Four Beheadings and a Funeral

by Ugland, Eric

  As we approached, the guards took a more attentive stance.

  “You mind letting us through?” I asked.

  “Yes,” the leftmost guard replied.

  “Any way to your mind? Maybe a little donation to the Random Guard Retirement Fund?”

  “You attempt to bribe us?”

  “Yes. That is exactly what I’m doing.”

  “We care nothing for gold,” the right one said.

  “Well, that puts us in a bit of a pickle then, doesn’t it?”

  The right one looked to the left one, who looked back at the right one.

  “Bear,” I said, “are these vamp—”

  Righty lunged out impossibly fast, pulling his sword and swinging it in one smooth motion.

  Acting purely on instinct, I got my arm up to block. The sword slammed into my forearm, stopping against my bone with a dull thump.

  Righty’s eyes went wide, right up until my left fist went into his face, crunching his nose and sending him falling back on his ass. He left his sword in my arm.

  Leftie was moving towards Arno, who was backpedaling.

  I ripped my axe out and threw it left-handed at Leftie’s legs. While I didn’t get the axe to cut through his leg armor, or chausses or whatever, I did trip him up. He crashed to the ground.

  Righty, also on the ground, was scrambling to his feet, so I pulled a similar move on him. I ripped my sword from its scabbard and brought it right across, a perfect decapitation strike.

  Except that when my sword hit his neck, it stopped with a sharp claaang.

  Righty smiled, and I shouted: “Fucking gorget!”

  He got to his feet, pulled his dagger out, and jumped at me, stabbing down.

  I don’t know why so many people jump when they’re fighting. It’s really a bad idea, because it ruins your freedom of movement. I got my arm up, the one covered in blood, and caught Rightie’s whole body and pivoted my torso, adding my throw to his momentum to force him back to the ground. This meant I had my back to my other opponent, but I trusted in Yuri to be there and take some of Leftie’s attention while I ruined Righty’s night.

  Righty hit the ground hard. I got the first real indication of his vampirism, because a normal person would have had the wind knocked out of them from such a maneuver. This guy immediately started to get up.

  But remember that gorget? (Thanks Zoey) It’s basically a ring of metal that goes around your neck. Great for preventing things like beheadings and unsightly hickies. And, it turns out, it is also a decent handle.

  I grabbed the gorget and pulled him up to his feet, then kept going in a circle, and slammed him into the wall, face first. Then, I pulled him back and slammed him into the other wall. Because I was holding onto the back of the gorget, he couldn’t turn around and attack me.

  He struggled, sure, but even with his bonus vampire strength, he didn’t have the oopmh to overpower me. He was really just my puppet at that point.

  * * *

  Vampire Puppet

  Item Type: Improvised - Uncommon

  Item Class: One-handed Melee, Two-handed Melee

  Material: Undead Flesh

  Damage: 50-80 (Bludgeoning), 2-8 (Psychic)

  Durability: 430/500

  Weight: 185 lbs

  Requirements: Str 18

  Description: A vampire’s body, held firmly by the neck..

  * * *

  I used him to bludgeon his buddy off Yuri. I even managed to get him going up in the air and then down onto the ground, head first. His helmet took the brunt of the first blow, but then it fell off, so I had to get creative, and I bashed his head into the wall until such time as he stopped moving.

  Finally, I let go.

  The body had long since stopped holding itself up, so it just sort of slumped over.

  I undid the gorget, threw it over my shoulder, and sliced his head off.

  “Whew,” I said, brushing off a little sweat from my forehead while looking around.

  The other three members of my team were waiting next to the open gate, arms crossed. They’d already finished the Leftie.

  “Stupid vampires take a lot of work,” I said.

  “Are you quite finished?” Bear asked, and pointed to Yuri’s outstretched sack of biological materials.

  I put the stuff in the bag, tried not to think about how gross the extra-dimensional space inside the sack must be, and took my position at the front of the group. Time to go up the stairs.

