Our Broken Love

by Terri Anne Browning

  She snatched up her phone where it was sitting on the table and opened the screen to the picture Gabriella had shown her the night before. “I might still have gone on doing just that, even after that fucked up video, but she had a backup. She knew I needed proof that the past wasn’t in the past. That I was just living in some messed up dream.” She turned her phone and let him see the damning evidence. “Looks like you were really working hard last night, Jared. You and Nica must have had so much to…discuss.”

  “It isn’t what it seems, Lexis.” He crouched down beside of her, gripping her hands. When he felt how cold they were he seemed startled. “Sweetheart, you’re freezing.”

  She jerked her hands away from him. “You lied to me.”

  “I was terrified to tell you the truth. I just found you again. I couldn’t chance telling you about Monica.” He cupped her face in hands that shook. “I love you. I wasn’t ready to risk how happy we were over her.”

  “But it was okay last time? It was okay to leave me and marry her?”

  “It was just a ploy to make my brother open his eyes, baby. They were in love, but he was stubborn. He didn’t want to get married again after his disaster of a first marriage.”

  She shoved his hands away, not wanting him to touch her. “So you tossed my love back in my face to go save the day for her? I was expendable. I was left broken. But it’s all okay, because Nica was going to get her happily ever after.”

  “No!” He shook his head adamantly. “I didn’t leave you. Someone got wind of the engagement, even though it was just a fake one. And the next thing I knew the papers were all running the announcement. You called me before I had even seen it and broke up with me. You didn’t give me time to explain anything before you hung up and blocked my number.”

  “So this is my fault?”

  “That isn’t what I’m saying, baby. I would have told you all about it. There just wasn’t time.”

  “I blocked your number and there wasn’t time for you to come home, to explain it all to me in person? You were so busy helping out your friend?”

  He shook his head. “Things got crazy. My father got sick. Nica had a miscarriage…” Jared blew out a harsh breath. “She was too fragile to be left alone. She needed me.”

  “I needed you!” she screamed at him. “I…” The tears were gathering, threatening to fall. She felt like the world was shrinking. It became harder to breathe. “I…” Frantically she glanced around.

  There, in the back of the shop where they promised to be, sat Gabriella and Vince watching her closely. They had come to watch over her, make sure that she was okay throughout the confrontation, but had agreed to stay out of it unless she needed them. And she was so thankful for their stubbornness in insisting. Because she needed them both right then.

  Seeing the look on her face, Vince stood and was by her side in an instant. “It’s okay, Lex. You’re okay,” he murmured as he lifted her into his arms.

  Gabriella gathered her crutches and purse. “Bastard,” she tossed at Jared as she followed Vince to the door.

  “Lexis, please. Don’t leave me,” Jared cried after them. “I love you.”

  She buried her face in her brother’s chest and let the tears flow. Maybe he did love her. But to him she would always come in second. Nica was his priority. How else could he have stayed by the woman’s side when his own child was being ripped from Alexis’s womb along with all chances of having another child?

  “I am broken,” she sobbed.

  twenty-five

  With all the emotional pain she was in, Alexis had drew in to herself. She went to physical therapy every day. Continued to do well with meeting her doctor’s expectations, but didn’t really care one way or another. She saw Dr. Reid like always, but she didn’t really participate in their hour long conversations. Music continued to play in the background, yet she barely heard it.

  Her appetite vanished. Food no longer appealed to her.

  Her father was stressed. He was going through with the merger, but had already informed the Giordano family that this was going to be the last merger his firm ever handled for them. He watched her closely, despaired with every passing day and the continued lack of spark of life in her. Not even Gabriella could pull her out of her depression. To her, Gabriella represented pain now, and she was struggling to get over that just as she was struggling to get over Jared.

  Three weeks had gone by since she had last seen Jared. Alexis knew her family was thinking of pulling out the big guns. Possibly even bringing her mother out to LA to slap some sense into her. Carina was not one to let her daughter despair over something as little as a broken heart.

