Our Broken Love

by Terri Anne Browning

  “Erin!”

  I opened my eyes as I felt the first jolt of his own release. The look in his eyes as he came made me shiver with pleasure, and I grinned wickedly as I bent my head and captured his lips. My ass was going to have bruises in the shapes of his fingers, but I didn’t care.

  When he was calm again, I rolled onto my side and rested my head on his sweaty chest as I drifted off to sleep.

  twelve

  With a groan, I rolled over, reaching for the man who had worshiped my body only hours before. Eyes still closed, I came into contact with…nothing. My eyes flew open, and I glanced around.

  The door to his connecting bathroom was open, but the light was off. My heart, which had been so carefree only seconds before, was now full of lead. My gut twisted, and I glanced at the clock to find it was well after nine.

  Throat tight with angry tears, I pulled the sheet up over my naked body as I sat up in bed. Of course, I was angrier with myself than I was Rhys. I had no self-control where that man was concerned, and I had more than proved it to myself last night.

  I punched his pillow twice, briefly noticing the dark earth tones of the room. Even the sheets and comforter were warm browns and reds. It reminded me of Rhys, and I felt at peace in an odd sort of way, which only pissed me off more. I leaped out of bed and into the shower.

  Twenty minutes later, I was fully dressed and getting ready to leave, knowing I would have to walk the two miles to my aunt’s house. My phone chirped, letting me know I had voice messages as well as texts before I had made it more than a mile. Muttering all the curses I knew under my breath, I pulled the phone out of my purse and punched in my security code for my voice mail.

  One was from Christa letting me know that Sophie was fine but asking for me. My aunt let me know she knew I had spent the night at Rhys’s house, but she sounded more amused than angry with me. I wondered if maybe she suspected something, but I pushed that thought away for the moment.

  The next two messages where from Rhys. I gritted my teeth as I prepared myself to hear his voice. Desire hit me right between the eyes as soon as his voice came over the speaker, and I hated myself all over again. He told me he was sorry that he’d had to leave me so early. He wondered if I was free for dinner because he thought we needed to talk. “It’s time I told you some things, baby doll,” he muttered before ending the message.

  His next message told me our dinner and conversation would have to wait a week because he had to fly to—of all places—London. Even as he continued to talk, apologizing for having to leave when we really needed to talk, I kept having flashes of déjà vu. It was five years ago all over again, but at least he was promising we would talk when his business in London was taken care of.

  I threw my head back and glared up at the sky. Yeah, I really hadn’t learned my lesson. All my past mistakes were repeating themselves all over again. The only thing missing was me being pregnant.

  And I couldn’t remember if we’d used protection or not last night.

  A humorous laugh escaped me, and the sound made me startle when I heard it because it sounded almost hysterical. “Fucking perfect. Way to go, Erin. You sure do know how to fuck up your life where that dickhead is concerned.”

  I checked my text messages and saw Matt had reminded me we were having lunch at noon. I sent him back a reply to say I would be there, but I ignored the message from Rhys. I was not going to deal with him yet. I couldn’t. Maybe after I had gotten hold of my emotions and was better prepared to read what he had sent.

  Maybe.

  When I got back to the house, I found Christa having a late breakfast with Sophie. My daughter jumped me as soon as she saw me. “Mommy, I was worried about you.” She gave me a tight hug. As a rule, I didn’t spend the night away from her unless I had to work an extra shift at the hospital. In all her life, I had only spent a handful of nights away from her.

  I gave her a reassuring smile, trying hard and succeeding at keeping my inner turmoil locked inside. “Sorry, baby. Mommy slept over at Lilli’s house last night. I didn’t want to wake you because it was so late. Forgive me?”

  She nodded her dark head. “Do you like Lilli’s house?”

  I thought about what little of the house I had seen the night before and that morning. Although I had seen the entire house several times years before, the place had changed in décor since the last time I had been there. “It is very nice, sweetheart.”

