February Or Forever

by Juliet Madison

  * * *

  Drew stayed in the shower for well over twenty minutes that night, the hot water reddening his skin, not wanting to leave its comfort. How did things go so pear-shaped? This month had been going so well, and as soon as the media found out where he was, all hell broke loose, mostly in the form of Jolene. He would have been happy to stay in his happy bubble at Serendipity a lot longer, away from the prying eyes and gossip. He barely had a chance to get any privacy, and even when he did, this happened.

  ‘You let them get to you,’ Chrissie had said. She was right. He had. Too many years of putting up with their lies, and it had all compounded into a big clump of irritation. How did he get to this point? If the yoga classes had taught him one thing, it was that no matter what was going on in the world, you could choose to be in peace any moment you wanted. The bad stuff would still be out there, but what was the point in letting it get to you? It didn’t change anything. Jolene was gone. His name wouldn’t be tarnished. Why should he let what had been and gone affect him now?

  Sure, it had hurt that Chrissie had doubted him, but it sort of made sense that it was her mind’s way of giving her an excuse to bail out on their relationship. She was, first and foremost, Kai’s mother, and children needed a stable home life. Tonight’s goings on were far from stable.

  He thought back to what he’d said to her, the way he’d taken his anger and frustration at Jolene’s unexpected appearance out on her, bashing her former profession. It wasn’t fair, and he hated the way he was with her tonight. If only the day could rewind so he could start over. He thought of Chrissie’s beautiful face the first day they’d met, and then her face tonight, creased and annoyed and sad…

  Drew thumped his fist on the shower tiles. He did that to her. He’d allowed things to get to him and she’d become collateral damage. He buried his face in his hand, squeezing his eyes shut, as regret seeped through his fingers and hot water scorched his back.

  Chapter 25

  Chrissie didn’t think she’d get a minute of sleep on Friday night, but surprisingly, she slept like someone who’d just run a marathon. In a way she had, an emotional marathon, and she had yet to make it to the finish line, if there even was one.

  Without Kai at home to take care of this weekend, breakfast merged into brunch, and Chrissie could barely move from the dining table. As she often did when overwhelmed, she wrote down lists and plans, giving her a sense of control about her life. She knew she had to get help again for the panic attacks and water phobia, and get Kai into swimming lessons; it was unfair for her issues to become his. One thing that no lists or plans could help her deal with, though, was Drew. And she couldn’t even talk to anyone about it, that was what made it so hard. When her love life got rocky, she could always turn to a friend like Melinda and talk it through.

  Chrissie tapped her pen on the table, then remembered that Drew’s presence in town had already been discovered. And anyway, he was leaving in less than forty-eight hours. She’d done her bit, kept quiet, but it wasn’t really relevant anymore.

  Stuff it! She picked up her phone and did what she’d been dying to do all month.

  ‘Chrissie, how are you hun?’ Melinda’s voice was welcoming as always.

  ‘Do you have a bit of time?’

  ‘I have kids wandering around and being noisy but I can talk. What’s up?’

  Where to begin?

  ‘Um, there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about all month, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy. I don’t think it matters now, so I’m going to go ahead and tell you.’

  Melinda sucked in an anticipatory breath. ‘Ooh, do tell! You’re not pregnant are you? Or getting back with Victor?’

  ‘No, no, nothing like that,’ Chrissie replied. ‘Oh, but firstly, I want to apologise for lying to you last Saturday.’

  ‘You lied to me? What about?’

  ‘I didn’t really need any milk, when you came to visit. At least, not until I tipped out the milk I had left so you wouldn’t get suspicious.’

  ‘Milk? Why would you need to lie about milk? What’s that got to do with…hang on, did you have something there that you didn’t want me to see and needed to hide? A present perhaps?’ Her voice was laced with curious hopefulness. Bless her.

  ‘No, not something…’

  Melinda was quiet for a moment then gasped. ‘Do you mean, someone?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘But Kai was there too, surely you couldn’t have been having a secret rendezvous with some guy while he was in the house? Ooh, was it the other yoga teacher?’

