Take a Breath (Take 1)

by Jaimie Roberts

  “What are you having Ana?”

  I think for a moment before making my decision. “Erm, a gin and tonic please.” He smiles at me and I almost fall off the bar stool. Boy, do I have it bad. “Hey Sam, can I get a Bud and a gin and tonic here for Ana please?”

  Sam smiles at us and says, “Coming right up Jake.”

  The drinks are laid on the table and Jake hands Sam a $20 bill.

  He turns to me holding his beer up, “Cheers Ana.”

  I smile returning his words as we clink glasses. I take a swig of my drink to steady my nerves as the close proximity of Jake’s body with my own is having an unwanted effect on me. I take a few more sips realising in the end this isn’t going to help the situation any when in walks Jessie and Tony. Tony slides over to me a little too close for comfort and I catch Jake glaring at him.

  Tony notices this and bends down to whisper in my ear, “Your dad is being a right pain in the ass today.”

  I cringe at his words, “It's fine Tony, don’t worry. He’s just looking out for me that’s all.”

  Jessie then decides to make her presence known, “So which of you lovely young gentleman is going to buy me a drink?” I roll my eyes at her. She’s so forward.

  Tony sparks up, “I’ll get you one Jessie, and Ana, would you like another?”

  I look down and realise that my drink is almost empty, when did that happen?

  Jake looks at me stunned, “Steady Ana you still have work tomorrow.”

  I look up at him and flutter my eyelashes, “Well, I wouldn’t want to upset the boss man now would I?” He blushes at my comment and I think I turn the same colour after realising it looks like I’m flirting with him.

  “That’s what we’re here for; let your hair down Ana. I’ll get you another.”

  I smile, “Thanks Tony.” The drinks and conversation are flowing and by my fourth gin and tonic the music seems to be getting louder. The song 'Don’t You Worry Child,' comes blaring through the speakers and Jessie gives a little whoop. I laugh and she comes bouncing over to me tugging at my arm.

  “We’re going dancing girl.”

  I try to resist but she is exceptionally strong for such a small girl and I don’t really want to. The drink is flowing and making me brave. I’m up dancing and I can’t stop laughing. I’m actually enjoying myself for once. I glance over and see all the men propped up at the bar watching us. My eyes are on Jake’s as I give him a cheeky wink. Boy I am really getting courageous. The songs carry on much the same and then Justin Timberlake’s 'Rock Your Body,' comes on and we start wiggling our hips to the beat. One of the guys from work called James comes over to Jessie and starts gyrating behind her. He is another good looking detective who reminds me a lot of a young Denzel Washington, although I’d never tell him that. He may think I’m coming on to him and James doesn’t need much encouragement as far as that’s concerned.

  Suddenly I feel a pair of hands on my hips and an unwelcome crutch pushing into me from behind. I turn to face who it is thinking that it’s Tony when I face a man I’ve never met before. The guy with dark blonde spiky hair and a silly drunk grin on his face looks down to me.

  “Hi babes, you’re looking mighty fine there so I thought I may join in, you don’t mind do you? You’re a great dancer?”

  I’m angry; who does he think he is? “Actually I do mind, now can you get your hands off me?” He’s looking angry now. I try to push his hands away and he just grips harder.

  “Don’t try to fight me off lady, you dance like that and expect no one to notice and want to join you.”

  I try to wriggle myself away from him when the spiky blonde guy is suddenly yanked off me by the scruff of his neck and there stands Jake, Tony and a bunch of guys from work surrounding him.

  Tony shouts, “You lay your fucking hands off her ok, she doesn’t want you touching her now fuck off.”

  Spiky blonde guy puts his hands up in surrender. “Ok, ok, I’ll go. I thought she was game after the way she was advertising her mighty fine ass.”

  Both Jake and Tony make a move to grab him when Sam’s voice is heard from afar, “Hey guys please don’t be doing this in my bar. Take it outside if you must but not in here.”

