Monster Problems 2: Down for the Count

by R. L. Ullman

  I mean, if it was him, he was… in my head?

  Count Dracula was in my head!

  No, it couldn’t be. The last time I saw him, he was a shell of himself. His spirit had just been revived inside a mish-mashed skeleton of dead people. He was skin and bones, and whiter than a ghost. But it’s been months since then. He could be stronger by now. Much stronger.

  But why would he come here?

  Van Helsing is his greatest enemy. He’d be risking his own life coming to the Van Helsing Academy. But then I remember looking into his red, evil eyes, and watching his mouth curl into a sinister smile as he told me: ‘Until next time.’

  Does that mean he’s coming for me?

  I try wiping the thought from my mind, but it won’t go away. Suddenly, a burst of cold air blows through the tunnel and I shiver. That’s when I notice the vault door swaying on its hinges. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I mean, I never actually saw Dracula in my dream. Maybe it wasn’t him? Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me?

  But as I stare into the darkness beyond the open doorframe I get a curious thought.

  What’s on the other side?

  I step towards the dark opening but stop myself. This is all strange enough, do I really need to see what’s through the door too? Probably not, but as soon as I take a step backwards, my curiosity gets the best of me and I lunge forward, extending the lantern through the doorframe.

  SCREEEECCCHHHH!

  Suddenly, a million tiny creatures scatter up and away before my eyes!

  I jump backwards, my heart pumping like crazy, and I barely manage to hang on to the lantern. Those were bugs. Like, lots of bugs. But what were they doing there?

  And that’s when I notice the door opens into a hollow tree trunk. And in the middle of the tree trunk is an iron ladder, climbing straight up the inside of the twisted, hollowed-out tree!

  At first, I’m confused. Then, it clicks.

  This hollow tree must be a secret entrance from the outside—right into the basement of the Van Helsing Academy!

  I’m shocked. I mean, I didn’t know this entrance existed. But clearly someone did. And whoever knew, must have passed that information to Count Dracula!

  Okay, I think I’ve seen enough. So, I step back inside, slam the door closed, and lock the vault door.

  Well, I know one thing, no one else is getting in.

  But the question is, will I ever get out?

  SSSNNAAARRRLLL!

  The growl echoes through the tunnel and I spin around, but there’s nothing there.

  Two thoughts flash through my mind. One, there really is a three-headed monster. And two, the last kid who came down here never made it back.

  I feel like I’m gonna puke.

  Okay, I didn’t want to use my super-speed, but given present circumstances I may need to rethink my plan. I’m just here to snap a picture of one of the Artifacts of Virtue. I don’t care if it’s the bell, the book, or candle.

  But then again, maybe I should just abandon this little dare and get the heck out of here? After all, I’m definitely not interested in becoming someone’s lunch. I think the team would forgive me. They wouldn’t respect me, but they’d probably forgive me.

  Of course, if I did use my super-speed, I could jet through these corridors until I found one of the artifacts and take the stupid picture. But if I run into whatever made that noise, I might not have the strength to fight back. I don’t know what to do, but I do know one thing, I can’t just stand here.

  Just then, I hear pitter-patter noises behind me, like clawed feet walking across a hard surface, followed by—

  “…dangerous me said.”

  “Hear you me do but see if it made it, we must. Then reward we collect.”

  I lift my lantern high, and my jaw hits the floor. To my astonishment, I see a fat rat squeezing through a crack in the stone wall. And then I see a second one who is smaller but fatter than the first.

  Now, I’m no expert in rat identification, but these two look very, very familiar. And if they are who I think they are, then they owe me big time.

  “Done is job,” the large one says. “Me food reward now me want, not danger.”

  “Well, too bad, that is,” I say, speaking in my best rat. “Because danger you found.”

  The short one turns around and his eyes bulge out. “The pink one!” he yells. “Run!”

  The small one takes off, but I’m too fast for the larger one, grabbing him before he knows what hit him.

