Available to Chat

by Sutton, Jacy

  “Nothing out of the ordinary. Two kids. A dog. A mortgage. It gets overwhelming sometimes, I suppose.”

  “That’s when you come hang out with me?”

  “Sure. I guess. But I’m happy, mostly. I love my wife.”

  Olivia felt that awkward lump in her stomach that always made an appearance when they talked about his home life.

  “Today was a good day. Nothing extraordinary. Just nice family time. I was filling up the car tonight,” he continued. “Standing outside. It was snowing, just the slightest bit, it looked quite beautiful.”

  “Mmmmm,” she wrote, to let him know she was listening and to mask that she didn’t know what to say in response.

  “I thought about the kids. And I thought about Dana.” He stopped writing, and Olivia felt she was expected to answer, but before she could, Jake wrote, “And then I told myself—don’t blow this.”

  Olivia knew instantly how all-encompassing this was. Her stomach clenched tighter. She thought he was going to say good night, but then he added, “And then I thought about you. And.…” He paused a beat, as though this were a song, then added, “I thought how much I don’t want to give you up.”

  She felt herself breathe.

  “You know what I’ve told myself?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “That I’m good for your marriage.”

  After a long moment when she could think of literally nothing to answer, she wrote simply, “In what way?”

  “That the heat between us would have a ripple effect on you and Mike.”

  She imagined explaining that concept to her husband and then realized Barbie and Dr. Jones had given her nearly the same advice.

  “Sometimes when you make love to him, do you think of me?”

  “Yes,” she answered, not seeing any logic in his theory. “Do you think of me when you make love to Dana?”

  “We don’t make love too often. I counted. Six times last year.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, because it seemed like an appropriate, if insincere, response.

  There was another moment of silence. She should let him go back to bed, she thought. Back to the bed he and Dana shared. She should go back to her bed where Mike slept.

  He pinged her again. “We’re happy enough,” he wrote. “The sex could be more frequent. The nagging less so. About like most couples, I guess.”

  “Do you think it is most?” she asked.

  “I don’t have an answer for that. I should probably go now.”

  “Yes, me too.” She said good night and logged off. As she walked back to the bedroom, she wondered if their second conversation would make it easier or tougher for her to sleep.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  OVER THE BUZZ OF THE TV, Olivia heard the garage door open, and a moment later Daniel appeared. He was followed in a rush by two more young men, one tall and lanky, the other shorter than Daniel, but with an athletic, muscled build.

  She shut her computer quickly and stood to greet them. She had known Chris since grade school, and she marveled at how the pudginess of youth had somehow left his face long and angular, verging on handsomeness. Matt had been over more recently. He greeted her confidently, no more the shy middle school student, calling hello to her as the three boys moved in a swarm to the kitchen.

  Daniel began opening cupboards and collecting snacks, pretzels in one hand, gummy worms in the other. He handed Matt an unopened bag of Doritos.

  “How are you, boys?” Olivia asked.

  There was a brief mention of school and some talk about the swim team, but then Daniel herded them all upstairs, pausing to grab a two-liter of Dr Pepper. “I think we’re set, guys,” he said. “Matt, grab three glasses. Chris, get my mom’s laptop. That’s all right, Mom, isn’t it?” he asked, without turning back toward Olivia.

  Yes to the cups. No to the computer, she thought. “Where’s your laptop?” She unconsciously stepped back in front of hers, like a protective mama bear.

  “I’m writing the paper on mine, and Chris needs yours to search for images for the report.”

  “So what am I doing?” Matt asked, oblivious to Olivia’s small panic attack.

  “We were wondering that, too,” said Chris.

  “You’re the reconnaissance guy in case we need more snacks,” Daniel said. “C’mon.”

  Chris walked over to the couch toward the computer, just as Olivia reached for it.

  “Mom,” Daniel said, watching her. “We need it.”

  “I just.…” Olivia held the computer to her chest protectively, as though she were holding a newborn. “Let me just log off.”

  “I can do it for you,” Daniel said, stepping toward her. “I told you, I know the password.”

