Our Broken Love

by Terri Anne Browning

  Once more, I was in a jungle filled with flowers. This time, it was tulips, which were one of my favorite flowers. There was only one card among the many flower-filled vases this time, and I snapped it up without bothering to read it. Muttering curses under my breath, I turned, slamming the door to my office, and headed in the direction of the conference room.

  I had to think about work and get through the day. Then… Then I would deal with my annoying stepbrother.

  But three hours later, as lunchtime descended on me and I finally had time to breathe, I found myself glaring once more at the four cards. Biting my lip, I pulled the top one out of its envelope and scanned it.

  I know you are mad, but try to give me a chance.

  You mean more to me than you realize, said the next card.

  I know you are crazy about me.

  I balled the third card up and tossed it into the trash can. Arrogant, self-centered—completely right, asshole!

  Finally, I extracted the last card, the one that had come with all of the tulips, and sat back with a gasp. I am going out of my mind thinking about you. I need you! Please, just talk to me. –Keith

  I sat there for the longest time, my trembling fingers brushing across the words that had completely shut me down.

  I need him too! I had only been deluding myself the night before. Every promise I had made to myself had flown out the window when Keith had shown up at my party. I didn’t end up giving Blake a chance, after all, and I sure as hell hadn’t lost my virginity.

  Even as Blake was saying goodnight to me early that morning with a light kiss across my lips, I had been thinking about Keith and how I wanted to be back on the dance floor with him.

  Even my wish as I was blowing out my candles the night before had been for Keith! I want him to be mine, had whispered through my mind as I had blown out the twenty-one blazing candles.

  “Damn it!” I pushed away from my desk and jumped to my feet. I felt suffocated from all of the flowers crowding me and the raging feelings boiling inside of me.

  “Rachel?” I called out as I gathered my briefcase.

  She was instantly at my office door. “Yes, Kari?”

  “Do I have anything pressing that can’t wait until Monday?”

  “No. You are free tomorrow. But you do have a dinner to attend Saturday night for the new children’s wing at the hospital,” she reminded me.

  “Good. Use your magic and hold down the fort until Monday. I have something urgent that needs taking care of.” I glared around at the many, many flowers. “And have all of these damn flowers sent over to one of the nursing homes. I’m sure there are some old ladies who will enjoy them more than I ever will.”

  “Right away. What should I do with the chocolate?”

  I turned, completely surprised by her question. “What chocolate?”

  “The three boxes of caramel truffles that just arrived.” She pointed to the large white and gold boxes on the edge of her desk.

  I groaned. Caramel truffles were my favorite. But, no! I was not going to be swayed by expensive chocolates. I was stronger than that. Keith couldn’t win me over with by buying out every florist in the city and then tossing sweets at me. I didn’t know what game he was playing at, but I couldn’t give in.

  Summing all my willpower, I ignored the boxes as I passed them. “Share them among the other women,” I told her even as my mouth watered at the thought of the sinfully delicious sweets going untouched by me.

  “Well, you just gained a group of followers,” Rachel said with a laugh as she lifted the lid off the top box while I waited for the elevator. “There’s a note. Do you want it?”

  “No!” I practically shouted as the elevator doors opened. After reading the last card from him, I didn’t trust myself to read another one. “Tear it up and throw it away.”

  “Right away!” she called after me, ripping the little card to shreds as I stepped into the elevator.

  ***

  I don’t go home. Instead, I took a car service to my father’s house in the Hamptons. His other house, just outside of the city, was too close to everything—and everyone—I wanted to get away from. I loved the Hampton house the most, though. There were so many good memories there, most of them of me and my father playing on the beach.

  I breathed a sigh of relief as I sat on the back deck overlooking the beach. Mrs. Dean, the housekeeper who had been around since my father was in diapers, was the only soul around. She had spent most of the evening making me homemade cookies and the sweetest lemonade known to man. I was just starting to relax when my phone began to ring.

