February Or Forever

by Juliet Madison

  She smiled. ‘Bye, Williams.’ She kissed him on the forehead and gave him a quick embrace, pulling back before his touch could meld his body to hers and become impossible to part.

  He walked backwards for a few steps, his guitar hanging loosely by his side. He gave a singular wave in a small arc in front of his body, then turned away and walked down to the sand.

  Chrissie turned to her door and poked the key in the lock, then turned her head around slightly. The moonlight outlined his figure as he walked further away, his back to her. She impressed the image into her memory then turned back, turning the key and pushing open the door, dumping her bag on the floor to the side.

  The pain was unbearable. Her heart ached, stung, and burned, and tears threatened behind her eyes. Just one more look, just one more…

  She turned around slowly, preparing to see his darkened figure getting smaller in the distance as he approached the front of the rocky hill, but it got larger. He was coming back. And fast.

  With power in his stride and fierce longing in his eyes he approached, leaning his guitar against the railing and stopping only an inch from her body, his breath panting. ‘February’s not over yet.’ He grabbed her face with his hands and pushed his lips onto hers.

  Chrissie flung her arms around him, moved her hands under his shirt, digging her fingers into the firm flesh of his back. His lips commanded hers with authority, hunger, and need, and she let him lead her backwards into the house, kicking the door closed behind them.

  She lifted the fabric of his shirt higher and he raised his arms, the shirt coming off in a flash. When his arms lowered, his hands approached the front of her satin shirt, slipping the top button out of its buttonhole, then the others, one at a time, until the fabric hung loosely from her shoulders and the cool night air grazed her chest. Drew’s lips moved to her neck as he slid his finger under her shirt’s collar and his palm ran over her shoulder, along with a shiver, dislodging the shirt from one side. The other side followed with his assistance, falling into a silky pile on the floor. Breathing hard and fast, he took her lips again, her breasts pressing into his bare chest and spreading heat across her skin.

  She took the lead, threading her fingers between his and showing him the way to her bedroom, stealing kisses on the way. They kicked off their shoes and fell together onto the bed, arms tangling and exploring. Drew helped Chrissie manoeuvre up to the head of the bed, cradling her head in his hands and moving a pillow underneath it. He lay half beside her, half on top, taking a moment to look at her.

  Though the moonlight seeping through the blinds gave only subtle light to the room, the desire in Drew’s expression was illuminated. His gaze ran over her face, then locked with hers, his eyes saying only one thing. He rolled on top of her and she welcomed the warm weight of his body between her legs, and his soul back into her heart.

  Chapter 27

  Chrissie squinted as her eyes inched open and were met by a sharp stream of sunlight. Her body ached, in a good way, as though she’d done three hours at the gym. Drew… A satisfied smile eased onto her lips as she rolled over. Her eyes opened wider. The other side of the bed was empty.

  Chrissie propped herself up on her elbows, her loose hair tickling her bare back. He was gone. Well, they had said their goodbyes last night, several times in fact. If that was the last memory she got to have of him, it was worth it. Heartbreaking, but worth it. She breathed deeply, his inviting masculine scent still hanging in the room. She got up and went to the bathroom and freshened up, threw on the closest outfit she could find, and went out to the kitchen. Nope, as she’d expected, he wasn’t there cooking pancakes and making fresh juice. Those kind gestures were reserved for someone who planned on hanging around.

  Chrissie filled a glass with water, and turned towards the fruit bowl to grab a lemon, when movement caught her attention outside. She put the glass down and walked to the verandah door, opening it to find Drew walking up to the house, water dripping over his bare chest. He picked up a towel that was hanging over the verandah railing. He didn’t leave…

  ‘Good morning sleepyhead,’ he said. ‘Did you get my note?’ He pointed to the kitchen.

  Chrissie went back inside and picked up the scrap of paper from under the kettle, walking outside with it.

  Going to Serendipity to grab my board shorts and towel for a swim. Back soon. :)

  She smiled. ‘I only just got up. Thought maybe you’d…’

  ‘Gone?’

  She shrugged.

  ‘As I said last night, February’s not over yet, and I plan on making the most of it.’ He wiped the towel over his body and stepped onto the verandah, pulling her in close and planting a kiss on her lips.

  How many times would they have to say goodbye? This was like her worst nightmare mixed with her best dream ever.

