Yolo

by Lauren Myracle

  zoegirl:

  you’re still sleeping in Anna’s room? Angela!

  SnowAngel:

  some guys wld be all, “oh, why don’t you just sleep with me, hubba hubba,” but not Reid.

  zoegirl:

  what does he think of the fact that you’ve given your own room to a homeless guy?

  SnowAngel:

  he thinks . . .

  SnowAngel:

  oh, why dwell on the negative?

  SnowAngel:

  anyway, it is harder than you think to give Jermaine the boot!

  zoegirl:

  why?

  SnowAngel:

  he keeps offering to leave or sleep in the hall. but we can’t let him sleep in the HALL, obviously.

  zoegirl:

  riiiiight. far better to lock him up in yr dorm room.

  SnowAngel:

  he’s not locked up. geez!

  SnowAngel:

  he can leave anytime he wants to, as long as we set up a lookout and create a distraction and whisk him out of the building while no one’s watching.

  SnowAngel:

  we’re thinking about getting him a wig, Lucy and me.

  zoegirl:

  Lucy and *I*.

  SnowAngel:

  what??? LUCY AND ME! you are sooo random!

  SnowAngel:

  it’s bringing the two of us closer, tho. after Lucy saw what a good job I did of freshening up Jermaine’s image, she let me give her a makeover too.

  SnowAngel:

  turns out she’s super-pretty when she’s not skulking around like a toiletries stealer. also I’m going to throw away her overalls when she’s not looking.

  zoegirl:

  why can’t you help Jermaine get set up in a homeless shelter like Maddie suggested?

  SnowAngel:

  cuz they’re all full.

  SnowAngel:

  I had no idea homeless shelters were even allowed to be full.

  SnowAngel:

  you know what’s sad?

  zoegirl:

  what?

  SnowAngel:

  Jermaine used to have a family. he had a wife and kids, and he loved them so much, and he still does, only they didn’t stick around once he lost his job.

  zoegirl:

  poor guy

  SnowAngel:

  yeah, they moved to New Orleans, which is where his wife’s family is.

  zoegirl:

  why didn’t Jermaine go too?

  SnowAngel:

  huh

  SnowAngel:

  that’s a good question.

  SnowAngel:

  but he said something today that will be stuck in my head forever and ever.

  SnowAngel:

  he told us again that he hadn’t chosen this for himself, being homeless, and that ppl fall thru the cracks all the time. that it can happen to *anyone*.

  zoegirl:

  do you agree?

  SnowAngel:

  I don’t know. do you?

  zoegirl:

  I get what Jermaine is saying, I think. but at the same time . . .

  zoegirl:

  you and Maddie and I have each other, and we have our families, and I don’t think we’d ever fall through the cracks because we wouldn’t let each other.

  SnowAngel:

  I said something like that to Jermaine, like how I was sorry that his wife had left him, cuz if two ppl really love each other, they shld stick together thru thick and thin.

  SnowAngel:

  but HE said, “it wld be nice if love were enough. but it’s not.”

  zoegirl:

  oh, so sad!

  zoegirl:

  he’s wrong, though. don’t you think he’s wrong?

  SnowAngel:

  you and Doug were absolutely in love, and that love went away . . .

  SnowAngel:

  I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, either. I want love to be enough. but I don’t wanna be all, “well, Jermaine is Jermaine and I am me, and what happened to him wld never happen to me cuz we are soooooooo different.”

  zoegirl:

  but you ARE different.

  SnowAngel:

  are we? or do I just have the luxury of thinking we are cuz so far I’ve been so blessed?

  zoegirl:

  Angela. you are asking hard questions.

  SnowAngel:

  I know! AND IT’S SO UNLIKE ME!

  SnowAngel:

  but I’m not just going to say, “good-bye, Jermaine. leave now, please.” I’m not going to let other ppl tell me who I’m allowed to be nice to and who I’m not.

  zoegirl:

  oh, Angela, I’m sorry. that’s not what I meant at all. I’m just worried about you!

  SnowAngel:

  I didn’t mean YOU.

  SnowAngel:

  and I’m not just talking about Jermaine either. I’m talking about my Zeta sisters, and Reid, and how some of them keep making comments about how Reid isn’t good enough for me.

  zoegirl:

  now that IS wrong.

  SnowAngel:

  our Cross Over ceremony is this coming Sunday. I’m worried.

  zoegirl:

  is that when you cross over from being a pledge to officially being a sister?

  SnowAngel:

  uh-huh. we all wear white dresses, and there are candles, and it’s very solemn. it’s when we’re formally initiated into the Alpha Zeta sisterhood.

  zoegirl:

  so you’re going to do it?

  SnowAngel:

  I don’t know!!!

