Spirit’s End: An Eli Monpress Novel

by Rachel Aaron

  Then let’s finish this.

  “Aye,” Josef said again, bracing for the lunge. “Together.”

  In the next heartbeat, they moved as one.

  CHAPTER

  16

  Eli drifted back to consciousness slowly, waking up one bit at a time. His first thoughts were little more than groggy impressions: soft stroking on his hair, musical humming in his ears, warm, still air, and brightness. White brightness that bled through his skin.

  His eyes snapped open. Benehime’s snow-white beauty filled his vision. Her face hovered over his, her white hair falling in a curtain around them, blocking out the rest of the world. Her white eyes were soft as goose down, full of love, and her cheeks were streaked with sparkling trails. Tears, Eli realized belatedly. The White Lady was crying.

  Oh, my darling. Her voice trembled as she fell on him, pressing his body tight against hers. My love, my only love, I was so worried.

  Eli could only blink. He felt like he’d been hit with the Heart of War. His chest ached, his limbs were useless, and he was so tired it was actually difficult to stay conscious. Even so, the need to get away overpowered him, and he began to struggle weakly against her grasp.

  There, there, she cooed, pushing him down. Be still. The healing isn’t done yet. You gave far too much of yourself, but that’s over now. I’ve got you. You’re never going to do that again.

  Eli blinked, trying to remember. The haze in his mind made everything fuzzy, but he dimly recalled something being wrong with Slorn’s Awakened Wood. The trees, he’d stopped the trees…

  He jerked as the memory of their screams came back in a rush. He’d been restraining the mad forest, and then that Spiritualist had surprised him and he’d lost control. After that, things got a bit jumbled. He remembered Nico grabbing him after he fell, but not why he’d fallen. Whatever it was, it must have been bad for Benehime to look this worried. She was hovering over him now, stroking his hair and making little soothing noises, calling him “love” and “darling.” Eli closed his eyes as a cold, sinking feeling of dread began to curl in his stomach.

  That’s right, love, lie still, Benehime whispered, petting him. You mustn’t scare me like this. Oh, it’s all my fault. I never should have removed my mark. I meant to teach you a lesson, but I forget how weak you are without me. If I’d lost you, I’d… Her hand froze as her voice trailed off, and then the petting resumed faster than before. Don’t worry, I’m never letting you go again. Soon as you’re healed, I’ll replace my mark and then we’ll be together forever just as we were meant to be.

  “No.”

  The word came out as a wheeze, no louder than a breath, but Eli knew that Benehime heard. The moment he spoke, her body went stiff beneath him, her white fingers frozen in his hair.

  What was that, love?

  The words were sweet, but the threat looming behind them resonated down to Eli’s bones. He began to tremble, and for a moment he almost fell back to the old false compliments and appeasements. But then, clear as day, he saw Karon, still lost by her hand. He saw the nameless old Spiritualist, his wrinkled face wide with shock just before he crumbled to dust, his rings crying as Benehime crushed them beneath her white feet. He saw himself lying in her lap, being petted forever. No bounty, no fame, no freedom, no Josef or Nico or even Miranda. Nothing but Benehime’s hand petting him like a dog forever and ever and ever.

  The horrible vision gave him strength, and Eli pulled himself from her hands. He sat up with a pained sigh, rubbing his eyes hard as his surroundings came into focus. He was in Benehime’s white world, no surprises there. Behind him, he could hear Benehime seething. Eli took another breath and turned, steeling himself against her rage, but as he faced her, he caught something out of the corner of his eye that stopped him cold.

  Benehime’s sphere hung in the air behind her, the miniature seas and forests and mountains tiny and perfect as ever, but it was no longer alone. Floating beside it was a second sphere. It was tiny compared to the original, barely larger than a marble, but inside its delicate curving sky was a tiny world more beautiful than anything Eli had ever seen.