  It was Sunday and Alexis was still in bed at noon. Her entire body hurt, and it wasn’t just from the pain caused from her injured back. Depression was soul sucking. She could understand her reasons for harming herself the first time around. Sometimes she struggled with not doing so again, but she refused to let that become a part of who she was now. Self-harming was not going to be her coping mechanism this time around.

  On her stomach her cellphone rested, having already buzzed twice with incoming calls. Jared’s urgency to talk with her had dwindled over the last week, but he still called a few times daily. She knew she should have just blocked his number, but she could only assume that she was a glutton for pain, because instead, she listened to his messages over and over again.

  The tears she could hear in his voice as he pleaded with her to call him … His pain didn’t make hers any better. It only added to it. But deep down it gave her hope. Hope that maybe he did care. Perhaps he did love her this time…

  Her hands fisted, her nails biting into her palms until they drew blood. It helped to ease some of her inner turmoil, but only added to her utter disgust with herself.

  Without warning, her bedroom door opened and in sailed her mother, beautiful and looking more than a little pissed. Carina was a force of nature as she commanded Alexis to get up and dressed. She stormed around the room, tossing clothes and shoes at her daughter. “That is enough, Alexis. No more.”

  Melissa stood in the doorway, looking both regretful and hopeful as she watched. She hadn’t wanted to call Carina. Hadn’t wanted to put more stress on Alexis. But the girl was fading before her eyes. Max hadn’t put up much of an argument when she had made the call.

  Alexis got dressed without a word. She didn’t protest when her mother put her in her rental and didn’t even acknowledge the woman until she had pulled to a stop in front of a church just outside of the city. The church surprised her. Did her mother think talking with a priest would help? She turned questioning eyes to her mother. “What are we doing here?”

  “Meeting someone,” was all Carina offered as she climbed out of the little sports car and waited for Alexis to join her before continuing into the church.

  “Mother.” She couldn’t keep up with the woman as she walked ahead of her. “Hello!”

  “Oh, do be quiet, Alexis. Just come on.”

  Glaring at her mother’s back she walked as fast as she could with her crutches. Carina held the door open for her and then turned to confront her. “You need to know that I will completely sever the contract that I have with Nica—Monica Giordano if that is what you want. I had no idea that … But that isn’t the reason I brought you here. That isn’t why he is here.”

  Alexis’s head snapped around when she heard footsteps coming from behind her. Her heart skipped a beat when she thought it was Jared. But the man walking toward her with a noticeable limp and cane in hand wasn’t Jared, although there was a clear family resemblance. There was no way that anyone could not tell Jared was this man’s brother.

  “Ricco?” she murmured.

  He smiled. “Yes. Hello Alexis.”

  Her gaze went back to her mother. “What is this? Why is he here?”

  Carina shrugged. “This is a long overdue conversation.” She stepped back. “I’ll be outside in the car. Please, just hear him out, Alexis.”

&
nbsp; Feeling betrayed, she glared after her mother. When the door was shut behind her Alexis turned her glare on Ricco Giordano. “Nothing you say will make me take your brother back.”

  He thrust his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. “I’m not here for my brother. He and I have never been part of each other’s fan clubs. I just wanted to speak to you. Meet the girl who stole Jared’s heart…” He turned slightly and indicated one of the pews behind him. “Let’s sit, shall we?”

  She took a seat, scooting as far away from the man as possible. They were both quiet for a long while. She didn’t think he was ever going to speak and she wasn’t about to start the conversation. Finally, he let out a small laugh and shook his head. “I never thought I would be doing something like this.”

  “What?”

  “Defending my brother.” He snorted and ran a hand through his hair. “Can I tell you a story, Alexis?”

  “Only my mother calls me Alexis. You can call me Lexi.”

  He inclined his head. “Lexi then.”

