It was nice seeing Jess’s face again without the strap and tubing. The oxygen tube was almost invisible compared to what she’d had before. She seemed to be breathing easily, as if the ventilator had never happened. He was relieved she could breathe on her own, and hoped this was the first step to recovery.
That afternoon when he saw the girls, he was thrilled to be able to tell them the good news about their mother. Both Maddie and Jilly were excited and wanted to see her right away. Hopping into the car, they all headed to the hospital, their hopes high. Clay was happy they had something positive to dwell on for a change. The past few weeks had been so hard on them all, and this was a refreshing change.
They visited with Jess for a while, then grabbed a bite of dinner before returning home. Jilly hugged her father extra hard when she said good night.
“I’m so happy Mommy is doing better,” she said, smiling brightly. “Will she wake up soon?”
He didn’t want to dampen her high spirits. “I’m hoping she will. Keep thinking positive, and hopefully it will come true.”
Maddie was a little less optimistic about her mother’s condition, but Clay had to give her credit for not saying anything negative to her sister. He supposed at Maddie’s age, she was more realistic than Jilly. But he knew that she also hoped for the best.
“Before we go to bed, let’s celebrate,” he said, heading for the kitchen.
He pulled down three champagne glasses from the cupboard and headed to the refrigerator.
Maddie frowned. “You’re not going to open a bottle of champagne, are you?”
He laughed. “Absolutely not. None of us are supposed to be drinking that stuff.”
He pulled out a can of 7Up and a bottle of maraschino cherries. Then he poured a little 7Up in each glass and put a cherry in each one too.
“It’s fizzy just like champagne, and sweet,” Clay said.
He lifted his glass, and the girls followed suit. “To better days and your Mom coming home to us.”
They clinked glasses and drank, Jilly giggling over the bubbles tickling her nose.
They all laughed. It felt really good to laugh.
On Wednesday night at the AA meeting, Clay was thrilled to report that Jess was breathing on her own again.
“It’s a step in the right direction,” he said, and everyone was happy for him.
“Another positive is you’ve been able to pull through this difficult situation and stay sober,” Alex said.
“I have to admit that it’s been tough at times, but yes, I have. One day at a time, right?” Clay said.
Everyone agreed. One day at a time.
The next two days, Clay visited Jess during the day and then brought the girls at night. The girls, however, were becoming restless during their visits with their mom and both asked to leave earlier than usual. Clay couldn’t blame them since nothing had changed. They had lost their enthusiasm to talk to her, and Clay found that disheartening. On one hand it was wonderful that they were slowly accepting him as their father again, but it was only because Jess wasn’t there for them anymore. And that broke his heart.
The furniture they’d ordered arrived quickly, just as Maddie had said. So on Saturday, Clay moved the smaller boxes that he could carry by himself into the blue room. The furniture they’d ordered for this room was mostly antique white with wicker accents. The bed had a heavy wood headboard attached to the frame. There was also a clothing armoire, two nightstands, and a highboy dresser. The armoire pieces came in two big boxes and were too heavy for Clay to carry up himself, so he ran next door and asked Alex if he could give a hand.
“Anything is better than mowing,” Alex said with a laugh.
Soon, Eileen came over to see what they were up to, and so did their kids. Eileen quickly put Emma and Jerrod to work, cleaning and polishing the furniture around the house and vacuuming while she gave the kitchen and bathrooms a once-over. Maddie and Jilly were still finishing up painting the yellow bedroom. The house was a bevy of activity by midday, and by late afternoon, they were all in the kitchen, looking for a bite to eat.
“I’ll order pizza,” Eileen suggested to unanimous agreement.
As soon as it was delivered, the hungry group gathered to eat it.
“I never expected all this when I asked for help moving boxes,” Clay said, laughing. “But I sure appreciate the help. We’ve been gone so much that keeping the house clean hasn’t been a priority.”
