Four Beheadings and a Funeral

by Ugland, Eric

  * * *

  Huzzah! Against all odds, you have reached Level 28! You receive the ability: Mana Well. Dare to believe you can survive, and achieve greatness. Or don’t.

  * * *

  Hey-ho, let’s go! You’ve discovered an ability: Mana Well. Your reserves of mana are significantly larger.

  * * *

  That was nice. Completion of the big Eona quest and killing some overgrown jello bugs, and I finally had a new level. Sure, the ability seemed a bit cruel considering I had no use for it, but it’s not like arguing with the gods had ever done me any favors.

  “You smile,” Yuri said, “something good?”

  “New level.”

  “Ah, congratulations,” he said, clapping me on the shoulder with his big, soft paw-hand.

  “Twenty-eight.”

  “Getting up there in the world.”

  Arno came around the corner, muttering.

  “I hate to say this,” Arno said, “but we needed more blood.”

  “There was a ton of blood,” I said, pointing to Yuri and I, who were quite liberally covered in clackscream blood. And guts. Well, a mixture of their internals.

  “I doubt vampires are salivating at the prospect of eating the foul concoction smeared across your shirt.”

  “Or maybe it’s an exotic delicacy.”

  “If it is, the local vampire population seems to have missed out on that.”

  “Nothing here?”

  “There is nothing here I saw. No one who might be a vampire, and no locals in general watching this fight.”

  “That’s odd.”

  “It is different,” Arno said. “But it is also rather cold tonight. I don’t know if the popularity of the monster battles is retained through the winter. I admit, I have not been here that long.”

  There was a bit of a nip in the air. No snow yet, but the air had that smell about it. At least, if you could separate out the repugnant clackscream gore stench, you’d get a whiff of snow. “You should probably tell them about me,” the tiny brownie whispered into my ear.

  I frowned, but nodded. I needed to trust these guys, and I had the feeling we were going to have to every last tool at our disposal.

  “What is it?” Yuri asked.

  “There’s someone here with us,” I said.

  “Ta-da,” Bear said, popping into visibility on my shoulder and in a display of, well, spectacle.

  Both Yuri and Arno jumped back. Arno’s fingers glowed and Yuri’s claws sprung out. Which was new — I’d never seen him with his claws out before. Hell, I didn’t even realize he had claws like that.

  I put my hands out. “She’s with me,” I said.

  “What is she?” Yuri asked, claws retracted. He leaned in, curious.

  “A prime example of a brownie,” she replied with a little Betty-Boop-style hip pop.

  “A brownie?” Arno asked, also peering at the tiny woman. “I have had so few experiences with any of those from the fairy realm. Have you been to the Feedoheem?”

  She sighed. “Yes, but I’m not talking about that now. Okay?”

  “We are on a bit of a time crunch,” I added.

  “And now that I’m visible and can do things, if we get a fresh vampire, I think you,” she pointed at Yuri, “and I might be able to do a little working that will lead us to our quarry.”

  “The Master,” I said.

  “Yes.”

  “And how do you know what you might do with me?” Yuri asked.

  “I checked your character sheet.”

  He growled.

  “Oh come off it,” she said. “We don’t have time right now.”

  “It is a bit impolite,” I said.

  “Who here thinks the vampires are adhering to every social norm?”

  “I mean, they might be. I’ve heard—”

  “They aren’t. Yuri has a tracking spell that can only be used once per day. But I can goose that spell up a bit, and we can use it multiple times across tonight. But, for the spell to work—”

  “We need vampire blood,” Yuri said.

  “Bingo,” Bear said with a wink and a snap. “Now let’s go get a fucking vampire.”

  “Does it have to be fucking?” I asked.

  “Not funny.”

  Chapter Forty-Four

  We went another round on how we would actually find a vampire. This time through, we decided it would be best to attract one with bait.

  Which meant finding someone to act as bait. Someone young and seemingly weak. Easy prey.

  “Eliza?” Bear asked.

  “No,” I said.

  “Who is Eliza?” Yuri asked. “Would she help us?”

  “She would totally help us,” Bear piped in before I could respond.

  “But I won’t let her help us,” I countered. “She is the woman I am here to protect.”

  “You are also here to kill the vampires,” Bear said. “Don’t forget that.”

  “She’s not going to be bait.”

  “Then who?” Bear asked, miniature arms crossed and glaring at me with her eyes.

  “Maybe we might find some unfortunates looking for coin,” Arno said.

  “Why do I think you’ve already got someone in mind?” I asked.

  “A reputable man like me would never know any women of ill-repute.”

  “So where is she?”

  The mancer paused for the barest of moments.

  “This way,” he said.

  We headed east, back along the main road for a spell before turning north into the more, shall we call it, affordable section of town. Buildings were a bit taller, a bit closer together, and the roads a little narrower. And unlike the southern part of town, people here were still awake and working.

  The sawmills were still going. They probably went nonstop in Osterstadt. People got wood prepped to be delivered. Goods churned out, and sawdust spewed into the sky from a hundred different mills. People were awake, but moving in groups, and they eyed us like we were interlopers, and most certainly not welcome.

