by Sherry Lewis
She gave up the thinly veiled pretense of looking at the scenery and, instead, watched Kurt—the way his fingers gripped the steering wheel, the way the muscles in his neck strained against his collar.
She also watched Michael and Erin with him and thought back to how they’d been five weeks ago. Now, even with the threat of Vic looming on the horizon, they were both healthier and more relaxed than she’d ever seen them. She’d worried that telling them about Vic would throw them both into a tailspin. But she couldn’t keep the truth from them. That would have left Michael and Erin defenseless if Vic did find them.
Michael said something funny, and Erin giggled. Kurt grinned as he responded to the boy, and the dimples Abby had begun to watch for dipped into his cheeks. Her heart jumped, and suddenly she knew why she couldn’t concentrate whenever he was near. Why the thought of him never left her mind.
She loved him. She loved every good and honorable thing about him. She loved the way he looked and the way he smiled and the way he cared about her and the kids. She loved the way he walked and the way he drove and the way he watched her when she spoke.
Tears filled her eyes and she averted her face quickly, overwhelmed by the intensity of her emotions. She’d never meant for this to happen. He knew she wasn’t married, and there was nothing standing between them now. Except her inability to give him the family he wanted—and the fact that he’d never asked her to try. And with her heart on the line, she couldn’t let herself get caught up in a relationship with him. She’d lose too much when the time came to leave.
Just sitting here beside him, she’d relived the warmth of his kisses a hundred times. How would she survive living in the same cabin as him?
At long last, he slowed the Cherokee and gestured to a narrow trail cutting into the woods. “The Warners’ place is just up there. They’re the closest neighbors and they usually spend most of their weekends up here. We might see them, so don’t let it throw you. Our cabin’s about a mile up the next fork in the road.”
A few minutes later he turned off the main road and followed a muddy track through a valley. When he finally stopped in a small clearing before an old cabin, the sun had disappeared behind the mountain peaks, but twilight lingered. Abby glanced at her watch. It was just after eight, but between the storm and the mountains, darkness had come earlier than in Pine Cove.
Kurt pushed open his door and stepped down. “Wait here. I’ll make sure none of the local wild-life has moved in.”
Unable to tear her eyes from him, Abby watched as he crossed the muddy parking area, searched above the door for the key and slipped off his shoes before entering. The cabin looked too small to offer much privacy. On one hand, she’d love being stranded up here with Kurt. But on the other, fear of getting him involved in a potentially dangerous situation would make her hate every minute of it.
He reappeared in the doorway and beckoned them inside. Michael and Brody climbed out first, almost slipping in the mud as they eagerly scrambled toward the cabin. Abby followed with Erin.
“Take your shoes off,” she called after the boys as they jumped onto the porch.
Removing her own shoes, she stepped through the front door. Kurt had lit a kerosene lantern, and an eerie glow flickered across surprisingly comfortable-looking furniture: an old couch and two chairs stood before a wide fireplace, a big table surrounded by eight chairs occupied space before a large shuttered window, and a bookcase full of reading material and games climbed the wall next to the steep ladder that led to the loft. It wasn’t as bad as she’d feared.
Though the cabin wasn’t large, its vaulted ceiling and the placement of the loft more than ten feet above the floor of the main room kept the space from feeling cramped. The air inside smelled musty, but the room looked clean and dry. Just getting out of the damp night helped Abby feel a little better.
While the kids climbed the ladder to the loft, Kurt pulled kindling from a box near the fireplace and smiled at her over his shoulder. “I’ll have to thank Jack for getting the place stocked up before he left last time. We won’t have to gather any firewood until morning.”
He opened the flue and cleared away old ashes from the grate, and within minutes the fire had taken hold.
“If you want to change clothes, you might do so in the loft,” Kurt suggested. “Let me light another lantern for you. And here, leave this up there in case you need to go out in the night.” He pushed a flashlight into her hand.
