Izzy and the Right Answer
Page 22
“Yes.” Iz tried to breathe normally. In, and then out. Once, and then again. “What if—?”
“We’ve already answered that question.” Rocco was quiet but firm. “Whatever you want, and it doesn’t have to be a decision right this second.” He wrapped an arm around Ronnie’s waist and Ronnie sighed before leaning against his chest. “Do you want us to go?”
Iz shook his head, although he didn’t know much beyond that. “I’d rather have you here while I think.” They helped keep the bad thoughts away.
“Not sure how much studying will get done now.” Rocco’s hand stayed conspicuously above Ronnie’s waist. “Uh, how much Avatar did you guys get through the other night?”
Ronnie snorted before ducking to hide a laugh in Rocco’s shoulder.
Iz looked down at the hand on his knee. It hadn’t moved. So he carefully laid his hand over it.
“Giselle might have popcorn. I can replace it later.” Iz hoped it wasn’t a weak suggestion. It seemed like one, a silly thing to offer in lieu of sex or at least more kissing. But he supposed two athletes were always ready for food. Ronnie and Rocco said this was good, then he should believe them, or try to.
“Sounds great,” Ronnie answered, still grinning about something. “But, like, in a minute, okay? Come here for now.” He tugged on Iz’s shirt until Iz wriggled that much closer.
Ronnie swept the tears from his eyelashes, then urged Iz’s head up for Rocco’s inspection.
Iz twisted his lips unhappily. “Blotchy?”
“Beautiful,” Rocco assured him and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
The water for the shower turned off, but that didn’t matter at the moment. “I’ll fall asleep during the show,” Iz reminded them, in barely a murmur, and then shivered at the thought of falling asleep between them.
He wondered if they had a similar thought. He got twin smiles and Ronnie’s happy laugh.
Chapter Thirteen
From his position one of Eric’s couches, Iz had a good view of Rahim darting in and out of the bathroom to check his face and hair. Rahim didn’t live there, but he was nervous. Iz had almost wondered why before he’d remembered his recent discovery that he liked being found attractive by people he cared about.
Hot Nurse was coming here to meet up with Rahim before they went out with some of the others. That made it a date but also a chance to meet his friends and get their approval, according to Eric when Iz had asked. That was like meeting the family, Patricio had explained. Which was something for Iz to consider later when his friend wasn’t panicking.
“You’re beautiful,” Iz called out when Rahim disappeared into the bathroom for the third time. Rahim instantly poked his head out. He had worked sparkles into his hair that made Iz smile whenever he saw them.
“I know.” Rahim raised his chin as if confident, but then sighed and ducked back out of sight, probably to fuss in the mirror. “I love you too.”
Iz grinned and sat up to gaze around the room. Patricio and Damien were sprawled out on the other couch, very high, sharing a bag of cookies while discussing pigments. Eric was trying to take a shower before going out, but being indulgent of Rahim’s nerves and waiting. Ali was out on a date of his own although he had stopped by earlier with the bag of cookies—leftover from his bakery job—and half a pie. Patricio and Damien would probably eat that too.
Iz crossed his arms and rested his chin on them, using the end of the couch to prop himself up.
He’d missed his friends.
He wasn’t sure if they’d missed him during his self-imposed exile, but when he’d arrived, Eric had immediately picked him up and settled him on the couch and told him firmly to stay put so they wouldn’t forget what he looked like, and Rahim and Patricio, who had gotten there shortly before him, had smiled widely. Though only Rahim had swooped over to mess with Iz’s hair. He’d been fussing because he was anxious, Iz understood now, though also lightly critiquing Iz’s Lavender Floss nail polish for not having enough glitter.
Iz had softly agreed, since it had looked brighter in the bottle and this week for some reason he had wanted to be extra pretty. A comment that brought Rahim in closer to hug him and fondly call him a spoiled, lucky bitch.
But Iz was alone on the couch now, and not high, and while he was content to be among the group, he wouldn’t be going out with them. They were going to a club. Patricio and Damien were probably going to fall asleep where they were. Iz could always join them.
