by Pam Howes
‘Would you rather it was him holding you?’ he snarled, swinging her round to face him. ‘That mate of Jimmy’s, would you rather it was him?’
‘That was Jimmy’s brother, and no I wouldn’t. Why are you saying that?’
‘Because I think you would. I could see it in your eyes when you were looking at him.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous.’ She tried to pull away but he pushed her up against the kitchen door, which wasn’t properly closed. It flew open and the pair of them fell backwards, Jack on top of her.
Alice gasped as her back smacked against the cold kitchen floor. She felt winded as Jack pulled himself up and tore at her dress.
‘Jack, stop it. You’re drunk, leave me alone.’ Her pleas were in vain as Jack ignored her and continued to rip off her clothes. Alice closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as he banged her head against the floor, telling her to look at him. The last things she remembered were his angry eyes and his fist smashing into her face, before she passed out.
20
January 1948
Alice opened her eyes and tried to move. She felt chilled to the bone and whatever she was lying on was cold and hard and certainly wasn’t her comfortable bed. She tried to sit up but a flash of pain shot through her head and she groaned and closed her eyes again, wondering where she was. As she lay there trying to work it out, little fragments of memory came back to her: singing with Millie and the band, helping behind the bar, the New Year’s Eve celebrations, and Jack, grabbing hold of her before everything went black.
She forced her eyes open again and looked around. The light above her was bright and she shielded the glare with her hand. She inched herself into a sitting position, wincing at the aches and pains in every part of her body. She was in the kitchen, on the hard red quarry-tiled floor, and she was naked. No wonder she was cold. She could see the dress she’d been wearing earlier, tossed to one side. She reached for it to cover herself and pulled it back on. Her feet were bare of shoes, her stockings in shreds and her underwear nowhere to be seen. Where was Jack? Her face felt wet and she ran a hand over it. Blood; and it was dripping from her nose. Slowly she got to her knees and used the edge of the table to pull herself up. She flinched at the stickiness and pain between her legs.
‘Oh, Jack,’ she whimpered. ‘What have you done to me?’ She groaned as she limped towards the door and pulled it open. She stifled a scream as Jack turned towards her from his position on a bar stool, where he was smoking a cigarette and raising a glass to his lips.
‘Ah, Alice,’ he said, a smirk on his face. ‘You’ve decided to wake up at last, eh gel? Fancy drinking more than you can cope with. You fell over after trying to get me to make love to you in the kitchen.’
He laughed as she stared at him, hardly believing her ears at what he was saying.
‘You banged your head on the floor as you went face down and then asked me to leave you there to sleep. I was going to nip upstairs and get you a pillow and blanket when I’ve finished my fag. Oh see, you’ve banged your nose. You’ll have two lovely black eyes tomorrow, gel. You need to control that drinking of yours. Want me to help you up to bed now?’
‘You lying bastard,’ Alice screamed at him. ‘You attacked me and then took me by force. Look at the state I’m in. I’m going to the police when it gets lighter.’
‘And tell ’em what? Everyone saw you swanning around the club knocking back the sherries. No one will believe you. And we’re newly-weds so it’s quite natural that we’d want to do it in places older married couples wouldn’t bother. I’ll just tell them you couldn’t wait to get me up the stairs and that everything we did was because you wanted it. I was only having my conjugal rights. You’ll be embarrassing us both if you get the police involved. You’ll make a right holy show of yourself, just because you can’t remember what you did.’
Alice shook her head in disbelief. ‘You’re lying. I can’t believe you’ve done this to me, Jack.’
