by Neil LaBute
GIRL Do you have a coaster or can I just use this plate? (Smiles.) Just wanna lighten things up a touch …
MAN Right, right! No problem.
GIRL You’re always so tense.
MAN I know. Can’t help it.
GIRL Well, it makes me jumpy, so …
MAN I understand.
GIRL Then stop.
MAN I’m trying, I really am. It’s not easy.
GIRL Try harder, then. (Beat.) People can do whatever they need to do, that’s a fact. If they want to. It’s that “mind-over-matter” shit, that’s what it is …
MAN True. I’ll … do my best …
GIRL You do that. And soon, ’kay?
He smiles and tries to settle back into the couch. She rearranges herself and they look at each other.
MAN Promise! I’ll look into it … (Laughs.) Anyway, I just like to spend a minute or two chatting when we can … we never get that much time to just, you know, talk or that type of thing. Really speak to each other … we always seem to get so caught up … in …
GIRL … you should buy another hour, then …
MAN Well, maybe you could gimme a break on the price! A deal of some sort …
GIRL I don’t think you get how this works.
MAN … I’m joking …
GIRL Oh, right. One of those kind that aren’t funny …
MAN Exactly! (Smiles.) Honestly, though … couldn’t we, I dunno, get lunch or something? Meet up at a park or maybe … I’m just talking about an afternoon here! That type of thing.
GIRL And what do you think my answer’s gonna be to that? Huh?
MAN Absolutely not. No chance in hell. (Beat.) Something like that?
GIRL You got it! (Looks around.) Hey, you wanna turn the air on … or a fan or something? (Beat.) Doesn’t matter to me but it feels kinda stuffy in here … so maybe …
MAN No, wait, listen to me, please. Why can’t we meet up some afternoon? (Beat.) Are you listening to me? Jennifer?
The GIRL stops suddenly and jumps to her feet, angry.
GIRL Don’t do that! Ok?!! Do not, or I am out the door and I’ll have that big dude out front—the guy you always wave to? Manny—I will have him come in here and put his foot up your ass!! You got that?!!! Up-your-ass … and he’s got a huge fucking foot!! I am not playing around with you anymore about this!! Not one more time!! YOU HEAR ME?!!
MAN … please … I was just …
GIRL DO YOU?!!!
MAN Yes. I understand.
GIRL Good … because that’s the last time you are gonna pull a fucking trick like that! You got that?! Huh?!!
MAN Sorry. I’m sorry … I just wanted to get your attention, but I wasn’t …
GIRL You can call me “Amber” or “little girl” or whatever the hell you’d like, but do not ever use that name again. Don’t use my name or, or, like, bring up where I’m from or any of that shit, because that’s none of your fucking business! Ok?!!
MAN Ok. I can see that.
GIRL You better. You had better “see” and get it right the next time or I’m out of this shithole! (Beat.) God!! You’re so … fuck, that pisses me off!!
MAN I didn’t mean to make you mad.
GIRL No?!
MAN Of course not.
GIRL Really?! How many times have you said my name before, huh? My real name?!
MAN … a … couple …
She shakes her head angrily and holds up some fingers.
GIRL How-many?
MAN I don’t know! (Beat.) Three, maybe? Three times …?
GIRL And how’d I feel about that? Each of those times, how did I react?
MAN You didn’t seem—you weren’t too crazy about it.
GIRL Exactly! I told you to never do it again and so you stop and I come back here and it’s all going fine until you try to lull me into some little comfort zone and then you try to slip it in again … like maybe this time she won’t notice! I mean, please! Just listen to what I’m saying here, ok?! Don’t-use-my-fucking-name again!!! Seems pretty simple …
MAN I won’t. I promise.
GIRL Yeah well, excuse me for being skeptical, but your promises seem to be written with invisible ink on Houdini’s ass!!
MAN I really will not do it again. Amber.
GIRL … great …
MAN I’m sorry. Honestly.
GIRL Fine. (Beat.) Shit, this whole thing has given me a headache. Some kind of ache, right here. (Points.) You got aspirin?