He’d checked his phone a while ago. Everyone would have seen the discussed plans for tonight in the group chat, though he wasn’t sure what Rocco or Ronnie were doing. He hadn’t told them that he was coming since he hadn’t been sure until an hour ago. They might be out, or working, or busy.
He shifted to get more comfortable, though he had the couch to himself, and rested his cheek on his hands.
He heard the door open, then voices in the kitchen, and felt the smile split his face even before Ronnie came into view. He was in a white sweater and Rocco’s leather jacket, and the combination made it difficult to breathe for a moment. The jacket didn’t quite fit him either, but Iz liked it on him.
If Rocco was mad about losing his jacket again, he gave no sign as he walked out of the kitchen. He was in the black sweatshirt and he snorted when he bumped into Ronnie, who had stopped near the doorway. Instead of going around him, he put a hand to Ronnie’s waist and leaned in to whisper something in Ronnie’s ear before he went back into the kitchen.
Ronnie had a silly smile on his face, one that dimmed when he noticed everyone looking at him, Rahim looking at him.
Ronnie and Rocco weren’t a secret. Iz knew that because Rahim had said, “Someone has been busy. It’s sickening,” when he and Iz had gone to the mall together, after Iz had said something about having more time for himself. He hadn’t said anything else, not even to clarify which use of ‘sickening’ he’d meant, the positive or the negative.
He didn’t say anything now either, except for, “Ronald,” in place of a greeting, before turning to Eric and trying to race him to the bathroom.
“Let me shave!” Eric argued without any real heat and followed him in. Through the open door, Iz could hear him complaining. “There’s a whole big mirror. Stand over there.”
“Rocco. Ronnie. What a debut,” Patricio remarked, cracking a friendly grin, and twisted back around toward Damien in search of more cookies.
A debut implied Rocco and Ronnie had not hung out together with the group since they had started dating. Which made Iz wonder what, exactly, the group thought about it, or Iz’s absence. But Ronnie came over to plop down beside him, so what Patricio or Ronnie had told everyone was something to contemplate later.
Ronnie smelled mostly like aftershave and leather, and a bit like vodka, which he may have had before coming over. It wasn’t overpowering. He sat on Iz’s feet and curled up against his side, only to stretch out a moment later. Iz shifted to let him get comfortable, then carded a hand through the soft swooshes of his hair.
“I didn’t know you’d be here.” Iz didn’t want to scold, but he’d worried. Or maybe longed to see him was better. “I saw you yesterday. There’s no reason to complain.”
“But you’re complaining anyway,” Ronnie filled in, looking up at him, face close. “Sorry,” he added, whispering, “I wasn’t sure about Rahim’s mood and if he’d want me here. Or if you’d even be here.”
“You came here for me?” Iz stopped. “You saw me yesterday.”
“The hypocrisy!” Ronnie returned, eyes lighting up. “All I did yesterday was see you. We barely talked. Rocco said he had customers, so you didn’t talk to him either. And, you know, I worry about you left alone with your thoughts for too long. Patricio was no help, I notice.”
Patricio, at that moment, murmured, “The greatest pink I have ever seen. Like, it’s so fucking pink,” to Damien’s enthusiastic agreement. If Eric had been there at that moment, he probably would have sighed in fond exasperation.
“Hmm, it’s not like it’s just my sex life, but I see what you’re saying.” Ronnie absently toyed with Iz’s cardigan. “So you’re good?” He blinked slowly in a way that was compelling and difficult to look away from. “What’d you do today?”
“Did you know saber fencing is actually quite fast?” Iz asked, still amazed at the speed of it. “There are videos.”
“Is this going to be like when you learned all the football terms even though your mind wanders during a game because you wanted to know what I was excited about—oh my God, Izzy. Wow. Sometimes, it seems painfully obvious that you were in love with me and this is one of those times. You learned about soccer. For me.”
“You love it.” Iz waved a hand, confused. “I don’t love it, and probably never will, but was I not supposed to care about what you care about?”
