You’re Everything I Need: A Forbidden Romance

by Ford, Mia

  “What the fuck do you mean? Did you…?” I can’t even bring myself to say it. “Do something?”

  “I’ve sorted it.” He offers me a one-shouldered shrug. “It’s done. He’s gone.”

  I see a version of Cooper that I don’t want in my mind’s eye. A version of him where he’s more like Trent than I want to consider. He could be a killer as well. Someone else that I’ve misjudged.

  “So, you… you… how did you do it? Did you use a weapon?”

  “A weapon? What do you mean? What do you think happened?”

  “You…” I gulp down painfully. The emotions don’t swim down as much as I’d like. “You hurt him?”

  “I didn’t hurt him. I just sent him away.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what that means. Is it a euphemism? Is he trying to play down what happened because he’s frightened that we’re going to be overheard? Maybe I should just go home…

  “Sent him away?”

  “Yes. He’s gone. I gave him the money to leave the country. He’s gone.”

  “You gave him money? After what he did to me and Flora?”

  “Look, Lexi. I didn’t want to kill him. It would be better if he was dead, but that isn’t me. You know that isn’t me.” A tight knot loosens in my stomach, just a tiny bit. “And I thought that if he gets arrested he’ll be out of jail soon, and he’ll be coming for you. I don’t know much about prison, but I’m sure it’ll give him time to stew and meet other criminals to help him out. I gave him enough money to start again and so he won’t bother you.”

  “But he could come back. This doesn’t make any sense to me.”

  “He won’t come back. We’ll get restraining orders so he can’t come near you anyway, and he’s fallen out with his gang. They want him dead as well. He has nothing to come back for.”

  “How do you know that? Did he tell you? He might have been lying.”

  “I overheard some stuff. Just trust me, Lexi, I know what I’m talking about.”

  “You’re asking me to trust you, but you didn’t trust me. I asked you not to go and you did.”

  “But I went and I sorted it. I knew that it was the best thing for the both of us.”

  I fold my arms across my chest, anger radiating through me. Maybe he has solved this in the most logical way possible, but I don’t have to like it. He made decisions for me, affecting my life, and it sucks. Plus, right now, it doesn’t feel like Trent has got any comeuppance for what he’s done. I’m not happy right now.

  “Right, well at least he’s gone for now. That’s the main thing for the moment. I’m going to have to call the cops and shut down the search. I don’t want them to waste any time.”

  “Are you going to tell them that I paid him off?”

  “I don’t know. What should I tell them?”

  “That I saw him getting onto a plane. I went looking for him, that’s where I found him. Maybe I could say that he told me he needed to get away and I couldn’t stop him.”

  I nod. “Okay, sure. That’s as good an idea as any.”

  “Then once we’ve sorted all of that we can talk about us.”

  I nod again, this time with much less enthusiasm. I don’t think he’ll like what I have to say…

  * * *

  “They’ve said you can go home?” Cooper’s eyes light up with surprise as he leaves the police officer and comes back into the room to see me packing up my bags. “Oh, that’s good news. I can give you a ride.”

  “Yeah. I’m leaving.” I drag my eyes up to look at him, determination flooding me. “But I don’t need a ride.”

  “But… you’re staying with me again, aren’t you?”

  “No.” I shake my head vigorously. “I’m not. I don’t have any reason to, do I? I’m doing much better now. I can look after myself and Trent is gone, isn’t he? You made sure of that.”

  “Are you mad about it? Do you still want him here?”

  I huff loudly, irritated. “Of course I don’t still want him to be here. I’m glad that he’s gone.”

  “Then why are you mad at me? What’s going on?”

  “I just… I need to think, Cooper. I need some time alone to work out how I feel.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean… I mean I need to be by myself.”

  “But you’re my girlfriend. Trent is out of the picture now. There’s nothing holding us back anymore.”

  I shoot him a sympathetic glance. “Cooper, Trent wasn’t our only problem.”

  “I know that, but he was a big one, wasn’t he?”

  “He was, you’re right about that, but not everything.”

  “Your family… I know that’s going to be awkward, I’m not ignoring that, but we’ve got through this, we can get through anything.” He reaches out to take my hands but I tuck them behind my back so his fall back down back by his side. “Lexi, please, everything that I’ve done is for you.”

  “For me, maybe, but not necessarily what I wanted.”

  “This is the end result that you wanted.”

  “Maybe. But you ignored me. I begged you to stay. I stood in front of your car and asked you to stay. But you pushed me to one side and ignored me. You didn’t want to know. You disrespected me.”

  “It wasn’t like that…”

  “From your point of view, maybe. But from mine that’s how it seemed. Don’t you get that?” He hangs his head down and shuffles his feet along the ground. Good, I want him to feel bad. I want him to realize how he left me feeling. “You left me here not knowing if you were dead or alive. That’s fucked up. And I asked you to leave it to the police but you wouldn’t have it. I’m not being ignored by another man.”

  A flicker of recognition crosses his face. Finally, he gets it, but it isn’t enough. It’s too late for him to understand now. He should have got it without me needing to explain everything to him.

  “Look, Cooper, like I said to you, I just want to be alone. I’m going back to my apartment.”