Abby clasped it, but it took a few seconds for his meaning to hit her. She felt her face grow hot with embarrassment. “You mean…”
“The outhouse is around back. Come on, I’ll show you.” He crossed to the rear window and used the flashlight to illuminate a rough plank structure.
An outhouse? Her anticipation faded and grim reality returned. This was much worse than she’d feared.
She opened her mouth to protest, but Erin popped up behind her, eyes bright with excitement. “This is going to be fun!”
Hiding from a maniac in a remote mountain cabin with no running water and no decent bathroom—fun? Abby clutched her jacket and surveyed the room once more. She really had no alternatives at the moment, and obviously both Erin and Michael were thrilled with everything.
She suppressed a sigh. The kids needed to keep their spirits up, and luckily they seemed happy right now. She just had to make the best of things. But Abby had no idea how she was going to keep her own spirits up, her thoughts away from Kurt and her fears under control.
WHEN MORNING DAWNED to the sound of a running brook and the cries of birds outside the cabin, Abby stretched and forced herself to open her eyes. She felt as if she’d been dragged through a wringer. Though she’d slept on a small cot, her back ached and her head pounded from listening for Vic most of the night.
For the first time, she got a good look at the loft she and Erin shared. It ran the length of the cabin, but was no more than six feet in width. They’d made their beds on the end above the kitchen, where the wooden railing had been completed. At the other end, near the ladder, only a skeleton of the railing had been built. The rest of the boards leaned against the wall.
Dragging herself from her sleeping bag, Abby surveyed the floor below. Morning sunlight filtered through the trees, and Kurt had opened the windows to let in light and air. He and the three kids halted their conversation and turned to look at her when she reached the railing. They all glowed with health and vitality. She felt like death.
“Good morning,” Kurt called. In a fresh shirt and well-worn jeans, he looked incredible. If she’d entertained any hope that she wouldn’t love him in the cold light of day, she just lost it.
Abby pushed her hair out of her eyes and tried to smile. “Good morning.”
“Come on down and join us. Breakfast is almost ready.”
“I thought it was my turn to cook.”
“You can do lunch.”
She stumbled backward on the uneven plank floor and threw on her clothes, shivering in the frigid air. When she climbed down the ladder, she could feel Kurt’s eyes on her.
But when she turned at the bottom, he looked away and focused on breakfast. He spooned scrambled eggs and sausage onto a plate and held it out to her. “How do you feel this morning?”
“Like dirt.”
He laughed. “Eat. It’ll make you feel better.”
She doubted anything could work that miracle, but she accepted the plate, anyway. Kurt poured two cups of coffee and helped himself to the rest of the eggs and sausage. Abby took the cup he offered and followed him to the table near the front window where the kids had nearly finished eating.
Though Kurt’s appetite seemed to have been affected positively by the mountain setting, Abby had no taste for food. She pushed her breakfast around on the plate and tried not to stare at him too blatantly. She couldn’t trust herself to discuss the weather as if this were just an ordinary outing, and she certainly couldn’t tell Kurt what, despite everything, was uppermost on her mind. So she
said nothing.
But when she stood to help herself to a second cup of coffee, Kurt broke the silence.
“What do you say we hike up to Angel Falls this afternoon when the trail’s dry?”
“A waterfall?” Erin cried, nearly jumping out of her seat.
Kurt turned an expectant face toward Abby, but she couldn’t echo the girl’s enthusiasm. Though she had to admit she felt less threatened by the environment now that daylight had brightened the dark corners of the forest, trekking through the mountains sounded not only exhausting, but unsafe.
She shook her head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Just what the doctor ordered,” Kurt insisted. “Lots of fresh air and exercise. Besides, you’ll love it.”
“Yeah, you’ll love it,” Brody repeated. “We haven’t been up there since you made Mom go with us.”
At the mention of Laura, Kurt scowled and turned away.
