Our Broken Love

by Terri Anne Browning

  I couldn’t help but think that now that I was well enough to go home, he didn’t want to see me. Perhaps he’d only felt guilty because of the accident, for some strange reason, and now that I was better, his guilt was gone. Maybe he was with Bianca right that minute.

  Pain made my chest tighten, and my happiness at getting to go home vanished.

  My father’s car was waiting at the door when the nurse pushed me outside into the chilly, January sunshine. Ten minutes later, we were driving through typical New York traffic, and I was still feeling down as thoughts of Keith and Bianca flashed across my mind, so it took me a while to realize we weren’t heading in the direction of my father’s house.

  We were going to the Winthrop estate! I frowned over at him. “What are you doing?” I demanded.

  He shot me an apologetic smile. “Sorry, sweetheart. But things are getting rough in Turkey, and I have to fly out tonight. You can’t stay alone, and I didn’t think you wanted to go back to your apartment. That only left one other option.”

  “No!” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. There had to be other options. Millions of them that didn’t involve me staying in a house that brought back so many happy memories with the man I had stupidly thought loved me. “You have a housekeeper. She can watch out for me while you are gone,” I argued. “Or the house in the Hamptons. Mrs. Dean wouldn’t mind taking care of me.”

  He gave me an uncompromising frown. “You are going to stay where Keith or Hunter can help you. Or I will take you back to the hospital right now and tell Dr. Shelton to keep you there until I get back. So, which is it?”

  I crossed my arms and glared out the side window, feeling like a child who couldn’t get her own way. But this wasn’t like I wanted a new toy and was angry over not getting the one I wanted. This was much, much bigger than that. This involved a regular dose of emotional torment on an hourly basis. Couldn’t my father understand that?

  But it was still better than staying in the hospital, so I kept my mouth shut as he drove on.

  There were balloons tied to the gate at the driveway to the Winthrop estate. Pretty balloons with the words “Welcome Home” on them, and my heart twisted because at one point, not too long ago, I had imagined this place as home. A place where I could raise my children with Keith.

  A few minutes later, my father rolled to a stop in front of the big house. There were even more balloons tied to the door. Baxter honked his horn, and the door opened almost immediately. Hunter came out, dressed in jeans and a sweater, Keith right behind him and dressed similarly.

  “Are you going to be nice?” Baxter asked with wary amusement.

  “I doubt you really want the answer to that,” I muttered as my door was opened, and Keith offered me his hand.

  Carefully, I turned to get out of the car, and before I could even take a step, Keith lifted me into his arms. I squealed, not expecting to be suddenly swept off my feet, and I wrapped my arms around his neck instinctively. “You really need some food,” he muttered close to my ear as he kissed my hair.

  “Keith, put me down,” I demanded, wiggling my legs. “I can walk.”

  “Shelton said no strenuous activity and to take it easy for a while. I’m just following your doctor’s orders, baby.” He lifted me a little higher and carried me into the house.

  I glared up at him. “How do you know what he said? You weren’t there.”

  He lifted that damned sardonic brow at me. Over the last few days, I had been seeing more and more of it. “Just because I wasn’t there does not mean I didn’t speak to the man. I think I have him on speed dial on my phone.”

  “You have no business talking to my doctor about me,” I grumbled as he carried me into the entertainment room and carefully placed me on one of the couches.

  “You are my business,” he murmured at my ear with another soft kiss in my hair.

  The banner hanging from the ceiling caught my attention, causing any argument I might have had about me being his business to fly straight out of my head.

  Welcome Home, Kari!

  The rest of the room was decorated with more balloons, and it looked as if the place was ready for a party. “What is all of this?” I asked, tensing.

  Keith shrugged. “We thought we would have a little celebration to welcome you home. A few friends are coming over later.”

  Everything inside of me turned hot then cold as I wondered if my ex-bestie was among the friends who had been invited. “No.” There was no way I wanted to spend my first day out of the hospital having to watch Bianca in the same room with Keith. The very thought was too painful to even contemplate. “No, I don’t want to see anyone.”