  We wound down some smaller streets and a few alleys until we came to a tavern. A small establishment that was tucked into the back of an otherwise unremarkable building that I would have sworn was just a warehouse. There was no real sign out front, just a door and a small window. Looking through the small window, I could see a darkened room with a bar along one side, and some tables covered in shadow that took up the rest of the place.

  Arno walked in like he was a regular in the place — and given by the nod from the bartender, he was. So well-known, it seemed, that no one cared he had brought guests. I snuck a look on my shoulder, but I didn’t see Bear. I was glad she was back in hiding. Yuri’s hood was pulled up tight, so he looked mostly human. Arno scanned the place.

  “Wait here,” he said, pointing to a table in the corner. Then he was gone.

  Yuri sat.

  I figured roadhouse rules applied in this place, so I went up to the bartender and ordered a pair of ales.

  The bartender eyed my well-soiled tabard, chain mail, and naked blade.

  “Bell?” he asked.

  “A few times lately,” I said.

  He gave me an appraising nod, then drew the ales into large clay mugs.

  I slid a gold coin over, and winked. The bartender’s eyebrow raised. Then he almost smiled, and the coin disappeared.

  The ale tasted fine. Watery and a bit tangy, but fine. I wasn’t going to complain. Yuri took a sip of his, puckered, and then made a show of holding his mug but not drinking it.

  “This Eliza,” Yuri said quietly, “is she, or rather, does she belong to your lord?”

  “There’s no slavery here,” I replied, just above a whisper.

  “I meant,” he started, but shook his head. “Not in that manner. A pledge. Or—”

  “Romantically? Like marriage-wise sort of a thing?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ahh. No. Though I think her father might be trying to angle something in that direction.”
/>   “Your lord is unmarried and unbetrothed?”

  “Single and trying not to mingle.”

  He brought the mug to his mouth, clearly thinking about what he was about to say and not what he was doing. He took another sip, made another face, and shook his head.

  “An unmarried ruler is,” he said, then paused. I could tell he was trying to find the polite word, “challenging.”

  “I guess,” I said. “Haven’t really thought much about it. As long as we’re waiting, can I ask — are you thinking of remaining in the Empire?”

  He took in a deep breath, held it for a moment, then let it out slowly.

  “Yes,” he said. “Maybe. Probably.”

  “It’s a big move.”

  He nodded. “There are many problems within the Empire, equally as many in the, well, my former home. It is a matter of choosing which sacrifices I am willing to make. I fear I am not welcome in my former home, and so, I hope to be more welcome here.”

  “I know you’d be welcome in Coggeshall.”

  “Oh? You have enough rapport with your lord to swing an additional citizen or four?”

  “You count as four?”

  “I would have my family coming.”

  “Ah, yeah. Definitely. Wait, where is your family?”

  “Likely somewhere between Arenberg and Glaton. They are taking the long way around.”

  “So how did you get here then?”

  “I went through the Gloom.”

  “The fuck you did.”

  He smiled, and nodded. “I did.”

  “I heard it was dangerous.”

  “It is, very.”

  “Then how?”

  “I am a monster hunter. It is what I do and it is all I do. As has my father and his father before him. I have hunted in the Gloom. Traveling, especially as just myself — well, it is not easy, never is it easy, but — it is possible.”

  “Dude, have you heard of Gloomguard?”

  He chuckled. “Of course.”

  “Have you been there?”

  “I may have traveled some of the Gloom, but I have never been that far.”

  “Do you think you could get there?”

  “I would rather not. There is much down there we do not understand, much we have no idea about. But I can tell you that getting to Gloomguard from this far north requires crossing areas even someone as myself would not.”

  “Like, what’s down there?”

  “You met one of the creatures today.”

  “The spidery guys? They weren’t that bad.”

  “They were badly out of their environment. Imagine when they are able to crawl on the walls and the ceiling, and it is absolute dark. That change in the battlefield pushes them from mere annoyances like today to nightmare fuel. There are jellies and slimes, so many different varieties that it is impossible to know them all. The dark orcs make a life there, existing with little other desire than fighting and killing. If they are in a generous mood, you might get a chance to trade with them. Or speak with them, but it is just as likely they will force you to fight. There are purple worms, banded worms, scaled worms, triple worms, and likely more that I cannot remember. Things that eat brains and learn from them, things that suck blood, things that only eat fat and fascia. And those are the things that we have come across. The ones that are more common. There are also the named beasts. Monsters of nightmare and legend. The Soul Drinker. The Stalking Dire Beast. The Netherrun. The Gloom is not a place I like going, and whether I choose to remain in the Empire or find a new home, I doubt any amount of money would be worth another trip through that accursed land.”

  “Ten gold.”

  He smiled, and shook his head.

  “Twenty,” I said.

  “Well, now I’ll go.”

  I chuckled.

  Arno came walking out of the back with a young blonde woman following him. We had our bait.

  She sat down with us at the table while Arno got another two mugs of ale.

  “Hello,” I said, “Montgomery Northwoods. And that is Yuri.”

  She smiled at me. When she looked at Yuri, she was taken aback. She didn’t cover it particularly well, but she did recover.