“Happy to do it,” Eileen said. “The place should be nice and clean when you open Memorial Day weekend. How many guests are coming?”
Clay looked over at Maddie. She knew better than he did.
“We have three of the six bedrooms filled that weekend with two people in each room. Mom said she wouldn’t be surprised if more called, or some came unexpectedly,” Maddie said.
“Well, we’ll sure be busy, won’t we girls?” Clay asked.
“And Mom will be busy too,” Jilly said.
Everyone grew quiet. “What do you mean, sweetie?” Clay asked.
“Won’t Mom be here by then too? We can’t run this place without Mom.” His younger daughter looked at him hopefully.
He struggled for the right answer.
“I’m sure your mom is going to do her best to try to be here,” Eileen said, coming to Clay’s rescue. “And we’re all going to pray every day that she will.”
Jilly nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer.
The party atmosphere in the room had vanished. Everyone finished eating and went back to their work. Clay helped Eileen clear the table and thanked her for answering Jilly’s question. “I was caught off guard. I’m glad you stepped in.”
“No problem,” Eileen said. “Kids do that all the time.” She smiled. “But I meant it. I know Jess wants to be here as much as we want her to be. We’ll keep praying that she’ll come back to us.”
“You’re a good friend. Jess is very lucky to have you.”
“And the girls are lucky to have you,” she said. “I know I gave you a hard time to begin with, but you’re doing a great job. I’m glad you’re here.”
They all worked into the early evening and accomplished so much more than the girls and Clay could have done on their own. It wasn’t until their neighbors had left that Clay realized they hadn’t gone to see Jess. More importantly, the girls hadn’t asked to go, either.
Clay wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He was happy they’d had such a great day without worry, but it made him sad that they’d forgotten Jess. He knew it was just one day, but he worried it could happen more and more as time went on.
Wake up, Jess. Please, wake up.
2013
The summer of 2013 was a difficult time for Clay. He was working on his sobriety, which was a job in itself. He attended weekly AA meetings along with his best friend and new sponsor, Coop. Coop had been a “drinking for fun” guy like Clay, but it had gotten out of control, costing him jobs and affecting his musical career. He’d gone to rehab in 2011, two months before Clay had, except Coop had been able to stay sober ever since. After Clay’s last stint in rehab, he’d asked Coop to be his sponsor. His friend was more than happy to oblige, and he made sure Clay went to meetings regularly.
But even with his meetings and daily running routine, Clay thought about drinking nearly every minute of every day. And it didn’t help that he was constantly at the studio for work, where people were always passing around alcohol. He knew he had to get used to others drinking around him, but it was hard. The only bright side was his reputation as a lead guitar player was rising, and it seemed as if every country and rock star wanted him to play on their albums. He was making more money than he’d ever dreamed possible and earning the recognition he’d always desired. It seemed ironic that the one thing he’d wanted all his life—being a famous guitar player—had come true, but it was also the thing that placed his sobriety in jeopardy. He had to play; it was as important to him as breathing. He just had to learn to work around people
who drank and not let it tempt him.
Jess noticed how wound up he was after working and often asked him if he was doing okay.
“I’m not drinking, if that’s what you’re afraid of,” he snapped one night as he was climbing into bed after a long recording session.
“I was just asking if you were all right,” she said, turning over in bed.
His heart sank. He hated that he was so strung out that he became short with Jess. He drew near and wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just tired, and when I’m at work, all I can think about is having a beer and relaxing.”
Clay had been honest with Jess about his cravings so she’d understand his struggle. She appreciated his honesty.
“Maybe you should take some time off,” she suggested. “We have plenty of money. I’m worried about you.”
“But this is my time. Who knows when it will end? There’s always someone younger and more talented around the corner. I have to take the jobs while they’re being offered.”
“All I want is for you to take care of yourself.” Jess rolled over and looked Clay in the eyes. “Promise me you’ll slow down if it becomes too much.”
