by Suzi Davis
I blinked and found myself staring directly into his eyes. For a second, I thought I could see right down to his soul, to his true inner self. All the arrogance and pretenses that he usually hid behind were stripped away and I caught a glimpse of who he might truly be. His eyes abruptly hardened.
“Shit. Why didn’t you make me stop?” he demanded, sounding angry. He rose to his feet, glaring at me. The wind rose to a steady howl all around us, large droplets of freezing cold rain splattered down from the sky.
“Why didn’t you stop yourself?” I snipped back, feeling quite angry now too.
“It’s complicated,” he growled. He fixed me with an icy glare, much colder than the driving wind and rain. “Sorry,” he spat out stiffly. “It won’t happen again.” And with that, he jumped to his feet and quickly climbed back up the path, disappearing at the top of the cliff.
What had just happened? What had I just done? I could barely believe I had just let David kiss me—why hadn’t I stopped him? And why the hell was David so angry now? He was the one who had kissed me! I should be angry, but instead I was just tired and confused. I felt so vulnerable. And in that moment, I wanted Sebastian so badly my whole body ached and trembled with my desire. I missed everything about him, his comforting presence, his calming words, his dependable advice. I just needed to hear his voice, to know that he was ok. I needed his reassurance and I desperately wanted his forgiveness for the stupid thing I had just let happen. Without thinking, I released a flood of magic as it swelled up within me, flowing out over the wild, stormy waves with a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder.
It was stupid and hopeless but I couldn’t help myself. I automatically reached for my cell phone, dialing Sebastian’s number without thinking. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I moved to hit the “End Call” button, but then I noticed that the call was connecting. I hesitantly lifted the phone to my ear, hardly daring to hope. Barely audible above the sound of the waves and the storm, the phone began to ring. There was a loud click, and then the ringtone cut off. I thought I could hear the wind through the other end but maybe it was just my imagination. Maybe it was just what I wanted to hear and not really happening at all. But then he spoke.
“Grace?” Sebastian’s voice sounded different, lower and rougher, and disbelieving. It was definitely him. A jolt of adrenaline shot through me at the sound. My whole body instantly responded.
“Sebastian? Where are you? What happened to you? Are you ok?” I demanded. I couldn’t believe that I was really talking to him.
“Grace, how did you get through? My battery was dead and there’s no service out here. Not to mention that the number was disconnected. Is… is your magic really that powerful?”
I froze, my mind reeling as if I’d been slapped. It took me a second to form any words.
“You know?”
“About the Lost Magic? Yes. I can remember it now, Grace. Well, most of it.”
I paused, losing my voice in stunned silence.
“But how? I mean… never mind, that’s not important. Just tell me where you are. How do we find you? Are you alright?”
“No.” I waited for him to continue but when he didn’t I began to panic.
“Sebastian? Are you still there? Can you hear me?”
“I’m here.” He sounded tired, even more exhausted than I felt. I could take no comfort in hearing his voice, not when everything about him sounded so wrong. “I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean? What’s wrong? Sebastian… what did they do to you?” Fear struck deep in my stomach, making me want to throw up.
“Nothing… Everything,” he mumbled. “Look, you can’t come after me, Grace. I’m sorry but you’re too late.” His voice was monotone, his words those of a stranger.
“No,” I denied. “We’re close, Sebastian. We’re in Ucluelet. We chartered a boat and will be coming after you at dawn.”
“No!” I flinched back from the harsh sound as he yelled into the phone. “You can’t, Grace. Promise me you won’t! It’s too dangerous and you’re too late. You can’t save me now, Grace. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he repeated almost mournfully. “I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t fight anymore.”
Tears flooded my eyes, panic overwhelmed me.
“I won’t give up, I can’t. You have to keep fighting them! What did they do to you? What did they do? I’ll make them pay, I swear it,” I declared, tears freely streaming down my face.
