February Or Forever

by Juliet Madison

  Drew pushed out a heavy breath and swivelled side to side, uncertain what to do next. He was so used to being on the move he’d forgotten how to just be. Lunch? He probably should eat, but he didn’t have much of an appetite. Nah, he needed to get out in the fresh air, wake himself up, get moving. As long as he didn’t get close enough for anyone to recognise him, it’d be okay.

  He closed the door behind him to the yoga studio and went to his room, grabbing his sunglasses from the bedside drawer and plonking a baseball cap on his head. The usual celebrity camouflage. At least the weather was warm and the sun was strong, he’d need them anyway. Winter’s camouflage was a beanie and scarf, and growing a bit more stubble than usual.

  He jogged down the stairs, his feet barely touching the floor, and exited through the private entrance that led out to the side of the building. He walked quickly along the pebbled pathway that curved around a row of trees, his bare feet dimpling with hundreds of tiny round stones, until it opened up into a grassy area. He jogged along to the left until the grass merged with sand, and he traipsed across the sand dunes and onto the flat sand below. A handful of people were on the beach further south, gradually minimising as he went in the opposite direction.

  The north end was more rugged a landscape; long stems of sand grass shot up from the ground, twigs and shells scattered themselves around, and jagged rocks traced the back of the beach, curving into a huge mound as the shore narrowed to mark the end of the beach. He jogged up to this point, then dropped to the ground and did as many push-ups as he could until his muscles urged him to stop. One more, he told them silently. He liked to push himself a little further each time, that was how he kept his body in top condition, never letting his muscles adapt or get out of a challenge. Spontaneous, organic exercise outdoors was his favourite, though he often only had time and opportunity for sessions at the gym. Drew stepped onto a low rock, lumpy but not hard enough to cut his feet, and rapidly stepped on and off it like he was in a step class. Up, down, up, down, his thighs burning with each step. Ah, that’s what I’m talking about. Yoga was great, but nothing beat a bit of hardcore working out. He knelt down and placed his toes on the rock, pushing his arms into a push-up position again, and went in for another set. His raised feet put extra weight on his upper body, and he pumped up and down, sweat trickling off his face and forming tiny blobs on the sand.

  He stood, hands on hips, panting, and glanced at the rock formation next to him. Yep, I can do that. He grabbed hold of some protruding rocks and pulled himself up, placing his foot on a concave part, then his other foot higher up, gripping and grabbing and pulling. He reached the top and scanned the magnificent stretch of horizon from his vantage point. Man, he missed this. Missed getting out in nature and going with the flow. He turned to the left, his focus resting on the old double-storey beach house that’d stood the test of time. Its white weatherboard exterior, faded and peeling from the salty air, like an elderly person whose wrinkly skin had seen many summers. The house was in a prime secluded location, with its own backyard pocket of beach as the rocky hill gave way and opened up to let the sandy shore spread up towards the house.

  He glanced at the ocean, its rippling waves hypnotising him for a moment, then turned back to face the house where someone sat on the verandah. A woman. Her head was buried in her hands, and a long blonde ponytail dangled over her shoulder.

  Chrissie? She lives there?

  Drew felt suddenly self-conscious, like he was intruding, even though technically he was standing on public property. Is she okay? He hesitated on the rocky ledge, unsure whether to go over and talk to her or leave before she noticed him. Before he could decide, she turned to the left and picked up a phone, bringing it to her ear. She got up and tucked a strand of hair behind her other ear, and walked around the side of the house, obscuring his view.

  Intrigue wound its way around Drew’s spine as he climbed back down the rocks.

  What’s her story?

  He had twenty-six days to find out.

  * * *

  Chrissie wandered around the other side of the house, careful not to let Kai hear her speaking. ‘Thanks for calling me back, I know you’re busy.’

  ‘Are you kidding? Talking to my best friend takes precedence over research any day. I’m neck deep in work here and my brain was starting to fry, your call was just what I needed to give me a break from the daily grind,’ said Melinda. ‘So, what’s up? Your voice message sounded…strained.’