‘Can’t you, gel. And you don’t think you did anything wrong tonight, eh? Making eyes at Jimmy’s brother, and getting up to sing with Millie when I told you that was not going to happen again. And undermining me in front of my staff as well. All I’ve done is have my way with my wife after she fell over from being drunk. Report me then. See what will happen if I get locked up. We’ll lose this place. You’ll have to find somewhere for you and the kids to live and then you’d have to use Brian’s money to pay for it all. No college education for him if you do that. Isn’t that what this is all about? That you have a decent place to live and Brian can go on to further studies. This isn’t easy for me, you know. I have to live with your brat and you have no idea how much I hate her. I can’t stand kids, but I put up with her so your brother can have the best chances in life. Just you remember that when you’re bad-mouthing me to all and sundry. And I haven’t got over that old cow keeping going on at me being responsible for Terry’s death either. Do you have any idea what that does to my mind? No, you don’t, because it’s all about you and them kids and what you all want. I’ve given up my freedom to marry you. You need to show some respect and appreciation, lady, and be grateful to have a roof over your head. Now get out of my sight before I decide I want more of my rights tonight. I’ll join you later.’
Alice crept out of the concert room and fled up the stairs, clutching her torn dress around her body. She’d caught a glimpse of the clock in the bar as she’d been talking to Jack. It was only two thirty, so she hadn’t been out cold for that long. She locked herself in the bathroom and turned on the bath taps, pouring in a few drops of lavender-scented bubble bath. She needed a hot bath as soon as possible to wash the disgusting smell of Jack from her body. He’d definitely not used anything and she was bang in the middle of her monthly cycle too.
She turned to look at herself in the mirror and gasped. Her face was a mess. She picked up the flannel from the sink and dunked it in the bath water, flinching as she gently patted the dried blood from her face. It was caked on her chin where it had dripped down from her throbbing nose. Alice was surprised it wasn’t broken. She remembered now seeing Jack’s fist coming towards her before she passed out. She shuddered to think of him using her body while she was unable to protest or fight him off.
She got into the bath, lowering herself gently down. Her back and buttocks were hurting, and she’d bet she was full of bruises in areas she couldn’t see. She’d check in the full-length wardrobe mirror later. Although she’d shot the bolt home on the bathroom door it didn’t stop her listening out for the creak of the stairs as Jack came up to bed. She wished the kids were here, although she wouldn’t have wanted them to witness Jack attacking her. She didn’t feel safe but she knew he wouldn’t let her out of his sight tonight now. She was trapped. No one would hear her scream here. Hadn’t he said only a few months ago how quiet and isolated it was with no immediate neighbours to shout out to? And what sort of state was her face going to be in by the morning? There was no way she could go and pick Cathy up or visit Millie like this. She hoped Brian wouldn’t be too late back. He would have to do it. Tell Granny she had a stomach upset or something. And she was due back in work on Friday January 2nd. Next week she would hear news of her possible new job in cosmetics, with a bit of luck. But she couldn’t face anyone at work with her face a mass of bruises.
She should leave Jack, reluctant as she was to give up on her marriage after only four months. But where would she go? Not back to Granny’s and all the ‘I told you so’s’ she knew she’d get. Plus, no matter what Granny had said about helping them out financially, she wasn’t a bottomless money pit and Alice couldn’t keep taking. If she left now she would lose all the money she’d put into the Legion and have no choice but to dip into Brian’s. It wasn’t right. She had to stand on her own two feet.
She gently soaped her arms and legs and the rest of her body, her mind working overtime. She didn’t want to touch Brian’s money after everything they’d gone through to get here. That would stay where i
t was until he needed it. There really was no choice but to stick it out until Brian had finished his education and Cathy had left primary school. If they stayed here Cathy might get in at the grammar school as well. She could become a nurse with all the right exams under her belt. Alice would just keep out of Jack’s way; do her best to keep him sweet, put up with whatever he was doing with Sheila and whoever else he was messing about with and get on with her life, working hard and saving as much as she could, until she could finally escape.
* * *
Jack was in the bar finishing the clearing up when Brian arrived home at midday.
‘Happy New Year, son,’ he greeted Brian. ‘Can you go and pick Cathy up from her granny’s? Your sister isn’t feeling too good. She’s lying down with a bad headache. And while you’re out call in at Millie’s and apologise that she’s not coming over today. She’ll catch up with her later in the week. I’ll get some scran ready for when you get back. There’s some turkey left over from last night’s buffet, so you can both have sarnies, and I’ve saved you some cake.’
Brian’s face lit up at the mention of food. He dumped his bag of clothes in the hall. ‘Did she have a bit too much to drink?’ He grinned.
