Saving Grace

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘John,’ she said simply.

  ‘So, the papers, have you signed them?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘but …’ she started, stopped herself, and instead let out a resigned sigh. ‘I’ve signed them.’ What was the point? He can have this one. I’ll just get on with my life.

  ‘Can I come out and collect them – now?’

  Why now? Why the urgency? ‘Hang on, I’ll check with Barbara – we’re out at the moment.’ She put the phone against her thigh to cover the microphone. ‘He wants to know if it’s okay to come out to your place and pick up the papers.’

  ‘Fine with me,’ Barbara said. ‘You know what I think, but it’s really up to you. And why the big hurry? That’s what I want to know.’

  ‘I don’t know, but I just want to get it over with.’ Emily put the phone back to her ear. ‘John? That’s fine, but we won’t be back at Barbara’s for about an hour.’

  She raised a questioning brow at Barbara, who nodded in return. She’d added around forty-five minutes in order to compose herself.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  ‘He’s here,’ Barbara called from the lounge-room window where she’d been waiting for John Stratten’s arrival.

  Emily was in the guest room, making notes in her ‘cottage’ scrapbook. She still loved the ideas she’d recorded there, but was now starting to think of them in terms of the white house. She was strangely relieved to hear Barbara’s announcement. The thought of seeing John made her queasy, nervous and sad. But it would be good to get it over with.

  She grabbed the envelope from the bedside table and went out into the hall. She was at the door, opening it, just as John put his hand up to lift the knocker.

  Emily handed him the envelope and muttered, ‘There you are,’ with her hand still on the partly opened door. She liked how ill-at-ease John looked.

  He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again.

  ‘There isn’t anything else, is there?’

  ‘No.’ He looked as if he wanted to ask her something, but thought the better of it. ‘Okay, I guess I’ll be off then.’

  What does he expect, to be asked in for a cup of tea?

  As she closed the door with a clank, a wave of sadness swept over her. She ached right to her soul.

  She heard John’s footsteps pause before making their way heavily down the steps, and had the overwhelming desire to run out and stop him, tell him she loved him, that she’d made a terrible mistake and that they’d work things out.

  But she just stood leaning against the back of the door feeling numb.

  No matter how hard she tried, one person couldn’t make a relationship work if the other person’s heart wasn’t in it. They might stay together, but it would be on the other person’s terms, and that was not living truthfully.

  Granny Mayfair had always said, ‘You have to be true to yourself, first and foremost. That doesn’t necessarily mean being selfish, but it does mean making sure the needs of your own soul are taken care of.’

  Was that why she had chosen Grandpa over an Indian prince? Emily shook the thought aside. She’d never know now. But it was probably why Emily had never consulted her about John. She would have been devastated if Gran had told her she wasn’t working hard enough at her marriage. She’d never quite figured out where the old lady had drawn the line between selfishness and putting the needs of one’s own soul first. If only she’d taken the risk, perhaps things would have turned out differently.

  She was brought back to the present as Barbara called down the hall from the kitchen doorway.

  ‘Are you okay out there?’

  Emily opened her mouth to reply that yes, she was fine, but her eyes suddenly filled with tears and her throat constricted. She nodded instead.

  ‘Oh, sweetie, come in here and sit down,’ Barbara said, appearing beside her and putting an arm around her friend. She led Emily towards the lounge where they sat in the middle of a large, dark chocolate leather chesterfield-style couch.

  ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ Emily said, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. Barbara handed her a neatly pressed and folded lavender-coloured handkerchief. ‘I should be happy that he’s out of my life,’ Emily blubbered on.

  ‘You’re grieving for the death of your marriage. Of course you’re going to be upset. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be normal. You need time to heal. Meanwhile, stay angry with him, it’ll help. And remember, he hasn’t come running after you to sort things out.’

  ‘Maybe he doesn’t know he’s meant to.’

  ‘He was the one who brought home another woman. He didn’t exactly deny it.’

  Emily shrugged. ‘Maybe I wasn’t good enough in bed.’