But Brody didn’t seem to notice. “It’s so cool. All of a sudden the waterfall is right there. And you can get pretty close to it. Remember, Dad? Remember how scared Mom was that I’d fall in?”
“I remember.” But Kurt’s voice sounded flat, and Abby suspected his memory of that day didn’t match Brody’s.
“You can’t really fall in,” Brody assured Erin and Michael, “because there’s a fence down by the river and you’re pretty far away—far enough to be safe, anyway. But she sure was worried.”
This time Abby definitely heard the wistful note in the boy’s voice, a longing for a mother who cared about him. And from the look on Kurt’s face, she knew that woman hadn’t really existed. For the first time, she realized that Kurt and Brody would be fighting their own demons on this mountain.
Though her concerns hadn’t lessened, her resolve weakened. Maybe taking a hike to Angel Falls wouldn’t be too dangerous—as long as she didn’t let the kids out of her sight and it wasn’t too far.
“All right, you win. Rinse your plates and silverware. You can explore around the cabin this morning—but no farther. We’ll go to Angel Falls after lunch.”
With a shout, Michael raced toward his sleeping bag and dug into his suitcase while Brody chattered excitedly and Erin scrambled up the ladder to get her things. A few minutes later, the kids scampered outside and Abby could see them playing like puppies on the fringe of wild grass that rimmed the clearing.
Kurt wiped his mouth with his napkin and gathered his dishes as he rose, but Abby reached across the table and held his wrist. “I’ll agree to take this hike with you and the kids, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to wander very far from the cabin.”
“It’s only a few miles up the road. There’s an easy path—”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Lowering his dishes to the table, Kurt met her gaze. “Cowering inside and waiting for disaster isn’t going to help. We won’t go far, but if we don’t keep the kids active and interested in things, they’ll go crazy. And so will we.”
“I agree with you—in principle. I just don’t think it’s very safe.”
“Believe me, I know how serious the situation is or I wouldn’t be here with you. I’m not going to suggest that we do anything foolish.” He turned away, as if the argument was settled.
“It’s not that I don’t—”
He turned back, his face taut. “Don’t fight me every step of the way, Abby. I have my son up here, too, and I’m not going to do anything that would put him in danger. The kids are already excited about going. Don’t ruin it for them.”
“I’m not trying to ruin anything. I just want to keep them safe.”
“As a parent, you learn that you can’t keep your children safe by hiding them. The best thing you can do for Erin and Michael is to make them aware of the danger and equip them to deal with it if it comes.”
Stung, Abby looked away from him. No, she wasn’t a parent. She didn’t know all the correct methods for dealing with children, but she’d been with Erin and Michael for the past five weeks and she knew better than Kurt how volatile their situation really was. And though she wasn’t their mother, she should be the one to decide what was best for them, not Kurt.
She knew he wouldn’t jeopardize his son’s safety, but she hoped he wouldn’t unwittingly jeopardize Michael and Erin for Brody’s sake.
Pushing away from the table, Abby rose. “If I feel that our safety is being compromised, I’ll bring the kids back here immediately. I might not be their mother, but I am capable of seeing to their well-being.”
Kurt’s jaw clenched and his face reddened. “Fair enough.”
Immediately Abby regretted her words. What was wrong with her? Why did she challenge him when he only wanted to help? He’d hurt her with his comment about parenthood, but she knew it hadn’t been intentional. She wanted to apologize for sounding so sharp with him, but any explanation would require the truth about her inability to have children. Was she ready to share that with him? She honestly didn’t know.
Abby crossed the room and climbed back into the loft to retrieve her jacket. She couldn’t tell him. She wasn’t ready to see his interest in her die.
Not yet.
KURT WATCHED as Michael scrambled over a large boulder on the side of the path. When Brody started over it and Erin looked about to follow, he shouted, “Be careful, you guys. Stay where we can see you.”