  “I guess,” she said with a tired sigh. “Just know that I’m not going to…”

  Ricco shrugged. “That’s fine. I’m not expecting miracles. I just want to explain things to you.” He blew out a wary breath and indicated her crutches. “I don’t know if Jared told you, but I was in an accident myself. No one thought that I would ever walk again. None of the doctors in Italy were very optimistic. It was Nica who found Dr. Bradford for me. She made the first appointment that changed my life.”

  “Dr. Bradford is a very good doctor,” she murmured.

  “Yes. I agree.” He smiled. “But at the time I wasn’t very optimistic. Nica, she was only trying to help. Even then she loved me. Foolish woman.” But there was so much love in his eyes that Alexis had to look away. “Nica and Jared met first. They were friends—best friends. I was still married to my first wife when I met her for the first time. I don’t know if you believe in it or not, but for Nica and I, it was love at first sight.”

  “I have never gotten along well with my brother,” he continued. “He has always been the type of person who gets what he wants without trying very hard. So when Nica showed up in our lives it didn’t make our relationship any better. In fact, I think I hated Jared for a while. My first marriage was a mistake from day one. More like a business arrangement than love.” He seemed irritated each time he mentioned his first wife. As if the woman was an old wound that caused him pain just speaking about her. “A divorce was already being arranged when I first laid eyes on my Nica. But a week later I was in the accident and told I would never walk again.”

  “That must have been a very hard time.”

  “Yes. In fact, the next few years were a living nightmare. My divorce was drawn out longer than it should have been. I had to put all my energy into learning to walk again. And in the back ground was Nica, always there with Jared.” His jaw clenched. “I almost gave up.”

  She could understand that. There be were times when she felt like giving up too.

  “Once I was on my feet again I seemed to always be angry. I hated Nica and loved her all at the same time. I pushed her away.” His fingers combed through his hair in frustration at his memories. “And she always came back for more. She never gave up on me. I guess that was why I didn’t really worry about her and Jared.”

  “Then last year they announced their engagement.” His hands fisted at the memory. “It was the surprise of my life. And not a pleasant one at that. You see I had just come to the conclusion that I needed her in my life. I had even … Well we…” He broke off and looked away. “Anyway, when Jared and Nica told me they were getting married I thought my world had ended.”

  Again she could understand that.

  “For weeks they tormented me. She completely ignored my existence. Funnily enough, that only made me want her in my life more. So I set out to win her back.”

  “What happened then?” she found herself asking when he grew quiet, curious despite herself.

  “Nica miscarried our baby. That’s when it all came out. That she had asked Jared to pretend to be engaged.” His face was drawn as he spoke about the baby he and his wife had lost. “We made up. But Jared was acting like he was heartsick. I thought that maybe he was really in love with Nica. I was terrified to ask, because I wasn’t sure if I could handle hearing him say he was in love with the woman who owns me body and soul. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I told him that he couldn’t see Nica again.

  “He laughed in my face. Said he had bigger things to worry about than seeing Nica. His plan had backfired, he told me. That while I was getting to live my fairy tale ending his was a disaster. That was when I knew that it wasn’t Nica he loved.”

  His words helped to ease some of the pain from around her heart. But it didn’t erase the pain that was deeper that made her soul feel like it weighed a thousand pounds. She clenched her hands into fist. “Thank you for telling me, Ricco,” she whispered. “But you see, while he was putting your life in order, while he was picking Nica over me … I was going through things of my own. Things that I needed him to help me through.”

  “And did you tell him about these things?”

  “He was the reason for them. He left me and I fell apart. I went wild, actually. That’s how I ended up in the accident. My blood alcohol level was twice the legal limit…” She shrugged, trying to brush it off. “So you can imagine why it was a complete surprise when I woke up a week later to find out I had been six weeks pregnant.”

  His entire body jerked in reaction. “You were pregnant?” he whispered.