“No, don’t. Please. Promise me you’ll go home. Stay far away from Jeremy and all the others, stay as far from the Lost Magic as you can, Grace. It’s dangerous: it’ll kill you too. Promise you’ll stay away,” he begged weakly, the strength in his voice rapidly fading.
“I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”
“You have to. It’s too late, I’m beyond saving now. I’m so sorry… I never pictured it ending like this.” His voice broke a little at the end. My heart tore wide open along with it. “At least I can say goodbye.”
“Sebastian, don’t. You’ll be ok—you have to be ok. Please don’t give up.”
“I have to go. Please, just let me go,” he told me, his voice beginning to break up.
“No! Sebastian—wait! Please!” I yelled into the receiver, begging and desperately wanting him to stay with me with all of my heart and soul.
“Go home, Grace, and remember me,” he whispered into the phone. “Remember how much I loved you and all the beautiful memories we had. Move on with your life and be happy, do it for me. And whatever you do, stay away from the magic and stay far away from David; he’s dangerous, Grace. And if you ever meet a girl called Caoilinn—run.”
“What?” I gasped. I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Had I misheard him?
“Stay away from David and Caoilinn,” Sebastian repeated in that strange, flat voice. He didn’t just sound like he was dying, he sounded like he was already dead.
“But… I am Caoilinn.”
I was answered with heavy silence. I thought I might still be able to hear the wind through the phone.
“Sebastian? Please, don’t leave me. Don’t go! Sebastian!” There was no answer. My tears mingled with the raindrops that streamed down my face. “I love you,” I whispered into the phone but the call had already been lost. It should never have gone through in the first place.
And that was when I felt it. A light inside of me, a part of my soul that I had always accepted even when I wasn’t entirely aware of its existence, began to slowly fade. I could feel it slipping away. I could feel its light fading and the dark void growing in its place. My heart broke in half as I felt a piece of me die. And though I could barely believe it, I knew it was true. Sebastian was gone. Sebastian had died. The emptiness left behind was suffocating, my grief choking me, the pain unbearable.
“No!” I screamed into the wind, so loud and long my throat felt raw and bloody. But it made no difference.
I knew, without a doubt, that Sebastian was forever gone.
Chapter Thirteen – Journey
How do you live when a part of you has died? How can you walk around with a gaping hole of grief and dark abandonment in your chest? Is it possible to survive such a loss? When the person who gave your life purpose and meaning is gone, what is the point in continuing? I was directionless and empty. I had been completely abandoned and left alone. I was nothing.
The crashing waves sprayed salty water into my face that mixed with the steady flow of rain and tears. The wind whipped at my body, the powerful gusts nearly knocking me down from the small boulder where I had curled myself up into a ball. By the time David and the others found me, I was soaked and chilled to the bone. I shivered violently, my teeth audibly chattering. The storm still raged around me but I was silent; silent and empty. I wouldn’t respond to their words. They pulled at my arms, they snapped their fingers in front of my face yet I remained unresponsive and mute. Seeing but unseeing, alive but without any life left within me. It wasn’t until David’s face suddenly f
illed my vision, his molten silver eyes gently probing mine, that I was forced to respond. My traitorous body reacted without my consent, my heart rate minutely increasing, my eyes automatically focusing on his.
“Did something happen to Sebastian?” he guessed. He looked concerned, his voice soft, all traces of his previous anger had disappeared. How long had it been since he had kissed me? Hours? Days? It was dark out now, I realized, noticing the flashlights that the others carried. How many hours had passed since Sebastian…? I couldn’t even think the word.
“He’s gone,” I whispered, my numb lips barely moving.
David blinked once. He looked completely stunned. I’d never seen him so discomposed. I knew he understood exactly what I meant. And I knew he didn’t doubt me for a second. How could he? He suddenly cursed loudly; he sounded furious. He roared into the wind.
“What? What’s going on?” I heard Red asking. No one answered him.
“We need to get you inside. You’re freezing, Grace—your lips are blue. Maybe I should just carry you.” David was back in front of me, his face so close to mine.