Beside him, Abby walked in silence. Though she’d hardly said a word since they’d left the cabin, she did seem a little less tightly wound. He knew how serious their situation was, but he also knew that if Abby didn’t lose some of her edge, she wouldn’t be able to deal with danger if it came. For now, they had a respite from the terror and he wanted to help her relax a little.
“So what do you think of our mountains?” he asked.
“They’re beautiful.”
“Peaceful, too. That’s probably the thing I like best about being here.”
“Peaceful? It’s silent. Different from what I’m used to.”
“That’s why I had to come back. I lived in Seattle for a while, but I sure missed this country.” He clambered over the boulder and turned to offer his hand to Abby, but she made the climb easily, without his help.
“So you packed up and came back to Pine Cove.” Was he imagining it, or did her voice hold a challenge?
“It wasn’t that simple. I met my wife while I was in law school. She wanted me to join a large firm and work my way to the top. She wanted—well, that’s not important. I tried, but I never did fit in there.”
Abby stared at him and fire leapt in her eyes. “Why is it that men always believe their wishes and their careers should come first? It’s none of my business, I know, but why did you insist on coming back if Laura didn’t want to? Couldn’t you have reached some sort of compromise?”
Obviously he hadn’t imagined the challenge. Battling anger and a sense of injustice, he struggled to keep his voice level. “I didn’t make any snap decisions, and they certainly weren’t based only on what I wanted. In fact, I didn’t decide to come back to Pine Cove until after—” He stopped, annoyed at himself for rising to the bait and allowing her to draw him into an argument.
Abby stopped. “After what?” Shaking her head, she took a few steps away. “Forget it. It’s none of my business, anyway.”
Suddenly Kurt wanted to tell her what had happened between him and Laura, if only to vindicate himself in her eyes. “The marriage was over long before I decided to leave. I knew almost as soon as we got married that I’d made a mistake, but I kept trying to make it work. For her I stayed in a job I hated and pursued a career and a way of life I detested. I thought a compromise on my part would hold the marriage together. Until I came home early one day and found out she’d returned from a business trip ahead of schedule. I caught her with a friend of ours.” He stopped and looked away, taking a deep breath to blot out the memory of his pain and humiliation. “That’s when I left Seattle and came back to Pine Cove. To me, it was over. But Laura ins
isted on following me. She still thought I was the key to her financial success and she wanted to convince me to go back with her. She thought I should be big enough to put her little infidelities behind us and concentrate on the more important things in life—like money. When I wouldn’t, she finally left us.”
“She had an affair?”
“Make that plural. The one I caught her in and the one she left me for.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Yeah. Well, that’s all water under the bridge, isn’t it? She’s happy where she is, and I’m doing fine. The only thing that still makes me angry is the way she hurt Brody. He’s had a terrible time coming to grips with his mother walking out on him.”
“I’m so sorry.” She blinked rapidly, and her tears tugged at Kurt’s heart.
“No need to be sorry.” Trying to shrug off her concern, he started on the path again. “I won’t make the same mistake again. I know myself better now. I know what I want to do and where I’m happy.”
“You’re lucky. Most people struggle all their lives to figure that out.”
“The most important thing to me right now is what’s best for Brody. He needs love and stability—the kind of life Jack’s managed to give his kids. Sometimes when we’re over there I see something in Brody’s face that tears me apart.” Frustrated, he stopped himself. He sounded so maudlin. He didn’t want her sympathy, he wanted her love.
He was supposed to be concentrating on Abby and the kids, buoying up her spirits, not causing them to crash around her. Forcing a smile, he looked at her again. “Someday things will be different, I guess. And when Brody’s got a houseful of brothers and sisters bothering him, he may wish for the good old days.”
He took Abby’s hand, wanting to touch her, to strengthen the bond between them. But her hand felt limp in his. “What about you? Have you ever been married?”
“Once. A long time ago.”
He waited, wanting her to share her past with him, wanting her to trust him with it. But after a long moment, he realized she didn’t intend to confide in him.