Our Broken Love

by Terri Anne Browning

  “We could do this again tomorrow night,” she offered, leaning into him as they began to sway to the music that was softly playing in the background. “I had a really wonderful time tonight.”

  “Can I pick you up from therapy and spend the rest of the day with you?” he practically pleaded. It made her chest all that more painful.

  Alexis smiled. “Don’t you think you should get some work done on that merger?” She felt horrible for taking him away from work, even though he had assured her earlier that day that she wasn’t.

  “I couldn’t care less about the fucking merger.” His teeth sunk into her shoulder and she cried out in pleasure. “You are all that matters,” he muttered in Italian.

  “Jared!” She clung to him, wanting … NO! “Take me home, Jared,” she begged.

  “Lexis, stay with me.”

  “I can’t,” she whispered, tears of frustration clogging her throat. “I can’t.”

  fourteen

  Therapy went well the next morning. Alexis didn’t spasm as badly as she had the day before, but Dragon Man still wanted to include massage in their weekly routine. She had to admit that it wasn’t all that terrible of an idea. In fact, by the time the hour was up she was nearly asleep from how relaxed her muscles were after the way Dragon had worked her over.

  She was still lying on the massage table, completely naked except for the towel draped over her backside. Dragon had told her to take her time getting up while he busied himself cleaning up the oils and hot stones that he had used. Alexis was glad for the extra time, because she was sure she had drool all over her face.

  “Lexis!”

  There was a pounding on the door and it opened before Dragon Man could turn around. Jared stormed in and stopped when he saw her. “What the fuck!” he exploded.

  “Dude, you can’t just come in here.” Dragon got between Jared and Alexis, acting as a shield for her. “Get out until she gets dressed.”

  Those molasses eyes turned dark with rage. “You get the fuck out! No way are you seeing her like that. She’s mine.”

  As quickly as she could, Alexis sat up, using the towel she had been laying on to cover her nakedness. She was more worried about Jared seeing her disgustingly scared back than she was either man seeing her naked front. “Jared, what are you doing?” she demanded once she was sure that she was covered.

  “I came to pick you up, but I couldn’t find you. Why are you in here?” He was trying to get around the beast of a man standing between them, but Dragon Man wasn’t allowing it.

  She grimaced. “I guess I forgot to tell you that Chad wanted to add massage therapy twice a week. I should have told you that I was going to be an extra hour today. Sorry.”

  “Massage?”

  “Yes, massage. I’ve been having spasms.” She offered him a small smile, hoping to ease some of the tension filling the room to the point it was choking her. “I hate the muscle relaxers that have to be injected into my back. So I only take them when I can’t stand it anymore. But massage will help with some of that.”

  “Then I will give you a massage every day.” He pointed at Dragon Man with a threatening glare. “Not him. I don’t want his damn hands on you.”

  Chad didn’t even blink at him. Obviously he was use to boyfriends reacting like this and was unfazed by Jared. “This is to help Lexi. You have no say in it. I’m just doing my job here, man.”

  “Isn’t there a woman who could do this?” he demanded, still trying to get around the other man. “Why does it have to be you?!”

  “No, there isn’t a woman who could do it. Lexi is my patient.” Chad turned his back on Jared. His eyes didn’t stray south once as he offered her a small smile. “Go ahead and get dressed. I’ll come back and take care of this mess. See you tomorrow.” And he turned and left the room, closing the door securely behind him.

  When she heard the distinct sound of the door clicking into place, Alexis realized that she was very naked. Her fingers tightened on the towel. “Can you stand outside while I get dressed? I won’t be long.”

  He frowned. “Why do I have to leave? I’ve seen every inch of your glorious body hundreds of times.”

  Panic almost suffocated her. “No! Please. Just go.”

  “Lexis?” He caught her hands in his own. “What’s the matter?”

  “I don’t want you in here!” she nearly screamed. “Get out!”

  His face noticeably paled, but he turned and left without another word. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she rushed as quickly as she possibly could to get dressed, fighting hard not to sob. She didn’t want him to see her naked body. Not the scars on her back that had made her throw up the first time she had seen them. Not the scar that went across her lower abdomen. Not the horribly embarrassing scars on her thighs from where she had supposedly cut herself repeatedly.

  Several minutes later she opened the door and stepped out. She didn’t even look at Jared who was leaning against the opposite wall. Alexis said nothing as she turned toward the elevators. When he pressed the call button for the elevator she turned her head away, refusing to meet his eyes.

  “Lexis?” he murmured, sounding unsure.

  “Please, just take me home,” she whispered.

  He blew out a frustrated sigh but didn’t speak as they took the elevator down. Once she was in the Lexus she turned her gaze out the passenger window and didn’t glance his way when he got behind the wheel and pulled out of the parking lot.

  Everything was a blur as he drove through town. She didn’t see any of it, too lost in thought. At one point he reached for her hand and she let him link their fingers together, but still remained mute. Tears blinded her, but she refused to let them fall.

  Not in front of him!