  A sparkling blue sea lay along a golden coastline. Jewel-like corals sparkled beneath the gentle waves, and the beach was lined with beautifully colored reeds, each stalk as wispy as spun silk. Beyond the reeds, a field of grass so green Eli couldn’t help wanting to roll in it stretched off into gentle hills. Waterfalls tumbled into streams that flowed toward a snaking, shining river whose water was pure and crystal clear. Above the gentle hills was a deep forest, its tall treetops wrapped in silver mist.

  After the forest, the land rose dramatically, forming a beautiful rising line before suddenly going strangely flat, as though something were missing. Otherwise, it was perfect, a dream landscape born of a painter’s imagined paradise. Just looking at the soft grass and clear water made Eli’s heart ache with longing until it was all he could do not to cry.

  Isn’t it beautiful?

  Benehime’s whisper was right in his ear, and Eli jumped only to find she’d pressed herself against his back. Her arm encircled his waist, trapping him against her as she reached out with her free hand to brush her fingers against the tiny, perfect sphere.

  As much as he hated to ask her anything, Eli couldn’t help himself. “What is it?” he whispered, his voice a hoarse croak.

  Benehime dusted a butterfly kiss against his cheek. Paradise.

  Her white finger slid across the sphere’s surface, petting it just as she had pet his hair. I made it for us, she whispered, cuddling him closer. A perfect world all our own, filled with my favorite spirits. It’s not finished yet, though. The mountain is the last touch I need. As soon as Durain stops being stubborn, we’ll be ready.

  Eli jerked. Durain was the Shaper Mountain, the Lord of all Mountains, the star. He thought of the Awakened Wood’s panic, the strange flooding in Zarin, and everything became painfully clear.

  “You made this from stars?” he whispered, voice shaking.

  Of course, Benehime said. Nothing else is worthy.

  “But what about the spirits?” The words were out of Eli’s mouth before he could stop them. He didn’t care. All he could think about was Slorn’s beautiful golden trees tearing themselves apart.

  “The stars are the greatest spirits, the roots of the world.” His voice was rising now. “You made this system. You bragged to me years ago that you set your mark on the stars and tied the other spirits to them so you wouldn’t have to watch everything all the time. You built this house of cards with the stars at the bottom, and now you’re just yanking them out? Do you even care about what that will do to the rest of the world?”

  No.

  The quickness of the answer made Eli jump. Benehime’s weight vanished from Eli’s back, and he spun around to see she was leaning back with her head lowered, her hair falling over her like a shroud.

  I’m tired, Eliton, she whispered. I’ve been Shepherdess for over five thousand years now. It was never supposed to be like this. I was never supposed to rule so long. Five hundred years, Father said. A thousand at most, and then he’d be back to save us, to free us from the prison. But he never came back.

  “Father?” Eli said, bewildered. “You have a father?”

  Of course, Benehime said. The Creator brought forth my brothers and me from his own body, each of us created to do our job. The Hunter hunts, the Weaver weaves, and I shepherd the spirits in his absence.

  Benehime’s hand drifted to the larger of her spheres, her fingers running along the curve of the sky. This isn’t even the world, she said wearily. Creation used to be larger than your mind can comprehend. It stretched on forever, as full of spirits as the sky was full of stars. I was born into that world, and for one shining moment I saw things as they were meant to be.

  Her voice was so full of sorrow and loss that Eli reached out without thinking, brushing her shoulder with his fingers. “What happened?”

  Benehime leaned into his touch. All was lost,
she said. Everything that is left of the world that was is held in this sphere. Her hand stroked the larger of the two floating worlds. A fragile shell, a tiny seed, an ark that was supposed to shelter us until the Creator could restore his creation. That’s why he made my brothers and me. We were to maintain and tend what remained in his absence. Just until he could return, he said. But he never did.

  Benehime raised her head, gazing up into the white nothing above them. I worked for thousands of years in the hope of seeing the night full of stars again, but as the years wore on and the Creator did not return, the spirits began to degrade. Locked in this tiny orb, this cell, they fell deeper and deeper into sleep, and I could do nothing but take the blame.

  I’m tired, she said again, taking her hand from the orb to cup his face. Tired of hoping, tired of waiting. I’m tired of managing the demon, tired of keeping things calm. I’ve been so tired for so long, I think I was actually starting to die. But then, without warning, everything changed.

