Holly's Story

by Lurlene McDaniel

Raina and Holly exchanged glances. Kathleen stood facing them, tears of frustration brimming. Holly took one of her hands, Raina the other, and they sat her between them on the overstuffed sofa. “What exactly did your mother tell you?”

  “Th-that she loved him. This man. This stranger.”

  Raina ventured, “She’s been alone a long time. It’s no fun being alone.”

  The poignancy of Raina’s words wasn’t lost on Holly, but she focused on Kathleen. “I thought you liked Stewart. You once told us that he made your mother happy.”

  “He’s all right,” Kathleen said grudgingly. “I—I just never thought about him moving in.”

  “You have somebody to love; why shouldn’t she?” Holly asked.

  “She’s just always loved my dad.”

  “Who’s been dead since you were eight,” Holly said tenderly, remembering how Mary Ellen had talked to her about the loss of Kathleen’s father. “Shouldn’t she get a shot at being happy again?”

  Kathleen sniffed. “They both have MS. How are they going to take care of each other?”

  Raina said, “You know, girlfriend, that’s not your problem. They’ve discussed it, I’m sure, and they’ve worked something out. It’s their lives. Don’t be a roadblock.”

  “If it were your mother—”

  “I’d be speechless,” Raina said wryly.

  “Is this wedding anytime soon?” Holly asked.

  “She hasn’t said.”

  “Maybe they’re just talking, not really planning.”

  “Does Stewart come with baggage?” Raina asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Baggage—children, ex-wives.”

  “He was married once, a long time ago, but when he got MS, she left him. No kids.”

  “Then you don’t ever have to worry about anyone moving into your room, do you?”

  Kathleen looked exasperated. “You make it sound so cut-and-dried. I just don’t want my mother to make a mistake.”

  “She’s not a kid, Kathleen,” Raina said. “Maybe you should just feel happy for her and let her go her own way. You have Carson, don’t you?”

  “That’s different.”

  “How so?”

  Kathleen had no answer.

  “Let her decide who and what she wants. It’s only fair.”

  “What idiot thought up Valentine’s Day?” Raina asked. “He should be shot.” She and Holly had been poring over their books in a back section of the local library for hours.

  “The guy died years ago,” Holly said, looking up. “He’s some saint now, I think.”

  “I hate him.”

  Ironically, Holly had received a sweetly sappy card from Chad that afternoon by regular mail, along with two e-cards. A momentous occasion, because it was the first honest and real Valentine she’d ever received from a guy. Raina had been flooded with Valentine’s Day cards and gifts all her life, many from Hunter.

  Raina doodled a heart on her notebook, scribbled a line down the middle to signify its breaking, then slashed lines through the entire drawing. “Emma sent me a card,” she said.

  “That’s nice. How is she doing?”

  “We e-mail a lot these days. She’s still doing well with the transplant. She and Jon-Paul love each other so much. I know how it feels to love someone like that.”

  Holly didn’t. She liked Chad, but she didn’t feel in love with him. Not with all her heart. Looking across the study table at Raina, Holly saw that she was slipping into melancholy. She shut her book. “You know what? I’m getting a craving for some ice cream. What do you say we knock off and go have sundaes at Udder Delight?”

  Raina blinked and gathered up her books. “Sounds like a good plan.” When they got to the car, she turned to Holly. “Thanks.”

  “For what?”

  “For keeping me from going into a tailspin.”

  Holly shrugged, grinned. “You may be less grateful if you get on the scale tomorrow.”

  “Doubtful. Tomorrow’s the day after Valentine’s Day. I can’t wait.”

  On Valentine’s Day evening, Stewart Milita invited Kathleen and Carson to join him and Mary Ellen at a fancy restaurant. Carson picked up Kathleen at her house. “You don’t look real happy to be doing this,” Carson said as they drove to the restaurant where Mary Ellen and Stewart were waiting.

  “Does it show?”

  “You’re wearing a sign on your face.”

  “I’ll try to take it off before we get there.”

  Carson shook his head. “What’s so bad about eating a free meal?”

