zoegirl:
Angela . . .
SnowAngel:
ok, ok, he’s a homeless man who’s been living behind the dumpster behind our dorm. remember when I saw Lucy prowling around that general area?
zoegirl:
was that on the “no more cheese and white bread sandwiches” day?
SnowAngel:
yes! and the reason she was there was cuz she was checking up on Jermaine. in fact, ALL THIS TIME she’s been helping him find ways to shower and stay clean and keep the earwax out of his ears.
zoegirl:
and the raisins?
SnowAngel:
snack food!
SnowAngel:
I know what you’re thinking. you’re thinking, “wldn’t it just be easier to sneak food from the cafeteria?”
SnowAngel:
but she wanted to spread around her acts of sneakery, if that makes sense.
zoegirl:
oh, we left the land of making sense loooong ago.
SnowAngel:
and the reason she stole my toiletries was cuz she assumed I had so many I’d never notice.
SnowAngel:
he’s really nice. Jermaine, that is. he’s just homeless cuz he had a run of bad luck. first he lost his job as a dishwasher, then he fell behind on his rent, then he got evicted from his apartment . . .
SnowAngel:
isn’t that awful? that an apartment-owner dude wld kick someone out just cuz he cldn’t pay his rent?
SnowAngel:
but now everything’s better! cuz Lucy and I are cool with each other, and Jermaine is living with us!
zoegirl:
EXCUSE ME???
SnowAngel:
I am doing altruism, just like you with the Special Olympics!
zoegirl:
the provost is not going to like this.
SnowAngel:
the provost isn’t going to know.
SnowAngel:
anyway, SO glad we got all caught up, but I’ve gotta run. I’m supposed to be making ghosts out of tissue paper, ya know.
zoegirl:
wait! no! don’t you dare tell me a homeless man is living in your dorm room and then run off to make ghosts out of tissue paper!
SnowAngel:
I’m also going to help some of the pledges put their costumes together cuz I’m good at that stuff. tootles
Sun, Oct 27, 12:45 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
what about the unclamping of the lips?
zoegirl:
you said that there would be unclamping of lips, but you never got to that part of the story.
zoegirl:
so, this unclamping business
zoegirl:
what, exactly, did your and Reid’s unclamped lips *do*?
zoegirl:
you have until this evening to respond. if you don’t, I’m turning you in to the provost.
Mon, Oct 28, 4:00 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
Maddie, why did u delete yr Facebook account???
mad maddie:
I dunno. cuz I felt like it, just like you felt like kissing Reid in the hot passionate moment after moving a homeless dude into yr dorm room.
mad maddie:
I had to listen to yr voicemail twenty times to make sure I heard that right, btw.
SnowAngel:
twenty times?
SnowAngel:
liar
mad maddie:
ok, ten times. maybe five.
SnowAngel:
are you trying to change the subject about yr FB?
mad maddie:
three times. I listened to it three times, all right?
mad maddie:
also, I hadn’t read the text exchange b/w you and Zoe, so I wasn’t caught up in the first place.
SnowAngel:
you saw texts waiting for you—from ME—and you didn’t read them?
mad maddie:
I was tired. I didn’t feel like doing anything.
SnowAngel:
except delete yr FB account.
SnowAngel:
seriously, why?
mad maddie:
oh, same reason. tired of dealing with ppl.
SnowAngel:
I don’t understand
mad maddie:
I never post anything. I hardly read anyone else’s posts. so why bother?
mad maddie:
in self-defense, I am very good friends with Netflix.
SnowAngel:
you’re tired of “dealing with people.” what about yr suitemates? what about Zara and Neesa and the other Esbees?
mad maddie:
meh
SnowAngel:
but you have so much fun with them!
SnowAngel:
did y’all have a fight? did something happen?
mad maddie:
Angela, everything’s fine. I’m just not motivated to do much these days.
SnowAngel:
um, that’s NOT fine, Mads. next yr going to tell me that you’ve moved yr computer into yr closet and soon you’ll have no use for the outside world.
SnowAngel:
shld I be worried about you???
SnowAngel:
strike that. I *am* worried about u. Maddie!!! Zoe and I both are!
mad maddie:
it’s a phase. a mid-semester slump.
mad maddie:
I miss u guys, ok? and I miss Ian.
mad maddie:
I’m just really ready for Thanksgiving.