  Hunter and my father frowned down at me. “Why not?” Hunter asked as he dropped down beside me. “I thought you would enjoy some company. It isn’t going to be that big of a get-together because we don’t want to tire you out. Besides, they want to see you.”

  “I said no.” I got to my feet and pushed past Keith. “Have them over if you want. It’s your house, after all. But I don’t want to see anyone. I’m going to my room.”

  “Kari!”

  I ignored them as I wrapped my arms around myself and slowly made my way upstairs.

  sixteen

  I could hear laughter from downstairs. Deep, male laughter and a few feminine giggles. It made my skin crawl, and I tried to block it out, but it kept echoing in my head even as I turned my TV up louder.

  I lay there on my big, king-sized bed and glared up at the ceiling. It was dark outside my window, and my father had left a while ago. I was tired but unable to sleep because all I could think about was that somewhere in this house, the man I stupidly still loved was with his fiancée. Angry, I threw my favorite pillow across the room, and it hit the door with a nice thud.

  Maybe I should have let my father take me back to the hospital, after all! Even as the thought was rolling through my mind, there was a light tap on my door. I didn’t answer, and it came again. After a moment, whoever was on the other side of the door walked away. I knew who it was, and she was the last person I wanted to see.

  I return to glaring off into space.

  There was suddenly a firmer knock on my door, and without further warning, it cracked open enough for Christian’s handsome head to peek in. “Hey,” he greeted me with a smile. “Can I come in?”

  I sat up in bed, happy to see my friend. “Sure. I could use some company.” I pulled the comforter up over my lap as he came into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. I patted the side of my bed, and he sat.

  “How are you?” He was giving my face a thorough inspection, as if he was looking for something in particular.

  “Better. Headaches are all gone. I’m not even on the pain meds anymore. Just a little Tylenol every now and then.” I was so glad to be done with the medications. They had been the reason for my irregular heartbeat as Dr. Shelton had thought.

  “Why won’t you come downstairs? Everyone wants to see you,” he urged, and I could do nothing but blink at him. How could he, of all people, expect me to go downstairs when Bianca was down there?

  “I don’t want to see anyone,” I mumbled, picking at a stray thread on my comforter. Even if Bianca hadn’t been downstairs, I didn’t want to face any of my other supposed friends. People who had gossiped and snickered and laughed at me behind my back at that stupid Christmas gala. That party had shown me exactly who my real friends were, and there sure hadn’t been many. Hunter and Christian headed up and ended the list.

  “Kari…” Christian trailed off, seeming lost for words. With a sigh, he shook his head. “Keith asked me not to say anything while you were still in the hospital. I guess he was scared you wouldn’t want to hear it, even coming from me. But I really think it is time you knew a few things…”

  ***

  The entertainment room, full of laughter and conversation, quieted as soon as I entered the room with Christian. Everyone turned to gaze at me in amazement. Most of these people had only heard
about my fight for survival after the accident, a few had seen me come back from the brink of death. They seemed in awe of me as I entered the room under my own steam.

  I glanced around, not sure if I trusted any of them, but my gaze zeroed in on my ex-bestie sitting by the fireplace, alone. She was sipping a glass of something clear and fizzy and not paying much attention to anyone else in the room. Her ice-blue gaze met my golden one, and I saw pain cross her beautiful face. Despite what Christian had told me, it hurt to look at her, so I quickly looked away.

  Only for my gaze to land on Keith. He was standing almost the entire length of the room away from Bianca, seeming lost in another world. When he saw me, some of the tension in his shoulders eased. I wanted to go to him, demand he tell me that everything Christian had just said was true… But I couldn’t. Not yet, at least.

  There had been too much destruction done to my heart for me just to accept my friend’s explanations. To forgive and forget the hurt that Keith and Bianca had so cruelly and intentionally caused me.