  Her white eyes filled with love. I found you, she whispered, stroking Eli’s cheek with her burning fingers. You were the only thing in all the world that loved me without prompt or knowledge, without fear. The night I found you in the forest, you embraced me without hesitation, without knowing what I was. You were so beautiful, so bright, I felt alive again for the first time in a thousand years. I loved you instantly, loved you so much that I would give up the world just to see you smile. That was when I knew it was over.

  Eli swallowed. “Over?”

  I’m tired of being the Shepherdess, Benehime said. So I’m not going to anymore. I’m done.

  Eli stared at her, his brain scrambling for purchase as she turned his world on its head. “You can’t be done!” he cried. “You’re the Shepherdess. You protect and support every living thing in the world!”

  I did, and far longer than I was supposed to. The Shepherdess shook her head. It doesn’t matter. Even if I stay, nothing changes. The Great Spirits grow weaker, the weak spirits fall into sleep and never wake, the world crumbles into entropy with or without me. Better I save what I can now.

  Her other hand shot out and wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Don’t you see, Eli? she said. I’m saving the best of creation. The paradise I’ve built is small enough that I can support the entire thing with my will alone. It will be a world without death or suffering, a world without the demon. A world where everything loves me and I am free to love you with nothing in my way.

  “But what about the rest?” Eli said, trying to jerk away. “What about the seas and the mountains and the plains and the people who aren’t stars?”

  Why should I care for them? Benehime said, holding him firm. All I love is safe in the paradise I’ve made, except for you. She slid her hands down to his shoulders, her long nails digging into his arms. Come with me. I can’t wait to show you the world I’ve made for us. A world just for you and me, ours alone, forever.

  Eli went stiff against her, his head tilting up to look at her face.

  She smiled down at him, shining with love. I’m sorry I had to be so cruel before, she whispered, kissing his forehead. But that’s all over now. Look.

  She beckoned the tiny sphere closer. It floated to her, flying soundlessly through the white until it reached her hand. She took the delicate world between her fingers and tilted it so Eli could see the black stone of the bedrock and the glittering red vein of magma that ran through it. Eli’s breath caught as he recognized it, and Benehime’s smile widened.

  You were so sorry to lose him, she said. And I hate to see you unhappy, so I brought Karon back and gave him a place of honor. Now do see how much you mean to me, darling? He’s not even a star, but I will share my paradise with him gladly if it makes you smile.

  She kissed Eli again. See how much I love you, darling? Now—she released the paradise and reached down to seize Eli’s hands—come with me. Leave this dirty, thankless world, and come away to paradise.

  Eli looked up, searching Benehime’s eyes for some hint that this was a test, that she was joking, but he found only sincerity and love. She was serious about going through with this, serious about taking him into that tiny sphere and leaving the rest of the world to rot. Eli’s eyes flicked to the green fields and blue waters, to the peaceful golden shore and the velvet forest, to Karon.

  His chest contracted. The lava spirit looked so happy flowing below the ground again, living as fitted his nature. Could he be happy, too? Eli frowned, trying to imagine an eternity of walking beneath those trees, nothing to steal, no one to talk to except Benehime and her fawning stars for the rest of time.

  Bile rose in his throat, and Eli jerked back, putting as much space between himself and the Shepherdess’s hands as possible.

  “No,” he said.

  Benehime cocked her head at him. No? she repeated, as though she didn’t know what the word meant.

  “No,” Eli said again. “Thanks for the offer, but I’d rather rot here.”

  Benehime began to tremble. Her shoulders shook, her hair rolled in waves like a storm-tossed sea. The only thing that stayed still were her eyes. They remained locked on Eli’s, the white irises widening as the love that had shone in them seconds before burned away to pure, violent fury.

  Why? The word roared out of her as she surged to her feet, taking Eli with her. She shook him then, grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him until his neck was snapping. I’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted! she shrieked. I gave you my love, my attention and adoration! Now I give you paradise, and you throw it back in my face!

