be careful. Tucker’s unspoken concern was right there. His furrowed forehead reflected all Luis’s worry from the day before, and it was both humbling and reassuring to know that Tucker cared as deeply as he did.

  Always am. Luis tried to reassure him with a nod as he held his gaze. He enjoyed being out in the field, loved the adrenaline rush that reminded him of his years on the line, but for the first time in a long time, he had an added reason to return safely.

  It was hours before they saw each other again, his data and recommendations paving the way for some cautious ground crews to move in followed by tense hours of monitoring them. The snags were an ever-present concern, and he wouldn’t tell Tucker how close he personally came to a few of the spot fires. Smoke singed his eyes and lungs, and his muscles burned from all the moving around.

  As the light started to slip from the evening sky, he finally got a chance to stretch his back and head to the food truck. But he didn’t even have to get in line because Tucker was already there, holding out a sandwich for him.

  “Got you one. There’s a place we can sit over here. How are you holding up?”

  “Fine.” Luis took a seat on a flat rock next to him, enough away from the line of hungry crew members and scattered clumps of people that they could speak freely. “Back’s a bit tight and not looking forward to a tent tonight, but we need to monitor the overnight developments and get an early start.”

  “Yup, we’ll move crews in at dawn if possible.” Tucker nodded. “I grabbed an extra camping pad when I got my gear. You can have it. Maybe double the cushioning will help your back?”

  “Thanks.” Luis wasn’t too proud to turn down the offer of assistance. “And yeah, that may help. It’s holding one position too long that really gets me. That and lifting heavy loads, but that’s why I moved into this job. I just couldn’t deal with the gear we had to haul on the front lines.”

  “Wish we were alone. I’d rub it for you. You could tell me what to do,” Tucker said idly.

  Luis liked how that was probably a genuine desire to ease his pain and not a pretext for sex. And there was none of that macho “I know what you need” bullshit either—Tucker’s willingness to take direction both on and off the job was one of his most appealing characteristics. As his earlier competence had more than demonstrated, he was capable of being the one in charge, but he also wasn’t too proud to defer to others.

  “I might take you up on that later.”

  “Good. Do that. Now, what’s your early feel for how this started? Are we looking at another arson case?” Tucker leaned forward, as animated about the job as he’d been all day, with an unflagging energy level that Luis admired.

  “At first glance, the fast spread would seem to go against the pattern of smaller fires, but I think this might be related. Nearby hiking trail, very early morning ignition, another anonymous report for the authorities to investigate that I’ll put money on leading to a burner phone. I’m hoping to get closer to the ignition area tomorrow, look for more of the same patterns I’ve seen at the other sites with the placement of fuel. I’ll be reviewing the data and evidence in the coming days, see what’s worth turning over to au
thorities to see if any leads are promising.”

  “Good. Glad we’re keeping you busy.” There was a certain wistfulness to Tucker’s tone, like he was grateful Luis had reason to stay, but he knew it wouldn’t last.

  Glancing around quickly, Luis patted his hand. “I’m here as long as they need me.” He couldn’t promise to stay forever, and they were hardly at a point where he could make other sorts of promises, even if part of him wanted to do just that.

  One of the administrative staff came striding toward them. “There’s a meeting in five.”

  “On our way.” Tucker shot Luis a regretful look as he stood, then offered Luis a hand up.

  Luis’s tight back muscles appreciated the assistance even if he did hate feeling nine hundred years old some days. If he was lucky, he might end up in a tent with Tucker later, and maybe some of his boundless energy could make its way to Luis, sustain him for what was likely to be a long day ahead tomorrow. Working together was far more satisfying than he could have predicted, having a common purpose, but also having someone at his side, looking out for him, bringing him sandwiches and extra bedding and listening to him bounce theories around. He’d been prepared to miss Tucker on a personal level, but now he saw that he’d miss him professionally as well, and he needed to figure out how to cope with that added layer of emotions.

  * * *

  Three days. It was hardly the longest fire Tucker had been involved with, but by the time Monday night rolled around, he was beyond grateful that personnel were being dismissed. On-site admin needs were lessened to the point that Tucker and Luis were free to go home and get some rest. Then they could gear up for the cleanup efforts that would take far longer than the initial blaze.

  “I’m starving,” Luis said as they loaded up. “No more sandwiches. I need something hot, and for once, you won’t have to talk me into fast food.”

  “There’s a local burger place in Prineville with amazing fries if you’re indulging.” Tucker slammed the back of the SUV shut and headed to the driver’s side. This time it was Luis’s turn to rest as he looked like crap after two nights in a tent with a bad back. Tucker was going to do his best to take care of him, make those dark circles under his eyes disappear and his smile come back out. “And then after dinner, you’re coming back with me. Boys are with Heidi tonight, and you, my friend, have a date with my shower.”