“I promise,” he said, kissing her softly on the lips. As he gazed into her eyes, he wondered what had happened to him to bring him to this point in his life. He used to only drink a beer or two and have fun, but then the fun turned into something ugly. He wanted to please Jess and put the girls first more than anything in the world, and he couldn’t understand why his alcohol addiction pulled on him stronger than his love for his family. He didn’t want to disappoint Jess again. He was afraid that the next time would be the last time and he’d lose her forever.
She reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes.
“What are you thinking about? You look a million miles away,” she asked softly.
“I’m thinking about how much I love you and the girls and wondering what I’d do if I ever lost you.”
Jess smiled. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much, Clay. For better or for worse; isn’t that what we promised?”
“I’m afraid there has been as much ‘worse’ as there has been ‘better,’” he said.
“That’s in the past. We’re here together, now. As long as we have each other, we’ll be okay.”
Clay kissed her again, this time more passionately.
She grinned. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
“Is it working?”
“Maybe if you kiss me just a little bit more,” she said.
He was happy to oblige.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Clay and the girls worked all Sunday morning on the house and furniture before heading to the hospital to visit Jess. Clay had gone into the yellow bedroom as the girls were finishing up and admired their work.
“This looks really nice,” he said, glancing around.
The room had a bay window with a seat, a gas fireplace in the corner, and a small bathroom. The yellow was soft and cheery. He looked into the bathroom and noticed it wasn’t completely finished.
“I didn’t know the bathroom still needed new flooring and a mirror.”
“This bathroom and the blue room’s bathroom both do,” Maddie said. “But then they’ll all be done. The other bathrooms are finished.”
“What kind of flooring did your mom have in mind?” he asked, getting nervous. He’d never laid any flooring before.
“Tile, just like the other bathrooms. There are boxes of it down in the basement.”
“So, I have to finish putting together the furniture for this room and then lay the tile flooring. And it all has to be done by May 26?” Clay asked. “Do I have enough time?”
Maddie shrugged. “Mr. Neilson can lay the flooring if you don’t know how. Mom did the other bathrooms all by herself.”
Clay’s brows rose. “Is that a challenge?”
Maddie smirked. “I’m just saying that if you can’t do it, he can.”
“Hmm.” He knew Maddie was playing him, and he found it kind of funny. “I’ll need his help to show me how it’s done, but then I’ll do it myself,” he said.
Maddie shrugged again, but she was grinning.
They all cleaned up and headed for the hospital, stopping for a quick lunch along the way. The girls sat quietly beside Jess’s bed. Maddie was reading a book for English class, and Jilly was playing a game her father had downloaded on his phone for her. Clay put fresh water in the vase of lavender that they’d brought last week. No one had sent new flowers this week, and it saddened Clay. Jess was going into her sixth week of being comatose, and people were already forgetting about her.
As he sat down, Jilly looked up at him with questioning eyes.
“Daddy? If Mom doesn’t wake up, ever, then are you going to stay here and still run the B&B?”
Maddie’s eyes snapped up from her book, and she glared at her sister. “Don’t say that in front of Mom. Of course she’s going to wake up.”
“But what if she doesn’t?” Jilly whined. “Everyone keeps saying Mom is going to wake up, but she hasn’t yet. What if she keeps on sleeping, like Sleeping Beauty? I just want to know if Dad will stay and run the business so we can still live here.”
Maddie looked angry, but she held it in and stared at their father, waiting for his answer.
“Jilly, dear. We’re working on the house so it’ll be ready for when Mom wakes up. I’m going to believe that she’ll come back to us and run the business.”
“But you’re a guitar player,” Jilly said. “Are you going to leave us again to play music?”
He sighed. They’d had such a good weekend. He didn’t want to get into this today.
“Jilly-bear, let’s just wait and see what happens.”
“So, you are going to leave us as soon as Mom wakes up,” Maddie said, glaring at him. “And if she doesn’t? Are you going to drag us to live in LA so you can work?”
