The Cottage of New Beginnings

by Suzanne Snow

  ‘Not hens,’ he said shortly, suddenly quite interested in the motorbikes hurtling around the arena. ‘Elizabeth and Robert have chickens at home, you should speak to them.’

  Annie knew it wasn’t the answer Sarah wanted and she couldn’t restrain the bright smile spreading across her face as she handed over the change from her latest sale. She wished they would both go away and leave her in peace. Jon turned to face her and she knew then that her wish was about to become a reality. Despite everything she had told herself, her heart sank.

  ‘See you later,’ he said abruptly, nodding to Sarah as he strode away.

  ‘Don’t forget that you’re helping me to present the prizes in the WI cheese classes later,’ Sarah called, darting after him. ‘And the lettuce championship.’

  Annie watched until she saw Sarah fall into step beside Jon and tuck her arm through his. She turned away, beginning to think that perhaps there was more to his relationship with Sarah than she’d realised, or he’d admitted. Within an hour, the stall was finally sold out, and she hung around to help pack up and ram everything back inside Elsie’s little car. The two ladies seemed genuinely glad of her help and they pressed a chocolate cake into her hands. Annie noticed it was the one she had almost sold earlier, and thanked them gratefully, pleased to have her own little treat to take home. She left it with the pound stall next door and set off to walk around what was left of the show. People were beginning to drift home, and she saw that the donkeys had settled down for a bit of well-earned peace and quiet.

  Almost by accident she found the falconry stand and recognised the man with the chocolate brown eyes she had seen earlier. He was bending to untie a large owl and she watched as it hopped onto his gloved arm. She backed up, intending to disappear before he saw her, but it was too late. His eyes met hers and he walked straight over, bringing the staring owl with him.

  ‘You found us,’ he said cheerfully. ‘What have you done with Thelma and Louise?’

  She grinned, trying not to look at the intimidating bird perched on his arm. ‘We’ve sold out. I think they’ve gone home with Brad Pitt.’

  He laughed then, and she couldn’t help liking the way it lightened his weather-roughened face. The owl screeched, and he tapped it gently on the head. ‘We’re almost finished here.’ He nodded at a younger boy as he untied a hawk and slid it back into its travelling cage. ‘A few of us are going to the pub before we head back, do you fancy a drink?’

  Annie was about to refuse and then a sudden voice in her head reminded her of Jon’s remarks after their date, about hiding herself from the possibility of further hurt. If, as it seemed, there was no longer anything between them, then she supposed that now was a good a time as any to have a casual drink. ‘Okay. I’ll see you there, then.’

  ‘I won’t be long,’ he called over his shoulder as he quickly slid the owl into a cage and dragged a leather satchel from his shoulder. ‘I’m Greg.’

  ‘Annie.’ She walked away, already wondering what she had done by accepting the unexpected invitation. She collected her cake and made her way to the exit, smiling when she saw Jerry Gordon causing a commotion. He had waylaid the community policeman, who was off duty with his wife and son in tow. Jerry was complaining indignantly about the state of car parking in the village and demanding that the police clamp down on it as a matter of urgency.

  Annie sidled past, offering silent sympathy to the young constable, who looked thoroughly fed up. When she reached the village, cars were snaking slowly along the high street, creeping away from the show and turning for home. She dawdled as she walked along, watching the activity around the green. A few noisy children were lobbing sticks into the river and running about excitedly, while weary parents lay sprawled on the grass, trying to ignore their offspring and catch some sun. The pub was quieter than she’d expected and she found a table outside and waited for Greg to appear.

  She didn’t have to wait long. He pulled up in a car with two other men around the same age and she wondered idly what had become of the birds and the young boy. As he was striding towards her with a grin, she suddenly realised how young he seemed. She tried to push comparisons with Jon to the back of her mind where they lingered, niggling her. Greg insisted on buying her another drink and disappeared inside while she fidgeted on her seat, already impatient to leave as she tried to make polite conversation with the others. Greg was soon back, and they chatted for half an hour before she could bear it no longer. Greg was nice but he wasn’t Jon, and she had no wish to drag out something that would never happen.

