Stern Desire Love Redeemed

by Leah Shay

  "You have very gentle hands, Kyra."

  "Thank you. How is the pain?"

  "I'm very comfortable, thank you, but there is one other thing."

  "What is it?"

  "Can you please read the card?"

  "Right now?"

  "Yes, right now," he insisted.

  I removed the envelope from my pocket and took the card out. He had a beautiful, scripted handwriting.

  "Lovely handwriting," I commented.

  "Thank you. Read the card, Kyra," he insisted.

  .

  My eternal gratitude for taking such good care of me.

  I thought you were an angel when you glided into my room that first night.

  Your elegance, beauty, and poise confound me.

  I thought it was the drugs, but that angel never went away.

  You have a great heart and a beautiful spirit that shines through in all that you do.

  Hope you enjoy your orchids. They remind me of you: graceful, delicate, exotic, beautiful and strong.

  Orchids have been eloquently described as "living gemstones."

  That's what I think you are - a living, precious jewel.

  Jared

  .

  I should not have read it in front of him. I did not know how to respond, so I continued to look at the card, reading it over again. What could I say? "Thank you. You shouldn't have?"

  "Kyra, take a breath," he said gently.

  "I'm sorry, Jared, I...I don't know what to say." I fidgeted with the card.

  "You don't have to say anything."

  "Jared, what I do is my job, and I haven't done anything for you that I would not have done for any of my patients." I lifted the card. "Thank you, but this does not feel right."

  "Kyra." He took hold of my hand.

  Please don't do that, I thought. I couldn't handle his touch: the warmth, the electricity that traveled up my arm.

  "From the moment you walked into this room, I knew it. I have never been more certain of anything."

  "Stop, please stop." I pulled my hand away. "Jared, this is way too fast for me. You don't know me and I don't know you. A guy like you must have a girlfriend or a wife somewhere...I come with baggage and issues..."

  "That makes two of us. We can help each other."

  "Listen, Jared." I sat on the side of the bed, which I realized immediately was a bad move. "This is wrong. I would be crossing professional boundaries here. Do you know how much trouble I could get in? I could get fired...or even lose my license. I am a professional caregiver, and I can't do this. This is very, very...unprofessional and unethical."

  "Are you finished?"

  I nodded in response.

  "So, what you are saying is that as long as I'm your patient..."

  "It is unacceptable to have a relationship with a current patient and for up to six months after discharge."

  "So, is there a chance?"

  He obviously refused to listen to what I was saying.

  "Did you hear what I just said?"

  "And I'll repeat. Is there a chance?"

  I sighed and avoided his eyes. "No...I don't know...I don't think so." I was confused.

  "You don't know. What's holding you back aside from the regulations? There must be a way around that."

  "You don't know me." I was stressing now. "I can't do this."

  "We'll get to know each other, Kyra. That's what it's all about. Just give it a chance."

  "No, I can't. It's not right."

  "I'll ask Dr. Anwar to transfer me to another hospital, or I'll even sign out against medical advice."

  "Are you crazy?" But his eyes said otherwise; he meant it.

  "Yes. I am about you."

  "Jared, we can't end our nurse-patient relationship to pursue an...an..."

  "Intimate relationship," he concluded.

  "I can't do this. I'm not willing to risk my career for..."

  "Kyra," he said gently. He lovingly stared at me.

  Why did I look in those beautiful, vibrant, hazel eyes that hypnotized and rendered me helpless under his spell? He had to be a warlock or a sorcerer, because I could not move. My mind was telling me to get up and go, but my body was not responding. I was frozen. His hand reached to the back of my head and slowly pulled me toward him.

  "Please stop," I begged nervously. My heart quivered. My entire being yearned for his lips on mine, but that nagging wretched voice in my head annoyingly repeated, He's your patient, he's your patient...

  "Do you really want me to?" he asked in that velvety smooth voice, his lips inches from mine.

