There was a heavy pause as she drew in a breath. “You’ll have your club soon enough. Why would you continue to help us? That’s why you only wanted to give me a single sum isn’t it? To be rid of me as quickly as possible.”
He winced in the dark. She had him there. He reached out a hand, wanting to touch her while he explained.
But she snatched her fingers away.
“It isn’t like that.”
“How is it then?” Her voice rising like he’d never heard before. “You desperately wished to help the little urchins? I don’t believe it.”
He scrubbed his head. “Natty—”
She slapped her knee. “You don’t get to use her name.”
He drew back, surprised by the hurt that laced her words.
Logan understood. Penny felt used. Hell, he had used her. At least in the beginning. He’d seen her as another means to an end.
But a shift had happened because of her and he didn’t know how to explain that to her. That she’d changed him. That he wanted to make her happy and help her and support the children and…
What was happening to him?
The ton hadn’t hated him because he was more successful. Even among the most selfish, he’d been consumed by greed and his own needs.
Shame filled him. It was as though Penny had tilted his entire world. But the words stuck in his throat. To admit them was to open the dam of emotions that he’d so carefully tucked away. And once he started, how much would he say?
Would he confess that he cared deeply? That she had the power to break him into a thousand tiny pieces? He couldn’t. He wasn’t ready. “However angry you are with me, it doesn’t change the fact that I can make all your lives better and safer. Please allow me to do this for you and for them.”
His words were met with complete silence.
Was that good or bad?
She’d stopped yelling but somehow Logan wasn’t certain that she had agreed.
“Please.” He leaned forward again, scooting to the edge of his seat. He didn’t reach for her hands this time but instead touched her knee. “You’ve every right to be angry with me.”
“You kissed me,” she blurted. “When all I am to you is an obstacle to overcome in order to gain a seedy club. You knew how I felt about men using me and yet you…”
He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” He cleared his throat, part of him wanting to admit everything. That he’d already made his choice. Penny. But once he’d told her, he’d have to admit he was falling in love. He couldn’t. Once he’d said it, there’d be no taking the words back.
“That is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard.”
“You kissed me back,” he said, tossing himself back into the seat. “What’s your excuse?”
“I—” The single word cut through the air. “Have been nothing but clear as to what I gained from this relationship. You are the one who’s been duplicitous.”
“That’s not entirely true.” He shook his head as though she might see the gesture. “I never lied to you about my motives.”
“But your actions made me think you cared about us. About the kids.”
“I do care,” he said, so low that he wondered if she heard him. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I didn’t at first. But somewhere along the way…”
He heard her intake of breath as the carriage began to slow and then rolled to a stop.
He made to open the door, but she reached out a hand to stop him. “The world was hard on me.”
He clasped her hand in his. “I know that.”
“I had parents that loved me and taught me how to love in return.” She leaned closer. “But Natty and Fran, they’ve never been taught. That’s my job and it’s one I take very seriously.”
He nodded. “I understand.”
“You don’t.” She reached up and touched his face. “You can’t enter their lives and change your mind later, Logan. They need consistency and unwavering belief. If you’re not here to stay then you shouldn’t be here at all. They’re too fragile and I won’t allow you to make their lives worse.”
And then she snapped the door open herself and climbed out of the carriage on her own.
Logan sat there for a moment, her words echoing in his thoughts.
But he’d already made his choice. He’d given up the club for Penny and for the girls too. He was helping them, damn it. And he’d make their lives better if it killed him.
And so, he snapped the door open once again and began to follow.
He caught sight of three men standing down the street, watching, but they didn’t approach, and so Logan paid them no mind. He had enough on his plate with one very angry woman.
Penny had reached the top of the steps and he took them two at a time to catch up to her. “Wait,” he called as she pulled the knocker on the door. “There is more that I need to tell you.” He had to find the words. Because she needed them and this was not about his fears but her needs. He drew in a deep breath. He could tell her he’d given up the club without spilling his entire heart on the floor, couldn’t he?
She spun about. “I think I’ve heard enough for one evening.”
The door lock clicked, and the door swung open.
“You’re here,” Clarissa breathed a sigh of relief, holding a crying Natty in her arms. “I didn’t expect you so early and yet I am incredibly grateful.”
“What’s wrong?” Penny asked, stepping into the room.
“She’s had another nightmare. Woke up screaming at full volume.” Clarissa passed the crying child into Penny’s arms.
Penny shushed Natty as Logan closed and bolted the door behind him. He was here to help. He just had to convince Penny of that fact.
Penny held Natty, glad for the distraction.
She wanted to focus on anything but the man behind her.
Natty sobbed, burying her little face into Penny’s shoulder. “You’re all right,” Penny soothed. “It was just a dream.”
“She was there,” Natty’s voice trembled.
She was the innkeeper’s wife who had been merciless with the small child. “She can never hurt you again.”
“You won’t let her, will you?” Natty said as she lifted her head.