“Why are we even talking about this right now?” he said, exasperated. “I’m not going anywhere. We’re working on the house, and I’m living here. All you’re doing is upsetting yourselves about something that hasn’t happened yet.”
“But Mom isn’t waking up,” Jilly said, tears filling her eyes. “She just keeps lying there. I just want to know what will happen. I don’t want to move. I want to stay here, where my friends are and my swimming team is.”
Clay dropped to his knees in front of Jilly and took her hands in his. “Sweetie. You’re tired. We’ve worked hard this weekend. There’s no need in getting upset right now. Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay? That’s the motto I live by to stay sober, and it will work well for all of us as we wait for your mom to wake up.”
She sniffed and nodded but didn’t look convinced.
“Can we go home now?” she asked softly.
Clay looked up at Maddie. “Do you want to go home now too?”
“Yes.”
They all said good-bye to Jess. During the car ride home, Jilly fell asleep. He’d been right—she was worn out and needed rest.
Once they were home, Clay carried Jilly to bed and covered her up. He went downstairs and found Maddie in the kitchen having a bowl of cereal for dinner. Leaning against the counter, he watched his twelve-year-old daughter, who seemed so much more grown-up than her age. He supposed that all he’d put her through in the past, and now this horrible experience with her mother, had made her grow up faster than she should have. He felt sad that he was part of the reason for that.
“What?” she asked, eyeing him.
He held back a chuckle. She sounded like the teenager she’d soon be.
“I was just thinking, that’s all.”
“About what?”
“It’s all too much for Jilly, isn’t it? Having to go to the hospital every day and watch her mother lie there, not getting better. It’s getting to be too much for you too.”
“Maybe,” Maddie said, setting her spoon in her empty bowl. “I kn
ow it’s hard on Jilly. She’s only seven. She should be playing and going over to friends’ houses and having fun.”
“What about you? Is it getting hard for you to go there too?”
“A little. But I want us to be there when Mom wakes up. I’m willing to wait it out until the day Mom is better. I don’t know how much longer Jilly can stand it, though.”
“Where do you get your strength from?” Clay asked, in awe of his daughter. “Certainly not from me.”
“Mom says I’m stubborn. Maybe that’s what it is instead of strength.”
Clay laughed. “Well, you can be that too. But so can I.” After a moment, he said, “You know, even before we were married, I asked your mom what she’d name a baby girl if we had one. She said Madison. She told me the name sounded strong and confident, and that girls needed to be strong in this world to survive. And you know what? Your mom was right. You turned out to be all those things, and I couldn’t be any prouder of you than I am right now.”
Maddie blushed. “Did Mom really say that?”
“Yes. She had your name already picked out. She always knew what she wanted.”
“So, what would Mom want now? What would she want us to do?”
Clay took a deep breath and exhaled. “That’s a good question. She wouldn’t want you or Jilly to be upset, that’s for sure.”
“Then why don’t we go every night to see her for one more week, and after that, maybe cut back a bit,” Maddie suggested. “For Jilly’s sake.”
“Okay. That sounds like a good idea.”
Maddie walked toward the kitchen door, then turned and looked at her father.
“This doesn’t mean I’m giving up on Mom. I just don’t want Jilly to be upset. But for the record, I still believe that Mom is going to wake up.”
“Me too,” Clay said. “Me too.”
Monday morning after the girls left with Eileen for school, Clay headed to the hospital. On the drive, he decided to offer to carpool the kids to school and help Eileen. He doubted she’d let him, but he should try. He’d recently received a check from the insurance company for Jess’s totaled car. The adjuster had also had the air bags checked and explained that they weren’t faulty; they just hadn’t deployed due to the car not hitting the exact spots that would make them open. That had stunned him. He’d never known that cars must hit certain trigger spots in order to deploy air bags. He thought about buying Jess a new car; he could use it to drive the kids back and forth to school. He didn’t think she’d mind if he picked it out. She’d want him to use a safe car.
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