  He was intoxicating, both in his scent and his touch. The closeness had me mystified.

  "Do you want me to stop?" he repeated, his lips brushing against mine. "You'll have to stop me, Kyra, because I don't think I can."

  I closed my eyes as he captured my lips with his. There was a flicker of light in the dark hollow space where my heart belonged. The flicker transformed into a bizarre, intense aching feeling in my chest. His tongue gently circled mine. My insides felt weak. He sucked my tongue and then my lips, sensually, slowly, and softly. The ache radiated down my torso and into places that I never knew could ache. I wanted more and yet I wanted him to stop. I was scared.

  The aching in my chest radiated to my arm, coupled with dizziness, extreme weakness, shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat and tingling. I had all the symptoms of a heart attack! I opened my eyes and focused on the code blue button on the wall. I wondered if I should press it. I was probably being punished. I needed medical attention. I felt like I was dying. If I were, I would die happy.

  I closed my eyes and did what I had longed to do. I took those full, sexy lips in my mouth. His hand tightened at the back of my head, and a moan escaped me. This kiss was the catalyst for all the buried, foreign emotions I'd thought I no longer had. Then I heard voices from outside the door. I pulled away.

  "Fuck!" Jared said.

  I stood up and mumbled, "I have to go now."

  "Kyra," Jared called.

  "What!" I snapped at him.

  "Don't fight it."

  "Don't fight it," I repeated. "I've got to be crazy. I think I need a psych evaluation."

  He chuckled.

  "I'm sorry, but I can't be your nurse anymore," I mumbled.

  There was a soft knock on the door, and then it opened. J.C. and Gabby came in.

  "How is my brother?" Gabby asked as she entered. "Is he being good, taking his medications, listening to his nurse?"

  "He's doing just fine," I answered, and escaped out the door.

  "What's up, Jay?" I heard J.C. ask, just before the door closed.

  I needed to go to the ladies' room. I did not realize how wet my underwear was.

  I sat in the office and collected myself. What the hell happened? I had never felt this way about anybody: the attraction, the magnetism, the longing, the intense arousal were unbelievable. How could I have kissed him and loved it so much? Why did he stir up such mind-blowing emotions in me? Why couldn't I control myself when I was around him? He was my patient and this was so unethical. How was I going to handle this? How could I distance myself from him when I was forced into this situation? I couldn't tell Amanda that I refused to take care of him. He had already threatened to sign out against medical advice, or ask for a transfer. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he actually did. I would be up in the office being questioned and interrogated by everyone as to why Jared Stern wanted to leave after he had spoken so highly of us. What happened on my shift that had changed his mind about the hospital? What would I say? He thought there was a possibility that we could be together if he left. This was a no-win situation. In the end, the nurse was going to get the blame no matter what.

  I needed to maintain professional boundaries. I was the nurse, the one with the power from a professional standpoint. I was the one who should have established and maintained these boundaries, but we had a power imbalance here. He had stolen the power, or maybe I did not have it
to begin with. He had the power to have my nurse manager jumping through hoops, along with everyone else in the hospital, as a matter of fact. I had never had the power.

  I jumped as my phone rang. The number displayed on it was Jared's room.

  "Mr. Stern, how can I help you?"

  "Kyra, can I see you for a minute?"

  "Is there something I can bring in for you?"

  "Can I have something for the pain?"

  "You sure can."

  I hang up and dialed Marie's number. She was glad to medicate Jared for me, even though I knew he would not be happy. A few minutes later, my phone rang again: it was Jared. I did not answer, so it was forwarded to the nurses station. My phone rang once more, but this time it was Claire, the patient assistant. She informed me that Jared wanted to see me. Five minutes later, my phone rang again: Room 825 was displayed on it.

  "Mr. Stern, how can I help you?"

  "Did you get my message?"

  "Yes, I did."

  My iPhone vibrated in my jacket pocket.

  "Please answer your cell phone," Jared said.