‘Way too much,’ Jack said. ‘She could hardly stand up.’
Brian grinned. ‘I know the feeling. I did the same at my mate’s party. But we had a great time. I met a girl.’ He blushed slightly.
‘Did you, lad?’ Jack laughed. ‘A word of advice from one who knows. Remember what I told you about girls. Don’t get too involved; they’re more trouble than they’re worth.’
Brian frowned. ‘You don’t think that about our Alice though, do you?’
‘No, mate. She’s one of the best. Anyway, your Alice is a woman, not a bit of a kid. And watch your step because some girls will try and trap you given half a chance. Never take a bath without wearing wellies. You get my drift, Brian?’
‘I do,’ Brian replied. ‘I’ve too much at stake to get tied down.’
‘You have, mate. Any problems, you know you can always come and talk to me. Right, go and get the little ’un while I finish off here. And don’t forget to call at Millie’s.’
Jack saw Brian out and went upstairs to see to Alice. She was lying fully dressed on the bed and she jumped up as he entered the room.
‘It’s okay, gel. Just coming to see if I can get you a cuppa? I’ve sent Brian to Ma Lomax’s to get Cathy and to call into Millie’s to tell them you won’t be visiting. Don’t want them popping round here, wondering why you didn’t call, do we?’
Alice shook her head. ‘I can’t see anyone while I look like this. You used me as a punch bag last night and I didn’t deserve it.’
‘Don’t push me, Alice. I admit I had too much to drink, and on top of double painkillers to help with being on my feet all day, it just sent me doolally. It won’t happen again. I’ll make you that brew. Just keep out of the way for today.’
‘Cathy will want to see me when she comes home.’
‘Well she can’t, can she? She’ll just have to do as she’s told for once. We’ll tell her you’re poorly and she has to keep away in case she catches something.’
‘And what about work tomorrow?’ Alice sobbed. ‘I can’t go in looking like this. I’ve got two black eyes, a swollen nose and a fat lip. Not to mention all the bruises on my body.’
‘I’ll phone them and make excuses for you, tell them you need a day or two resting. You’ll feel better by Monday.’
He’d left her staring after him, a look of hatred on her face. He’d fucked it up big time now. He couldn’t even remember half of what had happened last night. It was all so hazy. But he must have knocked her about badly, because she looked a right bloody mess this morning. And he knew he’d had his way with her because he’d found her torn underwear in the kitchen. She’d get over it though; she didn’t have a choice, because he had every penny that was left over from the sale of her house stashed safely away in the Legion account and the bank would only accept his signature to draw on it. Brian’s money was in another account that Jack had no rights to and, if he knew Alice, no matter how much she might want to leave him after last night, there was no way she would take a penny from her brother after waiting so long to make sure his future was secure.
* * *
‘Has she been a good girl, Granny?’ Brian asked as Cathy pulled a face when she saw that Alice wasn’t with him. He accepted the mug of tea and mince pie from Granny Lomax and sat down on the sofa to enjoy it.
‘She always is,’ Granny replied. ‘Let’s get your shoes on and then you can pack all your things away in a bag while I talk to Brian.’
Cathy ran into the bedroom to get her dollies and books together and Granny looked at Brian over the rim of her mug. ‘So what’s wrong with Alice that she couldn’t come to pick Cathy up? I wanted to wish her a Happy New Year.’
Brian shrugged. ‘Jack said she was still in bed as she’d had too much to drink and didn’t feel well.’
‘Hmm, that doesn’t sound like Alice. She rarely drinks more than a couple of small sherries. I hope his bad boozing habits aren’t rubbing off on her or they’ll run that place into the ground between them in no time.’
Brian frowned. ‘Alice wouldn’t let that happen. She’d probably just had one too many. It was New Year’s Eve, after all.’ He stopped as Cathy came back into the room. ‘Ready, Cathy? We need to pop into Millie’s on the way and tell them Mammy isn’t well.’
‘I want to go home and see Mammy,’ Cathy said.
‘And you can. But we have to call at Millie’s first.’