  Chrissie had been close to tears, but as usual, held them back in front of Kai. ‘Oh, it’s just Kai.’ Chrissie glanced through the side window at her supposedly sick but totally faking it son as he lay on the couch and listened to an audio book. ‘I don’t know what to do. He hates going to school, every morning here is like PMS on steroids, and today he pretended to have a tummy ache so I’d pick him up early from school.’ She rubbed her palm against her forehead as a headache formed. ‘I had to leave work early, and there’s no way I can keep doing that. He’s so grumpy when he has to do anything he doesn’t want to do.’

  ‘That’s kids for ya.’ Melinda chuckled. ‘But Kai has been through a bit of stress lately, he’s probably just feeling insecure.’

  ‘He’s not the only one.’

  ‘Have you talked to his teacher?’

  ‘Only briefly at school drop off and pick up. She says he’s quiet but goes along with everything okay. I wish they’d watch him better at lunch though, he hardly eats anything.’

  ‘Let me guess, you pack apples, healthy sandwiches and raisins?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Sometimes you’ve just gotta chuck a packet of chips in there, hun, if only to make sure he eats something.’

  ‘I don’t want to get him used to eating junk, I can’t bribe him with treats all the time.’

  ‘What about once a week? Tell him if he goes happily to school every day he’ll get chips in his lunch box on Fridays.’

  Ever practical, Melinda. She had to be, working from home as a freelance journalist with a four-year-old and a two-year-old as office colleagues.

  ‘I guess that’s not a bad idea.’ Chrissie nibbled on her bottom lip. ‘So rewards, not punishment works best, huh?’

  ‘I think so. Give them something to look forward to.’

  Something to look forward to…Chrissie knew what she looked forward to; the day when Kai smiled and waved at her at school drop off, the day when she could leave the beach house and move somewhere not so close to the ocean, and of course, tomorrow, when she’d see Drew Williams again.

  ‘Also, tell him how grown up he is when he does something good. Give him a bit of extra responsibility — that’ll raise his self-esteem.’

  ‘Have you turned into Dr Phil?’

  ‘I wrote an article on it last month. Haven’t you read it?’

  Chrissie hadn’t had the time or concentration to read lately, her mind provided enough drama as she lay in bed mulling over things. ‘No, but I’ll have to. Send me the link.’

  ‘Already did, last month. Don’t worry, I’ll send it again in case it drowned in the deluge of emails that is your inbox.’

  ‘So, rewards and responsibility. Should I have him cook dinner once a week?’ Chrissie added a hint of sarcasm to her voice.

  ‘Worth a try! Nah, seriously, it doesn’t have to be big, just something new. What about…does he catch the bus to school?’

  ‘Nope. It comes by the far corner of our street, but he won’t do it. I have to drive him, and even that’s a struggle.’

  ‘Try and build up to it. Take him to the bus stop and let him see the other kids get on, then get in the car and follow the bus so he can see where it goes and the kids arriving at school. Do that a few times until he’s used to it and then see if he’ll get on. Tell him it’s what big kids do.’

  ‘I think he’s quite happy to be a little kid at the moment. But I’ll try.’

  ‘That’s the spirit.’

  Thank God for Melinda. She was so go-w
ith-the-flow and down to earth. She was like the sister she…the sister she…well, the sister she once had. At least, that’s what Chrissie imagined her sister would have turned out like had Danielle lived beyond the age of eleven. Would they have stayed close? Maybe she would have had her own kids by now, and Kai would have cousins. But it wasn’t to be. Kai would never know his aunt, nor his grandparents. There were Victor’s parents of course, but they weren’t the grandparenty types. They were all ‘don’t touch that’ and ‘keep your voice down’ and ‘don’t interrupt the adults when they’re talking’ kind of people. They were about as warm as a winter’s morning.