  “Lexis, dolcezza…” His deep voice was coaxing and she finally turned her head to look at him. “Are you alright, my love?”

  “I…” The house was not what she was expecting. Instead of driving to Malibu he had taken her to his own house. “I want to go home.”

  “This is home.” He cupped her face in his long fingered hands. “We should talk. Come inside with me, baby. Just for a little while. I promise to take you to your father’s later if that is what you want. Please?”

  Swallowing hard, she dropped her gaze and nodded. He brushed a soft kiss across her lips and got out. Alexis let him help her out but kept her head turned away as they walked into the house. Inside he went to the kitchen while she went on into the living room. She felt exhausted and just wanted to lie down and sleep away the embarrassing day.

  “Are you hungry?”

  She shook her head.

  “Thirsty?” He sat down beside of her and touched a cold bottle of water to her arm, making her eyes snap open. “Here, drink this. The way you have been destroying that plump bottom lip all the way here, I’m sure it needs something to soothe it. And while I am dying to be that something and kiss it until it’s numb I have a feeling you want me to keep my distance.”

  After a small hesitation she took the bottle of water. It felt good on her dry lips and she had to clench her jaw to keep from moaning in pleasure as it slid down her aching throat. “Thanks.”

  “What happened back there, Lexis?” he asked, looking almost lost as his molasses eyes trapped her own. “Did I do something wrong? Please, tell me so that I can fix it.”

  “I was embarrassed.”

  Jared’s eyes narrowed. “Why? What for?”

  “Because I’m nothing but bones now. Because I’m a disgusting mess that looks like Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas,” she told him, her voice rising with each word she spoke. “The last time you saw me naked I wasn’t some work of Dr. Frankenstein.”

  “So you have a few scars? You think I care about that? Damn it, Lexis! Don’t you fucking push me away because you think I would ever think you less beautiful—”

  “I care!” She cut him off. “The first time I saw my back I threw up. I threw up, Jared! I never want you to see it.”


  “So you want me to make love to you in the dark for the rest of our lives?” he demanded.

  His words caught her off guard. She opened her mouth to speak, say something—anything—but she found that no words would come. The rest of our lives? “Huh?” She hadn’t thought about them past the end of the week. What did he mean the rest of their lives?

  ”Give me a chance here, Lexis. Let me show you that nothing—absolutely nothing! —could ever turn me off when it comes to you.” He took her hands in his and pulled her across the sofa toward him. His voice was lower, huskier. “Let me make love to you right here, right now. I want to worship you with my hands, my mouth … and my eyes.”

  fifteen

  As soon as he saw those beautiful eyes of hers darken with desire, he stood and lifted her into his arms. She was right; she was skin and bones now. She hadn’t been fat by any person’s description of the word, but now she was barely any weight in his arms. And while he would forever admit that her curves had been the first thing to catch his attention, it was the person underneath that had been what had captured his heart and soul.

  But even though she lacked the curves right then, that didn’t make her any less desirable to him. He was desperate for her, hotter than he had ever been in his life. And if he couldn’t prove to her that she was still the most desirable woman in the world to him he feared that she would be lost to him forever.

  He opened and shut his bedroom door behind him without even having to rearrange her in his arms. He slowly sat her on her feet, but kept a firm hand on her hips to steady her since she was without her crutches. Before she had a chance to look around his room, he captured her mouth and refused to let go until they were both breathing raggedly.

  “Just feel,” he breathed against her neck, when he could find his voice again. “Don’t you dare think about anything but what I make you feel.”

  Jared didn’t give her time to respond before he had her black T-shirt over her head and was reaching for her white yoga pants. Her breasts were still the same full, firm globes that he remembered and he took them into his hands as soon as he had her down to nothing but her white panties and matching bra.

  Her whimper when he touched those perfect globes made his blood heat and he dropped to his knees so that he could bury his face between them. “I want you so bad, dolcezza.” He licked each globe, basking in the taste that was hers alone. That taste had haunted him until he thought he would go mad with the need to taste it once more. There had been nights when he had lain awake, begging God for just one more taste like a Heroin addict.

  Her fingers combed through his hair, holding him against her as his hot mouth explored her breasts. Nipping, licking, making her moan until her little cries became his undoing. Those moans had always driven him crazy with need for her. Finally, he forced himself to stand and reached for the clasp of her bra. Perfection fell into his hands when the bra dropped to the floor and felt tears sting his throat and eyes at how beautiful she was.

  Fuck, he’d missed her.

  She stood before him in nothing but a pair of white bikini bottoms. Her small frame shaking … With desire? Or something else? “Still with me?” His voice sounded almost animalistic to his own ears it was so full of passion. “Want me to go slower?”

  She shook her head. “Don’t stop,” she whispered, but he noticed her bottom lip trembling. His heart clenched at how brave she was being. For all their history together, he was a stranger to her. But here she was, giving him everything he wanted at the expense of her own vanity.

  What have I done to her? This is all my fault!

  He vowed that by the end of the day she would never think of her body as disgusting again. Not his Lexis, the most beautiful woman in his world.