  Bonus, though — because I helped in the slaughter of Leftie, I got partial credit for his death!

  * * *

  GG! You’ve killed a Vampire (lvl 21 Vampire).

  You’ve earned 500 xp! What a mighty hero you are.

  * * *

  GG! You’ve killed a Vampire (lvl 23 Vampire).

  You’ve earned 650 xp! What a mighty hero you are.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  The stairwell was carved out of the rock, and had the sharp look of stones that hadn’t be trod upon for hundreds of years. It was wide and well done, though, so I felt like we were going somewhere that was more of an aesthetic tower fortress than an actual tower fortress. The night was starting to cool down, both in temperature and in rowdiness. Fewer shouts rang out across the city, and the fires had turned to smoldering.

  I was very much hoping, that we were about to assault the Master. I was starting to have vague worries that we’d be tracking and hunting vampires in perpetuity. I had no way of knowing how many vampires the Master had made, and I was really hoping we’d kill the top asshole and the rest of the vampires would either just die or, you know, go back to being human. That was my guess as to how things would work. It’s not like I had, like, a really long history of being wrong.

  Up and up we went, the staircase winding a little here and there. Arno got winded pretty early on, and we had to start taking breaks about every thirty stairs or so. About three hundred steps later, I could make out a small courtyard around a large tower that was built into the side of the mountain.

  It was colder where we were, which could have simply been that we were out of range of the weather change, or that we were high enough up that it was just colder. Or maybe the weather spell had worn off. Hard to tell, and not super important.

  The courtyard was further evidence that the fortress concept for the place was only a design choice. The ground was covered in flat grey tiles that looked a bit glossy, and there was a beautiful gazebo made out of white marble. The tower was somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty feet tall. It had large windows looking out over to the city, something we could also do if we walked out into the gazebo. I had a feeling it was absolutely gorgeous for sunsets. And probably sunrises, just not quite as nice because the mountains would get in the way of the sun.

  I walked in first, moving slowly, expecting another group of guards holding the doors to the tower.

  Nothing. No one. And no lights on in the tower.

  But the red line was still there, and it pointed to the tower, specifically the top.

  I didn’t relish the idea of fighting inside the tower, mainly because it was going to be cramped inside, and I fully expected to run out of luck at some point in the night. I’d probably end up facing the rest of the vampires all at once. Group fights in confined spaces are the worst.

  Just then, a body fell from the top of the tower. It smashed on the ground, dead before impact.

  I was about to walk over to it, but the red line started moving.

  A dark shape seemed to float off the top of the tower, and then gently descend down to the ground. Its arms spreading out into something like wings or a cloak — I couldn’t make it out from the distance. As it got closer, I realized was just a very large cloak.

  It was an impressive entrance. The man landed standing up straight, and then threw his hood back and lifted his chin up. He had a shock of white hair that rose up almost in a bouffant. A hook of a nose dominated his face, and his eyes were incredibly dark, such that I couldn’t discer
n iris from pupil.

  “So,” the figure said through a slight accent, walking into the moonlight, “you are my hunter.”

  “At your service,” I said.

  “I should have thought it would be you.”

  “The Master, I presume?”

  “I have held many names,” the Master replied.

  “Okay, but what are you called here?”

  “You may call me The Master if you so choose. Have you come to submit?”

  “Nah, that’s not really my style.”

  “I daresay style is not your style.”

  “Ouch! Not sure it’s necessary to insult me.”

  “Oh? Are we not mortal enemies?”

  “We could be polite, you know, while we try to kill each other.”

  “I admit you have done well against my offspring. You have likely delayed my plans by days. Perhaps months.”

  “What plans are those?”

  “I have no wish to waste time speaking to you any longer,” he said. “I do appreciate, however, the new tastes you’ve delivered unto me.”

  He sniffed the air,

  “One human,” he said, then sniffed again. “Could it be, something sweet, of the Feedoheem. A fairy?”