  “Let go!” he yells, trying to sink his claws in my hand.

  “Knock it off,” I say, tightening my grip. “Or squeeze I will and gone you be.”

  “Help!” the large rat yells.

  But the small one just stands there.

  “Help me you will,” I say. “Or friend goes bye-bye.”

  “So?” the small rat says, shrugging his shoulders.

  “So!” the large one says outraged, pointing down at his friend. “Save me you must!”

  “Must me?” the small rat says. “Care me don’t. Food more for me.”

  “What?” the large rat yells.

  But I’m not fooled. These two are scoundrels in crime. According to Van Helsing, they were the ones who sold me out to the Dark Ones after I was dumped into that kid dungeon at the New England School for Troubled Boys. It’s funny how long ago that seems now.

  Then, I realize something.

  If these two are walking around here so casually, they must know about the secret entrance. In fact, I bet they’re the ones who sold that information to Count Dracula! And come to think of it, I bet they’ve also been down here a million times, which means they probably know where other things are located too.

  Like the Artifacts of Virtue!

  But I know they won’t just tell me. These guys are mercenaries. If I’m going to get them to take me there, I’m going to have to negotiate a deal—even if I don’t intend to hold up my end of the bargain.

  “Okay,” I say. “No care for life of friend me see. But me have other things you may be interested in, like secrets.”

  “Secrets?” the small one repeats, his little ears perking up. “Of secrets what kind?”

  “Important secrets,” I say. “Secrets worth much food. Much, much, much food. But me no tell. Secrets too important.”

  “Much, much, much food?” the small rat says, his voice rising with excitement. “Me your secrets tell?”

  “Play you not,” the large one says. “Pink one me bite now.”

  But as he opens his mouth, the small rat and I both yell “No!”

  “Fool!” the small one yells. “No bite Pink One! Pink One has secrets worth much, much, much food. Secrets me want to hear.”

  “Fine,” the large one says, crossing his arms. “Me want much, much, much food also.”

  “Tell you me will,” I say. “But first me you help.”

  The small rat doesn’t respond and instead puts his hands on his hips. He looks like a furry teacup, but I can tell his tiny mind is churning. I need to be careful with this guy.

  “Okay,” he says finally. “Me help you. But then secrets tell you will.”

  “And me release!” the large one says. “Me release!”

  “Deal,” I say. “And me release only after you help.”

  “Okay,” the small one says. “What you want?”

  “Me want you to lead me to bell, book, or candle,” I say. “Me know you know where they are.”

  The two rats look at one another and break out into squeaky laughter.

  “What?” I say.

  “Nothing,” the small rat says suspiciously. “Show you we will. Hurry but you must.”

  I nod, and the small rat takes off like a mini rocket, heading back towards the tunnel entrance. I try to keep up, but the floor is uneven and I don’t want to drop the large rat or the lantern. Plus, I’m keeping a lookout for whatever made that growling noise.

  For some reason, heading back seems to take even longer, bu
t then, we suddenly exit the tunnel and I’m back in the main chamber. I’m more than relieved to see the stairwell leading upstairs again, and nearly talk myself into taking it, but I just can’t do it. Like it or not, I’m committed to seeing this through.

  “Left we go!” yells the large rat.

  “No!” the small one yells back. “Right it is.”

  “Right is taken,” the large rat complains.

  “Shut your snout,” the small one yells. “Me lead.”

  “Ohhh,” the large one finally says.

  “Um, what’s wrong?” I ask the large rat.

  “Oh, nothing,” he says casually. “All good.”

  The small rat enters the corridor diagonally to the right and I follow, but I can’t help but think that something, in fact, is not ‘all good.’ The large one made it sound like we’re going the wrong way. And what did he mean by ‘it is taken?’

  I know I can’t trust these rats, but it’s not like I’ve got a choice. Right now, I just have to go with the flow and hope my own fake secrets pay off.

