Our Broken Love

by Terri Anne Browning

  “Kari…” That from the stranger standing in the doorway. There was a dark, concerned look on his face, and my heart started pounding, making the beep-beep-beeping of the heart monitor protest. There was a memory, just at the edge of my mind—but I couldn’t reach for it, couldn’t grasp hold of it and keep it with me so I could remember!

  The small room suddenly felt even smaller, and I gasped, trying to breathe. “Christian…” I whispered his name. “Bee!” Why hadn’t I remembered Bianca until now? “Where’s Bee?” I demanded. Had something happened to my bestie?

  “Kari!” My father was suddenly beside me. “Kari, what’s wrong?”

  Tears filled my eyes. “Where is she?” I sobbed. “Where is Bee?” And why did my chest hurt ten times as bad now that I had remembered her?

  Baxter blew out a shaky breath. “Bianca? You want to see her?” He glanced over his shoulder, and through my medicated haze, I saw something lethal pass across the stranger’s face. But he didn’t say anything, just clenched his jaw and stood there looking scary…and lost.

  “No…” I didn’t understand it, but the thought of seeing her scared me just as much as the stranger. “I…I just want to know… Is she okay?”

  “Sweetheart, Bianca is fine.” There was something dark in my father’s eyes. “She wasn’t with you. It was just you and Chris.”

  My heart clenched again. “Christian,” I whispered his name again, tears leaking from my eyes. “I want to see him.”

  The stranger growled something under his breath, making me jump, and stormed out of the room. My father ignored him and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “Not tonight. Rest now, sweetheart.”

  “No…” I shook my head, but I was finding it harder to fight the pain meds. “I have to know…”

  “What, Kari?” my father asked, frowning. “What do you need to know?”

  “I can’t remember…” I could no longer fight the medication as I slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  twelve

  There was a new doctor with Dr. Shelton when he checked in on me the next morning. I frowned up at the men as they entered my room. Dr. Shelton had a small smile for me in greeting, and the other doctor, older by at least fifteen years with graying hair and a neutral expression on his stern face, stayed silent by his side.

  “Good morning, Kari,” Dr. Shelton murmured as he stopped beside my bed. “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “I hurt.” Both physically and emotionally, but why I hurt emotionally, I had no clue. All I knew was that the emotional pain hurt more than the physical. Tears clogged my throat and made it sound husky, and I had to blink rapidly to keep them in check.

  “The nurse said she gave you pain meds two hours or so ago.” He seemed concerned, and I couldn’t explain that the pain was more in my soul than in my body. But the doctor standing beside him seemed to understand and stepped forward.

  “Hello, Kari,” he greeted in a soothing voice.

  I frowned up at him. “Hi.”

  “Kari, this is Dr. Hayes. He is the chief of psychiatry, and I would like you to talk with him,” Dr. Shelton explained as he introduced the other man.

  “Have I lost my mind as well as my memory?” I murmured, and the doctors smiled at my small attempt at humor.

  “No, Kari,” Dr. Hayes assured me. “We just think that your memory loss has more to do with a mental block rather than a neurological problem. With my help, I think we can get your lost memories back.”

  I sighed, feeling tired when I had only been awake for a few hours. “What does my father say?”

  Dr. Shelton shrugged his shoulders. “He wants us to try anything and everything to help you.”

  “Okay. Whatever you and he think is best.” I pulled the covers closer. The day shift nurse had already helped me put on a hospital issued gown, but I still felt vulnerable.

  Dr. Hayes smiled reassuringly and took the seat beside my bed. Dr. Shelton did a thorough examination, listened to my lungs, and gave me a thumbs-up as he left me alone with the older doctor. When the door was closed behind Dr. Shelton, Dr. Hayes pulled out a small notepad from his coat pocket and began to write.

  “What is the last thing you can remember, Kari?” he asked once he had lifted his eyes to look at me.

  I bit the inside of my lip. “I remember shopping with my mother.”

  “And what are you shopping for?”