  I look over at Jessie who is staring mouth wide open at what’s happening before us. I run over to Tony and Jake and I put my hand on each of their chests. The electricity that bolts though me has me spellbound and I stare into Jakes eyes for a second, he makes an ever so slight gasp like he feels it too and I can feel Tony’s eyes from me to Jake. I quickly snap myself out of it and finally find my words. “Thanks guys, but I don’t want any trouble caused over me, and besides he’s not worth it. I think it may be best if we leave now, don’t you think Jake?” He glares over to the spiky blonde guy who is finally retreating, he looks down to me and nods. “Right guys back to normal, nothing to see here.” I wave my hands absent-mindedly in the air and I hear a few chuckles. I think I’m rather drunk now. I walk over to Jessie and give her a hug.

  “Wow that was intense. I thought they were all going to start pissing on you for a minute there.”

  I smack her arm, “Jessie, that’s disgusting. I’m going home before I cause any more trouble. How are you getting back, have you got a ride?”

  Jessie smiles, “Yes I’m fine, Michael promised me a ride home, he said he wasn’t drinking.”

  I give her a kiss on the cheek and say my goodbyes. I give Tony a hug and thank him. He seems to hold me a little longer than necessary and have to prize him away.

  “See you tomorrow sweet cheeks.”

  I turn and find Jake waiting for me at the door. “Ok, see you tomorrow.”

  We head out the door and the fresh air hits me making me slightly wobble a bit on my feet. Jake quickly reaches down to grab hold of me and that surge of electricity is felt again. I stare up into his eyes and he looks like he’s in pain. I quickly gather myself up. He doesn’t want to touch me. “How are we getting home Jake?”

  He looks perplexed, “I only drank that one beer Ana; I’m fine to take you home in the car.”

  I acknowledge this but didn’t realise. I was too busy dancing my ass off with Jessie. I sit in the car and Jake then goes around to the driver’s side and gets in. He starts the car up and looks down a minute.

  “It seems it was deemed necessary that you had protection tonight, just protection from a different person. You seem to attract trouble.”

  I’m stunned at this sudden outburst from him and I feel a pain in my gut at the memory of my stepfather.

  The Accountant my mum married was not content with just my mum, he started looking at me the wrong way when I was 12 and it developed quite rapidly. At first it was just touching and he kept saying I was a slut and that no one would believe me if I told anyone as he was the Pillar of Society and I was just a little bitch who was asking for it. He scared me and I was only young and believed him. He told me my mum would never forgive me if I said anything and that she would want to throw me out onto the streets, that I would be homeless and alone. One night he came into my room, I had just turned 13 then. He sat down on my bed and pulled the covers away. He said I was now the right age to please him more and that I owed it to him to do as I was told. I became frantic screaming and crying and this just spurred him on further. He threw himself on top of me and I could smell whiskey on his breath and feel his erection pushing into my leg. I felt sick and knew what was about to happen and I couldn’t stop it. He ripped my pyjamas apart and tried to yank down my knickers. I kept screaming, “No, no, please don’t do this to me, please.” He hit me on the head and then I passed out. The next thing I remember is being taken to the hospital and my mum sitting in the chair crying. My head was pounding and I was wondering what had happened. “Mum, what’s going on?” She looks up at me, tears streaming down her face.

  “One of the neighbours heard your screams and luckily the back door was unlocked so he was able to gain entry. He managed to yank him off you before, before.” A litt
le sob escapes her lips before she continues, “There was a fight and Alan managed to get away. I doubt very much he will come back now.”

  He never did but the police searched for him and we moved as soon as we could on to the next venture. My mum has always been funny with ever me since that incident and I always felt in the way of everything. I’m so glad now I’m older and can get away from her when I want to. Alan has never been found, he seems to have disappeared into thin air and so be it, he was a monster. I think my mum found the whole thing embarrassing and just wanted it to go away as quickly as possible. At times I still think about what happened that night and I can’t stand the smell of whiskey anywhere near me because of it.

  My mind quickly comes back to the car and I see Jake glaring at me. Does he know? If he does, that was such a cruel comment even from him. “I don’t understand Jake, why are you so mad and what do you mean by, I need protecting?”

  He shakes his head, “Nothing. Men just seem to fly around you. You’re like honey to a bee and you make people crazy.”