  ‘I should go,’ Annie said finally, leaping to her feet suddenly to emphasise her point. ‘Thanks for the drink. It was nice meeting you all.’

  Greg stood up with her, and she was caught off guard when he reached for her hand and pressed a card into her palm. ‘Here’s my number,’ he said casually, and she knew from his expression that they both understood she would never call. ‘Just in case you change your mind.’

  He released her hand and she closed her fingers around the card, nodding quickly. ‘Bye.’ Annie hadn’t even finished her drink but she grabbed the cake and set off across the green, sidling past the people still hanging around. She slipped Greg’s card into her pocket, her head as low as her spirits as she walked. She wondered what Jon was doing, if he had taken Sarah out, and admonished herself for caring.

  She glanced up at the edge of the green and halted. Shock made her heart thump wildly as she saw Jon standing alone outside the post office, and she knew at once he had seen her with Greg. She was near enough to see the indifference in his expression as he watched her, his sunglasses pushed back onto his head. They were on opposite sides of the river and she began to walk towards him, her confidence wavering beneath his cool stare as she crossed the bridge.

  ‘Are you walking my way?’ she asked brightly, prepared for his refusal. She wanted to banish the coldness from his eyes and be friends again.

  He seemed surprised, and although he nodded, his answer was short. ‘Sure.’

  The silence between them still hadn’t been broken by the time they reached the Howards’ farm. Annie twisted her fingers anxiously as she glanced up at him, knowing their time together was almost at an end as her cottage came into view. ‘Jon, have I done something to offend you?’

  She heard his short, wry laugh as he looked at her, chilled by that same aloofness in his eyes once more, her body tensing as she waited for his response.

  ‘I just wish you’d been truthful with me, that’s all,’ he said abruptly. They reached the gate outside her house and she paused, astonished by his reply. They stared at one another until it seemed that he was going to turn around and leave. She reached out and grabbed his arm, not even aware that she had moved.

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked hotly, angered by the implication that she had lied to him. ‘I don’t understand.’

  He gazed down at her hand on his arm and she snatched it back, allowing him his freedom if he chose to walk away. But he didn’t. He looked straight into her eyes and his voice was cold as he spoke.

  ‘You told me you don’t want to see me again because you aren’t yet over your fiancé and don’t want to begin dating again. Fair enough. And then I saw you just now with some guy from the show. I don’t think you’ve been truthful, Annie. I think you meant you don’t want to date me, and I would rather you’d said that in the beginning.’

  She gasped, her mouth widening in surprise as she realised that he had been jealous when he had seen her with Greg. He turned and began to walk away and she was horrified he had not waited for her to reply. She raised her voice to make him hear.

  ‘You’re right. And I’m sorry.’

  He halted at once, spinning around to stare at her, even though he made no move to approach. ‘Right about what?’ His question was sharp, matching the expression in the blue depths of his eyes.

  ‘Dating you.’ Her words were a whisper, her attraction to him tightening the tension between them whenever she saw hi
m, making everything at once simpler and so much harder. ‘I thought it would be best not to.’

  ‘So are you going to see him again, that guy from the show?’

  ‘Of course not.’ Her voice fell still further, aware she was once again trying to resist what she wanted, what she felt for Jon already, and she was so tired of being torn and afraid of what she might not be able to give him. ‘It was a casual drink, a chance to see how it felt to meet someone else. Someone who doesn’t make me feel the way you do.’

  ‘How do I make you feel, Annie?’ Jon couldn’t quite keep the impatience from his voice, lowered now as he watched her, his hands rammed into his pockets as he forced her to continue.

  She took a breath, knowing that the time for pretence had passed and she could no longer feign indifference. ‘Safe. Afraid. More than that.’ The tears trailed down her face and she didn’t care. She was already hurting, and she wanted him to hold her, scattering the fear and uncertainty, her voice falling to a whisper. ‘It was nothing, with Greg. He could never hurt me.’