  Her fingers dug into him like knives as the shaking stopped, and Eli gritted his teeth against the pain, desperate not to cry out as she dangled him like a hooked fish before her. Benehime’s face was terrible in its rage, and when she spoke again, her voice was cold enough to burn.

  Why? The word trembled. Why am I never enough? There’s someone else, isn’t there? Is it the Spiritualist girl or the demonseed? Or maybe your swordsman? She jerked him close, and this time Eli did cry out. Blood ran down his arms from where Benehime held him, the red painfully bright against the white perfection of her world. Tell me!

  Eli raised his head, biting his teeth against the pain as he grinned in her face. “If you want me to list everyone I’d rather spend time with over you, we’re going to be here awhile.”

  Why? she whispered again. You love me.

  “I did,” Eli said. “A long time ago, when I was too young and stupid to understand what I didn’t want to know. But I wised up. I’ve seen what you really are, Benehime, and what you are is cruel. You’re a cruel, selfish, violent, spoiled brat, and I will never, ever love you again.”

  Benehime hissed and dropped him. He hit the white ground hard, and the impact left him gasping. He tried to roll over, but Benehime’s white foot landed on his chest, stopping him. She crawled over him, forming a cage with her body as her face hovered just above his. For a long moment, she just stared at him, and then, without warning, she leaned down and kissed him hard enough to bruise.

  You will have no other but me, she said when she finally raised her head. I will kill anyone else who dares to touch you. You are mine. Mine forever.

  “I’m mine,” Eli hissed in her face. “My life is my own and no one else’s. But you were right about one thing.”

  Benehime eyed him suspiciously. And what is that?

  “There is someone else,” Eli said. “Josef, Nico, Karon, old man Monpress, Slorn, even Miranda and Banage. The list goes on and on, and the truth is I’d rather stay and die with any of them than live in paradise forever with you.”

  As his voice faded, the air grew very cold. He could feel Benehime’s rage pressing down on him like a physical thing, and the small, realistic part of Eli’s mind whispered that this was probably it. He’d pushed her too far, and now she was going to kill him. But even as the truth dawned on him, Eli was surprised to find he didn’t care. After all that had happened, he’d rather die here than suck up t
o Benehime ever again.

  But the Shepherdess made no move to attack. Instead, she rolled off him, her long white hair sliding after her. When she was on her feet, she glared down with a look of hatred so intense it took Eli’s breath away. And then, without another word, she turned her back on him.

  Get out of my sight.

  Eli was about to point out that she was the one keeping him here, but before he could open his mouth, the ground beneath him vanished. He plunged down in free fall. Benehime’s white form shrank above him, quickly fading into the white. Even so, her final words were as loud as though she were standing right beside him.

  Never come back.

  With that, the white world exploded into blue sky. Biting cold wind slammed into Eli’s body, buffeting him from side to side as he plummeted through the air. He began windmilling his arms on instinct, trying to get his head up. It did no good. He fell like a stone, going faster and faster as the wind ripped past.

  Just when Eli was sure he was going to be falling forever, cold white exploded all around him. For a terrifying second, he thought he was back in Benehime’s world, but then the white stuff fell on his face, burying him in wet, cold dark. Snow. He’d landed in a snowdrift.

  As the snow finally stopped his fall, all Eli felt was relief. He lay still in the freezing dark, so happy to be alive it hurt. No, he was actually hurting, and not from joy. His back ached from the impact, and the weight of the snow above him was crushing his chest. He was buried alive.

  At that thought, his body exploded into action. He thrust his feet down and began to swing his arms around, batting madly at the snow. At the same time, he flung open his spirit. That hurt more than anything else. Opening his spirit now was like trying to use torn muscle, but Eli gritted his teeth and kept at it, running a plea through the snow, begging it to move.

  For a long time, the snow didn’t even seem to hear him. And then, slowly, it started shuffling. The tiny movements became larger ones as the bank woke up. Eli increased his pleading, and the snow obliged, rolling out of the way to form a tunnel up.