MAN I do, yes. Well, Tylenol … is that ok?
The MAN stands to go find a bottle in a nearby cabinet.
MAN Or Advil. I have both. Your choice …
GIRL What’ve you got, two choices for everything? It’s fucking aspirin!!
MAN Sorry, I just try to be … doesn’t matter. I’ll get you some.
He scurries over to another set of cabinets and searches around.
GIRL You wanna grab me four or so?
MAN Ummmmmm … that’s a lot.
GIRL Don’t act like my dad, alright? (Beat.) Just get the … pills …
MAN Fine. It’s your body …
GIRL That’s right. That is exactly right … it’s mine and I’ll do whatever the hell I want with it, including taking a therapeutic dose of painkillers when I need it!
MAN I’ll grab you four …
GIRL Thank you.
The MAN heads for the kitchen and keeps looking. He approaches that slick spot again and goes down to one knee—just catching himself. The GIRL laughs at this.
MAN Damnit!
GIRL Be careful … God, you are such a fucking doofus sometimes … seriously.
MAN It’s slick over here, that’s all!
GIRL Well, you did it last time … you can’t remember that for, like, twenty seconds? That it’s slippery there? Duh.
MAN I can, yes, of course I can … I just didn’t, so … I, I fell.
He bends over for a moment, brushing himself clean and picking lint off his trousers.
GIRL That’s dumb. Doesn’t make any sense …
MAN It’s … (Waves it off.) Nothing. Lemme just get the pills from the … I have a little first-aid thing here. (Searching around.) Where the hell is the … I have a woman who comes in and cleans and she …
The MAN reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a box that is stuffed with medical goodies—bandages, iodine, the works. He pulls out a bottle and counts out four pills.
He returns to the GIRL and drops the pills into her hand.
She gobbles them down, then chases it with a sip of her water. The MAN sits after this.
GIRL … thanks. That’s better.
MAN Really? They’re working already?
GIRL I was being metaphorical. Jesus, what do you think?
MAN I … you never know. I mean, with the way medicine is these days.
GIRL Come on! Nothing works that fast …
MAN I know, but … I was just being a little bit courteous. Alright? Showing a touch of interest in you …
GIRL Oh.
MAN Sorry.
GIRL No, that’s cool … I guess.
MAN They’ll work in a minute or two.
GIRL I know, I’m not stupid …
MAN Alright, alright.
They both sit back and wait for a moment—staring off into space and contemplating. Silence. After a moment, the GIRL looks at the MAN and puts her legs in his lap.
GIRL And don’t think I’m stopping the clock for this, ok?
MAN … no, I didn’t figure you would …
GIRL … alright then. (Beat.) Just so we’re on the same page.
MAN We are.
GIRL Great.
They sit in silence. The GIRL looking around the room.
The MAN sits and watches her. She notices and finally says something:
GIRL … it’s weird when you stare at me like that. I’m not being mean, but …
MAN I’m
sorry!
GIRL It’s alright. I’m just saying.
MAN I’ll stop.
GIRL It doesn’t make me mad or that sort of thing … it’s just weird. That’s all.
MAN I don’t mean to, it’s just … you’re …
GIRL I know.
MAN It’s hard not to. (Beat.) I can’t help but see you back when things were … you know. Before.
He steals another glance at her. She notices but doesn’t say anything this time around.
She checks her phone again. Texts while she says:
GIRL I get it and I’m not saying that you have to stop or anything … just …
MAN Thank you.
GIRL Welcome.
MAN … I’m …
GIRL … it’s unusual, that’s all. Not what I’m used to.
MAN I suppose that’s true …
GIRL Most guys, they’re so busy trying to get my panties down or their belts off, they don’t take a lot of time to look at my face. Not that much, anyway. I mean … after that first minute. Right when they open the door—check to make sure that none of their neighbors are watching or whatever—then they’ll glance at me, to make certain that I’m pretty enough or the kind of girl they imagined—young, that seems to be what most men want, someone young who still wants them—after that little second, though, they couldn’t care less who I am … all they wanna see is my ass or tits or, you know … to lay back and close their eyes. (Beat.) So it’s strange when you do that. Stare over at me. It is …
MAN I can’t help it. Not really.