  If only Mum was here to talk to, to ask her advice on motherhood. Chrissie’s mind wandered, remembering her mother’s soft eyes and sweet voice. Unfortunately, along with those memories came memories of the bags under her eyes and her voice straining to speak through the weakness of her final days. Hot tears threatened behind Chrissie’s eyes and she clamped them tight.

  ‘Chrissie?’ Melinda asked.

  ‘Yes, I’m here. Sorry, was just thinking.’

  ‘Look, I know you’ve been through a ton, but just take each day as it comes. You can do this. You’re strong. You’re a great mother.’

  Chrissie’s heart doubled over at her friend’s kind words. She didn’t feel strong sometimes, and if she was such a great mother then why was Kai so difficult and whingey?

  ‘And,’ Melinda continued, her tone lightening. ‘You’ve got a damn good figure. I’d kill for your legs!’

  ‘Oh, stop it!’ She giggled, walking around to the back of the house, her gaze wandering across the horizon over the large rocky hill.

  ‘So, plan of action: chips on Fridays, give him responsibility, and give him some kind of reward here and there to look forward to. Got it?’

  ‘Got it.’

  ‘Good.’

  Chrissie wouldn’t have been surprised if her friend typed up an action plan with tick boxes and emailed it to her.

  ‘So, how’s the new job? Any cute guys there?’

  Chrissie’s toe caught on one of the loose floorboards on the verandah and she stumbled forward. ‘Um…’

  ‘Well, is there?’

  ‘There’s a male yoga teacher, Damon, but he’s, um, well I guess he’s okay but I haven’t really thought of him like that. He might even be gay, I’m not sure.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And what?’

  ‘There’s only one guy working in the whole retreat? What about the massage therapists? The chefs?’

  The guests?

  ‘Well, there are a few other guys, but…’ God, she so wanted to tell her. The words hovered on the edge of her tongue, tingling and twirling and desperate to be spoken. Maybe she could just mention there was a celebrity and not say who? No, Chrissie! You signed a legal form, for crying out loud! And Melinda was a journalist. Not that she’d betray a friend’s trust in order to sell a story, but Drew obviously wanted his visit to Tarrin’s Bay to remain private for some reason, and Chrissie had to respect that and stick to her agreement. ‘No. No one of interest.’ God that was painful. The one person she was dying to tell and she couldn’t even hint at it.

  ‘Oh well, keep an eye out, you might meet someone around town. And if you do, I’m the first to know, right?’

  Chrissie hated being dishonest, but what could she do? Anyway, it’s not like she’d ‘met someone’. She was just teaching him for the month, and then he’d be gone. Back to the States, out of her life, like he was never in it. She might not even be allowed to tell anyone about it, ever. ‘Sure, yep. Anyway, how are you going?’ Her voice became high-pitched. ‘Kids well?’

  ‘All’s good here. Nothing new to report. Just the usual chaos.’ She laughed. ‘Damn, someone’s at the door. Can I call you back?’

  ‘Don’t worry, Mel. You better get back to your research. I’ll be fine.’ And I can’t handle talking to you another minute without spilling the goss.

  ‘Well, if you’re sure. Text me if you need me.’ Footsteps sounded through the line. ‘And I’ll try to come down for a visit in a few weeks.’

  ‘Sounds good.’

  ‘Bye, hun.’

  Chrissie ended the call and stepped back into the house. She held a hand to Kai’s forehead to double-check he really wasn’t sick, then took her laptop from its bag and placed it on the kitchen table.

  She sat and opened up the search engine. Hopefully Google could find something for Kai to look forward to as a reward. The local paper would be out tomorrow and might have some ideas for kids’ activities in the town, but she never usually read the papers. Not since leaving her journalism career. It was too easy to get sucked in again, and she couldn’t risk that.

  Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. Without thinking she typed Drew Wil, then gasped. What am I thinking? She tapped backspace eight times, erasing her stupidity. She’d never succumbed to celebrity gossip and wasn’t about to start now. If she wanted to know anything about Drew Williams she could bloody well ask him herself. Chrissie glanced around and shifted in her chair, as though she was a schoolgirl doing something naughty when the teacher wasn’t looking. Then she typed Fun activities for kids in Tarrin’s Bay.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Do we have any packets of chips?’