  She twisted her fingers together. “That’s what they told me. There was some brain damage and I don’t remember anything from the months leading up to the accident. And then when I had the accident, my pelvis was crushed. My uterus was torn to shreds. I lost the baby … and all hopes of having another one.” Tears leaked from her eyes and she dashed them away. “So even though I didn’t remember Jared, I knew there had been a man in my life. And for the first week I waited, and waited. Expecting the father of my child to show up. Every time my hospital door would open I would get this nervous, anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Was it him? Had he finally heard about my accident? Was I madly in love with him?”

  “After the first week I knew. I understood I wasn’t important to my child’s father. I didn’t know what had happened between us, but I knew he didn’t love me. Because if he did, how could he go a week, two, three without seeing me? How could he stand that distance between us?”

  “I couldn’t.”

  Alexis jumped at the sound of Jared’s voice coming from just behind her. She turned her head to find a pale, sick looking version of the man she loved. His entire body seemed to tremble as he stood there, gazing down at her with tears streaming from his face unashamedly.

  “I couldn’t,” he repeated. “Each day was an agony. I wanted to be with you. Craved to be in your arms, to have you in mine. But I had my father to deal with. He nearly died. And Nica ... Nica doesn’t matter though. None of it matters. I should have been with you. Never should have left your side for even a second.”

  “I was second best,” she whispered, turning away from him.

  “No! Never!” he exclaimed. “You have never been second to me.”

  “Your actions prove otherwise,” she cried and reached for her crutches. Unsteadily she stood. “I need to go.” Being this close to him was a bitter sweet agony. She wanted—needed—to be close. She couldn’t stand the closeness!

  “Lexis, please don’t leave,” Jared begged, stepping in her way. His voice was slightly hoarse, as if he had been crying for a while now.

  “I don’t want to leave,” she whispered, truthfully. “I don’t want to leave you …but… I don’t trust you. I don’t think I can ever trust you again.”

  More tears slipped from his eyes. “What can I do? How can I show you that you can? Tell me, Lexis. I’ll do anything.”

  She stood very still.
Her heart racing. God, how she wanted to just let him enfold her in his strong arms and take all her pain away. She loved him—would always love him! Was there something that he could do to make her trust him again? She swallowed hard. “Would you agree to never see Nica again?”

  He answered without hesitating. “Yes.”

  Some of the pain eased. “Will you be happy without ever having a child of our own?” It was an important question. For some people, even those madly in love, it could be a deal breaker for their relationship. She was struggling with it herself. Until she had found out she couldn’t have a child she hadn’t given it much thought. Afterwards … It seemed to haunt her thoughts. She wanted a child of her own!

  “As long as I have you, I have everything I need.” Again without hesitating, not even a flinch as he spoke the words.

  “Will you always put me first? No matter what?” It sounded selfish to her ears. No matter what? But still she needed to be first with him.

  Hope flared in his molasses eyes. “I’ll put you first until the day I die, dolcezza. You are my everything. Fuck, my very reason to breathe! I have been slowly dying inside without you.”

  She licked her lips. She knew that an Italian’s last name meant a lot to them. It was a thing of pride. It was why they wanted a male heir, so they could continue the name for generations to come. Her last name was Moreitti and not Shepard because her mother was just as prideful. “Will you marry me and take my last name?”

  He blinked, taken completely by surprise by her question. After only the smallest of hesitations he smiled and dropped to his knees. “Will you marry me, Lexis? Will you be my wife?”

  “Y-yes,” she whispered.

  A sob escaped him. With trembling fingers, he pulled something from his pocket and offered it to her. “I bought this months ago. It’s kept me at least partially lucid during the time I was away from you. When I saw it I knew it was made for you, my Lexis with her soulful eyes and generous heart. I had it sized and then kept it in my pocket. When I lay in bed at night, missing you to the point of pain, I would hold it against my heart and pray that you would one day forgive me.”