  ‘Damon? No!’

  ‘Then who?’

  ‘Okay, I better backtrack a little. I just wanted to apologise first about the milk thing, I felt bad.’

  ‘Oh Chrissie, every now and again we need to tell a little white lie, it’s no biggie. Forget about it, I’m sure you had a good reason. Now spill, girlfriend.’

  Chrissie gulped and cleared her throat. ‘At the start of the month I was allocated an important job at work, private yoga instructor to a V.I.P. guest, and all was going great until I blurted out about my sister’s death and lost it in front of him, and then we kissed on the beach one night and then again during class and I could have lost my job if anyone found out, and then we even danced together to Dirty Dancing music which was wonderful but then his father had a heart attack and everything went downhill after that and I found out a scandal involving him and thought the worst and now he’s angry with me and he’s leaving on Monday so we can’t be together and I don’t know what to do because…’ She finally inhaled a deep breath, ‘…because I think I’ve fallen in love with him.’

  The words she’d spoken shocked her, an uncertain vulnerability shook her from within. She wasn’t supposed to say that. She was supposed to say she was going to try and move on and focus on her and Kai, not that she loved him. How could she love someone after only four weeks?

  ‘Mel?’

  ‘Holy freaking hell,’ she whispered. ‘I think I caught most of that, but you’ve been holding all this in, all month?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Who is he? Who have you fallen in love with? Who did you kiss and dance with and whatever else it was you said?’ she asked with urgency.

  Chrissie thought of his smiling face, his sculpted body and his soulful voice. The memory of his gentle touch on her face when she’d cried after hearing his new song, Breathe, when he’d told her she was beautiful too. The charming, wonderful man who taught her son how to use a yo-yo, and helped her paint the house. How could she have even considered, for the briefest of moments, that he wasn’t who he’d shown himself to be? She shook her head at the lapse in judgment and her chin trembled.

  ‘Drew Williams,’ she said.

  A clunk sounded on the line, then a muffled sound, as though Melinda had dropped the phone.

  ‘Mel?’

  ‘Did you just say Drew Williams?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘As in, hot singer from Down Under, multiple Grammy award winner Drew Williams?’

  ‘The one and only.’

  ‘Are you having me on?’ She laughed.

  ‘No, I swear, Mel. He was here that day and I couldn’t let you see him. I signed a legal form to not let his presence in town be known, because he was hiding out from a media scandal involving his ex-girlfriend — which was a bunch of lies by the way — and wanted some peace and quiet for a month.’

  ‘You kissed Drew Williams?’ She sounded like a teenage girl.

  ‘Mel! Yes, I kissed him, yes we danced, and yes…he’s the one I’ve fallen for.’

  ‘I think I’m going to faint.’ Mel’s voice was quiet. ‘I can’t believe it. He’s, I mean, he’s super awesome, I love his music, and oh my God, that body. You…and him?’

  ‘It’s all true.’

  ‘If I wasn’t your friend I’d be writing up an article right now.’ She laughed. ‘I’m sorry, you’ve taken me by surprise. Oh hun, what a month! And he’s leaving soon?
But you love him? How does he feel about you?’

  ‘The last time I spoke to him, last night, we had a huge argument. I won’t go into the details but he’s pissed that I let myself get sucked into his ex’s story and wasn’t sure who was telling the truth. Then I got angry because he suggested I was trying to get the inside gossip on him and sell it to my journo friends, and I stormed out.’

  ‘Apart from all that, is he as nice as he seems?’

  Chrissie closed her eyes for a moment. ‘Mel, he’s better than I could have imagined. In every way. Oh my God, what am I going to do?’

  ‘You have to see him, talk to him, before he goes. Don’t leave it like this,’ she urged. ‘Even if it can’t continue — because I hate to say it — he lives a whole different life on the other side of the world, hun, but at least leave things on a good note. Write it off as a secret fling. Cherish the memories.’

  ‘I hate that what you’re saying is true.’

  ‘So, um, did you,’ she dropped her voice to a whisper, no doubt from kids being in her vicinity, ‘sleep with him?’