  I’m stunned by this, what does he mean? I look at him in shock, “Are you angry with me? What is it you would like me to do, move out?” He visibly winces at my comment and tightens the steering wheel.

  “No, of course not. Forget I said anything.”

  He turns and puts the car in drive and we head off back home. The rest of the journey is made in silence and I’m feeling sober all of a sudden not knowing how to think or react. He parks the Range Rover in the garage and we unlock the door. The house is silent and all the lights are off.

  “Stella, Matthew?” Jake shouts around the house.

  I hear a door open upstairs and Matthew pops his head over the stairwell, “Hey Dad, hey Ana, did you have a good time?”

  I turn and look at Jake suddenly feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders from the whole day.

  He looks over to me expression unreadable and then looks up at Matthew, “It was eventful. Where’s Stella?”

  Matthew shrugs his shoulders, “I haven’t seen her since I came in.”

  Oh dear, where is she? “When was that Matthew?” I ask trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably. I have a bad feeling in my gut.

  “Well, I’ve been in since about 4.30, and there was no one here.”

  I find myself walking down to the basement bedroom where she normally sleeps. She says that it’s because Jake snores, but I never hear him. The first thing I do is fling her wardrobe door open and I see an empty space staring back at me. My shoulders sag and I’m suddenly enraged knowing full well that she has fled yet again. How could she do this to Jake, to Matthew, to me? I pick up one of her favourite ornaments sitting on her bedside and I throw it at the wall. It falls in tiny pieces as I slump to the floor in a heap. I can hear Jake and Matthew upstairs shouting for me but I can’t move, what a shit day. They both stand at the bottom of the stairs staring at me in disbelief. They look at me and then at the debris on the floor. Jake is about to say something when I point to her wardrobe. He has to know, I can’t hide this from him. He walks over, peeks inside and lets out a deep breath. I get up from the heap I’m in, suddenly feeling exhausted. I look at Jake with tears in my eyes and say, “I’m sorry Jake.” I walk up the stairs and head for my room. How can my day get any worse than this? I bet he wishes he never met the Sinclair’s. I slump on my bed and punch the pillow. She hasn’t even had the decency to write a note, she’s just vanished, again. I don’t know why she does it. I suddenly feel this horrendous relief, but I feel guilty because I know Jake must be so upset that she’s decided to leave, but all I am now feeling is relief. She’s out of my life. I can finally get on without her. I let out a deep breath and before I know it, I’m falling into oblivion.

  Chapter 3

  The sound of the alarm waking me at 6:30am was an unwelcome one. My head is pounding. I look up and quickly realise I’m still dressed from last night. Wow, I must have been dead to the world. I get up and walk over to my bathroom. I quickly pour some water in a glass and take some Advil out of the cabinet. I pop the tablets and start to get undressed for a shower. Once I’m done I look in my wardrobe for inspiration. It’s still hot, must be at least seventy degrees outside and the day hasn’t even started yet. I put on a nice grey pencil skirt, a white blouse and some black high heels. I’m feeling better already. I make my way the mirror and apply my makeup and blow dry my hair. By the time I’m finished its 7:15am. As I climb downstairs I suddenly remember that I have to clear that mess I made up from last night. I go to the cupboard on the landing and begin my journey down to the basement. I get to the bottom and find that there’s nothing there.

  “I cleaned it up last night.”

  The voice makes me jump. I turn around and find Jake in all his glory. His hair is swept back this morning making his eyes a piercing green as ever. He’s wearing a crisp white shirt and grey trousers and he he’s adjusting the cufflinks at the end of his arm. “Do you want me to help you with that?” I offer.

  “No, its ok I got it thanks.”

  Great now he doesn’t want me near him. “I’m really sorry I did that last night Jake and thanks for cleaning it up for me.”

  He sags a bit and sighs, “I tried calling her last night but I think she may have disconnected her phone. She’s not left a note or anything. Do you have any idea where she may have gone?”

  I don’t know what to say, do I tell him the truth or will it hurt him too much? “I have no idea Jake, I’m really sorry.”