  Instead, I let Hunter pull me into a gentle hug as he came forward to greet me. “I’m glad you changed your mind.” He kissed my cheek, and soon others around the room came forward to hug me and tell me how happy they were that I was better.

  After a while, I began to relax a little. Hunter made me sit down so that I wouldn’t overtire myself. A glass of champagne was pressed into my hands, but I only took a few sips from time to time. I smiled and tried to follow the conversations around me, but my gaze kept straying back to Bianca.

  Christian left me to make room for someone else. Hunter was telling jokes and everyone was in stitches from laughing so hard, but I was only half listening as I watched Christian sit beside Bianca and take her hand. She gave him one of the smiles I remembered from so long ago, her totally-in-love-with-you smile, and he leaned over to brush a tender kiss across her lips. He whispered something at her ear, and she nodded before resting her head on his shoulder.

  It shouldn’t have confused the hell out of me, not after what Christian had told me already, but it did all the same. I searched for Keith, to see what his reaction to Bianca kissing Christian was, only to find he wasn’t even looking in the couple’s direction. He was standing by the window that overlooked the back of the estate. His green gaze was on me, and I thought I saw pure torment on his handsome face.

  I quickly glanced back at the cozy couple, and something sparkly caught my attention. There, on Bianca’s left hand, was the engagement ring I’d helped Christian pick out. Like I had thought, it looked amazing on her finger, and it suited her so beautifully.

  Christian hadn’t said anything about Bianca and him getting engaged!

  “Okay?” Hunter murmured from beside me. He had noticed my shell-shocked expression and was concerned. “Getting tired?”

  “I …” I was overwhelmed and confused and…and… And I just wanted everyone to go away. I got unsteadily to my feet, and pushing my half-empty glass into my stepbrother’s hands, practically ran from the room.

  “Kari!” I heard Keith call after me.

  “Is she all right?” someone else murmured.

  “Kari!” Bianca was coming after me, and I turned at the foot of the stairs to find both her and Keith only a few feet away. “Kari, please. Can we talk?” There were tears in her eyes, and her voice trembled.

  I wanted to slap her. I want to scream at her. I… I just wanted to know the truth. “How could you think I would ever hurt you like that?” I demanded, fighting angry tears.

  “Because I was going crazy at the time,” she explained softly, as if she were talking to a small, frightened child. “I had all those hormones and emotions and stupid thoughts swirling around in my head. It was so easy to think that you and Christian were…” She trailed off and sucked in a deep, steadying breath. “You were seeing him all the time. I know now that you were just trying to help him—with me, with his own feelings of loss and self-blame over the baby, then later with the proposal. But at the time, it felt like something else. I hated you for about a week.”

  “I still hate you,” I whispered, and a tear spilled down my cheek as I spoke the lie.

  Bianca let a few tears of her own slip over as she nodded in understanding. “I know. I understand that.” She swallowed hard and gave me a trembling smile. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry for hurting you so badly. And to thank you for helping Christian. You were a great friend, and I don’t deserve you.” A small sob escaped her.

  That sound was my undoing, and I pulled her into my arms. “Bee…”

  She shuddered and held on to me like I was her lifeline. “Oh God, Kari. I don’t know how I am going to live without you as my best friend. I know I have destroyed everything, but please… Please, Kari! Give me another chance. I need you in my life as much as I need Christian.”

  “Shut up, Bee,” I muttered against her hair as I hugged her closer. “You know I can never give you up.”

  She stilled and pulled back enough to meet my eyes. A look of hope lit her ice-blue eyes. “Kari...? You forgive me?”

  “No.” I shook my head, and her face dropped again. It was going to take a lot more than just an explanation to get me over this. “But give me time, and I’m sure we can put it behind us. Until then, we can take it one day at a time.”

  She buried her face in my hair. “You mean so much to me, Kari. You are my best friend, my sister.”