And that was when Penny realized that Natty wasn’t speaking to her. Penny looked over her shoulder to see Natty looking, with a fixed gaze, directly at Logan.
“Of course I won’t,” he answered.
And to Penny’s shock, the little girl reached out her arms to Logan.
Without hesitation, he took the child from her arms, his hands brushing Penny’s torso. Her body shivered in response to his touch and she could have cursed her treacherous skin. After what she’d learned how could her body respond to his touch?
Her treacherous body still wanted this man despite knowing that he didn’t actually care about her.
He held Natty close and she snuggled her face into his neck, her tiny hand fitting into his.
Penny choked back emotion, memories of her hand fitting into her father’s flitting through her mind. She never felt safer than when she held her father’s hand.
Penny squeezed her eyes shut. She and Clarissa, they had to be enough for Natty.
Because time and again, men proved they didn’t actually want to participate in this life with her. Hadn’t her past experience proved that? Lieutenant Vrabel hadn’t been a bad man. He just hadn’t wanted to be burdened…she closed her eyes, fighting back emotion. “Natty, why don’t I bring you upstairs?”
“No,” Natty cried out. “Let me stay. Just a few more minutes.”
Too tired to be combative, Penny watched as Logan took a seat with the girl in his arms. Softly, he began to sing to her. It was a bar ditty, not at all appropriate, but it calmed Natty just the same.
Penny’s throat closed, and she leaned against the mantel. The very one where her family portrait still hung.
Logan’s eyes flitted to it too, his eyes studying the family of three even as he kept s
inging.
“What happened tonight?” Clarissa asked. “Did the lords and ladies you met agree to help us?”
Penny offered her a small smile. “They did.”
Clarissa drew in a sharp breath and Natty picked up her head again. “How much help?”
A sigh of relief escaped Penny’s lips. For the first time, she remembered the really good things that had come out of this night. “A lot of help. Enough help for us to move.”
Clarissa let out a squeal. “Really?”
Penny nodded. “And enough help to open a second home for boys.”
“A home for boys?” Logan asked, his voice edged with an emotion she didn’t understand.
“That’s right.” She didn’t look at him. The groundskeeper they’d left at the house, she believed his name was Fergus, came in from the front sitting room he’d occupied.
“Thought you’d be later.”
Logan didn’t answer as he gave Natty another hug.
Penny bit back a small smile. She liked the groundskeeper nearly as much as Logan’s butler. “Your staff is very free with you.”
“Tell me about it.” He scrubbed his face. “I didn’t want to be like other men of my class. I’m not better than my staff. I’m—”
Penny’s breath caught. Perhaps his heart wasn’t as crusty as she’d imagined this evening after all.
But how did she reconcile the man who relentlessly pursued money and used her to the one who held crying children and hired men he considered his equals?
“He hired me because I charge significantly less and do far more work,” the Scot grumped, tossing himself into a chair.
Penny looked at the floor. That made a great deal more sense.
“I pay you far more than any other groundskeeper I know.”
The other man snorted. “Ye ken a great many?”
Natty sat up. “He must pay you a lot. Gold is right in his name.”
The other man laughed, but Logan’s face shuddered. “Even the children are giving me a hard time about being the Earl of Gold.”
“Oh. Pretty.” Natty nodded. “I like that very much.”
Logan shook his head. “It wasn’t what the ton intended, I can assure you.”
“What did they intend?” Penny asked, her hand gripping the mantel.
His lip curled. “Well, it was my father’s nickname first. And for him it was irony. It meant that he wasn’t able to hold onto a single bit of his money.”
Penny had that feeling again. Like the one she’d had on their first meeting. Inside him was a man who needed saving. It washed away much of her anger.
“Logan,” she whispered as she stepped closer. “That is a terrible nickname.”
He dropped his cheek onto Natty’s head. “For me, it means that I am single-minded in my pursuit of gold. Consumed by the possession of money. In both cases, the name has been deserved.”
Penny covered her mouth with her hands as she waited to hear what else he might say, but the sound of crashing shutters stopped her from speaking.
The sound was closely followed by the rolling of glass across the carpeted floor.
“Bloody hell,” Logan yelled as he jumped from the chair, handing Natty to Penny in a single motion.
He raced into the front sitting room, Penny following as fast as she could with the child in her arms.
A scream nearly ripped from her throat as she saw a bottle with a rag on the floor, a line of flames pouring from its mouth.
Chapter Ten
Logan was not always the warmest, friendliest man. He knew that about himself.
He’d never been like Penny. People were drawn to her, he was certain.
But in a crisis, he was a man of action.
And that’s exactly what was needed now.
“Take Natty,” Logan bellowed, pointing toward the stairs. “Get everyone out of the house.”
Then he ripped off his coat and covered the bottle, taking immediate action to stem the flames. Though the bottle likely contained lamp oil and would not be snuffed out by his jacket. It only bought them time. A very precious few seconds to spare them all.