  ‘And anyway, I was hoping we could do something together.’

  ‘Like what?’

  Drew’s eyes held caution, and he pointed to the ocean.

  ‘Swim?’ Was he serious?

  ‘It’s a perfect opportunity. The sun is shining, it’s private, and I’m here to help you.’

  Dread rolled through her veins. ‘No, no, you know I can’t do that.’ She stepped backwards, into the house, but he followed.

  ‘All you have to do is take that first step. Let me help you, Chrissie.’

  She continued to shake her head. Why did he have to spoil a perfectly good morning after a perfectly good night together?

  She grabbed the glass of water she’d set down before and sculled it. ‘I better make some breakfast, do you like eggs?’

  ‘Chrissie.’ He held her forearm as it reached for the frypan. ‘Come with me.’ He led her towards the bedroom. ‘You must have a swimming costume somewhere, right? Show me.’

  ‘I’m not going to show you my private things.’ Well, too late for that, but anyway.

  ‘All you have to do is put it on, get used to it. You don’t even have to get in the water, just take that first step.’

  When she crossed her arms, he sighed, then pulled open her top drawer. ‘Do you have one in here?’ He rummaged through it, his hands moving her underwear about.

  ‘Drew! I don’t want to put on my swimming costume.’

  ‘Ah, so you do have one.’ He closed the top drawer and pulled open the next, repeating his search.

  ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ she pleaded. ‘I’ll deal with my issue in my own time!’

  ‘When, Chrissie, when? It’s been years and years, and you can’t let what happened affect your ability to live your life, or Kai’s.’ His gaze targeted hers.

  That hit her like a punch to the heart. ‘He’s my son; I’ll do things my way, thank you very much.’ She turned away from him and shook her head.

  ‘Chrissie, I’m not trying to upset you, I’m trying to help you. You’ll never get over it if you don’t take a step forward, as uncomfortable as it may be.’ He opened her third drawer, Chrissie knowing too well he wouldn’t find it in there, but realising she had about thirty more seconds before he would.

  ‘I…I need to plan ahead for something like this. Prepare myself.’

  ‘If you did that you would probably work yourself up even more. It’s better this way, less time for your body to feel scared.’ He opened the fourth and final drawer, and she gulped as he pulled out her simple black one-piece swimming costume, tags still attached. Her therapist had told her to buy one years ago to get the ball rolling, but she’d shoved it away as soon as she got it home and never even put it on.

  ‘Aha! Here we go. Sexy too.’ He risked a cheeky smile, but she clamped her lips together and looked away.

  He laid it on the bed, still messy with sheets crumpled and twisted after their passionate night together. ‘Chrissie, look at me.’ His tone turned serious. Her head still facing the other direction, she slid a wary glance his way. ‘I’ll wait outside while you put it on. Take your time, and when you’re ready, come on out. I’ll be with you the whole
time. We can just go to the water’s edge, dip your toes in, and if you can’t handle it you can go back inside. Do we have a deal?’ His raised eyebrows waited for her response.

  She was about to say ‘no way’ when her voice paused. Drew’s soft and sparkling eyes sent a caring glance her way, his arms hung gently by his side, his face saying ‘please, just try.’ She looked at the costume lying limp on the bed…it could either be the key to her recovery or the trigger for a major panic attack. Experience told her it would be the latter.

  ‘One step at a time, remember?’ he whispered. ‘Costume on, walk outside, toes in water. That’s all. You can do it.’

  She knew that tomorrow life would return to normal, Drew would be gone, and she’d be doing the same old school morning routine with Kai. If she didn’t try doing this today, she feared she never would.

  She swallowed and cleared her throat. ‘Okay.’ Her response was barely audible.

  ‘Okay? Good. Great. I’ll be waiting outside.’ He brushed past her and closed the bedroom door behind him.

  Chrissie examined the costume first with her eyes, then her hands, the soft synthetic fabric cooling her fingers. She stood in front of the mirror, holding the costume up in front of her. It would still fit. Her fingers grasped the price tag and brand label, and with one swift tug, ripped it off, the popping sound symbolically breaking the tether to her past.

  Breathing deeply, she stripped off and stepped into the costume, pulling it up over her hips, and feeding her arms through the straps. She adjusted the straps and smoothed her hands down over the fabric, its smoothness not too different from that of some of her yoga outfits. Okay, step one — achieved. All I have to do is go outside and touch the water.