  “A—”

  “No, no. Say nothing, I want to be surprised as I drink her essence. And a Léonen, another first. And you,” he stepped closer as he took a long sniff. “Something old — I can’t quite place it. It is almost worth the damage you have wrought for this delectable selection. So, come now, cattle. Fight and die.”

  He hissed, fangs out.

  Just then, people swarmed us out of the shadows.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  For those first few moments of the fight, I operated purely on adrenaline and instinct. Hands were grabbing for me, teeth were trying to bite me, and I couldn’t tell what the fuck was happening. I hadn’t been so ambushed at any point in Vuldranni, especially since I had tremorsense. And yet, these fuckers didn’t set anything off. It was a total surprise.

  I got an elbow into something that crunched, my hand pushed through something soft, and I gripped hard, feeling something tear. My arm was punctured — by teeth, needles, or blades, I couldn’t tell.

  Against a single vampire, I had the strength advantage. But against the group, I was overwhelmed. I thought about enacting my battle frenzy ability, but left unchecked, that could wind up with me killing the entire population of Osterstadt. Definitely a dangerous ability to use within city limits.

  Instead, I just backpedaled as fast as I could until I slammed my back against the wall.

  Someone grunted as I crushed them into the stone. Again. And again.

  I thought about my one spell— manabomb — it might be enough to take out the vampires, but it’d also take out me and potentially my allies. Not exactly the outcome I wanted.

  My left arm pulled out straight, like someone was trying to yank it from my socket. The same happened to my right arm, and then my legs were lifted off the ground. Four vampires were holding me in the air, and I couldn’t do anything about it.

  A man stood next to me, a big sword in his hand and a giant, sleazy smile on his face.

  I used every bit of strength I had to pull myself into a ball just as the man swung, yanking my leg holders in front of me to block the man’s swing.

  He managed to blunt his blow, but when the sword hit, it was enough of a surprise that my leg holders released.

  I twisted my arm enough that I felt my shoulder start to give. But I got a grip on my arm assailants, and brought them both together in a grand butterfly press. They slammed into each other, their heads making a hollow conk on impact.

  For a heartbeat, I was free. I looked around, trying to get something of a plan.

  There wasn’t going to be a plan.

  I stopped counting at twenty opponents, all in various states of violence. One down, but already healing. Yuri was holding his own, sort of, using his glaive to keep the vampires at bay within the gazebo. I couldn’t see Arno, and I feared the worst.

  But that was all the time I had. More vampires were coming.

  I shot a jab out to the left, and tried to get my sword out with the right, but the press of vampires gave me no room to draw. I did get my elbow into a vampire’s face, then I head-butted a woman while she showed off her fangs.

  She screamed, and I heard the sharp crack of teeth breaking on my impenetrable skull.

  I stomped on someone’s foot, and then there they were, trying once again to pull my arms and get my legs. No way that was going to happen again, so I got my finger into an eye socket. I pulled for all I was worth, and heard a snap and tear. Now I had the lower portion of some vampire’s skull in my right hand.

  There was a feral guttural shriek. Everything stopped, just for a second, so we could all be a little surprised at my grotesque maneuver.

  Even me.

  But I recovered first, and got my sword out and through two necks before the rest of the vampires jumped back, out of my cutting range.

  Finally, momentary detente. The vampires surrounded me in a half circle, and I still had my back to the mountain wall. Yuri was in another circle. Still no sign of Arno or Bear.

  A brilliant flash of light rocketed through the vampires, and they screeched in response.

  I darted forward — barely able to see, but able to feel — and lashed out with my blade, slicing and dicing anything I could get in range of. I felt my sword hit home multiple times. I blinked a few times, and my night vision returned.

  More vampires were down, although I did need to kick a head away from a corpse as it was attempting to reattach itself.

  Yuri had also cut down several vamps, more than me. But he hadn’t stopped to catch his sight back. Maybe he had more forewarning than I did.