  I was puzzled for a minute. I could not understand how he knew my phone was ringing. I looked at my iPhone; it was displaying a number I did not recognize.

  "Answer your phone, Kyra," he repeated emphatically.

  I numbly accepted the call.

  "This is more private. I don't trust those phones you guys carry around," he said.

  "How did you get my phone number?" I was puzzled.

  "I can find anything that I need," he said confidently.

  That did not surprise me. He could probably get anyone he wanted, too. I was sure.

  "Are you avoiding me, Kyra?"

  "No, I'm not," I lied. "You are not my only patient, you know."

  "I detect some hostility in your voice."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Kyra, I can't apologize for what happened earlier."

  "Please forget about it. What happened earlier was a stupid mistake, and it will not happen again."

  "I can't forget about it, Kyra. Can you?"

  I could not, either.

  "Good night, Kyra. I won't bother you for the rest of the night."

  "Good night, Jared."

  I hoped that I could make it through the night without going back to that room. Everything was going great, until four AM, when Claire called and told me that Jared's blood pressure was very elevated. I went into the room to check on him, and to retake his blood pressure. He was sitting on the edge of the bed. His pillows, the linen, and his t-shirt were all soaking wet.

  "Does he have a fever?" I asked Claire.

  "No, he doesn't," she answered.

  "It was just a nightmare, Kyra," Jared said.

  What was he dreaming about, to have him sweating so profusely and with such extremely elevated blood pressure?

  "Kyra, can you help me?" Claire asked.

  "Sure." He was looking so hot in his tight, white, wet t-shirt and wet, unruly hair.

  "I need to make the bed. Can we put him in the chair?" Claire asked.

  "I prefer to stand," Jared said. "I know I can't put any weight on my left leg."

  He was out of bed yesterday with physical therapy and did very well, so I knew he could handle this. I helped him to stand, and I stood in front of him. He placed his hands on my shoulders. This was the first time I had seen him standing. His five foot, ten inch, well-built stature intimidated me. I felt the warmth from his hands on my shoulder, and the tingling started. I stood as still as a statue, never looking up, but I felt his penetrating gaze. I wished Claire would move a little faster making the bed.

  I felt him wobble. "Are you okay?" I asked.

  "I'm good. And you?" he asked.

  "I'm fine."

  "You need to learn how to relax," Jared whispered in my ear. His lips were a little too close for comfort.

  "Claire, can you please hurry? I think he's getting tired."

  "Almost finished, Kyra," Claire answered.

  He wobbled again. I instantly looked up. There was a devilish smile on his face. I frowned at him. He began to lightly massage my shoulder.

  "Could you please stop that?" I whispered.

  "Just trying to loosen you up."

  "I do not need loosening up. Please stop it," I repeated.

  "Kyra, I need to go get some pads for the bed," Claire said.

  "Can we put him back to bed first?" I asked Claire. I did not want to be left alone with him like this.

  "I'm fine. I can handle standing a little longer," Jared intervened.

  Claire left to get the supplies.

  "Jared, what are you doing? Are you intentionally trying to get me in trouble?"

  "Relax." His hand stroked my cheek, and then lifted my chin so that I was staring into his eyes. He lowered his head to kiss me.

  "Please...please, don't," I begged quietly. Claire could be back at any minute, and I would be in such a dilemma if she returned and found me in a lip lock with my patient. It would be all over the unit like wildfire, a sure way for me to get fired. They would probably want to set an example out of me. The embarrassment would make me quit before management had a chance to fire me. The caution sirens were on blast in my head, but my body was saying yes. I closed my eyes and waited for the kiss.

  "Open your eyes, Kyra." I smelled his sweet breath.

  I opened my eyes and found his face inches from mine. I felt myself sinking into a trance-like state. "Do you realize I could lose my job or, even worse, be brought up on charges of sexual misconduct?" I said in a daze.

  "And who would dare bring you up on charges?" he said softly.

  "The Board of Nursing."