  Still clutching the computer, Olivia said, “Let me just save what I was working on. I’m right in the middle of some notes about the story—historical background on muskets,” she said, giving way too many facts, the hallmark of a bad liar. “I’ll bring it up to you.”

  And then, because there wasn’t enough commotion, Mike came upstairs. “Hey.” He greeted the entire group. “What’s up?”

  “Homework,” Daniel said, looking toward his dad. “C’mon, Mom. We need the computer. I’ll save everything for you.” He took the laptop from her hands.

  Olivia watched her opportunity to talk to Jake, and her open Facebook, disappear up the stairway.

  She walked into the kitchen, thinking as soon as the boys opened the laptop they’d likely log off for her. Certainly, she told herself as she closed the box of gummy bear snacks and set them back in the pantry, they wouldn’t be interested in her dull interactions. If anything, she guessed, they’d log off quickly, so as to check their own accounts. And she did have the story open, that much was true. She’d nearly forgotten Mike standing there.

  “What are you going to do now?” he asked pleasantly.

  “I’ve no idea. I was going to write, but not anymore, I guess.” She pointed toward the stairway, where the boys had just been.

  “Here,” Mike said. He handed her a loose-leaf notebook that was sitting in Daniel’s school bin under the kitchen desk.

  “Ah, writing the old-fashioned way,” she said.

  “I’ll be done with my work in a few minutes.” He handed her the notebook with one hand and swatted her rear with the other. Without thinking, Olivia moved to scooch out of his reach as she walked to the bedroom.

  Sitting up against the oak headboard, Olivia began writing, but it felt awkward to work this way, although she remembered doing homework like this her entire student life.

  She forced herself to think of the time-traveling boys, caught in 1776, coming upon a semi-clothed young man just emerging from a bath in the river. The young man introduces himself as Robert, but it’s quickly discovered it is, in fact, the real-life Deborah Sampson. Olivia worked to play up the humor of the scene.

  What kind of artful excuse would Deborah Sampson have needed to avoid being detected all those months, pretending to be a man in the Continental Army? What would it have been like for her, a young woman hiding from everyone, to suddenly find herself, for a brief moment, alone, free, submerged in a cool river on a hot summer night?

  Olivia shut her eyes to imagine. But instead of picturing Deborah, she saw herself standing by the river in the sweaty, stifling heat, moonlight illuminating the scene. She’d undress and walk into the refreshing water, lower herself until her shoulders were immersed like cool silk wrapped around her naked body. And then, of course, he would be there. Jake, stepping behind her, whispering her name in that twangy, rough voice. Wrapping his arms around her, gently but powerfully. Her body warmed to the picture she’d created. Softly, she heard her name. A man’s voice.

  “Olivia.” She felt a hand touch her shoulder. “How’s writing?” Mike asked.

  “Good. I’m just thinking dirty thoughts.”

  “Mmmmm. Me too. Especially seeing you in that outfit.” Mike kissed her neck and rubbed his hands down her back.
“You look so good tonight.”

  “This old thing?” she asked. She wore her black workout pants, but the snug ones. And a turtleneck that emphasized her high, round breasts.

  Mike’s kisses grew more insistent. “Mmmmm hmmmm.” His right hand moved from massaging her back to cupping her breast.

  “Did you forget Daniel and his friends are here?”

  “I’m glad you reminded me.” Mike removed his hand quickly and stepped away from her, walking toward the door. He stopped, locked it theatrically, and put his finger to his lips in an exaggerated whisper pantomime.

  Before she could say anything more, Mike was beside her. He pulled her up to him and kissed her on the lips. Olivia willed herself back to the sensual feeling she’d had imagining first the water, and then Jake, caressing her naked body. She closed her eyes and let her head fall back. Mike kissed her neck down to her collarbone. He groaned into her ear and lifted her shirt over her head, tossing it beside them on the floor.

  “It’s been so long since I’ve made love to you, baby,” Mike said, and the voice was so different from the one in her head, she felt her desire wane.

  “Wait, Mike.”