  I swung again, cutting down the vampires while they held their eyes and tried to mount some sort of defense. It almost felt unfair to be killing them like we were. But, then again, they were vampires and we were way outnumbered.

  Then Yuri slipped in the blood and guts spread across the gazebo, crashing to the ground.

  “Fuck,” I muttered. I knew it was stupid, but as I saw the vampires swarming him, I had to save my buddy.

  I cut the vampire closest to me, slicing through his torso enough that he stumbled back and out of my way, and then jumped in the air, sword held high.

  Proper foreshadowing would dictate that some vampire should have grabbed me from the air and slammed me into the ground repeatedly until I was paste.

  But lucky for me, these vampires weren’t professional fighters. They were professional rich kids, suddenly blessed with a whole host of powers they didn’t quite know how to use yet. So instead of anyone grabbing me, they were all trying to get to Yuri. I landed a blow that fully cut a vampire in half, top of the head straight through the groin.

  Then I was in the gazebo. I started stabbing at anything with the sword in my right hand, and grabbing and throwing anyone with my left hand. I was a flurry of activity, because no one was paying attention to me in their fury to feast. Stab-grab-throw. Stab-grab-throw. Rinse in blood, repeat.

  After maybe ten seconds of frenetic activity, I stood over Yuri, covered in vampire blood, and keeping the few remaining vampires at bay.

  Now that they weren’t outnumbering us 30 to 3, or, you know, ten to one if you’re into that whole simplifying fraction thing, they didn’t seem anywhere near as eager to fight.

  I kept my eyes on the vampires, and lowered down to grabbed Yuri’s forearm and lift him up to his feet.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “As far as they know,” he replied, picking up his weapon.

  “He’ll be fine,” I heard from above me.

  I snuck a glance up to see Arno and Bear huddled in the rafters of the gazebo.

  I lunged at the five remaining, spearing one of them through the chest. The vampire dropped to the ground, paralyzed.

  There was a sizzle and a pop, then a
scream. One of the vampires was on fire, which quickly spread to the others as, clearly, the new vampires didn’t realize their flammability. One vampire tried to put out the other, only to be consumed in flames themselves.

  What had started seeming like an impossible fight finished with a bit of a whimper.

  I went back into the gazebo, and saw that Yuri was not looking good. He was covered in wounds, all of which were open and oozing. Arno, similarly, was quite wounded, hanging on to the rafter with the last of his strength. Bear, meanwhile, looked like microwaved shit. Just pale and shaking, clearly having used her magical powers to the absolute limit.

  “You guys okay?” I asked.

  “I will live,” Yuri said. “I think.”

  “I can heal him enough,” Bear started, then had to pause because she ran out of breath, “that he won’t die. Stabilize.”

  Arno fell out of the rafters. I tried to catch him but missed, and he hit the ground. Okay, I didn’t try that hard to catch him, but it was only, like an eight-ish foot drop. He tried to get to his feet, but I shook my head.

  “I’ll finish the Master Asshole on my own,” I said. “You guys make sure no other vampires got away.”

  There was no response from the rest of my team, but I was hoping they were nodding and feeling grateful I was willing to shoulder this burden myself. I sighed, wishing I could have stayed outside and sent someone into the tower to deal with The Master. I wasn’t, you know, scared. I was just a little…apprehensive.

  I walked over to the front door of the tower, grabbed the handle, and tried it.

  Unlocked.

  Time to go inside.

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  It was a bit of a shock walking from the cold, dark stone exterior into what was apparently a mini-palace. I was in a large round room that had an elegant staircase sweeping up the left side. A deep red carpet ran down the middle of the stairs. A fireplace was opposite the door, with a fire burning inside. There were large comfortable-looking leather chairs opposite each other, and several shelves filled with books. Not to judge the owners’ decorating, but I found it a little weird I’d entered into what I had to assume was their library. There was a heady smell of incense in the room, something spicy and piquant, but hiding something defiantly sickly and sweet.