  “Lilli went to school,” Sophie informed me sadly. “I wish she could have stayed home to play with me. But Auntie Chris said she had to go.”

  “And she will be home in a few hours, young lady,” Christa assured Sophie in a tone that suggested she had already repeated those words more than a few times. “And then you can get in the pool and swim to your heart’s content.”

  I spent the rest of the morning with them before Christa pushed me out the door to meet up with Matt for lunch. I pulled into the parking lot of the local deli five minutes late, knowing it was where my cousin would want to eat rather than the Chinese place I had teased him about. Matt was already seated and had ordered me my favorite chicken salad sandwich with sweet potato fries.

  I dropped down across from him without so much as a greeting and glared out the side window. I really had to pull myself together. But it was getting harder and harder as I kept remembering the night before and how things seemed to be going down the same old road when Rhys and I were concerned.

  “He’s Sophie’s father, isn’t he, Erin?” Matt murmured before shoving an onion ring into his mouth.

  My chin quivered, and I nodded, unable to get words past the lump in my tight throat. A tear leaked out of my eye, and I scrubbed it away with the back of my hand.

  “She has his eyes.” He sat back, wiping his fingers on his napkin. “I mean, you both have blue eyes, of course. But yours are so pale, and Sophie’s are darker. Just like Rhys’s and Lilliana’s.”

  I bit my lip. Yes, I knew my daughter had her father’s eyes. They had haunted me for the last five years. The only feature she had inherited from the man who had helped me give her life, those beautifully haunting eyes. I sighed.

  “Okay, I can see you aren’t ready to talk to me about it.” Matt took a deep swallow of his iced tea. “So, we can talk about my love life instead.”

  I took a few deep breaths to help calm myself down, wiped my eyes, and took a few sips of my own tea. Then I was ready. I gave him my full attention and began to smile a little as Matt told me about his boyfriend.

  “He’s a doctor in Florence,” Matt told me. The look in his brown eyes as he talked about the guy made my heart ache. Matt was in love, and from the way my cousin talked, I was pretty sure the doctor was in love with him too. But as he continued, I knew something had come between them, and I was pretty sure I knew what it was.

  “He wants us to move in to together,” Matt grumbled, confirming my suspicions. He glared down at his grilled ham and cheese sandwich. “He wants to meet Ma and the rest of you guys. But…”

  “But I’m the only one who knows,” I finished for him. I reached for his hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “Do you love the doctor, Matt?”

  “More than anything!” he assured me vehemently. “I just… I don’t know if I can tell them. Ma, hell, she would never understand.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Aunt Chris could surprise you. I think all she really wants is for her sons to be happy. That includes you, Matt. If you told her how much Bradley means to you, she would be just as happy for you as she is for Drew and Cammi.”

  He gave me a look that said he was desperate to believe me. “And Dad? My brothers? What about them?”

  “Your mother will get them to come around if they don’t accept it at first. But I don’t think they would ever hurt you like that, sweetie.” I was pretty sure they wouldn’t. While some families would have disowned Matt for being gay, our family was much more understanding.

  “I don’t know, Erin.” He tossed his last onion ring down int
o his basket and pushed it away. “I just don’t know if I can.”

  “Well, it’s all up to you, my friend,” I told him with a shrug of my shoulders. “But let me ask you this… If you don’t tell your mom and dad, if you don’t let the doctor into the rest of your life, will you be prepared to let him go?” Matt paled noticeably, and I nodded. “That is what is likely to happen if you can’t accept who you are openly. He wants to be a part of your whole life, not just some side romance. Trust me on this, cousin. No one wants to be someone’s dirty little secret.”

  thirteen

  The week dragged by. I spent most of it with Christa and Lilli. Sophie and I went shopping during the day and spent our evenings with the family. I caught up with Cammi a little and even went out to lunch with Grayson on Wednesday. But by Friday, I knew I was going to break soon.