  With his hands on her hips he turned her, wanting to show her that the scar on her back would never affect his feelings for her. When he saw it for the first time, his stomach felt as if it were filled with lead. Not because it was disgusting to him. No, his erection still pulsed against the fly of his jeans to the point of pain.

  He hated the pain that she must have experienced from that scar—the pain that she had to live with every day. After seeing what his brother had to go through after his accident, he knew something of what Alexis experienced on a daily basis. Tears stung his eyes again as he traced the scar that started at her tail bone and went up along her spine to end at an angle just under her left shoulder blade.

  Goosebumps popped up along her back and down her arms, letting him know that his touch was affecting her despite the distress that she was in. “I’m sorry that you had to go through all that pain. That it still hurts so much. Tonight, before you fall asleep in our bed I will give you a massage. Every night, after I make love to you until you beg me to stop, I will massage your back.”

  “Jared…”

  “Shh. Don’t say anything.” He kissed her shoulder, thrilling in her shiver. “I’m going to kiss your scar now, cara. It hurts me to know that you think I would ever find you disgusting. The only thing I see when I look at it is the pain that you must have gone through, my brave girl.” He dropped to his knees once more and kissed every inch of her scar, letting his tongue lave the puckered flesh.

  When he had made sure that every part of her back had received his undivided attention, he turned her with a steadying hand on her narrow hips. He mourned the loss of the supple flesh that he had once held in his hands and dropped kisses on each thigh before reaching for the hem of her briefs.

  The scar across her lower abdomen surprised him. He hadn’t been expecting that one. “What happened here?” he asked quietly as he began to kiss along the pink scar that went from one pelvic bone to the other.

  Her hands clenched on his shoulders where they had been holding on to him for balance. “My pelvis was crushed,” she whispered. “There are metal plates to hold it together.”

  “Dolcezza!” he kissed each pelvic bone.

  “Jared…” She started to speak but he shook his head.

  When he tried to part her thighs so that he could kiss her farther her thighs clenched together tighter. “Let me,” he coaxed.

  Slowly she opened for him, and he saw the deep markings on each thigh. “Is this from the accident too?” he murmured, kissing each slash.

  “No,” she croaked out and his head snapped up. “No more questions, Jared. Either make love to me or don’t. But no more questions.”

  He pushed the many questions that had flashed across him mind at the sight of those scars that had not been caused by the car accident to the back of his head. Later, he promised himself. Later he would get the answers he needed. For now, there was only Lexis and making her whole again in his arms.

  Making himself whole once more with her, the piece that had been missing from his life since he had walked away all those months ago…

  sixteen

  Her phone was buzzing somewhere and she reached for it without even opening her eyes. Her alarm on her cell was blaring loud and clear, telling her she needed to get up and take her meds. Her back was already screaming at her, letting her know that she had waited too long in between doses.

  Beside of her a warm body was stirring and she froze, her eyes snapping open. She wasn’t at her father’s house in Malibu, but at Jared’s! A thousand questions forced themselves into her sleep fogged mind. But the most pressing issue wasn’t that she had let a stranger worship her body all night long…

  It was that she was in excruciating pain and her meds were a good twenty-minute drive away.

  “Lexis.” Jared murmured, wrapping his arm around her waist tighter and burying his face in her neck. “Turn the noise off and go back to sleep, cara.”

  She swallowed hard, fighting tears. “J-Jared…” she whispered, but was unable to hide the hitch in her voice.

  His head snapped up, all traces of sleep gone now. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?” he demanded, his hands running up and down her sides soothingly. “Tell me.”

  “My
back,” she whispered brokenly. “I don’t have my pain medication with me.”

  His eyes turned stormy and he jumped out of bed, unconcerned for his nakedness. If she hadn’t been in so much pain she would have taken advantage to soak up the sight of his glorious body rushing around with the morning sun streaming through the many windows highlighting all his hard angles. But she could barely think the pain was so bad. All the physical activity from their love making all afternoon the day before and long into the night had not been kind to her.

  Jared made quick work of getting dressed, then he came back and helped her into the clothes he had stripped from her the day before. He didn’t say a word as he carried her downstairs to his car and then headed for Malibu. “I’m so sorry, dolcezza. I should have thought…” He broke off and she reached for his fisted hand.

  “I’ll start carrying it with me,” she told him through gritted teeth.

  “Or you could just leave it at the house.” He shot her a quick look out of the corner of his eye as he sped through early morning traffic. “I want you in my arms every night, Lexis. We’ve already been apart for too long.”

  “We can talk about that later,” she muttered, way past the point of no return in the pain department for an argument with him at the moment.

  Before long he was pulling to a stop in front of her father’s house. He was out of the Lexus and around the expensive car as soon as he had it put in park. Jared lifted her in his arms and carried her up the walkway and rang the doorbell, having left in such a rush that he hadn’t thought of getting her purse that held her keys. When no one answered the door right away he rang the bell again and started pounding his fist on the door.