  Bianca.

  But I knew she was just calling to yell at me. She probably thought I was going to give in to all the romantic gestures Keith has been making all day. The flowers, the chocolates…the incredible message on the card with the tulips.

  I didn’t want to argue with her because I knew deep down I was beginning to give in. I just didn’t want to deal with it all right then. I didn’t want to admit, even to myself, that I was half an inch away from falling into Keith’s arms. Or, as I suspected what he really wanted—me to fall into his bed.

  The call went to voice mail, and within seconds, an alert told me there was a message. But it wasn’t the end of it, not by a long shot. I got three rapid-fire text messages. Can I get no peace? I thought angrily as I reached over to turn the damned thing off.

  But as I started to turn it off, one of the messages was still up on the screen.

  Keith is HERE!!!

  I bit my lip, not sure what to do. Heart pounding, I fought with myself. Call? Turn off the phone like I should have done already? Groaning, I pulled up the text messages. The other two told me my bestie was concerned about me and wanted to know where I was. Belatedly, I remembered we were supposed to have a girls’ night out.

  Going MIA for a few days. Do what u want with K. Not interested!

  Of course, the last part was a lie, and my gut clenched even as I hit send. But nearly as soon as it was gone, I got a smiley face back in response from Bianca. Rolling my eyes, I tossed the phone aside without bothering to turn it off. I was sure Bianca would leave me in peace unless something important came up, and Keith didn’t have my new cell number.

  Finally, I was able to close my eyes in peace.

  ***

  I had Friday all to myself. I spent it just being lazy on the back porch and taking care of a few e-mails for Winthrop Charities. When I got back to the city on Saturday morning, I was so relaxed I didn’t even roll my eyes when I found Christian sprawled out on the sofa when I opened the door to my apartment

  “Hey, beautiful,” he greeted as I passed on my way to drop off my things in my room.

  “Hey.” I gave him a grin. “Enjoying your Saturday off?”

  “I would be if I weren’t dreading having to go back to Japan on Monday,” he grumbled with a mock groan. “I hate having to work for my living.”

  I snorted. Christian Marshall didn’t have to work a day in his life if he chose not to. He came from money as big and old as the Winthrops’. But he had also drifted away from his family’s business ventures and gotten into a few of his own. At twenty-nine, he was already a millionaire in his own right. “Yeah, it must be hard,” I called over my shoulder.

  I tossed my things on my bed and changed clothes before grabbing my phone and wallet. I had to go to a charity dinner later which Winthrop Charities was a big part of, and I had nothing to wear.

  On my way out, Christian shot me a frown. “Keith Winthrop was here again yesterday. Did Bee tell you?”

  “No.” Bianca and I hadn’t spoken or messaged each other since Thursday, so I had no idea what had been going on at home. But at the mention of Keith’s name, my heart did a crazy little flip. I had half expected him to show up at my father’s house, but when he hadn’t, I’d told myself I wasn’t the least bit disappointed. Not one little bit. “What did he want?”

  “To know where you were.” Christian shrugged. “Things
got heated between him and Bee. She said some things to him that made even me blush, and he stormed off, accusing her of keeping him from you.”

  I gritted my teeth. I could only imagine what my bestie said to him. Bianca got imaginative with curse words when she wanted to. I was sure “fucker” and “cocksucker” were only the tame names she had called my stepbrother. “Where is Bianca now?”

  “Brunch with her folks.” Christian wasn’t a big fan of Bianca’s family, just as they weren’t of him. The Carringtons wanted Bianca to settle down, marry, and give them lots of grandchildren. Christian, while completely faithful to her, was not the settling-down type. To be honest, I was surprised their relationship had lasted this long.

  “Oh yeah, and Blake called last night. He said he will pick you up around six.”

  I blinked, completely confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “You asked Blake to go with you to that dinner thing tonight, at your birthday party the other day,” Christian reminded me. “His family is a big contributor to the hospital. Remember?”