  She crossed her arms. “I don’t like the man all that much.”

  “Then why are we going?”

  “Because Mom wants me to go. She’s—well, all glowy. It’s dumb.”

  “Don’t I make you all glowy? You make me all glowy.”

  “Be serious. This is my mother here. She says she loves this guy and that they’re talking about getting married.”

  “Sounds kind of normal to me.”

  “Who’s going to take care of them?”

  “They will take care of each other. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?”

  Carson didn’t get it either, and Kathleen didn’t have the time or patience to explain it. They were at the restaurant all too soon. Once inside, Stewart stood and waved them over. He was a tall man with silvery hair, older than Kathleen’s mother, but not by much. He shook Carson’s hand. Kathleen watched, seeing the slight wobble of Stewart’s body when he stood, the hand that trembled slightly when he gestured for them to sit. “We’ve got the two prettiest women in the room,” Stewart told Carson.

  Corny. Kathleen struggled not to do an eye roll. Her mother’s smile was a hundred watts.

  “True.” Carson picked up his menu. “What’s good?”

  “We’re having lobster for two,” Mary Ellen offered with a giggle. “It’s the Valentine’s Day special. Get whatever you want.”

  I’m going to gag, Kathleen thought.

  “Oh, look, babe, calamari,” Carson said, pointing to the menu.

  Kathleen felt her face redden. He was reminding her of their first date at the country club and how she’d innocently ordered the dish without knowing what it was. She’d been trying to impress Stephanie, who’d come by their table uninvited.

  “I didn’t know you liked squid,” Mary Ellen said.

  “Um—” Kathleen shot daggers at Carson.

  “Don’t care much for the stuff myself,” Stewart said, “but if you like it, I’ll get us an order.” Before she could protest, he called over the waiter and put in the order.

  Kathleen fumed, but she checked her attitude. Her mother and Stewart seemed oblivious to her mood anyway. Carson had the gall to wink at her over the calamari when it arrived. She chewed on a couple of pieces, but Carson ate most of it.

  Conversation flowed easily among Stewart, her mother and Carson. When Stewart heard that Carson wanted to be an EMT, he told long-winded stories about a friend of his who was a tech in New Jersey.

  Mary Ellen asked Carson about his parents.

  Stewart asked Kathleen about school.

  At some point the meal was finished, and the waiter whisked away the plates and reappeared with a small cream cake, four glasses and a bottle of champagne. “Just a sip for the kids,” Stewart told the waiter, which annoyed Kathleen instantly. The kids? She wasn’t his kid.

  When the champagne had been poured and handed around, Stewart and Mary Ellen gave each other beaming looks. “Stewart has something he wants to say.”

  Wait for it, Kathleen thought, knowing the announcement was the real reason for the dinner invitation.

  Stewart fumbled in his jacket pocket, pulled out a ring box and handed it to Mary Ellen. She opened it, extracted the ring and handed it to him, and he slipped it on her finger. “Will you marry me, Mary Ellen McKensie?”

  Mary Ellen’s eyes shimmered. “Of course I will.”

  Kathleen’s heart raced like an out-of-control train. />
  Stewart turned to Kathleen. “Your mother and I wanted you to share this moment with us, Kathleen. I want you to know that I love her with all my heart. And I will take care of her for as long as we live.”

  Kathleen felt Carson’s gaze on her, felt her mother’s joy like an aura around the table. In her mind’s eye, she saw her father fade away into the background. Tears filled her eyes. “Congratulations,” she said tightly.

  She allowed them to think her tears were because she was happy for them, but deep down, she felt a minor shift in the earth’s movement. Things would never be the same in her home again. Her mother was moving on, and without fear of what tomorrow would bring. Kathleen felt numb. She couldn’t hold back the future.

  “Have you set a date?” Carson asked, shaking Stewart’s hand.

  Mary Ellen said, “Probably in September. After Kathleen gets settled in college. The wedding won’t be large. We’ll invite the members of our support group, your family, Vicki and the Harrisons, of course. I’ll want Kathleen to stand up with me.”

  Kathleen forced a smile. “Sure, Mom.”