  There was a second as Jon stared at her and then he strode towards her, no indecision, no question in his eyes when he took her in his arms, pulling her tightly to him so that he might more easily reach her lips with his own. She felt the warmth of his mouth on hers and melted against him, sliding her hands onto his shoulders as her knees crumpled beneath her. The chocolate cake slid to the ground as she felt the taut strength of his chest, and her fingers found their way into his dark hair as he lifted her, tightening his arms around her waist as he kissed her on and on.

  When he finally set her down, still holding her against him, she felt an unwelcome coolness when he dragged his mouth away from hers until the heat of his lips blazed across her skin, softly kissing her face. He trailed one hand slowly up from her waist until it was resting on her neck, and she curved her body towards him as he coiled long strands of her hair between his fingers, the other hand in the small of her back, keeping her close. Eventually, he spoke, and her stomach disappeared when she heard the uneven roughness of his voice.

  ‘I can’t give you guarantees,’ he muttered huskily, brushing his lips against her ear. The sensation took away the last of her ability to concentrate as she clung to him. She knew, with a sharp thrill, that the reality of his kiss was far more incredible than she had imagined night after night alone in the cottage. ‘But I never want to hurt you, Annie. I think about you every moment.’

  ‘So do I,’ she admitted, tipping her head back to see his face. Her smile was tremulous as she finally accepted that the risk of her admission had been worth everything which had followed in these first, very new moments together. She understood the dark glow in his eyes as he lowered his mouth to kiss her again, pulling her against him, her hands exploring his shoulders. She had no idea how long they stood there, until the unwelcome bang of the farm gate nearby distracted them both, and he smiled as the kiss ended. She buried her head against his chest, breathing in the smell of him and when the walkers had gone, she looked up, her eyes brightening once more as she saw the elation in his expression.

  ‘Shall I walk you home?’ he asked, and she nodded at once, floating in wonder and desperate to prolong the sudden new intimacy between them. She wanted to laugh out loud at the dizzying sensation in her head and the unsteady limbs she no longer seemed able to control. He released her from his arms to capture her hand, holding it firmly inside his own as he pushed the garden gate open and Annie quickly scooped up the remains of the flattened cake and they laughed.

  She turned to face him when they reached her front door, and he took both of her hands in his. Disappointment began to replace elation as she knew their time together was about to end. She was so tempted to invite him inside, and yet craved the opportunity to be alone and think about what had unexpectedly developed between them.

  ‘I’m sorry I behaved badly,’ he said ruefully, and she saw the regret in his eyes. ‘I guess I was jealous, and I didn’t react very well. Please will you forgive me?’

  ‘You’re already forgiven.’ She knew her tone was flirtatious, but she couldn’t help it; that was exactly how she felt. ‘I loved the kissing and making up.’

  He laughed and then his expression became serious again as they gazed at one another, and she knew everything in her mind was reflected in her eyes. Perhaps later she would regret revealing so much, but not now, beginning to shiver in the cool night air.

  ‘I should go, you’re getting cold,’ he said reluctantly. He reached out and gently drew her against him as they stood beside her silent house. ‘I have to go to the show dinner tonight. Would you like to come…?’

  She stepped back before he could finish the question, reaching for her key to open the door. ‘Not yet.’ She smiled to lighten her refusal, trying to explain. ‘I think it’s too soon.’

  ‘May I see you again?’

  Annie hesitated, her answer already given in the kiss they had shared but she couldn’t quite shake off all reason, even now. ‘Jon, you know I wasn’t looking for this, after everything that’s happened.’

  He reached for her hand again, stroking her fingers gently, his gesture reflecting the tenderness in his eyes. ‘I know. But we don’t have to rush into anything, Annie. Maybe just a few dates, nothing complicated, and we’ll see how it goes? What do you think?’

  She nodded, smiling, knowing that whatever caution she had tried to muster before tonight, she had flung it into the wind with her simple reply. He bent down, his answering smile against her lips as he kissed her briefly. Before she could reach up and touch him, he had already turned away and was walking quickly through the garden. He didn’t look back and she waited until he was out of sight before closing the door, alone once more.