  I hadn’t heard from Rhys except for a few text messages which I had only read in the middle of the night when I was at my lowest. More than once, I fell asleep with silent tears on my cheeks.

  What made it worse was history was repeating itself in the form of trashy gossip mags. There was a picture of Rhys inside of one of the most famous jewelry stores in London. Rumors were flying that Rhys was ready to bite the marriage bullet for the third time.

  I felt sick emotionally as well as physically, but the weekend kept me busy in that I took the girls over to Florence for a few hours on Saturday and then down to Myrtle Beach for a picnic on Sunday. They kept me laughing and carefree during our outings, and I loved them all the more for it.

  But then Monday rolled around, and I knew I was going to have to do something. I wanted to run away again, go back to Atlanta and hide away from what I felt. And the longer I went without speaking to Rhys, the more I felt the call of my house pulling me. Tuesday passed, and then Wednesday found me having dinner with Matt and the doctor in Florence.

  I liked the guy on sight. He was attractive and funny. If he had been straight, I might have been able to feel something for him, but he wasn’t, and I so did not feel anything. After we had dinner, we went out to a popular nightclub, and I let myself loose. I drank a handful of margaritas and danced with a few good-looking guys as well as Bradley. Matt seemed more at ease by the end of the night, and I was a little drunk.

  They dropped me off at the house, and I made Matt promise to think about coming to brunch on Sunday with his doctor. I kissed Bradley soundly just to make the guys laugh before stumbling into the backyard.

  I was trying to unlock the back door, which was difficult in the dim lighting, when a noise from behind me startled me. I turned my head and saw a shadowed figure walking toward me. I nearly screamed, but then the breeze told me who it was. Rhys’s cologne was hard to mistake, and I relaxed a little.

  “You scared me half to death!” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

  “Where have you been?” he demanded just as quietly, but there was an edge to his voice.

  His anger only made my own surface. “Out.”

  “With whom?” I could see his face now, and his eyes were boring into me with frost in their depths. “Find yourself a boyfriend while I was away?”

  I raised a brow. He had obviously seen me kiss Matt’s boyfriend. I didn’t know whether to be amused or annoyed. “Bradley is just a friend,” I told him. No way was I going to explain anything further than that. It would have been difficult even to try when Bradley was Matt’s secret.

  “Some kiss for a friend,” he sneered as he grasped my elbows and pulled me roughly against him. “Do I warrant the same perks?”

  “You are not my friend,” I bit out as I glared up at him.

  His eyes flashed with something intense, and I was frightened for a moment. But only a brief moment. Rhys would never hurt me physically. He restricted all my torture to emotional warfare. “No, baby doll. Definitely not friends,” he muttered. “But we have something else going for us.”

  Before I could speak, he lowered his head and captured my lips. I tried to resist the pull. Honestly, I tried. But within seconds, I was going under. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I held on for dear life as he devoured my mouth. I felt myself moving, and I knew he was carrying me to the hothouse. I didn’t care; all I wanted was to be with him.

  When I was lying one of the loungers, I ignored the view of the beautiful night sky above us in favor of the beautiful man ripping his shirt open as he joined me. I stabbed my fingers into his hair and pulled his head down so I could have another taste of his addictive mouth. My teeth nipped his bottom lip roughly, and he groaned in appreciation.

  “Minx,” he breathed as he trailed kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. My dress was up around my waist, and the top, which was just two spaghetti straps and some silk fabric, was easily pushed out of his way. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and it seemed to both please and anger him.

  “I want to strangle you right now, Erin!” He glared down at me. “How dare you go out with that tool.”

  “I wasn’t on a date!” I exclaimed, telling him the truth. “I was out with Matt. The other guy just happened to be there.”

  His eyes narrowed, but he didn’t comment. Instead, he lowered his head once more and captured my right nipple between his lips. His teeth rolled the pebble-hard nub almost punishingly, making me cry out at the torturous pleasure that shot straight through my pussy. My nails raked across his scalp as I held him closer, never wanting the pleasure to stop.