“You’d be surprised how many couples operate that way,” Rocco said, coming to stand at the back of the couch. He had a plastic cup in his hand, which he offered to Ronnie. Ronnie sat up in order to take it. It smelled like vodka too. “You’d be surprised at how many parents operate that way.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” That, Iz was sure of. “But mine do try to find common interests with me.” He waved his hand again. “Have ever you fenced with an épée?”
“Sure.” Rocco shrugged. “Is this what you were trying to talk about yesterday when everyone on campus decided to come into the bookshop?”
“They wouldn’t leave,” Iz told Ronnie unhappily. Ronnie only grinned. “I had to go to class. Rocco couldn’t talk to me.”
“So sorry,” Rocco apologized, and Iz would have said he was teasing, except that picked up Iz’s hand and bent down to press a kiss to his knuckles. “Need to get him a ring for this to work properly,” he commented quietly to Ronnie as if he was joking. But Ronnie’s eyes were wide, and across the room, Eric said, “Well,” and coughed.
The sound shocked Iz into remembering they weren’t alone. He pulled his hand back, though Rocco had been sweeping his thumb softly across his knuckles, and then didn’t know whether he should look at Rocco, Ronnie, or everyone else.
He was hot all over again. These two always had this effect on him.
He finally turned to Ronnie, who stared and licked his lips, before seeming to remember he had alcohol in his hand and drank some. “Um.” He licked his lips again. “That was something.”
“Fuck. It really was,” Damien agreed breathlessly, then snickered when Patricio poked him in the ribs. Patricio had his eyes shut.
Eric was clean-shaven, shirtless, still wearing sweats, and checking his phone. Rahim dashed past him to the kitchen without a word.
“What sort of ring would a mafia don have?” Iz held up his hand to consider jewelry, then wrapped his fingers around Ronnie’s wrist to pull the cup to him. He wanted to know what it was. Vodka and a soda, from the look and smell. “Are you getting drunk tonight?”
“He had a bad day,” Rocco filled Iz in, but Ronnie was already shaking his head.
“It’s beginning to look up.” He had another swallow, then passed the cup back to Rocco. “What are your plans tonight, Iz?”
“Stay here to meet Hot Nurse and then leave before everyone goes—or passes out.” He gestured loosely toward the other couch.
“Don’t suppose, after that, you’d want to go grab a bite with us? Rocco mentioned pancakes, and you can get like, an entire stack for cheap. Or we could order pizza. I’m not picky.”
“You guys are always hungry,” Iz observed. “I might be later. Though, of course, I’d go with you either way. But vodka with pancakes does not sound appealing.”
“Vodka’s for here, in case things were awkward.” Ronnie came closer to kiss Iz’s cheek, then angled his head up to bat his eyelashes at Rocco. “You going to stand there, or you going to come sit with us?”
“Cavities!” Eric shouted nonsensically as he finally closed the bathroom door behind him.
Rahim cut through the quiet conversations in the room and stopped them all dead. “That’s Izzy, our resident genius, and his boyfriends, Ronnie and Rocco.”
Iz made a sound a lot like the hiccup he’d made while watching Rocco kiss Ronnie. He turned slowly to Rahim, who was at the side of a tall man with broad shoulders and bronze skin, wearing a quality sweater that obviously did not belong to a broke college student.
Rahim looked back at Iz, eyebrows raised, lips faintly curved. He seemed challenging, but not aggressive.
Iz blinked when he remembered to, then frowned, then looked to Patricio.
Patricio’s eyes were open. He gave Iz a beatific smile. He was high, but Iz didn’t think that was why he wasn’t showing any surprise.
Boyfriends. That was the term Iz had been missing.
People did that. Had multiple partners. He had known that fact before this moment. But distantly, like he knew about proms and driving a car—although at least he had some firsthand knowledge of cars, and had seen proms in movies. He hadn’t seen this.
He flipped through odd examples, E.M. Forster and his policeman and his wife, the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire, the particulars of Byron and the Shelleys. But those didn’t match. They were stars or circles or triangles—and not even an equilateral triangle. They’d existed and worked or not worked on their own, but they were not this.