SnowAngel:
ah
SnowAngel:
that makes sense. I can’t wait for Thanksgiving either. yay college for having a super-long Thanksgiving break!
mad maddie:
agreed
SnowAngel:
but until then, will you try to get back into the game?
mad maddie:
“get back into the game”?
SnowAngel:
dude. don’t mock. YOLO, BABY, YOLO!
SnowAngel:
that’s what you told Zoe when *she* was feeling down.
mad maddie:
oh. right.
SnowAngel:
do you no longer believe in yolo???
mad maddie:
of course I do. can’t believe you’d suggest otherwise.
mad maddie:
and now back to reality: you kissed Reid???
SnowAngel:
aye-yai-yai
SnowAngel:
kind of?
mad maddie:
was it a GOOD kiss?
SnowAngel:
truth?
mad maddie:
truth
SnowAngel:
it was a scarily excellent kiss, Maddie. as in, there’s a very good chance he’s the best kisser in the multiverse.
SnowAngel:
but it just HAPPENED. and yes, I like him—he’s Reid!
SnowAngel:
but also, he’s . . . Reid. you know?
mad maddie:
are you gonna kiss him again?
SnowAngel:
dunno. we’re going to Shakes Alive for dinner, tho.
mad maddie:
I’m going to take that as a yes
mad maddie:
if the “but also he’s Reid” business has anything to do with your sorority sisters, then screw that. you kissed Reid, not yr sorority sisters. if you start dating him, *you’ll* be dating him, not yr sorority sisters.
SnowAngel:
yeah, putting that in the Worry About Later file.
SnowAngel:
right now I am weighing the merits of wearing a boob-enhancing bra that feels like a bra and not boobs (as in, sofa-cushion puffy) or a soft lacy bra that does nothing for my booblettes but that makes me feel like a real girl and not a padded girl. thoughts?
mad maddie:
huh. that’s a question I’ve never in my life thought about.
SnowAngel:
&nb
sp; cuz u don’t have to worry about it. you have tatas galore!
SnowAngel:
also, it seems like maybe I’m wired to think about this stuff. not just bras, but clothes and makeup and accessories . . . the whole picture! and I’m good at it, and I’m good at helping other ppl with it, and I think I’m going to make that be my plan for my business class assignment! fashion consultant!
mad maddie:
that’s cool, Angela. perfect.
SnowAngel:
isn’t it? and I stay after class to talk to my biz prof all the time now, and she’s possibly my new hero. SHE MAKES ME THINK, MADDIE. IT IS THE WEIRDEST THING.
mad maddie:
dude. your brain is growing!
SnowAngel:
and yet in the boy department I’m still at a loss. which do you think is more important to a guy: visual or tactile? cleavage or the softness of real boobs?
mad maddie:
go for real. real is better.
SnowAngel:
hmm . . .
SnowAngel:
but will any boob-touching actually occur? cuz if not, shldn’t I go for the push-up?
mad maddie:
ok, but imagine this: what if no touching occurs tonight, and you go for the push-up, but then the next day, or the next or the next, when touching DOES occur, he’s like, “where’d they go?”
SnowAngel:
a) who said there’d be a next and a next, and
SnowAngel:
b) I’m not convinced guys are that observant. I mean, if boobs are there, then yes, they observe them. but if it changes to boobs are there being touched, I wonder if maybe the touching takes over . . . ?
mad maddie:
want me to ask Ian?
SnowAngel:
yes, actually! omigod, yes!
SnowAngel:
get back to me before six o’clock my time—please???
mad maddie:
I’ll do my best.
Mon, Oct 28, 2:38 PM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
Angela, ya there?
mad maddie:
Ian says either is fine, but that HE prefers real to padded. but that Reid will be thrilled with any boobage at all.
mad maddie:
and yes, it was slightly strange to be discussing yr boobs with my boyfriend—but anything for you, hot stuff!
Tues, Oct 29, 12:03 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
I’m so happy for Angela and Reid!
mad maddie:
me too, as long as her sorority sisters don’t make a voodoo doll of him and stick pins all over it.
zoegirl:
when I talked to her, she finally admitted that she likes him even though she knows the Zetas won’t “approve.”
mad maddie:
gag gag gag
zoegirl:
I know. but he’s her first college boyfriend, and maybe he’ll be her first good and true boyfriend, period. I’m *glad* he isn’t the sort of guy she’d usually go for. I’m proud of her for branching out. yolo, baby! right?
mad maddie:
maybe we’ll get to meet him over Thanksgiving break
mad maddie:
do you think you’ll see Doug over break?
zoegirl:
I don’t know. I doubt I’ll make plans to see him, but maybe if someone has a party or something.
mad maddie:
wld running into him be good, bad, or weird
zoegirl:
agh. makes my stomach twist.
zoegirl:
but—and this is crazy liberating—I know I’ll be able to handle it either way.
zoegirl:
I feel . . . bigger since being at college. not literally, but in my mind. like I can see more possibilities now. like, I’ve handled some hard things, but I came out on the other side, and I’m ok. I’m still me.
zoegirl:
if anything, I’m MORE me. it feels good.