  Later in the car, before starting the engine, Carson put his arms around Kathleen and kissed her. “You did good, babe. Didn’t throw a fit, or anything. You okay?”

  “I’m getting used to the idea.” She pulled back. “She’ll be a Milita and me a McKensie. Think about it. She won’t even have to change the monograms on her towels.”

  Holly was late and hurtling through the hospital halls at a run. She skidded to a stop at the door of the recreation room on pediatrics, only to find that all the kids had been returned to their rooms. She’d missed the afternoon art session. She heaved a sigh and leaned against a wall to catch her breath. Mrs. Graham stepped out of her office. “Holly, I’ve been looking for you. Could you come in here, please?”

  Holly blew out air and hurried into the closet-sized office of her supervisor. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Graham, but I couldn’t find a parking space, and then only two elevators were working in the lobby—”

  Mrs. Graham looked grim. “I don’t care about that, Holly. I have something to tell you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Susan from oncology came in today with some difficult news.” Mrs. Graham picked up a paper from her desk. “It seems that Ben Keller has been readmitted. He’s relapsed and is being treated for leukemia again.”

  eighteen

  WITH A SICK feeling of dread, Holly hurried to the oncology wing, asked for Ben’s room number at the nurses’ station, steeled herself and entered his room.

  Ben’s face lit up as soon as he saw her. “Holly!”

  He held open his arms and she gathered him up and hugged him. “How are you doing?” She tousled his hair, regrown thick and blond after he’d recovered from his last chemo treatments. He would probably lose it all again.

  “I got sick. Doctor says I have to come back and get more medicine.” Ben looked resigned to his fate.

  Holly’s heart went out to him. “I’m still working here, so I can be with you. If you want, that is.”

  “Will you still be my girlfriend?”

  “You’re my main man.” She swallowed around a lump in her throat. “Is your mom with you?”

  “She’s getting some tea, then she’s coming back.”

  Relieved that Ben wouldn’t have to spend so much time by himself this visit, she said, “Well, I can stay with you too sometimes. Maybe we’ll get ice cream again. Do you still like ice cream?”

  “Sure.” Ben offered a sweet smile.

  Ben’s mother came into the room. “Holly. You heard.”

  “The nurse told me.”

  Beth-Ann set down a paper sack and offered Ben some candy. “I’m going to talk to Holly in the hall, honey. I won’t be long.”

  Ben picked up the TV remote. “Cartoons are on.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Holly told Ben, and went with Beth-Ann into the corridor. Ben’s mother was young and shy. Now she looked haggard. “I—I’m really sorry,” Holly said.

  “I thought he was home free. Then a few weeks ago, I saw some bruising on his little legs. He told me he fell off his bike, but deep down, I knew. My mom moved in to watch Howie, and I brought Ben yesterday. A few tests confirmed the worst.”

  “When will he start chemo?”

  “Tomorrow.” Beth-Ann’s soft Southern accent made the single word sound forlorn. “It’s just that every time he goes out of remission, it’s less likely the chemo will work.”

  “How about a bone marrow transplant?” Holly was thinking of Raina and Emma.

  “We’ve all been tested—even little Howie—but none of us is a match. That’s kind of crazy, but it’s true. So he’s been registered in the National Bone Marrow Donor Program. Maybe someone will match him.”

  Holly saw that Ben’s options were narrowing. Knowing how far he and Beth-Ann lived from Parker-Sloan, she asked, “So, will you be able to stay with him the whole time?”

  “So long as Mama can keep up with Howie. I’ll probably run home a couple of times a week ’cause I don’t want little Howie to forget me. Plus Mama’s getting up there in years, and chasing a toddler around is hard work.” Beth-Ann smiled. “Ben’s daddy is driving extra shifts. We have insurance, but the bills mount up. We’re almost out of major medical benefits.”

  Holly had never considered that their insurance would run out. “I’ll stay with Ben whenever you need me to.”

  Beth-Ann smiled kindly. “You’re a good person, Holly. One of the nurses told me what happened to your brother, and I’m real sorry.”