  “Why? What are we waiting for?”

  “The boys will hear.”

  “I’ll only make you moan a little then,” he said.

  She looked at Mike. He was the same man she’d known so intimately, all these years. He was her husband and he wanted her. She thought of Jake telling her he’d only made love half a dozen times in the last year. She didn’t want to be that wife. She felt Mike’s desire press hard against her stomach.

  “Hey,” she said. “I have something fun to play with.” She tried to unwrap his arms from their tight grip around her.

  “You’re plenty of fun to play with.” He was reluctant to let her step away.

  But she worked free of his ardent embrace and went to her nightstand, groping to the far back of the bottom drawer. She felt a pair of woolly socks, some old magazines, and then, finally, the neon pink toy which had stayed nestled in its home, unmoved for months. Next to it she found the lube. She pulled them both out and held them up for Mike’s inspection.

  He looked intrigued, if a bit unsure. “When did you get that?”

  “Remember, Marti’s niece had that party,” she said, turning on the small bedside lamp, then walking to the main light switch and shutting it off.

  “I thought it was for purses. Didn’t you say a sack party?”

  Olivia laughed. “Maybe I told you it was for in the sack. Watch,” she said. She switched on the big pink vibrator and showed Mike how it convulsed rhythmically, laying the big shaft in her palm, then moving it, so it lay between her breasts. She shut her eyes. “It feels good. You can rub it against me.”

  Mike didn’t answer, and when she opened her eyes, she saw him eyeing the toy suspiciously. She held it out to him, still wriggling like a fish on a hook. Reaching for it cautiously, he stepped closer to Olivia, returning it to the soft flesh peeking out the cup of her bra. She shut her eyes again as he kissed along her collarbone. The combination of sensations felt good. When he reached for the silky material and pulled it down, exposing her hard, excited nipple, she felt a rush of pleasant, tingling heat.

  “Good?” he asked, rubbing the toy so the small butterfly caught on her nipple, fluttering against it intermittently, making her back arch up.

  “Oh yes,” she said. “Very good.”

  She pulled off her pants and Mike did the same. As Mike moved the toy down her stomach, she felt herself react. The heat. The moisture. Olivia reached for the lube and oiled the toy down and then guided Mike’s hand bringing the vibrator to her wet, waiting, moist tender flesh. She groaned sweetly as it entered her. Mike moved it rhythmically and she guided his hand to show him exactly how to thrust it quickly and deeply as her orgasm built. Mike followed his instructions well, and he leaned down to her naked breast and took it in his mouth, his tongue flicking her hardened nipple.

  She rocked herself to take the toy in deeper. Then she moved Mike’s hand more forcefully as she quickly came to the edge. Feeling the precipice coming, she rocked harder and harder and then in one hot flash, her brain called out his name. Jake, she begged in her head, but the word, the mantra, did not escape her lips.

  Mike saw her lovely reaction and it made him harder than he’d been. As she crested on the waves of her orgasm, he pulled the toy out and climbed on top of her, inserting himself and calling her name.

  “Come for me just like that, okay, honey,” he said.

  And she wanted to, truly. But the wave was passing. She tried to recapture the intensity, to not let it escape. She moved her hips up to take him deeper inside and called Mike’s name. She moved with him, until he had come, too. And when he told her he loved her, she said it back to him. And he never noticed the tiny tear forming at the corner of her eye.

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  MIKE SENT FLOWERS to her work the next day, a gorgeous mixed bouquet of white Asiatic lilies, purple button poms, and green ferns.

  “Anniversary?” Sarah asked.

  “No,” Olivia said, moving papers on her desk to make room for the vase.

  “Not your birthday?”

  “No.”

  “Just because?”

  “Just because,” Olivia said aloud. Just because I didn’t shout Jake’s name as I climaxed, Olivia said to herself.

  “I love big, showy gestures.” Sarah rubbed her finger gently along the delicate white petal. “I wish Tyler would send me flowers. Or even just write, ‘I love you’ on Facebook. Something his ex would see.”

  Olivia turned to look at her young coworker. “Just for public consumption?”