  I blew out a frustrated sigh. “Yes, I remember now,” I grumbled as I tossed my keys and wallet into my purse and slung it over my shoulder. “Shit.”

  I couldn’t imagine my life getting any more complicated right then. I had a sudden feeling Blake thought I was interested in him. I’d been half drunk and vulnerable when I had issued that invitation, and now I had to spend an evening with a guy I wasn’t sure I would even like without the aid of alcohol.

  five

  The charity dinner was held in one of Manhattan’s most raved- about new restaurants. The entire place had been rented out, and the chef prepared a surprise menu. At fifteen hundred dollars a plate, and with the place brimming with supporters, the children’s wing at the hospital was going to get an overhaul and more.

  I sat with Blake Avery and two other couples. After a few tense minutes when Blake had first picked me up, I’d found that I did enjoy the big muscleman without the aid of alcohol, but I was no more attracted to him sober than I was drunk. He was a nice guy, the kind a girl should have been all too happy to want to settle down with and start a family. I wanted to like him as more than a new friend, but it just wasn’t going to happen. Stupidly, I still wanted Keith, and I wasn’t interested in settling for second best.

  Thankfully, Blake seemed to understand as the night wore on. After dessert, there was dancing, and I let my date pull me onto the dance floor as a local jazz band started playing softly in the background. I felt content because the dinner, along with the silent auction, had raised more money than expected, and I knew my mother would have been proud of the accomplishment her charity had been a part of. I smiled a little sadly to myself as I closed my eyes, wishing she were there with me to celebrate.

  “You know, I think we could have been really good for each other,” Blake murmured as we swayed easily to the music.

  “I know.” And I did. If I had felt even the smallest spark of attraction for him, I would have jumped headfirst into a relationship with him. “But we both deserve better than what I can offer.”

  He inclined his head in acceptance. “You are already in love. I think I knew that at your birthday party.”

  I bit my lip, hating that I had been so obvious in my feelings for Keith that even this man who I barely knew had seen it. “I don’t want to love him,” I muttered.

  Blake laughed, but something in his tone made me wonder if he knew exactly what I was going through. “Like that, is it?”

  I lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. “Yes. Just like that.” The music ended, and everyone turned to applaud the band.

  As I turned in Blake’s arms, I caught sight of dark hair and a face set with determination as he made his way through the crowd. My heart skipped a beat when our gazes locked. No! He never came to any of the Winthrop Charities’ benefits, so there was only one reason he was at one now.

  Hard green eyes refused to release my own, and I stood there frozen as Keith’s long strides ate up the distance between us. He looked impressive in his simple black tux with his hair in need of a trim. Every other man in the room instantly dimmed in comparison to him in my eyes. Blake shifted beside me, drawing Keith’s attention, and those green eyes darkened with something dangerous.

  “I think I will make myself scarce,” my date murmured before Keith could reach us. “Call me, okay, Kari?”

  I could only nod, still unable to pull my eyes away from the man marching toward me. The sight of Keith had locked up my vocal cords, making it impossible to speak as Blake discreetly disappeared just as the band began the next song. Without a word, Keith pulled me into his arms as soon as I was within reach, and we began to dance.

  My heart was going crazy in my chest, and I knew he could feel every frantic beat with my chest pressed so closely to his own. The hand on my waist was skimming over the shimmering material of my new dress, while the other locked with my own. My breath caught as we continued to dance, and the rest of the world seemed to disappear.

  “Where have you been hiding?” he asked quietly, his warm breath stirring the hair at my temple.

  “My father’s house,” I answered honestly.

  “I went there,” he muttered with a tight frown. “No one had seen you.”

  “No, the house in the Hamptons,” I explained, and he grimaced.

  “Hell, I’d forgotten about that one.” His fingers were tormenting me with their caresses up and down my side. His thumb grazed the underside of my breast each time, and it was all I could do not to moan at the exquisite contact. “Didn’t you like the flowers?”