  SnowAngel:

  pros: Anna. having fun things to do, fun things that are planned out for me in advance. meeting new people. watching TV in the Zeta house and eating popcorn and feeling like I’m PART of something. the whole idea of, you know, sisterhood. I *like* the idea of sisterhood!

  zoegirl:

  yeah, I can see that

  SnowAngel:

  also we do community service projects! and that’s good, right?

  zoegirl:

  what community service projects have the Zetas done?

  SnowAngel:

  um? car wash? in bikinis?

  zoegirl:

  impressive

  zoegirl:

  Angela, you do more community service all by yourself than the whole Zeta chapter does, I bet. you do so many kind things just because you’re you!

  SnowAngel:

  aw, thanks! but it’s the “all by yourself” part that makes me anxious.

  SnowAngel:

  if I depledge, what wld happen? wld the Zetas stop talking to me? wld I be lonely? wld I regret it?

  SnowAngel:

  I kind of haven’t gotten to know the girls in my own dorm very well. Lucy and Jermaine, they’re basically the only ppl I know.

  zoegirl:

  ok. and the cons?

  zoegirl:

  (although if the girls who are supposed to be your “sisters” would stop talking to you just because you depledged, then I’m not sure that’s any sort of real sisterhood . . .)

  SnowAngel:

  sigh. I know, and that’s one of the cons—the fact that I don’t TOTALLY feel like I am a Zeta.

  SnowAngel:

  let’s see. other cons wld be the chapter meetings, which are mind-numbingly boring, and the focus on always looking perfect. and the hazing, whether it really was hazing or not. like, wld I have to be a part of that next year, with the new pledges?

  SnowAngel:

  I’m also not a huge fan of the way the frat guys treat us. not ALL of them. but that story, which might have been an urban legend, about frat boys getting girls drunk and having sex with them? it’s just so awful!

  zoegirl:

  I am so with you there. makes me sick.

  SnowAngel:

  that kind of stuff doesn’t happen at UGA, but the frat guys *do* make lewd comments sometimes. they *do* act, like, entitled sometimes. this one guy got mad at Anna when she wldn’t fool around
with him, for example. it was at a party hosted by one of the fraternities, and the guy was all, “you’re getting free beer. what am *I* getting?”

  zoegirl:

  that just pisses me off, Angela. doesn’t it piss you off?

  SnowAngel:

  yes! THE JERKY FRAT BOYS ARE TOTAL JERKS!

  SnowAngel:

  but jerky boys are jerky boys whether they’re in frats or not. plus, this is UGA, not a smarty-pants liberal school like Kenyon. people here still use “gay” as an insult. can you believe that?

  zoegirl:

  ugh, and yes, and ugh again. I’m sorry, Angela.

  SnowAngel:

  so it’s just a lot to think about. if I can be me AND be a Zeta, then yay, and yes.

  SnowAngel:

  but if being part of the Greek system means buying into the hive mentality, then no thank you. I wld like to think for myself, please, and I don’t want anyone giving me a hard time for it.

  zoegirl:

  so . . . ?

  SnowAngel:

  so here’s what I’ve decided: I’m bringing Reid to the Halloween party at the Delta house, and if any of the Zetas give me a hard time—OR give him a hard time—then that’s it. I’m out.

  zoegirl:

  meaning you’ll depledge?

  SnowAngel:

  yep. because we’re all humans and we shld be nice to each other, end of story.

  zoegirl:

  agreed. and I do hear you about the good parts of being part of a community, etc.

  SnowAngel:

  thx. I don’t think Maddie does.

  zoegirl:

  well, it’s complicated.

  zoegirl:

  I’m super proud of you for being willing to stand up for Reid, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.

  SnowAngel:

  me too!

  Thu, Oct 31, 10:50 AM E.D.T.

  SnowAngel:

  Happy Halloween, darlings!!!

  SnowAngel:

  I’m dashing to class—class on Halloween? what is wrong with these ppl?—and then with party prep and everything, I’m going to be busy as a , so I wanted to say “boo” while I cld.

  SnowAngel:

  BOO!

  SnowAngel:

  have SO MUCH fun tonight, both of you.

  SnowAngel:

  Zoe, be bold and look for someone new to have a crush on. it’s time. (or just have fun with Holly and Gannon. that’s cool too.)

  SnowAngel:

  and Maddie? no dates with Netflix. NOT ALLOWED, unless you invite a whole bunch of peeps over to watch scary movies.

  SnowAngel:

  as for me, I’ll be terrifying everyone in my sexy princess-of-the-undead outfit. Reid is going as a knight in rusting armor. we will be adorable.

  SnowAngel:

  I hope and assume that all will go well at the mixer and that it will be la la la, candy and beer and good times.