GIRL I get it. (Beat.) So?
MAN You don’t have to say that …
GIRL Yeah, I do.
MAN No you don’t, you really don’t have to.
GIRL Time is ticking away here …
MAN I know, but … all I’m saying is, we don’t have to do anything, you know that, there is never a need for us to … I just wanna talk to you, that’s all. I want to speak with you and hear your voice, see if … I dunno, if you need anything or if I can be of some … whatever … service. Can I pass along a message … or maybe just …?
GIRL … what? “Maybe just” what?
MAN … you know.
GIRL Yeah, I do. I do know but I wanna hear you say it. (Beat.) Go for it.
MAN I’m … just asking …
GIRL I would like to hear you say it one more time, to see that you’ve got the balls to do that, to repeat it once more even when I’ve asked you, like, a million times not to. Over and over. So, go ahead …
MAN That’s alright. Forget it.
GIRL No, do it. Say it!
MAN I said last time that I wouldn’t, so …
GIRL But you want to! You wanna do it, so go on then. Say it. Seriously, show me that you’ve got at least that much inside … Go-on.
MAN Fine. (Beat.) Look … I want to get you, you know, out of here, out of this … life … that you’re … and get you back in school, or, or, or I’m not sure! God, just into some … other …
GIRL … yeah? What?
MAN I dunno!! Out, that’s all, start over or maybe go back home, something …
GIRL Huh.
MAN We’d pay for everything and it could be—I’m not gonna make up stories … it would be hard but we could do it—it’s a thing that I can see … working out … I’m just saying that I’d like to do that! For you.
GIRL You wanna save me, right?
MAN No! No, not “save,” but … just …
GIRL Say it. Say the words.
MAN … it’s not about “saving” you …
GIRL You-want-to-save-me, so say it then.
MAN Alright! I do, yes! If that means helping you then yes, I wanna help you … Amber.
GIRL Because why? Because you feel bad?
MAN I do … yeah. I feel bad.
GIRL For who? Me?
MAN Yes … for you, and not just you but for anybody who would find themselves in a … spot like this. This, this place.
GIRL I didn’t wake up here, you know. Like, up from some dream and I’m all bound and in a trunk headed to Saudi Arabia … I do it ’cause I want to. I like it. (Beat.) I do.
MAN No, come on … that’s … (Beat.) You can’t.
GIRL What the fuck do you mean?
MAN I’m saying you can do it … but like it? Want to do it? How’s that even possible?
GIRL Wow … you got in, like, three questions in a row that time. That’s a record …
MAN Come on, please! This is … very …!
GIRL No, you come on!! Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that? Anything like that?
MAN … you know who I am …
GIRL No, I don’t. I really don’t.
MAN I’m your … come on, I don’t wanna do this. Play this game.
GIRL Say it! Say it! SAY IT!!
MAN Ok, fine! I’m me. Gary, your uncle … that’s who I am. I am your Uncle Gary and I want to help you, Jenny …
GIRL Fuck it, I’m outta here! You blew it!!
MAN No, listen to me! Listen! Stop!!
GIRL NO!! (On her feet now.) I TOLD YOU!!
MAN Wait … STOP!! Jennifer!!
GIRL DON’T CALL ME THAT!! I’M NOT “JENNIFER!” SHE’S DEAD, JENNIFER IS DEAD AND I DON’T WANNA HEAR THAT FUCKING NAME EVER AGAIN!
MAN Alright, fine … I didn’t mean to …
GIRL My family killed her—do you get that?!! She’s not here! She’s gone! (Beat.) FUCK! SHIT!! I’m so fucking sick of your … why do you do this?! Huh?! Book me for these creepy … do you know what my dad would do if he knew the truth about all of this? Do you?!
MAN … yes.
GIRL … what he’d do if he found out that you know what I am and how I’m doing it and that you call me, that you actually ring up and book me to come over to your … do an outcall with you at least, what? Once a week? I mean, at least that often … do you have any idea?!! Huh?!!