“No.” His words brought me back to life, at least enough that I was willing to move on my own to avoid his touch. I couldn’t bear the thought of David’s hands on me right now. “I’ll walk.”
I slowly stood. It was difficult to straighten my legs, all my muscles had cramped up and frozen in position. I stumbled and hands caught me—Bridgette’s and Sylvia’s—their expressions so worried and full of concern. I stared back at them blankly but allowed them to silently help me back up the cliff and back to the resort, the others trailing behind or in front, I wasn’t really sure. Word spread quickly. I could hear the whispers rippling through the group as they led me to the elevator.
“What happened? What’s wrong with her?”
“Sebastian. He… she thinks he’s dead.”
“What? When? How does she know for sure?”
“Look at her—she knows.”
I closed my ears and let my eyes fall blind. I retreated into the painful darkness billowing within my soul.
Bridgette, Sylvia and Ella took me to my room. I remained in a detached, trance-like state as they stripped me out of my wet clothes and sat me in a hot bath. After Bridgette gently washed my hair, they wrapped me up in warm towels and helped me dress in some old sweat pants and a shirt which had been one of Sebastian’s. Hot tears instantly sprung to my eyes, fresh, piercing pain ripped through my heart. A sob escaped my lips before I could stop it. They all turned to stare at me; it was the first sound I’d made since we’d entered my room.
“This was Sebastian’s,” I whispered, hugging the soft, worn fabric against my skin.
“I’ll get you something else,” Ella offered gently.
“No!” I clutched the shirt to my chest tightly. “This is… fine.”
Tears began to spill from my eyes, flowing steadily down my cheeks. Another loud sob escaped me.
“Go, please go,” I asked them.
Ella and Sylvia both hesitated, surprisingly they looked to Bridgette. She gave them a small nod and they both quickly left, glancing back at me over their shoulders. Bridgette came to sit on the bed beside me. My shoulders were trembling with the effort of holding back all my grief for just a few moments longer.
“Grace, I’m so sorry. I know it seems like the end of the world now but it’ll get easier—”
“What do you know?” I snapped, abruptly outraged. It was so much easier to direct my anger at her rather than face the pain and despair building inside me. “You’re just a kid! A spoiled, rich, brat who’s never known love beyond a pair of designer boots or a cute boy with a nice smile. Don’t pretend you understand! Don’t tell me that it’ll get easier.”
For a second, Bridgette looked shocked, then her wide eyes narrowed and her full lips pressed together tightly.
“I know how it felt when my best friend, the only person in the world who seemed to really care about me and understand me, suddenly disappeared. And I know how it felt today to hear you confirm that she’s dead. But please, don’t consider my pain over losing Mags at all, Grace. It’s obviously nothing compared to yours! We’re all nothing compared to you, right? The only thing that was important was saving Sebastian and now that you’re too late, we’re all just in your way. So please, allow me to leave.”
She marched to the door, her back too straight, her movements stiff. I should have called after her but I didn’t. I knew I’d hurt her. I hadn’t really meant what I’d said but for now, I just wanted to be left alone with my pain. I was selfish and I was weak.
Hugging Sebastian’s old shirt tightly against me, I curled up on my side and cried myself to sleep. But there was no peace, no escape. I would never find peace again.
Almost the moment I closed my eyes, I found myself in the middle of the now familiar dream. The soft, gray fog was swirling in, steadily billowing all around me. I wanted to run from it, to hide from the spirit trying to visit me and banish it from haunting my dreams. But then I was struck with a sudden, bright hope. What if it was him? What if he were able to reach me this way already? Wouldn’t he be here now, in this strange place halfway between life and death?
The fog thickened, folding me into its soft, fuzzy warmth and trapping me within my own dream. I waited hopefully, praying with all my heart and soul. The fog in front of me began to solidify, taking human form. A bright light flared within the figure’s center, momentarily blinding me. When I reopened my eyes, a spirit stood before me, an amused smile on its face.