  She hesitated near the bedroom door, as though she was forgetting something, feeling naked and exposed. She turned back and peeked through the window at the gentle rolling waves tumbling into the shore. I have showers, I can do this. It’s just water.

  Her mind turned to a memory of Danielle on Christmas morning, when she’d given Chrissie one half of the sisters forever bracelet. ‘I found it in a gift shop,’ Danielle had said. ‘I thought if we both wear one, it’d be like we’re always together no matter where we are.’ They’d had their fair share of sibling rivalry, but most of the time they enjoyed each other’s company. Danielle had been quite mature for her age, so she’d been like an equal to Chrissie, despite their two year age gap. She remembered when Danielle had put the bracelet on Chrissie’s wrist, then held her own up close to it. Her eyes had sparkled almost as much as the silver charms. How she longed to look into her sister’s eyes again, feel that sisterly bond…

  Chrissie approached her jewellery box and opened it, retrieving the bracelet she’d lodged in the corner — Danielle’s half of the bracelet. She held the charm up in front of her, the word ‘sisters’ engraved on it engraving a deep absence in her heart. Then, as though Danielle was here right now, she hung the bracelet over her wrist and hooked the clasp together. Knowing the last person to wear this was her sister, almost twenty-five years ago, at this very location, sent a chill up her spine.

  ‘I miss you, Danielle,’ she whispered. ‘How I wish you were here right now.’

  Her skin cooled where the bracelet hung as she turned the doorknob and stepped tentatively out and into the living room, past the kitchen, and towards the verandah door where Drew stood waiting.

  His soft smile greeted her, and he slid his hand in hers. ‘You did good.’

  Chrissie’s breath quickened as she let him lead her outside, onto the grass, and then onto the sand. The warm particles spread under her feet, adding to her feeling of instability yet, in a way, preparing her for the looseness of water. If she made it that far. Her heart rate sped up, the dull pounding in her chest making her lungs suck in more air with each step forward.

  ‘You’re doing well,’ Drew said, his hand gripping hers firmly and Chrissie gripping it harder in return.

  She stepped onto wet sand and gasped at the change in texture under her feet.

  ‘It’s okay. Just breathe,’ Drew’s voice calmed her.

  Her toes tightened together as she took more steps forward onto the wet sand, knowing that at any second a curved remnant of a wave would meet her toes. She forced her breathing to slow, each breath loud in her chest.

  ‘That’s it, keep going.’ Drew’s eyes were on her, but she couldn’t look at him, could only allow her gaze to blur and go distant in an effort to cope with what was coming.

  Cold water tickled her feet and her legs wobbled. ‘Oh God, I don’t know if I can do this,’ her voice shook.

  ‘Yes you can. You’re already halfway there. Just keep breathing slowly, like you taught me, keep holding my hand, and step forward.’

  More water lapped around her ankles, the sensation both familiar and unfamiliar, swirling long gone memories around in her mind. When the next wave came and threatened her balance, she panicked, grabbing Drew’s arm with her other hand. ‘I can’t do it.’

  He didn’t listen, guiding her further forward. ‘You are doing it, Chrissie, look.’

  The fuzziness in front of her cleared as she refocused, glancing down at her legs, the water now up to her knees. She was doing it. She was in the water, and she was okay. The panic that had risen a moment ago subsided at her small achievement. She could go back inside now, having fulfilled Drew’s demand, or she could keep going. Go further and end the debilitating fear once and for all. Or at least make a huge dent in it.

  ‘Don’t let me go, Drew,’ she said, still gripping his arm.

  ‘I won’t.’ He stepped forward with her, and when another wave tumbled into them he wrapped her in a supportive embrace. ‘I’ve got you.’

  Weightlessness lifted her feet from the sand for a moment as her body buoyed itself in the rhythmic dance of the ocean, Drew letting one arm go to tread water. She mimicked him, her arm creating arcs in the water, and when the next wave rolled in she let go of him, water surrounding her completely. ‘Oh God,’ she said. ‘Oh God.’ Adrenalin rushed through her, keeping her afloat, and strangely, a smile stretched across her cheeks. She was swimming, she was okay, and so was Drew. She locked eyes with him as water moved their bodies up and down, and he smiled so widely she thought he might burst open with happiness.