  ‘Mel!’ Chrissie’s face burned. ‘No, I didn’t. It didn’t get that far, but…oh man I wanted to. I think he did too.’

  ‘What stopped you?’

  ‘Common sense? Knowing it could make things extremely awkward? I don’t know. I didn’t want to seem like the fan girl groupie, and I think he didn’t want to be seen as the womaniser celebrity. Which he’s not. He’s really sweet, and caring, and great with Kai. I even met his parents and I’m friends with his sister.’

  Melinda laughed. ‘All this, in only one month? Your life could be a book, Chrissie.’

  ‘Ha, don’t I know it.’

  ‘If he introduced you to his family, that’s really saying something. Maybe I jumped the gun. Maybe he’s wanting to spend more time back home. I don’t know. But what I do know is you need to talk to him.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘Let me know what happens, okay? And hun?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I know this is no consolation, but if it doesn’t work out, just remember, I’ll always love you.’ Chrissie could hear the smile in her voice.

  She was right, it was no consolation in terms of Drew, but in another way, it was even better. ‘I’m so lucky to have a friend like you, have I ever told you that?’

  ‘You just did.’

  Chrissie farewelled her friend and clicked on Drew’s name in her contacts list. She flinched when a text message appeared on the screen, beating her to it.

  I’m hoping we can talk sometime before I leave. I’m dealing with family stuff today, so Sunday? Don’t want to leave things the way they are. Drew.

  Chrissie’s hand shook when she typed in her reply. She wanted to say so much but though it best to wait till they were face to face.

  I don’t want to leave things the way they are either. I’ll talk to you on Sunday. Chrissie.

  She left out the kiss symbols. Sunday would tell her if she’d be able to use them ever again.

  * * *

  ‘Thanks Drew, it’s been awesome having you here.’ Gemma’s jewellery jingled as she leaned forward and hugged her uncle.

  ‘It’s been awesome being here. I’m so proud of you, you’re getting better and better. But remember what we talked about, yeah?’

  ‘Yeah. Your advice makes a lot of sense. Thanks.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ He’d given her a good rundown of the industry. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Hopefully he’d managed to fuel her desire to stay true to her passion, but also give her a realistic view of what could lie ahead too. He’d arranged some assistance for her to get a demo album recorded professionally, telling her to go ahead once she had at least seven songs of her own, since her songwriting ability was quite impressive. She could always sing covers at gigs, but the earlier she established her own unique flavour, the better. The industry could easily influence young talent to go a certain way in order to make money, and although there were positive sides to that, he’d learned what was most important was being true to the artist you wanted to be, and being yourself both on stage and off.

  Sarah kissed him on the cheek. ‘Thank you, bro. Don’t stay away too long.’

  ‘I won’t. I have to come back and see my new niece or nephew when they’re born.’

  Sarah patted her stomach. ‘Still can’t believe it.’ She shook her head.

  Gemma patted her mother’s stomach too. ‘I can’t believe I was in there once. How bizarre.’

  ‘And now look at you!’ Sarah said.

  ‘Crazy huh? I wonder what my brother or sister will be like. Maybe they’ll be a singer too, who knows?’

  ‘Time will tell. And time is getting away from Drew, so we better let him get a move on, with only one and a bit days left here.’

  ‘Well, this is probably it.’ Drew clapped his hands together. ‘I’ll call you when I get back to the States. Look after yourselves, and look after Dad for me.’

  ‘We will.’

  Drew held his sister’s gaze, and she must have known what he was thinking, because she gave him a single nod. She would look out for Chrissie too.

  He hugged his sister and Gemma and Sam, gave Liam a handshake and a man-hug, and they waved in the doorway as he walked out. His mum had done the same thing earlier today, but not his dad. He had remained in his armchair and he’d said his goodbyes there. ‘I’ll be right,’ he’d said. ‘I have to be. I can’t let your mother keep doing all the cooking.’ He’d winked and they’d shared a chuckle. Dad taking it easy was new to Drew. But he knew the seriousness of the situation and would do what he was advised to do. Drew knew that his father would be back on track in no time, though, cooking and exercising and putting his health up high on his list of priorities. The shock of the situation had really put life into perspective for Drew, and the big picture of everything had been on his mind for the last week.