  When she woke before sunlight the next day, elation had returned, banishing doubt somewhere far away, and she fell back into a dreamy sleep, full of half remembered glimpses of Jon. But with daybreak doubt slunk back, bringing fear with it, and chasing jubilation from her mind as though last night had been only a fantasy. Tantalising reminders of him and the expression in his eyes crept into her mind as she thought of him pulling her into his arms and kissing her on and on. She had no idea when she would see him again, but it would be soon, and knew that she couldn’t wait.

  Chapter Fifteen

  By Wednesday Annie was struggling to keep a ridiculous smile from her face, very aware she was ignoring her schoolwork as well as everything else around the cottage. She had seen Jon every day since Saturday, albeit briefly, and each hurried glimpse of him left her longing for the next. He had turned up on Sunday evening and they’d sat outside, concealed from the rest of the world as they’d held hands and talked quietly until daylight had given way to darkness. He came on Monday, hardly staying a minute as his pager went off and he raced to respond, away long into the night to locate someone who had fallen, and it reminded her of the reason why he volunteered. They had hurriedly made plans for Tuesday evening, their first proper date since everything had altered. But on Tuesday morning, when she had bumped into him outside the village hall, she’d concealed her disappointment when he had asked if she minded changing their date to Wednesday because he’d forgotten he had arranged to take a small Kilnbeck group night hiking. He had kissed her quickly and left her wishing that it were already the following evening so that she might have him all to herself for a little while.

  Annie was going to cook supper for Jon at the cottage and set out after breakfast to shop for their meal. In town she was distracted by an antiques shop and spent ages wandering around its funny little rooms until finally she paid for a beautiful old-fashioned settle covered in a green and white checked fabric. It would be perfect in her study and she darted into another shop to buy cushions to decorate it.

  When she staggered back down the hill to the car park with carrier bags bumping against her legs, she was surprised to spot Nathan, huddled against a wall near the railway station and Annie wondered what he was doing there. He didn’t see her
, and she decided not to go over and say hello. Even from a distance he looked forlorn and aloof, and she guessed that perhaps he was on an errand for Jon and not too pleased about it.

  When she returned home, she tidied the cottage and picked some flowers from the garden, stuffing sweet peas and pale blue cornflowers into a vase she’d found in the pantry. She stood them on the hearth, after she had laid the fire in case the evening became cool. She smiled to herself, remembering the night of the storm and how reassured she’d been by Jon’s company and the memory was quickly followed by the exhilarating anticipation of seeing him. The rest of the day seemed to pass unbearably slowly, and she couldn’t do much in the kitchen until he arrived.

  She diced pancetta, covering it in foil and whisked egg yolks together with parmesan, leaving the bowl beside the pancetta in the fridge. The carbonara would be cooked at the last minute and the fresh linguine she’d bought that morning added to it. It seemed like years since she had last prepared a meal for two. Somehow it wasn’t difficult to forget about Iain now, as thoughts of Jon’s blue eyes danced in her mind all day. She made pastry and baked it in the Rayburn’s hot oven while she began the maple and pecan nut filling. She hadn’t asked him what he would like to eat but hoped he would be happy with her choices, and she had fresh strawberries from a local farm shop if he didn’t like the dessert.

  Annie didn’t linger in the bath in case he was early, and at six thirty she was hovering between the kitchen and sitting room, listening for a knock at the door. She was dressed in a simple, off the shoulder white top and cropped jeans with a pair of blush-coloured leather flats. She poured herself a glass of white wine and sat near the fireplace, trying to relax and quell the trembling anticipation at the thought of seeing him.

  By seven fifteen she was only halfway through her glass of wine and certain she heard his knock with every sound. She almost wished she’d chosen something more elaborate to cook; at least it would give her something to do. She sauntered upstairs and found her book but after a few minutes, when she had read the same page three times, she chucked the book to the floor and poured a second glass of wine. Still there was no sign of Jon, and the exhilaration of seeing him began to fade, slowly replaced by disappointment, then anger that he hadn’t let her know he wasn’t coming. By eight thirty she was afraid for him, praying it wasn’t a rescue that had gone wrong somehow and he was unable to reach her. She checked her phone several times, hanging out of the bathroom window and standing on the doddering bench. Still nothing.