  ‘Drew, I’m doing it, I’m really doing it,’ she said. ‘After twenty-five years.’ She moved her arms around and swam closer to him, her slippery hands meeting his under the water. They moved closer to shore, putting their feet on the ground, their bodies closing in and wrapping around each other along with the water’s embrace lapping at their waists.

  She buried her face in his chest, pulling him close to her, and tears spilled from her eyes. ‘Goodbye, Danielle,’ she cried.

  His hands rubbed her back, up and down, soothing her like nothing else could. It had started, the dam holding all her grief had cracked open and the pent-up emotion gushed out, releasing itself in healing sobs. He held her close for a long time, her tears falling from her face onto his chest, into the sea, merging with it, the cleansing salt water washing them away.

  When her sobs became exhausted sighs, she eased her head off his chest and looked at him. Drew’s eyes were glossy, and a lone tear slid down his chiselled cheekbone. She brought her hand to his cheek, stroking it and caressing the face of the wonderful, beautiful man who’d helped her more than she thought she could be helped.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, her gaze connecting intimately with his. ‘Thank you.’

  He leaned forward and his soft lips cushioned hers, kissing her gently and tenderly, before they moved to her forehead and the top of her head as he cradled her head against his chest. His hands ran down her arms, bringing her hands up to his face, and he kissed them too, one finger at a time as though they were a lost treasure he’d finally found. His kisses stopped and he focused on her right hand. He lifted her wrist and eyed the bracelet. ‘I haven’t seen you wear this before, it’s yours?’


  ‘Yes. This is the first time I’ve worn it. It was my sister’s.’

  ‘Danielle’s?’

  She nodded. ‘She gave me one of my own not long before she died, and each had half of a silver heart-shaped charm. Except I lost it.’ She sighed. ‘They went together, a matching pair, except, while hers said sisters, mine said — ’

  ‘Forever,’ Drew whispered, his eyes wide.

  ‘Good guess,’ Chrissie said. ‘How did you know?’

  ‘It wasn’t a guess.’ A small smile floated onto his face. ‘Come with me.’ He pulled on her hand and led her out of the water. ‘Go lock up, then come over to Serendipity with me.’

  ‘What? Why?’

  ‘Just…come on.’ He smiled.

  She dried off and wrapped a sarong around her waist, then grabbed her phone and keys and followed Drew to the private side entrance of the V.I.P. quarters.

  He dashed up the stairs, Chrissie behind him, and when they arrived at his bedroom he said, ‘Close your eyes.’

  Curiosity creased her forehead but she closed her eyes, trusting him implicitly. She expected him to say, ‘Now, open your eyes,’ but he didn’t, as something else prompted them to open. She felt his hands near her wrist, then the familiar cool touch of metal, and the click of a clasp.

  Her eyes snapped open and she looked at her wrist as he held it up.

  Another bracelet. Exactly the same as Danielle’s, only the charm had the word forever on it. Her free hand flew to her mouth to meet her gasp. Drew held both charms together, two halves of the heart forming a whole, displaying the words, sisters forever.

  ‘Where did you get this? It couldn’t be mine, could it?’

  ‘I believe it is.’ His smile grew wider.

  ‘But how? Where?’ She could hardly believe what she was seeing.

  He patted the bed and she sat next to him. ‘Let me tell you a story.’

  Chrissie’s fingers fiddled with the bracelets as he spoke…

  ‘When I was thirteen, I met a cute girl on the beach, here in Tarrin’s Bay. She had just been for a swim and had set her towel on the sand near mine. The beach was packed, it was January — tourist season — but she stood out from the rest. Her hair glowed under the sunlight and her smile was infectious.’ Drew’s eyes glazed over, as though lost in the memory. ‘As I was sunbaking, something bright glinted towards my eye as it reflected off the sun and I had to shade my face. It was the girl’s bracelet. That’s when I first saw her.’ He grasped Chrissie’s hands. ‘I said to her, “What are you trying to do, blind me?” and she laughed. When she sat I shuffled over next to her and took a look at the offending item. The half-heart said forever and I teased her about it, asking if her true love had the other half. I was surprised when she said her sister had the other half and together the bracelets said sisters forever.’