  She knew as she said it how pathetic this sounded. It was what Enid had told her before she got married – that sex was the only sure way to keep your marriage together. Part of Emily knew there was no way this could be correct – and had known it from the beginning – but another part trusted her. Mothers were supposed to know best, weren’t they?

  ‘I’m not even going to respond to that,’ Barbara said, ‘other than to say that it is utter crap and you damn well know it! Have you forgotten why you left? You’re just having a crisis of confidence. You need to stay strong,’ Barbara said firmly.

  Emily dried her eyes roughly while nodding. ‘You’re right. Thank you. Thank you for being such a good friend,’ she said with a weak smile.

  Barbara patted her friend’s hand. ‘You’re welcome. I know you’d do the same for me. You’ll get through this, you’ll see. It’ll just take time.’

  Emily blew her nose.

  ‘Come on, I’m in the mood for some baking,’ Barbara said, getting up. ‘Personally, I think the therapy of cooking is very underrated.’

  A surge of warmth ran through Emily at the thought. She’d forgotten just how much she missed pottering around her kitchen with nothing else on her mind than waiting for a cake to rise, biscuits to brown, or jam to set.

  ‘Hmm. Something smells good.’

  Barbara and Emily looked up from the table where they were icing the latest batch of melting moment biscuits. David stood in the doorway, surveying the kitchen. They hadn’t heard his vehicle, nor his boots being dumped on the verandah at the front door.

  ‘Are you two starting a shop or have the shearers arrived early?’

  ‘I suppose we did get a little carried away,’ Barbara said with a sheepish grin. The table was barely visible beneath racks of shortbread, melting moments and ginger biscuits. Taking up most of the expansive bench tops that ran around the kitchen were carrot, banana and orange log cakes, a date loaf, and chocolate and plain vanilla fairy cakes brimming with whipped cream and sprinkled with icing sugar.

  ‘Well, I’ll punish you later,’ David said, sidling up to his wife and putting an arm around her waist.

  Emily looked away as he planted a lingering kiss on Barbara’s neck, just under her ear.

  ‘So, how are my two favourite girls doing?’

  Emily felt herself blush slightly.

  ‘We’re good,’ Barbara said.

  He pulled a chair out from the table and sat down.

  ‘Am I allowed to taste, or is all this for some CWA do?’

  ‘No, have whatever you like; we were just keeping busy,’ Barbara said. ‘Coffee, tea?’ she called behind her as she went to the kettle.

  ‘Tea, thanks. By busy I take it you mean after John Stratten’s visit? I saw him on the road into town. We both got held up by Hignett moving a mob of sheep.’

  ‘He picked up the signed financial papers,’ Barbara said.

  ‘So that’s it? He didn’t muck about, did he?’

  Emily shook her head, her eyes suddenly filling with tears.

  ‘Yep, she’s rid of him now,’ Barbara said.

  ‘How come it’s all over with so quickly? I thought you had to be separated for twelve months before you could get a divorce,’ David said.

  ‘It’s
just the financial settlement we’ve done – you do have to wait twelve months for a divorce. Though I think that’s just a form that gets rubber-stamped by the court.’

  ‘Honestly, I think you’re better off without him.’

  Barbara put a steaming mug in front of David and another in front of Emily, who was sitting at the far end of the laden table.

  ‘He’s not a bad bloke – from a bloke’s point of view,’ David continued, ‘but there’s just something about him I’m not sure I trust.’

  ‘Hmm,’ Barbara and Emily sounded in unison.

  ‘What, you think there’s a problem?’ he asked, looking from one to the other.

  ‘We think he might have been a bit dishonest with the financials, but there’s really no way to prove it – Emily doesn’t have access to any of the records. I don’t think she should have signed so quickly – not without some professional advice – but …’

  ‘I’d really rather just put it all behind me,’ Emily added, looking down into her cup.