  His lips brushed against mine. I closed my eyes again. The outer door to the sitting room opened; Claire was coming back. I regained my composure and prayed that she could not feel the romantic tension in the room.

  "Finished, Kyra," Claire said. We helped Jared back in bed.

  "Claire, do you need me for anything else?" I asked.

  "No, Kyra, I'm fine."

  "Do you want to change your shirt?" Claire asked Jared.

  I turned and walked out of the room. I did not want to see this.

  When Claire was finished, she found me at the nurses station to tell me that Jared was waiting for me to take his blood pressure. She had offered, but he refused her.

  He was going to get me in trouble.

  Jared stretched his arm out as I entered. As I put the cuff on his arm, a lock of hair that was tucked behind my ear fell loose. I saw his right hand coming up toward me.

  "Don't move," I said. My other patients would have listened to me, but not Jared Stern. He tucked the lock of hair back behind my ear. As he did so, his hand gently caressed my ear lobe and down the side of my face. A shiver ran through my spine. I stood up and pressed the button on the blood pressure machine.

  "Just trying to help."

  I'm sure you are. He did not have that mischievous look on his face, but no doubt he was enjoying it.

  "Your blood pressure is fine." I took the cuff off his hand.

  "What's on your mind, Kyra?" Jared asked.

  "There is nothing on my mind."

  "When something's bothering you, there is that distant look on your face, and there's this tell-tale line that forms right between your eyebrows," he pointed out.

  I looked at him, puzzled.

  "I read people very well. So, are you going to tell me, or do I have to use my truth or dare?"

  "Well, you can't use it yet."

  "Technically, it's tomorrow."

  "Nothing's bothering me."

  "Fine. Truth or dare, and I can tell if you are lying."

  "How can you tell if I'm lying?"

  "That, I won't tell you just yet. So, truth or dare?" he suggested.

  "Truth," I answered. This might work out to my benefit.

  "What's on your mind?"

  "I was wondering if you had a girlfriend, and what would she think if she knew
you were coming on to me."

  "Ella and I have an uncomplicated relationship. She is more a companion than a girlfriend."

  "What does that mean?"

  "She's there when I need her."

  I was saddened and disappointed that Jared might not be capable of providing the type of relationship I sought, a committed fulfilling relationship with strong emotional ties. Ella did whatever he wanted, was there for his satisfaction, came running at his beck and call, put up with his indiscretions, and there was no emotional attachment on his part. What kind of woman would subject herself to such a relationship? He might not even care that much about her, but I was sure she had feelings for him.

  "Don't over think it, Kyra. It works for us." He was watching me closely.

  "Do you have more than one companion?"

  "No."

  "Have you ever had more than one companion?"

  "No."

  "It's almost change of shift. Have a good day, Mr. Stern." I picked up the blood pressure cuff.

  "Kyra," he said softly. "It would be different for us."

  "Have a good day."

  .

  "Those are some gorgeous orchids," Aunt Maggie said as I placed the vase on the kitchen counter.

  "Thanks. They are from a patient," I answered, sounding tired.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

  Was I that easy to read? She could always tell when something was on my mind.

  "Not now, Aunt Maggie."

  I was exhausted, but sleep eluded me anyway. I found my ring on the night table, right where I left it, and placed it on my right ring finger. At twelve noon, I was still awake, lying in bed, my mind racing with unanswered questions. How did he get my number, and what else did he know about me? Why hadn't Ella visited him? I would have heard if she did. Why did he consider his girlfriend a "companion"? What was this baggage that he came with? Was he always like this or did something happen? From my Google search, they had been together for five years, and everyone thought they were a match made in heaven. One thing was for sure, they looked good together.

  I finally fell asleep, and was awakened by a splitting headache. I rarely had headaches, but when I did, something was wrong. I looked at my phone; it was three PM, and I had a text message from a number I very much recognized.

  Jared's text: Hope I didn't scare you off. Sweet dreams. See you later. Jared.