  He looks disgruntled, “I’m sure we’ll figure something out Ana. Do you want to take the day off, I’ll understand if you don’t want to come in today?”

  I look baffled, why is he being so nice to me? I thought he would be throwing me out by now. “No, I’m fine really Jake but thank you anyway. I’ll go get the keys to my car and get going I think. Is Matthew up yet?”

  He looks at me and frowns, “I got Matthew up just now; he’s getting ready for school. You can come with me again today; I should be finished the same time as you again if you want?”

  I look up into those eyes and smile, “Ok, that’ll be good, thank you.”

  We say our goodbyes to Matthew and head out to work. The sun is shining and it is a beautiful day. I love the start of summer it is my favourite time of year. The winters here are too cold and I just want to curl up in bed for three months and hibernate. It’s always times like that I wish I was a bear. It is weather like we have now that you feel you don’t have a care in the world. How far from the truth can that be now?

  We head down the route 7 and we are almost there when Jake suddenly speaks, “Have you eaten Ana?”

  I quickly realise I haven’t eaten since yesterday lunchtime. No wonder I had a banging headache this morning. So much has been going on, I have actually forgotten to eat.

  “You have to eat Ana, it’s important. You didn’t have anything last night either did you? You have to take better care of yourself than this.”

  I sigh and he quickly turns into a McDonald’s about ten minutes away from work. “Jake, we’re going to be late.” He turns the ignition off and looks over to me.

  “I’m getting you something to eat, what do you want?”

  I frown at him and fold my arms. I’m behaving like a child now, but he is trying to tell me what to do. “I’m not hungry.” He grunts and gets out of the car. A few minutes later he is back with the brown paper bag and slides up on his seat. He passes the bag to me.

  “Eat Ana, now.”

  I huff out a ‘no,’ and I can tell he’s getting angry. I really am behaving like an insolent child and I’m getting hungry now that the smell is hitting me from the bag, but I’m still being stubborn because he is trying to tell me what to do.

  “Ana, I’m not going to start this car until you start eating. I don’t care if I make you late, we will sit here all day if it takes that long.”

  I look over to him. I’m super angry. I can’t believe this sudden interest in me. Before at home w
e would talk and do things as a family but it would always seem to me that he was somehow trying to avoid me. Lately he had taken more interest, so much so that he is now blackmailing me to eat. I grab the bag in a huff. “Fine,” I say with gritted teeth. I take what looks like a Sausage and Egg McMuffin and place it in my mouth; I let out an unwelcome moan as I bite down into it. I didn’t realise I was so hungry. I look over to Jake and he is sitting there looking rather uncomfortable. He wriggles in his seat and then smiles. “My job here is done, now let’s get to work, I have a thousand things to do.”

  I put my hands up exasperated, “You have a thousand things to do and yet you hold me hostage in your car until I eat?” He beams a big smile like he is pleased with himself.

  “It was deemed necessary Ana. You have to keep healthy. I know a McDonalds isn’t healthy but it was the quickest thing to order on the menu that wasn’t too messy for you to eat in a hurry.”

  I find myself gorging on the McMuffin and I’m a little annoyed that he is right. I let out a little hiccup and Jake looks over to me and beams.

  “Told you.”

  I wriggle in my seat and mutter ‘told you,’ under my breath. Jake looks over with a cheeky grin.

  “Hey, what was that?”

  He proceeds to jab me in the waist and it tickles so much that it hurts my stomach. I laugh and try to grab his hand to push him away. He looks like he’s enjoying himself. I finally manage to grab two of his fingers and that jolt goes through me again. He looks over and the smile quickly fades as we’re fixed staring at one another. We are brought out of our trance by a car horn blaring at us from the front. Jake quickly looks up and sees the car making a turn in front of him. Jake had missed a stop sign and nearly crashed into the car. He stops dead to avoid a collision.

  “Hey watch it asshole.”

  Jake looks at the man behind the wheel of the Jeep Trinity and mouths, ‘I’m sorry sir.’ The guy shakes his head but carries on driving. Jake looks pissed now and the rest of the journey is made in silence, the moment lost.