  As we run through this tunnel, I realize how eerily similar it is to the one we just came out of. I mean, if you weren’t keeping track of where you’ve been, it would be impossible to tell one tunnel from the next. Nevertheless, we travel on for what seems like an eternity until we hit a feature that stops us cold—a rock wall blocking our path.

  “We here,” the small one says, pointing to the wall. “What seek you be through there.”

  “But that wall be rock?” I say confused.

  “No, Pink One,” he says. “Touch.”

  Since my hands are full, I lift my right leg, but when I try making contact with the rock, my leg passes right through. There’s nothing there. It’s an illusion!

  Of course it is.

  This basement has more tricks than a magic shop.

  “Now, tell secret,” the small one says.

  “And me release,” the large one says.

  “Um, no,” I say. “Me know not what is back there. You come me with, then me tell secret.”

  The rats shoot each other another look.

  Something’s up.

  “Very well,” the small one says. “Follow.” Then, he darts straight through the imaginary rock wall.

  I’m about to grill the large one but he turns the other way. Okay, he’s not giving up any info. Well, here goes nothing. I take a deep breath and then step through the rock wall.

  When we come out the other side I do a double take, because we’re no longer standing in a narrow tunnel, but rather in a large, stone chamber. And in the center of the chamber is a white pedestal, which is holding a green, glowing object.

  “The Bell of Virtue!” I exclaim.

  I-I can’t believe it. It’s real!

  It’s shaped like an upside-down cup, with an ornate handle that looks like a serpent wrapped around a pole. And the whole thing is surrounded by a translucent green glow. I can’t take my eyes off of it.

  “Now secret!” the small rat demands.

  “Right,” I say, snapping back to reality.

  Well, to my surprise, the rats delivered on their promise. Unfortunately, I’ve got nothing for them. I guess they can consider it payback for what they did to me. All I need to do now is snap a picture.

  I bend over and put down the large rat and the lantern. He immediately runs over to the small one and bops him on the head.

  “Hate you me do!” he says.

  “Ow!” the small one says, rubbing his noggin. “Now secret!” he demands.

  “Sorry,” I say, fishing in my pocket for the camera, “but there is no secret. Thanks for bringing me here. Now run along while you still have the chance.”

  “No secret!” they yell.

  “Surprising not.” the large one says with a chuckle. “Pink One think he fool us. But me fool him.” And then he pulls out my camera from behind his back.

  Huh?

  I reach into my pockets again, but the camera is gone! The rats start cackling again.

  “You fool,” the large one says. “Now you fight for life.”

  Fight for my life? What’s he talking about?

  GRRRRRRRRR!

  As soon as I hear the growl, I duck, just as something large jumps down from the ceiling and lands in a crouched position in front of the pedestal!

  “Luck good!” the small one yells.

  “No, luck bad!” the large one yells. “Luck very bad!”

  And as the rats scamper off with my camera, the creature in front of me rises and fixes me with its red, luminous eyes.

  I stumble backwards in shock.

  I-I can’t believe it.

  It’s… Tiger-boy?

  FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

  I don’t know what’s worse, facing an angry tiger-kid or being outwitted by a pair of rats!

  Well, I’ve got to hand it to them, those annoying vermin got me again. They knew Tiger-boy was hanging out in this chamber, and now they’ve run off with my camera, ending my chance to prove the Artifacts of Virtue are real.

  Awesome.

  After all of this effort, I’ll have absolutely nothing to show for it when I get back. Of course, there’s still the open question if I’ll even make it back. After all, Tiger-boy is standing between me and the Bell of Virtue, looking none too pleased to see me.

  What I can’t figure out is what he’s doing here in the first place? Did he come through the vault door? And if so, why?

  “You know,” I say, “we’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

  “GRRRRR,” he responds.

  “Okay, okay,” I say, raising my hands and taking a step back. “There’s no need to get testy here.”

  But then I realize something.