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  Olivia thought of Jake and his anniversary pronouncements. “More the gesture than the sincerity?”

  “Can’t I have both? You do. You have the best husband, Olivia,” Sarah said, and she turned to walk back to her own cube, clicking her tongue.

  “I do have the best husband,” Olivia said, too quietly for Sarah to hear over the low din of office machinery. Throughout the morning, she tried to remember to repeat that frequently.

  All day as she worked, Olivia smelled the lovely perfumed flowers. When her eyes caught sight of the bouquet’s stunning colors, a small pit of guilt rose in her stomach. She had betrayed Mike. Every time she’d put him off at bedtime so she could talk with Jake. Every time she closed her eyes and imagined Jake pushing her up against a wall and kissing her passionately. Every time she touched herself and thought of Jake’s eyes, Jake’s voice, and Jake’s imagined, talented hands.

  At the end of the day, after writing a pitch for donations to a small nonprofit dog shelter, she looked once more at the vibrant flowers. She could picture Mike calling in the order in the morning. He would have felt loved and physically satisfied, and he would have had that three-quarter smile he wore when he felt proud. Olivia swore to herself she was done with Jake. And the small voice in her head reminded her Jake was probably done with her too. She remembered his admonishment to himself, “Don’t blow this.”

  As she gathered her coat and car keys, Olivia promised herself tonight she wouldn’t wait on her computer, hoping he’d show up; instead she’d wander downstairs to Mike’s office and chat with him. She’d ask Mike about work or make a plan to see a movie over the weekend.

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  THE NEXT EVENING in Mike’s office, night two of her reformation, Olivia stood uncomfortably rocking back and forth on the balls of her toes. The room was a one-man retreat, outfitted solely for the comfort of the owner, with a single chair featuring a masculine, cowboy-brown, tufted leather seat, currently occupied by Mike.

  Olivia rested her hand awkwardly on the bookshelf. The cheap, fake wood had bowed over the years with the weight of heavy hardcovers extolling the virtues and the dangers of the great outdoors.

  Olivia was partway through the to-do list she was giving Mike for tomorrow even
ing, but she kept interrupting herself, finding it hard to concentrate on her own words as Mike doodled on a pad and nodded absentmindedly at her.

  “So you’ve got it all?” she asked.

  “Olivia, we’ll be fine. You’ll only be gone one night.”

  “I know. I just haven’t been on a business trip for years.”

  “And this is a big one. Kansas City,” he said.

  “Thanks for that. Well, if you’re set, then.”

  “I’m sorry. I was kidding,” he said genially, if not attentively.

  Olivia began to leave the room, then turned back and said, “Did I tell you Matt got a call from the coach at St. Olaf? They want to talk to him about swimming there.”

  “Great. Nice opportunity.”

  “It is. He’s going to a meet there on Saturday. Daniel wants to go, too. There will be kind of an open workout afterwards. Daniel thinks he might get some interest. I said I’d drive him there.”

  Mike gave a sudden, frustrated hiss.

  “What?”

  “I had plans for Saturday for us.”

  “You hadn’t mentioned anything to me, or to Daniel, obviously,” she said, annoyance creeping into every pore and coming out her vocal cords.

  “But I was planning it. There’s an outdoors expo at the civic center. I wanted to see these new tents REI came out with.”

  Olivia shrugged. “It’s not my decision. Talk to Daniel.”

  Mike shook his head exaggeratedly. “Soon he’ll be at college and I won’t be able to do things with my own son.”

  “Where exactly do you think he’ll pick to go to school? New Zealand?”

  “Being in the outdoors is important to me.”

  “Yes, Mike. I’ve noticed.”

  Twenty minutes later, under a soft fleece winter blanket, laying in her silky cotton thermal underwear, she exempted herself from the Facebook ban. Jake’s chat light was off. But she had a message in her inbox. It read, “I looked for you tonight, I guess I missed you. Olivia, I miss you.”

  Her breath caught. Her heart fluttered. And deep within her, she felt that heat, that desire, that wetness.