Boyfriends, he thought again. Plural.
“I—hello,” he greeted Hot Nurse belatedly, distractedly, and then remembered that Rahim had used Ronnie and not Ronald. Rahim wasn’t mad. He was possibly even pleased about it, enough to say so, in his way. Iz focused, smiling brighter at a bemused Hot Nurse. “It’s nice to meet you. I’d like to talk to you more but at some other time.”
“Oh no, it’s Formal Iz,” Rocco remarked quietly to Ronnie. Teasing or not, his voice was strained.
“Nice to meet you too.” Hot Nurse was polite, if no less confused. “Uh, all of you.”
Patricio turned around and flung his arm out to offer his hand to shake. “You’re very hot,” he announced calmly to Hot Nurse, and suddenly not so many eyes were on Iz.
Patricio was a very good friend. Iz would thank him later. Right now, he looked at Ronnie.
Ronnie met his stare. His shoulders were slightly hunched, but he didn’t blink.
“It’s easy to lie to me,” Iz said, and Ronnie flinched. “You didn’t—directly. But you knew I didn’t know.”
“You were getting there,” Ronnie answered softly. “And people aren’t boyfriends until they decide they are. We just… wanted to be—yours. We wanted to be yours.”
“Please.” Rocco’s voice was all gravel. Iz looked up at him. His eyes could hold so much warmth. It was such a surprise whenever he let it show. “That conversation we had in your room, remember? When I came alone after Ronnie kissed me?”
“When Ronnie sent you.” Iz had not paid enough attention to that fact, or to any of Rocco’s finer points in that argument—discussion. “You were trying to tell me you love me, or could love me.”
“Yeah, but, also—” Rocco took a deep breath “—about how people sometimes don’t stop loving people. About loving more than one person at the same time. Do you remember that?”
“…I do now,” Iz said, hesitant when the two of them exchanged a look. “From your silence, this is important. You were telling me, then, and asking me, in the library.” He put his hands to his cheeks, which were burning hot. “Everyone calls me a genius but I’m—”
“Nope. Don’t say it.” Ronnie took one of Iz’s hands and held it in his. “But… you did mess up.”
Iz frowned. Ronnie turn
ed his hand over to press Iz’s palm to his cheek. He was warm too, flushed with excitement or alcohol or both.
“You thought all that out—and you were right, up to a point—but you didn’t finish the problem,” Ronnie explained gently. “That’s what we realized. That, uh, it sucked, not seeing you, and you guys were finally talking, and taking that away felt cruel to both of you.”
“I don’t think…” Iz stumbled over his words. “The generally accepted advice was for me to not be there. And after the hurt I caused, it seemed sensible.”
“Since when are you sensible?” Rocco asked, and had the audacity to snort.
Iz startled at the sound, then looked up again. “I never know where to place you.”
“But he looks good right there, though, right?” Ronnie said slyly. “He’d look better even closer.”
“Yes.” Iz sighed because the truth was heavy but exquisite.
“And you missed us,” Ronnie prompted, although he already knew that.
“Of course.” Iz stared at him again, trying to determine where this was leading.
“Which is part of what we realized. What we talked about and have been talking about.”
“So much talking,” Rocco echoed.
Ronnie seemed uncomfortable but it didn’t keep him from going on. “You messed up, Iz.”
Iz put his head down and tried to pull away.
“Iz,” Ronnie said firmly. “You found an answer—a good answer. But it wasn’t the only one.”
“It was logical as far as emotions will allow,” Rocco added. “It had sound reasoning and was practical. It was as societally approved as two men dating can be in this country, at this point in time.” He paused. “And you were right—I like him a lot. Love him. All that.”
“Well, there goes the less pressure thing.” It would have been serious if Ronnie hadn’t smiled. It was the kind that put the happy ache in Iz’s heart.
Iz could feel that smile in the palm of his hand. “The answer I missed was this?”
“Yeah.” They answered at almost the exact same time. Then Ronnie wondered, “Thoughts?” and his smile lost some of its joy as he waited for Iz’s reply.