  “Can’t I say anything to change your mind?”

  “No, I know what I want. This is what I need to do and if you respect me at all, you’ll let me go.”

  “But when will I see you again?”

  “I still work for you, don’t I?”

  “Yes, of course you do. You aren’t going to lose your job over any of this…”

  “Right, so you’ll see me at work then.” I press my hands to my hips and glare at him. “That’s all we have left to say to one another now. You can leave.”

  “I can still give you a ride back.”

  “I’ve already contacted a cab. I don’t need a ride, thank you.”

  “Please, don’t be like that, Lexi.”

  “Don’t tell me how to feel, how to be.”

  “Yeah, of course, I’m sorry.”

  “Please go then. Please get out of here.”

  With a deep sigh, Cooper does as I asks and he turns to leave. I keep my strength up just for a little while longer. I’ll hold my head high for a little while longer, then once he’s gone, I’ll let it all out.

  “I’m sorry, Lexi, I didn’t mean to do anything to upset you. I just wanted to do what was right.”

  “I know. I know you didn’t, Cooper. That’s not why I need space. I just have to think.”

  “We were so close,” he tells me sadly. “We were so close to getting it all. And now it’s gone.”

  I now, knowing that he’s right. We were, but actually I think it was too quick. I’m sure it would have exploded nastily eventually. We really do need this breather, to work it out.

  “I’ll see you at work then.”

  “You will. I will be back, like I said.”

  “Well, just let me know when. Whenever you’re ready.”

  “I’ll be back on Monday, I can assure you of that.”

  “Okay. Monday.” He breathes deep, accepting this. “I can wait until then.”

  “Right. But it will be just work. No serious talks about us. I’l
l tell you when I’m ready.”

  “Of course, I understand that. Bye, Lexi.”

  “Goodbye, Cooper.”

  Why does this feel like goodbye forever?

  He backs away, regret filling his expression and I do feel the same way. But maybe we weren’t supposed to find a way to be together, maybe the fact that it’s so difficult is a sign that it was never meant to be anyway. We were always supposed to be just a fling, a time for us to just have fun.

  Who knows, maybe the next person I meet will be the one. Although this time I really am going to do what my family asked of me and take a step back. I do need to be single, to work on just being me. It hurts my heart, but if it’s fate, if that’s what needs to happen, then so be it. I can’t keep fighting this battle forever. Especially if it’s a losing battle.

  At some point I’ll say thank you for everything he’s done, but that day isn’t today.

  41

  Cooper

  “See you later then, Aubrey.” I hug my daughter tight, loving the feel of her. I need the comfort more than anything in the world right now. “You have a good day with Caroline, okay?”

  “Where is Lexi? When is she back?”

  I squeeze my eyes closed, absorbing this like I do every single day when she asks this question. It’s been three weeks now, and Aubrey doesn’t show any sign of letting up. She’s so young, she shouldn’t have such a good memory, but for Lexi she does. She misses her a whole lot. Maybe as much as me.

  “I don’t know, Aubrey. I’m not sure if she will.”

  “I want to see her.”

  “I know, darling, but I don’t know what’s going on with her.”

  I see her every day at work, but I don’t really see her. She’s cool, she’s distant, she doesn’t want to be anywhere near me. She’s got a massive barrier up and I can’t chip it down at all. I’ve tried a little bit, but it’s impossible. I don’t know if Lexi will ever come back to me, the relationship ended before it even began, and I don’t know if it’s coming back. At first, I held out the hope that we would work it out eventually, but the more the time passes, the less likely that seems. I’m starting to believe when she ended things in the hospital, it was for good.

  My heart sinks as I think about that again. Losing her forever. I can’t handle it. Especially since I’ll have to see her while I work. It’ll kill me. But what can I do? I can’t put pressure on, I can’t make her want me.

  “Tell her I love her.”

  “I will do.” I want to tell her that I love her too. Maybe I should have just said it, saved all this hassle.

  “Love you, Daddy.”

  “I’ll see you later, darling. When I get back from work. You be good, okay?”

  She nods and tears off down the hallway towards her toys. I stand up and smile at Caroline.

  “Are you okay, Cooper?” she asks me with furrowed eyebrows. “You seem very sad.”

  “I’m good, thank you, Caroline.”

  “Good, okay. It’s just… you’ve been that way for a while now.”

  Clearly, I’m not doing as good a job as I thought I was of hiding it. “I’ll be fine.”

  She nods and steps backwards, knowing that she can’t ask more without stepping into unfamiliar territory. We’ve always kept things professional between us, no reason it should change now. It would be weird and would affect our working relationship. I appreciate how much she cares, but I don’t want to go there.

  “Right, well I’m off to work now. I’ll see you later on.”

  “Great okay, see you later.”

  I turn and walk towards my car, that heavy rock settling in the pit of my stomach. It’s been there for weeks, I dread seeing Lexi every single day because I know I can’t have her. I sit in my seat for a moment with my hands curled around the steering wheel, wishing that I could just do something drastic, something to get my life back onto the track I need it to be. Right now, I’m careening off tracks, going God knows where.