“Not exactly who you were hoping for, I know, but really you should be thankful,” Mags told me. Disappointment crushed my chest.
“Where’s Sebastian? Is he with you? Why didn’t he come?” I quickly demanded, focusing in on the only thing that I truly cared about.
“Sebastian can’t come here, not yet,” she quickly dismissed. “Now I only have a short time—you’ve got to listen.”
“Where is he?” I repeated, my heart aching painfully at the thought of him, even in my dreams.
Mags sighed. She looked different as a spirit, her short red hair was now long and flowed half-way down to her waist. Gone was the harsh eyeliner and punk clothes she used to wear and instead she appeared in a plain, white dress that blended into the cloud around her. She looked beautiful and peaceful, with more patience and grace than she had ever expressed while alive. She smiled gently.
“He’s waiting for you. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“What? I don’t understand.”
“He’s waiting for you, Grace. You can still save him, you can still bring him back to you. It’s not too late.”
“But he’s already gone. I don’t understand. The Lost Magic isn’t powerful enough to reverse time like that, I can’t really bring him back, can I?” I asked.
“You won’t be strong enough alone,” Mags agreed, her voice grave. “But there is power within yourself and the others that you’ve yet to fully realize; incredible power just waiting to be tapped. Together, you might be strong enough to bring him back but to do so will be extremely dangerous. You will all face death and not all will survive.”
The soft fog around us appeared to darken as if the sun had gone behind a cloud. I shivered.
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Good. Lead them against the ones who took Sebastian. Together, you must destroy the dark power at their center and then use your combined light to call Sebastian back to you. It might work, if you guide them.” Mags’ image started to fade.
“Wait!” I called. Her silhouette was wavering, blending into the cloud around her but her eyes brightened as they locked with mine. “Mags… I have to know. Is Sebastian dead because of the spirits and their meddling games? Has this all happened because you are trying to push me into a role that I didn’t want to take? Tell me, Mags! Tell me the truth!”
The fire in her red-gold hair cooled and faded, disappearing into the fog. Her features blurred
and evaporated until only her beautiful, bright eyes remained and even they were slowly fading away. She watched me sadly, reproachfully.
“Everything happens for a reason.” Mags’ voice came from all around me, whispering so peacefully in my ear. “Tell Bridgette I am with her still. And please… she needs you, Grace. Be her friend, earn her trust. You must guide her.”
“I won’t be your puppet!” I called out to the thinning fog. My words echoed back to my own ears. A breeze was rising, swirling and spinning the rest of the fog apart, allowing it to dissipate into the air. I could feel my physical body slowly awakening. “I won’t let the spirits manipulate me and my life this way!”
“Save Sebastian,” Mags’ voice rode the wind, whistling in my ear. “He waits for you.” And with the sound of her voice still in my ear, my eyes snapped open.
It was 4:30am, soon it would be dawn. There were already signs of the sky outside beginning to lighten. Despite my strange dream and the horrible events of the day before, I felt surprisingly energized and well-rested. Angry determination flowed through every fiber of my being. I would save Sebastian. How dare anyone, Death included, try to keep us apart? I knew that I was playing right into the spirits’ hands, that this was all happening to force me to fully commit to a leadership role but I didn’t care. I wanted revenge. I was focused and furious.
At some point in the night, Bridgette had returned to our room. I could see her sleeping soundly in the bed beside mine. I flicked on a lamp and sat down on the bed beside her. She stirred, mumbling softly in her sleep. I placed my hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her from her dreams.
“Huh…? What’s going on? Grace?” Bridgette blinked up at me sleepily.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, knowing I needed to get that out before anything else.
“Oh…”
“I shouldn’t have said those things; they weren’t true. I wasn’t myself last night and I wasn’t thinking straight. But really that’s no excuse. I should never have spoken to you like that. I really am sorry, Bridgette, and not just for the things I said but I’m sorry that you lost Mags, and I’m sorry that I’ve been such an awful friend.”