“The oil’s all on the rug.” Fergus pointed. The bottle had landed in the middle of a throw rug and all the oil had spilled on it. “It’ll catch the entire house on fire.”
“You’re right,” he yelled. “Let’s get it out of here.”
Quick as they could, they rolled up the rug, bottle inside the roll and each took an end, lifting the entire thing. “We’ve got to get it out quick,” Fergus said with a grunt as they started toward the door. “I can already feel the heat. It’ll burn us if we’re not careful.”
“Take it to the middle of the street,” Logan said as he jerked open the front door and started down the steps.
The moment his feet hit the ground, he ran, hunched over the heavy roll. He burst open the gate, the lock flying into ten pieces as they tossed the carpet into the middle of the cobblestones.
For a moment it sat, dark in the middle of the street until flames began to lick out of either end. Exactly where he and Fergus had just been holding on.
“Damn it all to hell,” he yelled into the night.
Behind him, Penny appeared in the door, still holding Natty. Another little girl trailed at her side. Clarissa appeared too with a third little one on her hip.
Anger boiled in his veins. Another minute and the entire house would have gone up, fire consuming their home.
He knew he should be careful. Those men were still about, and one might attack him or them.
But these men had tried to hurt Penny and the girls. They were the closest thing he’d had to a family…well…ever. And no one was going to hurt them. He’d die first. His chest expanded as lifted his chin.
“People of Adderley Street,” he yelled into the night. “You have men in your midst willing to attack innocent women and children.”
He watched a door open across the way.
“They tried to light a home on fire.” More doors cracked open. Windows on second floors slid up. “A fire that if it had caught, would have spread to your homes. It could have engulfed the entire street.”
An eerie silence filled the night except for the licking sound of flames eating carpet. “You know who did this. I want names and I’ll pay handsomely for the privilege. The Earl of Gold is my name. I know you know why. Seek me out and you’ll eat for a month.”
Then he turned to Penny. “Pack up the children. Only the essentials for tonight.” He strode toward them, worried someone might actually take a shot at them.
“Where are we going?” one of the other girls asked.
“Yes.” Clarissa raised her brows. “Where?”
Logan spread out his arms, herding the women back inside. “To my house.”
Fergus was just behind him. “Thank the Lord,” the man muttered as he closed the door and bolted it again.
But Penny said something else entirely. Well, Logan reflected, she didn’t say so much as screech. “Your house?”
Penny had struck him as calm, but she’d been anything but this evening. “Do you have another idea? You can’t stay here. What if they throw in another bottle? Or…” But a stern look from Penny made him cease talking.
“There are children,” she hissed and then drew in a deep breath. Then another. When she spoke again, her voice was much calmer. “Clarissa, take the children to the kitchen and give them warm milk.” Then she looked to Fergus. “If you could lend your aid…”
Logan heard him mumble something about bourbon in his milk, but the man followed, and Penny watched them leave, not looking at him until they’d all cleared the room.
A nervous flitting started in his stomach as she pressed her palms down her dress. “Lord Goldthwaite.”
“When did you cease calling me Logan?”
She ignored the question, her voice having regained her calm tone, as she answered. “I agree that it is in the best interest of the children to remove them from the house.”
“Good.”
“But.” Her finger raised in the air. “I will not allow you to use me for your own purposes.”
He rumbled deep in his throat. She was being ridiculous. “Penny,” he said through gritted teeth. “To what end might I move a whole passel of females into my home?”
Her gaze narrowed. “So you will keep your lips to yourself?”
Oh. That.
His fist clenched at his side. “I will keep my lips to myself. Will you keep yours to yourself?”
Color flooded her cheeks. “I am the one who is at risk of being compromised.”
True. But he was at risk of being hurt none-the-less. “I know you don’t trust me after what you discovered this evening but let me assure you that I wish for more than just a gaming hell. In fact…” He paused, not sure he could start that flood of words. So instead, he said, “I want to help. And above all, I want you and them safe.”
Her shoulders hunched and her face collapsed in defeat. It was a look he’d seen on many opponents’ faces. “We can be ready in a half hour or less.”
“Good,” his hands relaxed at his sides. Step one would be to get them to a safe place. Then they could begin discussing the future. That of the orphanage but also…
He pulled his chin back. What else did he want? Should he tell her how he felt? Or was he destined to repeat his past?
His hand rubbed at the back of his neck.
He wasn’t certain.
Penny held Natty and Fran in her lap while Clarissa sat with Ethel next to Logan. Fergus had climbed up with the driver to keep a watch as they left the East End.
No one spoke a word as they made their way through the night.
Penny’s insides were a jumble. She’d nearly lost her temper twice tonight. And that never happened.
Ever.
She’d learned absolute control since becoming an orphan.
How could it be slipping now? She’d allowed Logan past her defenses only to discover that his intentions weren’t pure. He’d wanted her kisses and he’d wished to secure more money. That was what she’d meant to him.
Of course, he was helping her too. That had to mean something, didn’t it?
Earl of Gold: Lords of Scandal Page 8