  “A book, for my father. A first edition.” I played with the edge of my sheet. “But the antique books store didn’t have the one I was looking for. So we decide to have lunch at a small Italian place.”

  “What did you discuss?”

  “My mother told me she met a new man.” I rolled my eyes. “She is always meeting new men. And marrying them almost as soon as she can manage it.”

  The doctor’s brows rose at that. “How do you feel about that?”

  “It’s her life. She can do what she wants. I just don’t want to have to be around to play house with her.”

  He stared at me for a long moment, as if expecting me to elaborate, but I remained quiet. “I thought you had a close relationship with your mother.”

  “I do,” I assured him. “It’s just that we have grown apart a little since her last marriage. But since she divorced the old bastard, we are back on the right track again.”

  There must have been something in my voice to alert him. He didn’t scribble on his notepad, just sat there for a long moment before speaking again. “You didn’t like your stepfather?”

  “No, not really.” I turned my gaze down to my hands, where they were twisting the corner of the sheet and blanket. “He… He gave me the creeps from day one. Always looking at me…” I trailed off, feeling slightly nauseated at the memory. “He tried to touch me once, when my mother wasn’t around.”

  “Did he?”

  “I was home from school for a few days. And my mother was having lunch with friends. He touched my breasts.” I shuddered at the memory, feeling dirty.

  “What did you do?”

  I couldn’t help the evil grin that crossed my face. “I brought him to his knees.”

  Dr. Hayes smiled. “Good for you.” He scribbled on the pad again. “Tell me about school. How are your grades? Do you know what college you want to go to in the fall?”

  “I have the second-highest GPA in my class,” I informed him, and he blinked at me in surprise. I got that a lot, though so I was used to it. People took one look at me and thought I was a ditzy blonde. It had been annoying growing up, having people constantly assume I didn’t have a brain in my head. But then I’d started to take advantage of it. If people thought I was stupid, they didn’t always watch what they said in front of me. “I plan on going to NYU. Bianca and I…” I trailed off as a sharp pain sliced through my head, and I nearly whimper at the agony.

  “Kari?”

  Slowly, I lifted my head to find the doctor giving me a strange, concern-filled look. I rubbed at my temples for a moment, feeling sick.

  “Who is Bianca?” he asked after a few minutes.

  I swallowed hard. “Bee is my best friend.”

  “You go to school together?”

  “Yes.” I bit the inside of my cheek, hard. “She’s been my best friend since preschool. I-I can’t imagine how boring my life would be without her.” Yet, the thought of seeing her right then made me nervous.

  “And you two are going to go on to college together at NYU?”

  I shrugged. “It’s our plan, yes.” I grimaced. “But my mother doesn’t agree with it. She wants me to go to Harvard or Yale or Princeton. Anywhere as long as I don’t follow Bee. I already have my acceptance letters.”

  “You don’t like those schools?”

  “They are fantastic schools. I just… Bianca didn’t get in, and I don’t want to leave her.”

  More scribbling. “So, your mother doesn’t approve of Bianca?”

  “I didn’t say that,” I quickly corrected him. “My mother loves Bianca. She just thinks
that Bianca…” I couldn’t explain it. Not without sounding wimpy. “She thinks that Bee runs my life and that I need to go my own way for once.”

  “And you don’t think that is the case.”

  “No, it isn’t the case. I am not some little shadow that follows Bianca around. I have goals of my own. I don’t have to have Bee with me every second of every day. I just like having her there. She’s like a sister to me more than my best friend.”

  “So what is she doing over the Christmas holiday?”

  “She’s in Boston with her parents and grandparents. But she will be back before New Year’s, and we are going to a party with…with Christian.” Another pain nearly blinds me for a moment, making it impossible to focus on the doctor or even speak for a moment. When I could see clearly again, I rubbed at my aching head, but there was only one thing on my mind. “Where is Christian? Can I see him?”

  The doctor frowned. “Christian? Mr. Marshall, you mean?” I nodded, tears leaking from my eyes. “Why do you want to see him so badly, Kari?”