  ‘Fair enough, I suppose. And if he has pulled a swiftie, he’ll get his comeuppance. You just hold your head high and get on with picking up the pieces. You’ll be fine.’ He gave her hand a friendly pat.

  ‘Thanks,’ Emily said, offering a weak smile.

  ‘So, did you speak to him?’ Barbara asked.

  ‘Not really. I think he’s giving me a wide berth, since we’re clearly on Em’s side.’

  ‘Sorry if …’ Emily started.

  ‘Don’t apologise; no skin off my nose. So, what else have you been up to?’ David asked brightly.

  ‘We went and looked at the Baker house,’ Barbara said.

  ‘How was it?’

  ‘Great,’ Barbara said.

  ‘Okay,’ Emily said, unable to muster Barbara’s enthusiasm.

  David looked from one to the other. ‘Come on, it was either great or just okay, not both. So, which was it?’

  ‘Well,’ Barbara explained, ‘I love the place. It would suit Em down to the ground and would make a great B&B one day. And it’s empty, so she could get in right away …’

  ‘But?’

  ‘It wouldn’t be mine,’ Emily said. ‘If I rent, there’s always the chance I could be turfed out.’

  ‘So, ask if they’ll sell.’

  ‘I did. One of the brothers doesn’t want to. And I don’t have any money – nowhere near enough, anyway.’

  ‘So you only have to convince one person – pretty good odds, in my book.’

  ‘But where would I find a couple of hundred thousand?’

  ‘Well,’ David said, tapping a finger on his lip thoughtfully, ‘they’re most likely pensioners, and wouldn’t want a heap of money at once – it’d stuff up their pension. You could offer to rent to buy, or pay an annual fee that would keep their income below the threshold. They’ve been hit with drought like the rest of us – I’m sure they could use the money, even if it came in a trickle.’

  ‘How many acres do they own?’ Barbara asked.

  ‘Only about twelve hundred – they’re pretty small-time around here.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want twelve hundred acres,’ Emily said.

  ‘Course you wouldn’t. You’d get a few – say, twenty – carved off …’

  ‘But the house is in the middle.’

  ‘Easy, you get an easement put in. They have the driveway fenced, so there might already be one. It’s easy to find out – the Lands Department will have the details. Though I don’t think they’re called that anymore.’

  ‘How do you know all this?’ Barbara asked.

  ‘Just know,’ he said, shrugging.

  Emily’s head was spinning. It all sounded so complicated. But could it be possible, really?

  ‘So what should I do?’ she asked.

  ‘Have you told them you want to rent the place and found out how much they want?’

  ‘No, I wasn’t sure if …’ Emily felt torn: she really needed to get herself settled, but there was so much negotiation to be done. It was all too hard.

  ‘Look, Em, there’s no rush for you to leave,’ Barbara said.

  ‘But …’ Emily started.

  David raised his hands to silence her. ‘I know you don’t want to wear out your welcome or be a burden, and honestly, you’re not. This is possibly the rest of your life you’re sorting out – you need to take time, not rush into something you might regret.’

  Wow, Emily thought. What had she done to deserve friends like this? How could she ever repay them?

  ‘Em,’ Barbara said, suddenly beside her and draping an arm around her shoulder, ‘we’re doing this because you’ve become very special to us and we know you’d do the same for us – it’s what friends do.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ Emily said, shaking her head.

  ‘Nothing. Just promise you’ll give us jobs when your B&B becomes a huge success and farming goes completely tits up,’ David said.

  Emily laughed. ‘You’re on.’ They shook on it.

  ‘Right,’ David said, pushing his chair back from the table, ‘I’m going to go into the office and mull over a few figures. And you two can cook me a lovely dinner,’ he added with a cheeky grin. He bolted as the tea towel Barbara threw flew towards him.

  Emily stared after David with mixed feelings. It really should be her doing the sums, coming up with options for her future. Could she really find a way to make her dream come true?

  Just then Grace bowled up and gave Emily’s legs a nudge. She looked down into the dog’s pleading brown eyes. She’d been so caught up in her own stuff that she’d hardly spent any time with the pup in the last few days.