Granny frowned. ‘Why don’t you leave Cathy here and I’ll bring her back to the Legion later? If Alice is feeling unwell, she won’t want to be dealing with the little one. And Jack’s not good around children, as we know.’
Brian shook his head. He knew that Jack wouldn’t like that, and he was quite capable of seeing to his niece’s needs if Alice couldn’t.
‘Thank you, but we’ll manage.’ He got to his feet and took the bag of toys from Cathy’s hands. ‘Come on, let’s go.’
Brian held Cathy’s hand as they hurried down Linnet Lane. Granny was good to them in her own way, but sometimes she asked awkward questions about his sister and Jack that Brian felt were inappropriate. Jack called her nosy, and he was right. Brian liked Jack. He’d always got on well with him and when Brian did a bit of glass collecting in between studying, he paid him well. He gave him cigarettes too, and the odd half pint of ale with strict instructions not to tell his sister. Alice seemed to nag him at times for no reason that Brian could see. Jack said it was often the way with women and when they were in that sort of mood it was best to keep out of their way. It was good to sit and talk man-to-man after the bar closed and Alice thought he was in bed. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt.
* * *
Millie frowned as she saw Brian and Cathy out and closed the door behind them.
‘That’s really odd, because Alice only had a couple of small sherries last night,’ she told Jimmy. ‘She said she didn’t want too much to drink, just enough to make her happy. Yet Brian says that Jack told him she was so drunk she could hardly stand up.’
‘Maybe she had a few more after the bar closed when her and Jack relaxed upstairs.’
‘Oh, maybe. Didn’t you notice that she was a bit on edge last night though? I’ve known Alice for years and she’s not as happy as a newly-wed should be. Something’s changed. But I don’t know what.’
Jimmy shrugged. ‘Probably just tired. She works hard and they’ve had a lot on lately with the move and getting the club sorted out. She got a bit of a break last night with Jack having the two new barmaids though.’
‘Hmm,’ Millie said. ‘He used to have a thing going with that red-headed Sheila one and she’s still sweet on him. I can tell by the way she looks at him.’
Jimmy laughed and put his arms around her the best he could. ‘Well, it’s not your problem, so let it drop. You’
ve got enough to concentrate on now with this little fella coming into the world.’
‘Don’t you mean little lady?’ Millie teased. Jimmy wanted a son badly, but a girl would be lovely too. Whatever they were blessed with would be loved and cherished by them both.
21
Alice held her breath as Miss Redfern handed her an envelope at the end of the first week of the New Year.
‘Congratulations, Mrs Dawson. I’m delighted you will be joining us in the cosmetics department. Your contract and hours to be worked are in the envelope. I hope you will be very happy working with us on the Max Factor counter.’
Alice thanked her profusely and floated back upstairs to haberdashery and Sadie in a dream. Full-time hours meant more money that she could save towards an escape plan, should it ever be necessary, and working on cosmetics was her dream come true.
Sadie insisted on buying the tea and buns at break as a way of celebrating the good news.
‘How do you feel now?’ she asked, picking the cherry off the top of her bun and popping it into her mouth.
‘Thrilled to bits,’ Alice said. ‘And I’m sure Jack will be as well. Although the hours are longer so he’s going to have to do more about the house than he does now and I can’t see him liking that. But the extra money will be very handy. He wants to buy a car, so maybe in time we’ll be able to afford one.’
‘Make sure you keep some back for yourself, Alice. You work hard for your money.’
Alice nodded. Over the last few days she and Jack had settled back into a routine of her keeping out of the way, and he and his barmaids, along with help from Gloria the cleaner, running the club between them. She’d started to feel a bit more relaxed around him, and he hadn’t been drinking quite as much. Although he was still taking his painkillers regularly, he wasn’t doubling the dose as he’d done over the festive season. He was constantly apologising for his New Year’s Eve behaviour, and although Alice wanted to believe him, she wasn’t totally convinced he meant it. However, it was better than nothing. She’d managed to avoid seeing anyone for the first couple of days and had plastered on arnica and a lot of makeup when she went back to work to hide the worst of her bruises. Luckily, Brian and Cathy hadn’t noticed anything was wrong.