  Throats clearing caused us to lift our heads, and we looked up to find Christian and Keith standing a few feet away. Christian had a small smile on his handsome face, while Keith… He just looked lost. But one emotional scene was all I could face right then. I stepped back from my bestie.

  “I want to go to bed.” I pushed my tangled blond hair out of my eyes. The area on my scalp that had been shaved hadn’t been as bad as I had first thought, and my hair was so long and thick that it covered the bald area easily. “It’s been a really long day.”

  Bianca gave me a wobbly smile and nodded. “Okay. Call me tomorrow?”

  “Yes,” I promised. “I’ll call you, Bee.”

  seventeen

  A noise woke me, and I sat up in bed, listening intently, while the clock on my nightstand told me it was a little after three in the morning. I was just beginning to relax when I heard it again. My heart clenched, and I tossed back my covers.

  I didn’t hesitate as I rushed from my room and into the one beside it. Keith. There was something wrong with Keith. That was all I could think as I entered his room and practically ran to his bedside without turning on the light.

  He was lying on his stomach, and his entire body was shaking. The most heart-wrenching noises were coming from him, and for a split second, I had this feeling I’d heard them before. But I pushed the thought away as I touched his shoulder.

  He jerked, and his head snapped up. Tears were pouring down his handsome face, and his body his was practically dry heaving from his continued sobs. The only light in the room was that of the full moon shining through his open blinds, but I could still see the surprise on his face. “Kari?” he whispered my name brokenly.

  With a trembling hand, I brushed away a few of his tears. “It’s me. I’m here. Are you okay?”

  “I’ve lost you, so how could I possibly be okay?” He turned onto his back and tossed an arm over his wet eyes. “I have nothing.”

  I sat on the edge of his bed. “Why do you say that?”

  “I didn’t have enough trust in you and your love for me. I destroyed your feelings for me and made you hate me.” He scrubbed at his eyes with his fist. “And I’m terrified I will never be able to get back what I threw away.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. He was wrong on so many levels. Nothing he did could ever destroy what I felt for him. He could shatter me into a million pieces, but the truth was that each of those little pieces would always want to be his. But I was still hurting, still scared and confused. There were things I need to hear him say, and I wasn’t sure he could give that
to me. Until he could, I didn’t think we could get back to where we were before the accident.

  “Do you want to know the thing that hurt the most?” I murmured as I sat there staring off into the darkness. He didn’t answer, but I knew he was listening. “The whole time you and Bianca were tearing my heart out, telling me how you discovered you were meant for each other… All I could see was that ring on her finger. When I was helping Christian find the right ring for Bee, all I could think about was that ring. I knew you weren’t ready to make that kind of commitment to me, but it didn’t stop me from hoping and wishing.” I swallowed the knot of tears burning my throat. “And then I saw it on her finger.”

  “Kari…” He sat up and reached for my hand. “I’m sorry. So sorry. It was Bianca’s idea. I’m not trying to put all the blame on her, because I could have said no. But a few days before the gala, she came to my office. She said she knew you were sneaking around with Christian. That his assistant had told her about all the times you had gone to his office. His doorman even told her you spent a few evenings in his apartment alone with him. I had suspected that something was going on, but I was so scared of losing you that I didn’t bring it up.” He grimaced and shrugged. “But then she told me she had seen you at a jewelry store the evening before and that you had on an engagement ring. Of course, the night she saw you was the night you had canceled our dinner plans, and I just lost it. I couldn’t see for a few minutes because of the rage and hurt and loss I was feeling.”

  Neither of us spoke for a long while. Him because he was lost in thought and me… Well, I was realizing I wasn’t completely innocent in this situation. I had been sneaking around behind Keith’s back. It might have been innocent enough, but that didn’t excuse it. If it had been him doing all of those things, I would have left. He had been stronger than I ever would have been.

  “Bianca suggested we give you and Christian a little payback. She said we should pretend to be engaged. The ring was already in my pocket anyway, and I didn’t even think twice before I gave it to her.”