  Before he got on his bike, he checked his phone. Nothing new, but he glanced at the email from his manager again. He had some decisions to make, and the pros and cons of each swung back and forth in his mind.

  He took hold of the handlebar and rode off. There was one more stop he wanted to make before he went back to Serendipity for a quiet Saturday night, so he turned off in the other direction and arrived at Barry’s red brick house, sandwiched in a street between the contrast of the retirement home and the fitness centre.

  Drew didn’t know if Gemma’s father would be home, but knocked on the door anyway.

  The door opened and Barry’s eyes widened. ‘Drew. What are you doing here?’

  ‘Just on my way back from Sarah’s, thought I’d drop in to say goodbye.’

  ‘When do you leave?’

  ‘Monday.’

  ‘Right.’ He rubbed at the back of his neck. ‘Want a beer or anything?’

  ‘No, better not drink and ride.’ He pointed to his bike and offered a feeble smile. ‘Anyway, a lot’s happened while I’ve been here, and ah, I wanted to say that whatever affected our friendship, I’d love it if we could just put it behind us. If not for our sake then for Gemma’s. The past is the past. I know you cared about Sarah back then, but when you left her to raise a baby on her own, well, you know how I felt about that.’

  Barry shoved his hands in his pockets. ‘I was practically a kid, Drew. I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d done the same thing in my situation.’

  ‘Who knows, but Sarah had no choice. She had to be there. It just got to me that you ran for it.’

  ‘But I came back, right? Even though by that stage she didn’t want me.’

  ‘Well, yeah…’

  ‘And we’re okay, me and Gemma, me and Sarah even. So, the good old Liam may have filled my shoes, but at least I’m around now.’ He shifted on the spot, crossing one foot over the other.

  ‘And this whole thing about the TV show,’ Drew continued. ‘You know I felt bad for splitting up the band. But maybe, as you said in relation to Sarah’s situation, you wou
ld have done the same thing too.’

  If the rift between them was healing over it had just cracked open again, as Barry shook his head. ‘No, see that’s the difference between you and me. I wouldn’t have left the group. I would have stayed and made it in the industry our own way, without the help of a talent show. We could have done it, I reckon we could have.’

  Familiar frustration crept across Drew’s skin. They never got anywhere when they banged on about what had happened back then. ‘Well I believe things happen for a reason, and I think things turned out the way they were meant to.’

  ‘What, you on the world stage and me stuck in a cruddy bank all day, with a few bucks made from local gigs? Of course you’d think that.’ He crossed his arms.

  ‘Barry, I didn’t come here to argue, I came here to set things right.’

  Barry ran his hand through his hair. ‘Look, I appreciate the gesture, but maybe we should just go our separate ways. You have your life, I have mine.’

  Drew shook his head. ‘You know, Barry, if you don’t like your job, you should do something about it. It’s up to you what happens in your life, not someone else.’

  ‘Easy for you to say.’

  ‘Well actually it’s not. I’ve got some big stuff going on at the moment and I’m torn. All I know is that things are going to be different in some way, and I have to make some changes, take some risks.’

  Barry shifted again, clearly uncomfortable at this deep and meaningful debate. ‘Well I hope whatever it is works out for you. I’m sure it will.’

  ‘And I hope you find a way to be happier, but it’s up to you.’

  Barry checked his watch. ‘Well, I guess you have to get going.’

  ‘Barry, if we could just — ’

  ‘Bye, Drew. Go back to L.A. and live your life, and I’ll go back to my small town café tonight and perform for a huge crowd of twenty people. Unless you want to come? But no, that would be below you, wouldn’t it.’ It wasn’t a question.

  Drew sighed. Barry wasn’t a bad guy, but he was bitter. Bitter and hurt and probably bored and lonely. Continuing to talk wouldn’t do any good, and he didn’t want to make things ten times worse by probing any further. Maybe they’d make amends eventually, but right now wasn’t the right time.