  Come on, Cooper. Seeing her is better than not seeing her.

  I suppose at least I know that she’s okay. That’s the main thing. The worry isn’t there that Trent has returned, even though I’m sure he won’t. I suppose I have to take what I can get.

  * * *

  Where is she? Where the fuck is Lexi?

  My heart hammers against my rib cage, nerves dart all the way through me, I don’t like this one bit. She’s never been late, not at all, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.

  “Cooper, is Lexi not coming in to work today? Am I your PA?”

  “I don’t know… it isn’t like her to be late, is it? Should I call her?”

  “Yes, definitely.” She knots her eyebrows together. “Nothing has happened with you, has it? She hasn’t said anything to me, but there’s no avoiding the frostiness between you two.”

  “No, nothing has happened. Nothing like that…”

  Hang on, I need to consider that for a moment. Did something particularly happen yesterday? I’ve tried my hardest to be really careful what I say around her. But maybe something slipped, perhaps I made a mistake. She seemed fine when she left yesterday, but perhaps that wasn’t her real feelings. She’s keeping so much bottled up inside that she can’t let it out. Oh God, I don’t know, this is harder than I thought it would be.

  “Okay, well I’ll just do what I can for now. Let me know when you speak to Lexi.”

  Once she leaves, I tug out my cell phone and I dial Lexi right away. The phone rings into my ear loudly, going on for far too long for my liking. Before the voicemail even kicks in, I know that it’s going to happen. Once it does, I roll my eyes angrily, trying to stick with rage rather than fear.

  “Hey, Lexi, it’s Cooper. I just want to know what’s going on. I’m not bugging you to come into work or anything, I just want to know that you’re okay. You know me, I can’t help but worry.”

  I feel like shit as I hang up, this isn’t great at all. I know that I need to let her do what she needs to do, but at the same time, I really am freaked-out. I don’t want to leave her to Trent. Even if the chance is very small, even if it’s minute, it’s still there a tiny bit. I won’t ever be able to forgive myself if something happens.

  “Nope, I can’t just sit here,” I mutter to myself. “I can’t just do nothing.”

  I push myself up and stand and I walk out from my office. My head is spinning, I can’t think straight, I need to go. I head to the front desk and get Sally’s attention.

  “I just have to pop out for a moment, will you be okay?”

  She leans over the desk to speak quietly to me. “Did you get hold of Lexi?”

  I know that I could lie again and push it down, but I don’t think it’ll do me any good. “I couldn’t get hold of her so I’m just going to check in. I want to know that she’s okay.”

  “Yeah, I’m a bit worried. After everything that’s happened, I think it’s for the best.”

  “Has she told you?”

  “A little bit. I know there’s been some really serious stuff with her ex.”

  “Okay, so you get why I need to go.”

  “I do.”

  “So, can you just make some excuse as to why I’m not here.”

  “Yes, sure. I’ll do whatever I can. Don’t you worry.”

  I pat on her desk gratefully and step outside the building. The feeling that something is drastically wrong twists in my gut, I don’t like it at all. I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that has been going on, I don’t think I’ve worried enough.

  “I think you’ve worried too much.”

  Oh God, I want to groan loudly. This is the worst time for me to start imagining Nora in the seat next to me again as I drive, yet here I am doing just that. I don’t turn to look at her this time, I don’t want to see the image that my brain has unhelpfully conjured up, but I can feel her all the same.

  “What do you mean?” I ask wearily.

  “I mean all you’ve done is worry. You’ve got so stuck in you
r worries that you’ve let everything else slide.”

  “What am I supposed to do? I can’t help how I feel.”

  “I know, but you can help what you do about it.”

  “And what should I do, exactly?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “That’s real helpful, Nora. Obviously, I don’t have the answer to that or I’d do it already.”

  “You don’t need to shout at me.”

  “You are in my fucking imagination. How are you having a go at me?”

  “Alright, whatever. So, let’s talk about Lexi.”

  “What about her?”

  “What’s going on there?”

  “Nothing at the moment. She needs time to think because I did what I thought was best, not her. I got rid of Trent in a way that I thought would please her, but I didn’t listen to what she wanted.”

  “No, you weren’t ever very good at listening.”

  “I suppose some things never change.”

  “Things can change, if you let them.”

  “Right, so you’re telling me I should change when it’s far too late for me to do so.”

  “It’s never too late.”

  “Well, it is. Lexi hates me now, she doesn’t even want to talk to me.”

  “Because she’s confused. Not because she’s done with you.”

  “Oh God, I don’t know, I don’t want to think about that right now.”

  “How did my mom take the news? She figured it out, right? The night where it all went down?”

  “I don’t know. Cassie dealt with it all. She sorted out Aubrey for me and spoke to your mom. As soon as I got back from the hospital I told her that Lexi had ended it for now and I assume she told your mom that since she hasn’t asked me. Even when I took Aubrey to see her last week she didn’t mention it.”

  “Huh. Not like Mom to be sensitive.”

  I can’t help but smile at that comment. “I don’t know, maybe this time she can see I need a break.”

  “Coops, if this is what you want, you need to go for it. You have to find a way to make it happen.”