  Holly nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She said goodbye and returned to her shift on pediatrics, but just as soon as she could, she left for home. She made it inside the house before the dam broke and she started crying.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?” her mother asked, meeting her in the foyer. “Come sit on the sofa and tell me what’s happened.”

  Holly told her mother about Ben, but as she did, her tears of sadness turned into tears of anger. When she stopped to blow her nose, she announced, “You were right all along, Mom. Everything you said about God is true. He’s nothing but a big joke!”

  Evelyn looked startled. “I—I never said that.”

  “Sure you did. In so many words. I mean, if he really cared about us, then why do little kids like Ben have to get sick?” She almost added, “… and why did Hunter die?” but checked herself at the last moment. “I’m like you now, Mom—I don’t believe in God anymore. Going to church and thanking him for everything is for stupid people.”

  Evelyn said nothing. She just held Holly, rocked her, stroked her hair. Holly started to pull away, realizing that she was too old, too mature to be crying like a baby on her mother’s shoulder. But her mother resisted, so Holly remained in her embrace, suddenly realizing that it was the first time Evelyn had held her since that night in Hunter’s room. Holly shut her eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of her mother’s skin, relishing the comfort she felt in her mother’s arms.

  “Good news, girlfriend!” Raina dropped her books with a thud on the library study table across from Holly, who was already doing homework. “I’ve pulled all my grades out of the toilet. Mr. Crowder’s giving me a D, but all my other teachers have told me I’ve come up to Cs and C-pluses.”

  The library was decorated for St. Patrick’s Day, with green four-leaf clover and leprechaun cutouts strung everywhere. Over the central desk a rainbow hung, dipping into a pot of gold on one end. A sign read FIND YOUR GOLD IN BOOKS.

  Holly grinned. “Way to go. And don’t sweat it—Crowder gives everybody Ds.”

  “Not you.”

  Holly shrugged self-consciously. “I give him my evil eye all the time. Turns him into a robot to do my will.”

  Raina looked thoughtful. “We’re getting close to the end, aren’t we?”

  It took Holly a second to grasp her meaning. “You mean graduation?”

  “Exactly. Have you picked a college?�
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  “I’ve gotten a few acceptance letters from state universities, but nothing’s ringing my chime.”

  “You still irked about Kathleen going to USF? And me—well, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing.”

  “That tantrum I pitched was so lame,” Holly confessed, remembering. How could she ever have gotten into such a snit with friends as good as hers? “You can always start at the community college and transfer in a year or two.”

  “I’d have to go in on academic probation.” Raina shook her head. “I’m still thinking about a plan. At least Mom’s backed off my case since she sees me working harder for my grades.”

  “That’s good. Who needs to be infected with Mom hassle?”

  Raina giggled. She opened her book, read a few paragraphs, then looked over at Holly. “How’s Ben doing?”

  Holly sighed and slumped in her chair. “Sick as a dog. But I stop by to see him whenever I’m at the hospital. I read to him, give his mom a break. The grandmother brought Howie by the other day. He’s so cute. And he cried when it was time to leave Ben and his mom.”

  “How long will Ben be there this time?”

  “Until they get him into remission. It could take a long time.”

  “Poor guy.”

  “Beth-Ann told me that their whole church was praying for Ben and that she thought God was going to heal him.” Holly scoffed. “As if.”

  Raina arched an eyebrow. “You don’t believe it?”

  “I don’t believe any of that stuff anymore.”

  “Doesn’t that upset your parents?”

  “Oh, Dad still preaches the party line, but I think Mom’s over the hump of illusion.”

  “I’m surprised.”

  “Why? You’ve never believed it. Hasn’t affected your life.”

  Raina toyed with the pages of her book, looking troubled. “But I always respected that you believed it.”

  They were silent, and the sounds of shuffling feet, books plopping onto tables and the squeaky-wheeled library cart filled the time. Finally, Raina said, “Hunter wouldn’t like knowing that you stopped believing, you know. He wouldn’t like it at all.”

  Kathleen said, “Prom’s coming in a few weeks. You and Chad want to double with me and Carson?”