  I wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands. “I don’t know. I just need to.” I began to shake. As I kept thinking about Christian, I felt cold and oddly alone. “Can I see him? Please?”

  Dr. Hayes stood and closed his notepad. “Let me see if he is here. But I think we should talk more later. May I come back this evening?”

  I nodded, unable to speak. The doctor left, and I lay back against the pillows. My eyes closed, and an image of me smiling sadly over at Christian as we were stopped at a red light flashed across my mind.

  “We will get over this.”

  A cry escaped me, the pain behind my eyes nearly making me double over. But the pain in my head was nothing compared to the throbbing in my heart. I remembered feeling emotional pain like I had never felt before…

  But I could not remember why!

  ***

  The doors opened a long time later. The pain in my head had eased some, but my heart still felt weighed down with lead. When I noticed the man standing in the doorway, I actually smiled a little. He stopped with the door still open and just looked at me.

  His face was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He seemed older, but then again, my memory of him was from years ago, when he was younger. “Kari?”

  I gave him a small smile. “How are you?” I asked, concerned for him.

  He laughed, but there wasn’t any mirth in it. “I had a small bump on the head.” He came into the room, closing the door behind him before crossing to me. “You are the one who scared us all.”

  I grimaced. “Three weeks in a coma isn’t that bad.” I tried to tease, but he became paler. “I’m sorry. Just ignore me. I seem to have developed a sick sense of humor from the head injury I sustained.”

  “You also developed a big case of amnesia.” He carefully touched the side of my head that had been shaved, but I shied away, not wanting him to see the bald patch. “I’m sorry, Kari. We never should have been out on those damn roads.”

  “It wasn’t your fault!” I exclaimed. “My father says a drunk driver hit us. You did nothing wrong.”

  He started to say something but then shook his handsome head and shut his mouth. I reached for his hand, giving it a gentle but firm squeeze. “Don’t blame yourself.”

  A feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed me. Christian noticed my confusion and tightened his hold on my hand. “Just let it come to you. Don’t force anything. The doctor said it could hurt you worse if you try.”

  “I remembered being in the hospital with you another time,” I whispered. “But I can’t figure out why.” I shook my head. “But we were both so upset.”

  “Yes,” he agreed but didn’t elaborate. The look of pure agony across his face made me hurt for him.

  The door opened without warning, and the nurse peeked her head in. “Mr. Marshall, she needs her rest, sir.”

  “Of course she does,” he gritted out and dropped a gentle kiss on my forehead. “More like the guard dog keeping me on a time limit,” he muttered under his breath, but I still heard him, and it left me even more confused as I watched my friend leave.

  thirteen

  My father came in to see me, but I was tired and the nurse had just given me my pain meds, so he didn’t stay long. While I slept, I dreamt that the stranger held me close, whispering words I feared I had always longed to hear, and feeling safe for the first time since waking from the coma.

  He brushed my hair from my face and kissed each eyelid with a butterfly’s wing’s tenderness. “Remember me, Kari,” he begged in an emotionally choked voice.

  For a moment, I savored the feeling of being in his arms, of hearing him whisper words in my ear that brought tears to my eyes, but when I awoke, I was alone in the room.

  Dr. Hayes came by right after my liquid dinner of chicken broth and apple juice, neither of which I touched. He jumped right in asking his questions, but before long he took pity on me because of my aching head.

  “I think I will let you get some rest now, Kari. You seem tired. Can I get you anything before I go?” I shook my head. “Okay, then. Will you be up to talking to me again in the morning?”

  “If you want,” I mumbled. I didn’t like all the prodding into my personal life. What did it have to do with losing my memory? And where was my mother, damn it? But no one had told me anything besides she couldn’t be there, and I had accepted that much—for the moment. Mindy wouldn’t leave me while I was ill without a good reason.

  He smiled down at me. “Good. I will see you around ten, then.”