  SnowAngel:

  but if it’s not . . .

  SnowAngel:

  if anyone is rude to Reid, then that’s it, I’m done, and adios, Zetas.

  SnowAngel:

  send good thoughts my way!

  Thu, Oct 31, 5:45 PM E.D.T.

  zoegirl:

  hey, Mads. so what *are* you going to do for Halloween?

  mad maddie:

  hello, Zoe. I have a floppy toenail that is diverting all my attn right now, I’m sorry to say.

  zoegirl:

  oh dear. that gives me a deep sad.

  zoegirl:

  but here’s a deep happy: Angela and Lucy got Jermaine hooked up with a Lutheran church, and the church people are going to help him find low-income housing.

  zoegirl:

  she said it was your idea, so yay!

  zoegirl:

  she posted a picture of the three of them on FB, but since you deleted your account . . .

  zoegirl:

  did you get?

  mad maddie:

  whoa

  mad maddie:

  he’s, like, a hillbilly. an aging good ol’ boy with a scraggly white beard.

  mad maddie:

  for some reason I expected him to be black.

  zoegirl:

  racist

  zoegirl:

  (except I did too, so . . .)

  mad maddie:

  they look happy. true happy, not fake-sorority-smile happy.

  zoegirl:

  I know—and no platinum blond waterfall hair!

  zoegirl:

  but what about you? are you true happy, fake happy, or none of the above?

  mad maddie:

  hmm. a mix?

  mad maddie:

  it’s kind of embarrassing to admit, but being thousands of miles away from everyone is harder than I thought.

  zoegirl:

  Maddie!

  zoegirl:

  of course it’s hard, and there’s nothing embarrassing about saying so. AND PLUS I HAVE KNOWN FOR FIVE THOUSAND YEARS THAT YOU WEREN’T HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE. so has Angela.

  zoegirl:

  how long have you been feeling this way? cuz you have had *some* good times, right?

  mad maddie:

  yeah, I guess

  mad maddie:

  but Zara and the Esbees . . .

  mad maddie:

  it’s possible they’re not as great as I’ve made them out to be.

  zoegirl:

  what do you mean?

  mad maddie:

  they’re not awful or anything. they’re just . . .

  mad maddie:

  honestly, they’re just not Y’ALL.

  mad maddie:

  like, a few days ago, Zara made a comment about how her friends were her life, and it was clear she meant her Esbee friends, not me.

  zoegirl:

  oh, Mads!

  mad maddie:

  she caught herself right away and said, “my old friends AND my new friends, like you. it’s just that I’ve known Neesa and Taylor and Erica forever. I’d throw myself in front of a train for them, you know?”

  mad maddie:

  and I do know, cuz I wld totally throw myself in front of a train for you and Angela . . . altho I’d hope it was a Lego train, or a Thomas the Tank Engine train.

  zoegirl:

  ha

  mad maddie:

  yeah, see? I can still be funny.

  mad maddie:

  but for the most part, I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.

  mad maddie:

  ugh, that sounds so lame. anyway, moping is for wimps, as both you and Angela have pointed out.

  zoegirl:

  what? neither of us said that!

  mad maddie:

  anti-yolo, then. same thing.

  mad maddie:

  as for Zara and my other suitemates, they’re fine.

  mad maddie:

  they’re not evil. they’re not fabulous. they’re fine.

  mad maddie:

  I decided to stop trying to force it, that’s all.

  zoegirl:

  so . . . you’re not going out with them tonight?

  mad maddie:

  nope

  zoegirl:

  you’re not staying in and doing nothing, though, are you?

  mad maddie:

  oh plz

  mad maddie:

  I’m going to the student center to hear a lecture that a famous doctor is giving. the write-up in the school paper said that his grandfather was a true mad scientist whose passion was trying to reanimate the dead, so it’s perfect for Halloween.

  zoegirl:

  cool

  mad maddie:

  I think so. there’ll be slides of corpses and abnormal brains and stuff like that.

  mad maddie:

  and before you ask, yes, I’m going by myself, but I’m going by myself BY CHOICE.

  zoegirl:

  isn’t there anyone you could invite to go with you? other than Zara and her crowd?

  mad
maddie:

  no. but you don’t need to worry, k?

  mad maddie:

  are you still doing the zombie crawl with Gannon and Holly?

  zoegirl:

  yeah. I wish you could go with us!!!

  mad maddie:

  I’ll be there in spirit.

  Thu, Oct 31, 8:42 PM P.D.T.

  mad maddie:

  hot tip: yelling at a fire does not make the flames go out.

  zoegirl:

  huh? what? what fire?

  mad maddie:

  at the new Taco John’s that opened.

  mad maddie:

  ooo! I never told you, but a new Taco John’s opened!