  “Sorry,” she said, “just wasn’t expecting, uh, you.”

  “I seem to be somewhat unique here,” Yuri said.

  Arno sat down, and put the new mugs on the table. He took a long pull on his, and I watched Yuri waiting for Arno to make some sort of face. Arno did not. I also noticed that our new friend did not bother to drink any.

  “I am told you have need of me,” she said.

  “Can I get your name?” I asked.

  “You may call me Rose,” she replied, eyes closed and with a wry smile. So she probably just came up with the name.

  “Rose it is. Rose, I’m going to level with you. We need you to be bait so we can catch a vampire.”

  She raised an eyebrow and looked over at Arno. When he nodded, she drained her mug of ale in a single go, and got up from the table.

  “Thank you,” she said, “and good night.”

  Rose walked off.

  “Real smooth,” Arno said.

  “I figured you’d done some preamble shit,” I replied.

  “The preamble got her out here to talk to you.”

  “Go get another one,” I said.

  He frowned at me, but, then got up, and walked into the back again.

  “The primal races,” I said, “what were those?”

  “That’s all theory,” Yuri replied. “No one really knows the ancient history. Save a few dragons, that is, but they’re not exactly talkative on the subject. But the theory goes that certain races were here, on this planet or in this plane, from the beginning. All the rest were brought here at some point.”

  “By who?”

  “Gods, accidents, or both.”

  “What were the original races then?”

  “Right. The four races were the original sapients, at least how the theory goes.”

  “Elves?”

  “No. Nothing that is really prevalent today. And their names were, well, odd. Generalized. There were the Lower, who we know the least about because they were amphibious. The Upper, who lived in the skies. Who had wings. Then there were the Risen, who tried to take over the world, and the Fallen, who did take over the world, and who were struck down by the gods for being too powerful.”

  “The Fallen were?”

  “Yes.”

  “Any idea why? Or how?”

  “These are all myths and legends. Things that people would tell each other around the campfire. There’s nothing to indicate any real truth to this—”

  “Right, but let’s say there was a Fallen here today, what would—”

  “I don’t know. I doubt anyone knows. You’re talking about events that happened thousands upon thousands of years ago. There are civilizations that have risen, fallen, and been forgotten in the space between then and now. All I know is that the Fallen were feared, and that their rage was bottomless.”

  “Oh.”

  “Not too much. But, then again, I only studied the bare minimum.”

  “Saved it all for monsters.”

  “Exactly.”

  I wanted to press him further, but I saw Arno coming back with a redhead. She looked more like, well, a professional fun-haver. Very curvy and with a face that seemed unable to do anything other than smile. So I smiled at her.

  She winked at me as she sat down. Arno, again, went to the bar.

  “You have a job for me?” she asked.

  “What did Arno say?” I asked, eager to not make the same mistake.

  “That you needed me to do something a little strange, a bit dangerous, but that you’d make sure I wasn’t hurt.”

  “Sounds about right,” I said. “What do you know about vampires?”

  “Not much, other than that they are in the city. Are you, I mean, are you vampires? I do not want to be eaten—”

  “No, we’re not vampires. I am
Montgomery Northwoods, bodyguard and man-at-arms. This is Yuri, monster hunter, and you know Arno. You are?”

  “Joosje,” she said. “And you know what I do.”

  She didn’t say it with pride, which made me sad. I didn’t think anything wrong with what she did, but I also didn’t feel right trying to make her feel better about her chosen profession.

  Arno sat down and put the ale in front of her.

  She smiled, took the mug, but did not drink from it. Arno, on the other hand, quaffed his down. Which was his second ale in as many minutes, and he wasn’t exactly a big dude. Having a drunk wizard along for the night wasn’t going to be good for the team. Still, the dude ain’t a baby, so he could handle his own shit. Or so I hoped.

  “So what exactly,” Joosje asked, “do you need me to do?”

  “We are hunting the Master Vampire, and we’ll need you to—” I started.

  “Why?” she interrupted to ask.

  “What do you mean why?”

  “I thought they already caught him.”

  “I’m sorry, who?”

  “The, uh, the city guard or, whomever. I’m not from here, so I don’t really known the ins and outs of the city. Just, I heard that they caught him.”

  “Do you know who?”

  “The viceroy.”

  “The viceroy. Léon Glaton, cousin of the emperor?”

  She nodded, a little confused, but seemed sure of herself.

  “Fuck,” Arno said.

  I bolted from the tavern.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  I sprinted through the streets at full speed, pushing people out of my way as necessary. I ignored any calls or cries behind me. But as soon as I hit the main avenue, I saw the enormity of the problem I faced.

  A mob of people with torches had gathered and filled a good chunk of the street. Shoulder to shoulder, men and women, obviously full of rage. And therefore fear. I walked into the mob and tried to get a good look at what was going on, tried to listen. People were just screaming. Yelling. I saw no attempt at keeping order. There was, however, a wagon being pulled out onto the main thoroughfare. It was a very basic wagon, more like a flat top with wheels. And on that flat top was a man in chains, kneeling, his head down.