  The hothouse was full of our moans and cries as we pushed each other off the edge of a passion-filled cliff. When we were both able to breathe again, Rhys pulled me across his chest and kissed the top of my head. But as my body cooled and my heart tried to return to a normal beat, my anger began to heat up all over again.

  He felt me stiffening and flipped me over so he could look down into my face. “What’s the matter?” he demanded. “Did I hurt you?”

  I glared up at him. “You are always hurting me. And I cannot for the life of me seem to stop myself from letting you.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Erin—”

  “No. I don’t want to talk about it tonight.” I turned my gaze away, not wanting him to see exactly how much emotional pain I was in. “Can you please just get off me?”

  After a small hesitation, he groaned and sat up. I pushed myself into a sitting position then got to my feet. I pulled down my dress, adjusted my top, and picked up my torn panties. I smelled of sex, and my face burned with shame. Plain and simple, I had no self-control.

  “Erin, I’m sorry.” Rhys tried to grasp my hand, but I jerked it away from him.

  “I can’t deal with this right now,” I told him honestly, trying not to cry as left him there, still half naked.

  fourteen

  The next morning, I glared at myself in my bathroom mirror. Toothbrush in hand, I just stood there, seeing the shadows under my eyes, the paleness of my skin. I looked sick and exhausted, which I was. My stomach was roiling. My heart ached, and I had only gotten a little over an hour of sleep last night.

  With a grimace, I put toothpaste on the brush and gave my mouth a good scrub. By the time I was done, my gums ached a little because I had been less than gentle, but I did feel slightly better. I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and pulled on a pair of running shorts and a tank top. After slipping on a pair of tennis shoes, I went downstairs to find my daughter.

  I had already made up my mind just before dawn that I was leaving on Sunday. Whatever Rhys wanted to do regarding Sophie would have to be taken care of in the next day, or it would have to wait. I preferred to wait, but I knew it was the coward’s way out.

  I found Sophie seated at the breakfast table with Lilli and Ram, eating some scrambled eggs and sliced fruit. She gave me a smile in greeting, and I dropped a kiss on top of her head. I greeted Lilli the same way before sitting down in a chair across from the two girls.

  “Ready for school?” I asked Lilli.

  “Yes. Daddy said he would pick me up this morning. He got back from Lond
on yesterday.” She seemed excited about it, and I gave her a warm smile, although the thought of seeing Rhys so soon after what had happened the night before was enough to make me want to throw up.

  When I was pregnant with Sophie, I had morning sickness from the very beginning. But I couldn’t be sure if that was the case now, or if it was just all the stress I was under at the moment. I still had a few more days before I would know for sure, and I was scared to death. Hands trembling, I reached for the pot of tea and a slice of dry toast.

  Ram glanced at me from over the top of the business section and gave me a warm smile. “Matt called this morning. He said he wanted us all to have dinner here together tomorrow night.”

  I blinked. “Really? Did he say why?”

  “Said he was going to bring someone special who he wanted us to meet. Your aunt is nearly dancing with excitement.”

  “Well, I’m glad I will be here for it. But Sophie and I are leaving on Sunday.”

  Christa, who had been coming into the room looking fresh and bubbly, stopped when she heard my announcement. “What? But I thought you were staying two more weeks!”

  “There are some things I need to take care of back at my house. I want to get that done and rest up a little from my vacation before I have to go back to work.”

  “But…” She bit her lip and shook her head, obviously thinking it better not to voice what she had been about to say. “Is that what you really want to do, Erin?” she asked instead. “I was hoping you would decide to move closer to home. We miss you so much around here.”

  I tore my toast into little pieces, unable to eat any of it but needing something to do. If I looked at my aunt right then, I was sure I would burst into uncontrollable sobbing that would scare the girls. “I haven’t made up my mind yet. I need some time to think about it, Aunt Chris.”