Wed, Oct 30, 5:00 PM P.D.T.
mad maddie:
I got yr voicemail, Angela, and no, Jermaine cannot sleep on the floor of your dorm room for the rest of the semester.
mad maddie:
in fact you shldn’t have let him sleep there even for a night and YOU KNOW IT.
mad maddie:
I’m sure he is nice. I’m sure he is a gem. I am also very glad that you decked him out in a whole new thrift-store wardrobe that gives him “a look of confident sophistication with a twist of humble beginnings.”
mad maddie:
but if you’re not allowed to have pets in yr dorm room, then guess what? pretty dang sure you’re not allowed to keep a homeless man in there either.
mad maddie:
whoa—that came out wrong.
mad maddie:
but if you and Lucy basically moved OUT of yr room so that Jermaine cld move IN, doesn’t that give you yr answer right there???
mad maddie:
don’t get me wrong. I am glad y’all aren’t having a threesome! two nineteen-year-old girls sleeping in a cramped dorm room with a fifty-year-old man who is a STRANGER is NOT A WISE IDEA!
mad maddie:
but babe, find a local homeless shelter or something. there are resources out there, like churches and stuff. try a church!
mad maddie:
and finally, NO, YOU SHLD NOT INVITE HIM TO GO TO THE ZETA HALLOWEEN PARTY!!! ARE YOU INSANE?
mad maddie:
let us review:
mad maddie:
the party is at a frat house. right?
mad maddie:
frat boys BEAT UP HOMELESS GUYS. right?
mad maddie:
I’m sure not all frat boys do, but really, Angela?
mad maddie:
drunk boys + scruffy old toothless dude who, as you yrself said, gives off a “musty” smell despite numerous showers does not = good times and the formation of lifelong friendships.
mad maddie:
inviting Jermaine is a kind thought, but no. just . . . no.
mad maddie:
also no to being a slutty unicorn.
mad maddie:
the one EXCELLENT decision you’ve made, tho, is to invite Reid to the party even tho he’s not a Greek.
mad maddie:
well, it’s either an excellent decision or a terrible one.
mad maddie:
regardless, power to the people!
Wed, Oct 30, 10:17 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
Zo-Zo! you still awake?
zoegirl:
I’m in bed. was THIS CLOSE to turning off ringer.
SnowAngel:
yay that you didn’t! hiiiiiiiiiii! *waves enthusiastically*
zoegirl:
SnowAngel:
I kissed Reid again. it was most excellent. HE is most excellent, and fine, yes, I LIKE THE GUY.
SnowAngel:
can you believe I’m falling for a geek????
zoegirl:
*I’m* a geek, you know.
SnowAngel:
well, but I’m not kissing you.
SnowAngel:
Reid says I have pretty eyes. isn’t that sweet?
zoegirl:
you do have pretty eyes. you have pretty everything.
SnowAngel:
awww! that’s what Reid says!
SnowAngel:
he also says I make him feel alive. maybe cuz I’ve got more energy than he does?
zoegirl:
you have more energy than everyone, goof
SnowAngel:
also he laughs at how I talk to EVERYONE, but he says it’s cute.
zoegirl:
it is. I can see how Reid—or any guy—would love to be around you. you’re smiley and fun and happy. you’re awesome.
SnowAngel:
why thank you!
SnowAngel:
so yeah, we had bagels for dinner, Reid and me.
zoegirl:
Reid and I.
SnowAngel:
zoegirl:
Reid and *I* had bagels. that’s how you say it.
SnowAngel:
um, no, it was Reid and ME. how cld Reid have bagels with you when yr not even here?
zoegirl:
I was correcting your
zoegirl:
nvm
SnowAngel:
so, bagels—nom nom nom—and then we talked and talked and talked, and then we kissed and kissed and kissed, and then at the end of the night, he walked me to Anna’s dorm room and made sure I got in safely. isn’t that gallant?
Yolo Page 17