  I didn’t watch him leave. I was so tired, and my head ached so badly. I just lay there and tried to forget about my dream from earlier. But it was so hard when I wanted him, a complete stranger, lying beside me.

  I heard the door open again, and the harsh light over my bed forced my eyes open. “Please,” I said with a moan as I shielded my eyes with my hand. The light was making my head throb, and nausea was starting to roil in my stomach once again.

  “Kari!” The unmistakable voice of Bianca did something to me. My head suddenly felt as if it was going to explode when I slowly lowered my hand and found my bestie standing at the end of my bed.

  My ex-bestie!

  And I opened my mouth and screamed as the blinding pain from my head dropped me into total darkness.

  fourteen

  The past swarmed in on me as I gradually blinked open my eyes. Thankfully, the overhead light was off, replaced by the softer glow of the lamp by my bed. But the harsh voices at the foot of my bed did nothing for the throbbing pulsations in my head.

  I moaned, trying to focus on the loudest of the voices, and I glared at him. “Keith, my head is killing me. Can you please just shut up!”

  Heads snapped around to gaze dazedly down at me. There was Dr. Hayes, who seemed concerned and anxious for me. Dr. Shelton was near him and he stood between Bianca and Keith, as if he had been trying to keep the two from coming to blows. I glared at them all. “There are two of you who don’t belong here. Take a quick guess who you are.”

  But Keith seemed too shocked that I’d even spoken directly to him to realize he was one of the two I wanted out of my room. “Kari...?” He moved to my side and clasped my hand. His fingers were trembling, but I was in too much pain—too angry with him—to care. “Kari, you remember me?”

  I pulled my hand free. “I remember everything!”

  Those emerald eyes darkened with something that looked like pain and regret. “Kari, please. I know this isn’t the time, but we need to talk.”

  I ignored him to glare at my ex-best friend. “Get out.”

  She flinched as if I had physically hit her, and all the color drained from her face. “Kari, please don’t send me away. It isn’t what you think. I swear it isn’t.”

  “So, you didn’t take my boyfriend? Didn’t announce to every gossip-hungry asshole in the Manhattan area that you were going to marry him right before he kissed you like he has never kissed me?” The pain in
my heart was numbing the rest of my body. It eclipsed any other pain, but it was so harsh, so incredibly ruthless, that all I could allow myself to feel just then was pure hate. “Is that what you are trying to tell me, Bianca?”

  “Yes. No.” She wrung her hands together. “You don’t understand. Please, just let me explain.”

  “I have had enough explanations from you to last a lifetime. Now all I want is for you to leave.”

  “Kari…” Dr. Hayes and Dr. Shelton seemed concerned by something on the heart monitor, but I paid them no attention as I continued to glare at the one person in the world I had always trusted.

  But she’d betrayed me in ways I never would have thought to do to her. “I don’t ever want to see you again, Bianca.”

  “Kari!” Tears streamed down her pallid face, and then she turned, running out of the room with a sob.

  Once the door closed behind her, I turned my hate-filled gaze on the man I had thought I would always love. “You too.”

  “No.” He grasped my hand again, tighter this time, refusing to let me go. “Not until you listen.”

  “Kari…” Dr. Shelton was once more concerned with the monitor. “Mr. Winthrop…”

  “You were sneaking around with Christian. I thought you wanted him.”

  I suddenly felt as if I was in a movie as I looked up at him and watched his mouth move. It was the most peculiar experience. I felt numb to everything except for the excruciating pain in my heart. And even as I lay there, and the doctors suddenly pushed Keith out of the way, calling a code blue, I wondered if the pain he had caused would ever fade.

  ***

  I opened my eyes to find that I was in a different room. This one wasn’t as big as the private room from before. There was a glass wall with a sliding door, and I noticed a nurses’ station directly outside. Two nurses in scrubs were sitting behind the desk, but I was quickly distracted from them by the man seated in the chair beside my bed. With a sigh, I attempted to sit up in bed, but strong hands urged me back down.