  “They were beautiful. You must have bought every rose and tulip in the city.”

  “So why weren’t they in your office when I stopped by yesterday?” he half growled. “Or in the apartment when I went there?”

  “Because I was overwhelmed and angry. I had the tulips sent to a local nursing home.” I shrugged. “And I have no idea what Bianca did with all of the roses.”

  “And the caramel truffles?”

  I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to keep from grinning because he seemed so at a loss. I had never seen Keith anything but in control, so this was a novelty for me. That it was because of me only made it that much more unfathomable. “I gave them to the girls at the office. I probably have an entire building full of new friends now.”

  His jaw clenched, but I thought I saw just a hint of amusement in his eyes. “I have never done anything like that before,” he confessed after a few moments of silence where we swayed to the music, and he continued to torture me with his caressing fingers. It was like he didn’t even realize he was doing it, but my body was attuned to every stroke of his fingertips on my oversensitized flesh. “Buying flowers and candy like that… It’s all new to me. I’ve never had to try so hard to get a woman’s attention before. I’ve never wanted to try before. I guess I did get a little carried away.”

  My heart did a crazy twist in my chest, but I lowered my lashes to ensure he didn’t see my reaction. “Well, I’m sure the old ladies at the nursing home really appreciate the thought.”

  “The only lady I want to appreciate it is you,” he said with a growl low in his throat, and I was helpless to hide my shiver.

  “I appreciated it a lot more once I had time to calm down,” I confessed reluctantly. Once I had gotten most of my feelings straightened out, I realized I’d been incredibly touched by his gestures.

  “I meant what I said on the card, Kari.” He pulled me a little closer, and for the first time, I felt the slight tremor in his hands, saw the vulnerability in his green eyes. That was new as well. Keith Winthrop didn’t let anything make him vulnerable, yet there was no mistaking that was what I was seeing right then. “I can’t stop thinking about you, baby.”

  “Keith…” His name came out more than a little breathless as I melted against him a little more.

  “I know you’ve wanted me, Kari. That you care about me. And I have wanted and cared abou
t you just as long.”

  “No,” I denied, trying to pull away. I didn’t want to get into this now. Or ever. I didn’t want him to know that I was weak where he was concerned, let alone speak it aloud. And I didn’t want him to fucking lie to me! Which was exactly what he was doing. He had wanted me and cared about me in the same way as I did him? No, it wasn’t possible. There was no way he could feel what I felt and still hurt me so badly by rejecting me over and over again over the years. “You have never let me get close. Every time I try, you always push me away.”

  “I had to. When I first met you, I promised your mother I wouldn’t touch you. That I would leave you alone. You were so young, Kari. I didn’t want to rob you of a chance to really live before I pulled you into something heavy. So I promised her I would stay away from you.” His hand tightened on my waist. “And then later, when she saw that you cared about me too… She asked me to wait, Kari. To give you time to grow up a little more, which was my plan all along, but she made me promise to wait until you were twenty-one.”

  My mouth opened and closed like a fish. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from him. It was just so… So…inconceivable.

  “Mindy told me she wanted you to experience life more, and I understood and agreed with her. You were only eighteen, the same age she was when she had you. She didn’t want things to get serious between us when you were still so young. Neither one of us wanted to make you feel like I was robbing you of your chance to find yourself.” He didn’t seem to notice we had stopped dancing. His eyes, those beloved green eyes, looked tormented, and I was losing myself in them. “It has taken a lot to keep the promises I made to your mother, Kari. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but somehow, I found the willpower to fulfill her only request of me.”

  “Why wasn’t I given a say?” I demanded after a long pause as the shock of what he had just explained slowly began to fade. I was pissed they had decided something so huge for me without even consulting me. How dare they make decisions about my life behind my back! “What about what I wanted?”