  Chrissie rolled her eyes and sighed. Kids. ‘No, and even if we did I wouldn’t let you have any right now, young man. I’m either going to take you back to school or you can eat the grapes I put on the coffee table. What’ll it be?’

  Kai tentatively reached over and plucked the grapes from the plate, slinking back down behind the backrest of the couch as though pretending to be invisible.

  She scrolled through the search results then clicked on a link. Aha! This might be just the thing.

  Chapter 7

  Chrissie walked up the stairs, each step in time with her heartbeat, then took a deep breath as she travelled along the hallway. She plucked her phone from her bag and turned it to silent. There was no way Kai was interrupting today’s work. Besides, with any luck the bribe she’d offered him would do the trick and there’d be no morning dramas. At least for the rest of the week. She’d have to come up with a new bribe for next week. Chrissie returned the phone to her bag as she entered the yoga studio, then looked up to find Drew standing at the window.

  ‘Oh, good morning. You’re early,’ she said.

  He turned to face her. ‘Glad you’re here. I wasn’t sure if you’d make it in today. How is your son?’

  ‘He’s fine. All good now.’ She would feel silly if she told him the truth.

  ‘That’s a relief. Glad he’s okay.’ Drew stepped closer, genuine concern on his face.

  Oh man. Who was she kidding? She didn’t have a dishonest bone in her body. ‘Actually, he wasn’t really sick. He was putting it on to get out of school.’ Warmth flushed her face.

  Drew’s mouth opened and he tipped his head back a little. ‘Ahh, I see. A future actor, perhaps?’

  ‘Could be.’ She grinned.

  ‘Well, he’s not the first kid to pull the old “tummy ache” trick. I think I did that at least a dozen times when I was a little critter.’

  ‘Really?’ Chrissie had never faked illness. She was always the good girl, going along with everything. ‘You don’t seem like the type to try to get out of hard work.’

  He chuckled. ‘Music and yoga are one thing. Mathematical equations and memorising the periodic table are a whole other matter.’

  ‘True.’ She plonked her bag on the corner table. ‘Although I think I did have the periodic table memorised at one point. Not that I remember it now. I clearly didn’t need it for my career.’

  ‘I’m impressed. I think I got as far as Lithium then forgot the rest.’

  ‘Beryllium. That’s the next one, then…’ What was she doing? Why act like a complete know-it-all nerd? You’re here for yoga, Chrissie. Do your job! ‘Um, some other element.’ She released a laugh.

  �
�See, you didn’t forget. It’s amazing what we can remember years later. Let me guess, you still know all your times tables?’

  Was he teasing her? The slight crease at the corner of one of his eyes glinted and that warm feeling rushed onto her face again.

  ‘I guess so. I haven’t tried to recall them. Though I’m sure I’ll be helping my son soon enough.’ She absolutely did remember them all. Plus she had a times tables magnet stuck to the fridge, ready and waiting for Kai when the time came. Maybe it would filter into his subconscious in the meantime and help the process along. ‘But I do remember my yoga terminology and poses, luckily.’

  ‘I would hope so. Otherwise you could be feeding me a ton of gobbledygook and I’d be none the wiser.’ Damn that glint in his eye, it was doing weird things to her insides.

  ‘Don’t worry, you’re safe with me.’ She smiled, and thought she noticed a hint of something serious in his expression, like her comment had triggered a memory. He looked away, then back again, his gaze dropping subtly to her left hand.

  ‘So, does your son have any brothers or sisters?’ Was that an indirect way of asking if she was married? Though if he’d overheard her talking to the teacher on the phone and correcting her last name, he probably suspected she wasn’t.

  ‘No. It’s just Kai and me.’

  ‘Nice name.’

  ‘Thanks, I think so. Short and sweet.’

  Drew slipped his hands into his track pants pockets. ‘Does Kai see his father?’