  Crawler said the Artifacts of Virtue guard the academy from evil. He said that nothing evil at heart could step inside their protective barrier. So, if the Bell of Virtue hasn’t moved from its pedestal, and the Tiger-boy is standing here, then maybe he’s not evil at all?

  I mean, he’s not attacking me now, and he didn’t attack me at Moreau Labs either. In fact, the only thing he did there was point me to Cat-girl.

  So, if he’s not evil, then maybe he’s good?

  I stare into his red-eyes and flash a friendly smile.

  “I just want you to know,” I say, “that we are taking good care of your friend.”

  His eyes widen, and that’s when I notice that he actually looks worse than before. His wheezing seems louder, and he’s got more bare patches in his fur.

  “We brought her here,” I continue. “To the school up above. She’s getting cared for by one of the best doctors in the world. She’s doing much better.”

  Tiger-boy opens his mouth to speak, but only a small growl comes out.

  “We can help you too,” I offer, stepping closer to him. “If you want us too.”

  “SNARRRRLLL!” he growls.

  I freeze. Well, clearly he doesn’t want to.

  “Okay,” I say. “No problem. Can you at least tell me who you are? Or what you’re even doing here? If you want to see your friend I can take you to her.”

  I wait for some kind of a response, but he just stares at me. And as I look into his eyes, I feel like he’s trying to connect with me. I feel like he wants my help. If I can just convince him to come with me…

  “Let me help you,” I say, slowly stepping towards him. “I have friends that can help you. Like Headmaster Van Helsing. He’ll be happy to—”

  RRROOOAAARRR!

  I try covering my ears, but his growl is deafening, echoing through the chamber. And then, to my complete surprise, he snatches the Bell of Virtue from the pedestal!

  “Wait!” I yell. “What are you—”

  But before I can finish my sentence, he jumps over my head and bounds through the rock wall illusion! For a nano-second I’m stunned, and then realization sets in. He swiped the Bell of Virtue!

  Without the bell, the school will lose its Supernatural protection from ev
il. I’ve got to stop him!

  I turn on super-speed mode and dash after him, but he’s nowhere to be seen. I mean, I’m fast but he seems to be even faster! And as I race through the tunnel, the only thing going through my mind is that I blew it.

  I’m the one who left that vault door open. I’m the one who failed to stop Tiger-boy. I’m the one who put the whole school in danger.

  Suddenly, I exit the tunnel back into the central chamber. I see the stairwell leading upstairs and the eleven other corridors. I spin around, searching for some clue as to which way he went. I scan the floor for footprints, pawprints, any prints, but I don’t see anything! And I’m so turned around I can’t even figure out which tunnel leads back to the vault door. Suddenly, I hear—

  SCREECH!

  SLAM!

  And after the echo subsides, there’s nothing.

  Tiger-boy went out the vault door.

  He escaped.

  And now there’s nothing left to do but go upstairs and face the music.

  ***

  Van Helsing’s face hasn’t moved a muscle.

  I mean, I literally just spent the last thirty minutes telling him all about the Howler’s dare, my venture into the forbidden basement, and how Tiger-boy ran off with the Bell of Virtue—and all he did was stare at me.

  Honestly, I don’t even know if Van Helsing is still breathing, but now that I’ve finished my tale, he hasn’t said a word. Instead, we’re all just sitting in his office in awkward silence. The Monstrosities are here, along with Crawler, and all I want to do is jump into Van Helsing’s raging fire.

  And while Van Helsing’s face is a study in stone, Crawler’s eyes are practically bugging out of his head. I already felt guilty enough, but now I feel even worse since I’ll probably get Crawler in trouble for telling us about the Artifacts of Virtue in the first place.

  I try reading Van Helsing’s steely expression to guess what he’s thinking. The last time we got in major trouble he let us set our own punishments. Something tells me he might think differently this time. Especially after listening to what I had to say.

  I mean, I pretty much told him everything, including being tricked by those rats, which I admit wasn’t one of my finer moments.