  The dog was now her only constant; the only leftover from her past. As she bent down to ruffle Grace’s ears, she vowed to be more attentive. She hugged the border collie to her tightly until Grace wriggled free and wandered off, sniffing around the kitchen for crumbs.

  After a few moments, Grace gave up and lay down with a humph, head on paws, on her blanket on the far side of the kitchen.

  ‘She’s amazingly well-behaved for such a young dog,’ Barbara remarked.

  ‘John wouldn’t have put up with anything less.’

  They fell silent, the undercurrent of truth hanging heavily in the air between them as they looked across at Grace on her rug. Emily shuddered to think what would have happened if she’d left her behind.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Emily retreated to her bedroom and sat heavily on the bed. As much as Barbara told her to make herself at home, and as lovely as she and David were to her, she did feel like an intruder.

  It must have been driving them batty. No, she decided, I’m going to phone Donald Baker back and get the rental settled, and then worry about everything else later. If it was meant to be it would be, when the time was right. She had to make herself believe that.

  She glanced at the button jar as if seeking Gran’s approval. But there was no doubt in her mind. For the first time since leaving John, she was unwavering in her decision.

  Feeling a little empowered, she left the room and went to David’s study and knocked on the open door. Barbara stood behind David, who was tapping on the computer keyboard. They looked up at Emily with slightly surprised expressions.

  ‘I’ve decided to phone Donald Baker and see if I can move in – to rent – tomorrow.’

  Barbara and David opened their mouths, but Emily ploughed on.

  ‘I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me and Gracie, but I really need to get on with being independent. Even if it was possible for me to buy the place, it would take months to organise the subdivision and purchase, and no matter what you say, I can’t put you guys out for that long.’

  ‘But you’re not.’

  Emily held up a hand to silence them. ‘I really value your friendship, and I don’t want to put that in jeopardy. If the B&B thing is meant to be it’ll work out down the track, but first things first: I need somewhere to live.’

  ‘If you’re
sure,’ Barbara said.

  ‘Yes. Could I just borrow the phone, since it’s a local call?’

  ‘Sure. We’ll leave you to it,’ David said, passing her the handset and getting up.

  ‘No need to leave; I won’t be long.’ She pulled the piece of paper that she’d written the Bakers’ phone number on from her pocket. She dialled and held her breath while she waited for it to connect and then begin ringing. It was answered almost immediately, taking her by surprise.

  ‘Um, hello. Is that Trevor or Donald?’

  ‘Donald speaking.’

  ‘Hi Donald, it’s Emily Str … Oliphant here again. We spoke this morning about me possibly renting the old house on your property.’

  ‘Have you been over yet?’

  ‘Yes, and if you’re happy to rent it to me I’d love to live there.’

  ‘Really? You sure it’s not too run-down?’

  ‘No. But a lick of paint and a bit of cosmetic tidying up would make the world of difference – if you wouldn’t mind me doing that.’

  ‘Fine, as long as you don’t expect us to spend anything on it – you’d be renting it as it is. I have no idea if the hot-water service is in working order or not.’

  ‘I really don’t mind that. And yes, I understand that what I see is what I get. So how much rent would you be asking?’ Emily held her breath and crossed her fingers.

  ‘How many of you are there?’

  ‘Just myself – oh, and my dog, if that’s okay. She’s really no trouble.’

  ‘As long as it doesn’t get into the sheep. Make sure the house yard is secure and keep her in there. How would one hundred dollars a week sound?’

  Bloody cheap! ‘Great. It’s a deal. One hundred dollars a week would work for me. If that’s okay with your brother.’

  ‘It’ll be fine, but don’t go getting the electricity changed into your name; the shearing shed is on the same meter. We’ll just include the power in the rent. You won’t be leaving all the lights blazing all night, will you?’

  ‘No, and I’ll happily contribute extra when you get the bill.’

  ‘I’m sure that won’t be necessary. We don’t want to upset our pensions, you see.’