MAN … but that’s because … that is because I’m …
GIRL He would cut your balls off!! Right off your fucking body!! YOU KNOW THAT!! YOU KNOW HE WOULD!!
MAN I do it so I can keep an eye on you … this is for you!!
GIRL I’ll bet.
MAN … what’re you saying?
GIRL I’m saying exactly what I mean.
MAN What?
GIRL You know … come on … “Uncle” Gary.
MAN I do this … “Amber” … so that at least somebody in the family knows you’re alive! From the very first you knew that. You’ve allowed me to say that I’ve seen you, that you’re ok and not off in some ditch or, or at a … meth house, or …
She laughs at this one. He doesn’t know much, this guy.
GIRL You mean crack house! Jesus, you’re such a classic. There’s no such thing as that, a “meth house.” You mean “meth lab?”
MAN Yes! Yes there is! I’ve watched it on the television, a place where they make, you know … meth. (Beat.) Is that a “meth lab?”
GIRL Yeah! And why would I be there? Huh? I’m not a chemist.
MAN Right, but you could be … you know!! One of those naked girls they use to stir up the … all the … I’ve seen it in movies!!
She laughs again.
GIRL Yep. That could’ve been me …
MAN You know what I’m saying! Shit! (Looking over at her.) Sorry, I don’t swear often, as you know, but this whole … thing … is just … it flusters me!! I’m … I’m …
GIRL I know. (Beat.) I get that.
MAN I haven’t told the truth to anyone—and I thought that you appreciated that, that I was winning your trust with it—because I understand the situation. Both sides. You have legitimate … things … that you have reacted to and … but he’s my brother … your dad is, he’s my brother and I’m here watching over you as best I can—yes, it might be unorthodox, what I’ve done, yes—but I’m trying. I am trying here. Not to scare you off and have you disappe
ar. Not to let them lose hope. I don’t know what to do! Most days it tears me up inside, I can feel my guts twisting around because of a secret that I have and I don’t want it … I don’t want to carry this around, all of this stuff I know about you, but I do! I pay you money … money that I do not necessarily have and, and I’ll sit here afterwards and I’ll just … cry, like when you say you’re off to another one of your meetings, I’ll just start weeping because I can’t stop it … I can’t tell anyone, so I just … yeah. I cry. (Beat.) Because I care about you “Amber,” I really do. You’ve made it clear what you’ll do if I tell your dad anything real about you and so I’d rather lie … I’d rather be doing this … than having no idea if you are alive or dead. (Beat.) So I guess we’ll just keep on following the … I would buy every day, every hour with you if I had the money, if I could afford that, to keep you off the streets! But I can’t, and it makes me sick that I can’t but that’s just the way it is right now. “Amber.” (Beat.) … do I have to keep using that stupid name? It’s so silly … I mean, even when we’re … just … here?
GIRL … yes. (Tears in her eyes.) You do. Yes.
MAN Fine. “Amber.” (Beat.) I guess you should go now, or … whatever. I’m sorry to make this so … you know. Dramatic.
A frozen moment for both of them. They’re unsure how to go on now.
GIRL … ok. (Checking her phone.) We still have twenty minutes.
MAN I know, but … I’m …
GIRL I mean, “better here than there” … right? Isn’t that what you always say?
MAN Usually. Something stupid like that.
GIRL Ha! It’s only kinda stupid. (Beat.) You’re not so bad, I guess … for an “uncle.”
MAN Thanks. Thank you.
GIRL Welcome.
They sit back together on the couch. Closer now than they were before. After a moment, she yawns. Twice, even.
MAN Tired?
GIRL Kinda. Late night.
MAN I’m not asking …
GIRL Probably for the best. (Smiling.) See? You’re learning.
MAN Yep.
GIRL I’m just gonna rest a minute, ok?
MAN Sure.
GIRL I got a busy day, so …
MAN Then you should. Go ahead. Rest.
GIRL Thanks.
Without asking, she lays her head in the MAN’s lap.