She issued a self-caution as she got ready to see him, taking care to wear something that was sexy (accessible) without looking slutty or desperate. They absolutely weren’t going to have sex. Tonight was for talking – finding out where they were really heading, laying some ground rules and getting to know the real Theo.
What she hadn’t foreseen was how easily and quickly he’d get her carefully chosen clothes off. As she lay in his arms, exhausted and dripping with sweat, she looked at the clock on her bedside table to see that it was only just eight forty-five.
Theo stroked a thumb across the tip of her collarbone as she rested her head on his chest. ‘See, you are perfectly capable of being pleasant after all.’
‘What does that mean?’ Lara raised a faintly disbelieving eyebrow. ‘Are you trying to insult me now you’ve got what you wanted?’
‘I think you’ll find it was what you wanted.’
‘You took my clothes off.’
‘You didn’t have to help me.’
Lara giggled. ‘Fair point.’
‘I just mean, I’m sure if you’d told me this was going to happen a few weeks ago I would have laughed in your face.’
‘Well, I didn’t know you properly before, did I?’
‘You’re that rude to everyone you don’t know then? How are you even still in business?’
Lara laughed lightly. ‘You know what I mean. Anyway, you weren’t exactly nice to me in the beginning.’
‘That’s because you did karate moves on me.’
‘Jujitsu. And I thought you were going to mug me.’
‘Then you tried to steal my cat.’
‘My cat.’
‘Our cat. Things like that can make a bad first impression.’
‘So is that what you thought of me? A violent cat-stealer?’
‘You said it, not me.’
‘Well, I know you now.’
‘Very well.’
Lara laughed again. ‘I don’t really though, do I?’
‘OK, so what did you think of me when you first met me? You can say it – I won’t be offended.’
‘Honestly, I don’t know. Every time I thought I had you figured out I turned out to be wrong.’
‘But you thought I was handsome, right? I mean, that’s pretty much the only thing that I need to know. That’s all any man needs to know.’
‘I’m sure it isn’t. But yes, I did. Incredibly. I think that’s what scared me the most about you – my last boyfriend…’
Lara’s sentence tailed off.
‘I don’t mind if you talk about him. I’m not one of those jealous types who can’t take hearing about the man before him. And we’re just this at the moment, aren’t we, so how can I get jealous?’
‘I don’t want to talk about him.’
Lara felt him stretch beneath her head. ‘Screw him,’ he said. ‘I think he’s a dick anyway.’
‘But you don’t know anything about… Oh… you do.’
‘Chas told me about him. I don’t know the guy personally. Never spoke to him. Chas knows him a little from the circuit. He’s a big music fan. When he saw you at the boathouse wedding he told Chas he used to go out with you.’
‘And what else did he tell Chas?’
‘I don’t remember.’
‘Theo…’
‘Honestly, I don’t.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Does any of it matter?’
‘Yes, it matters to me. Did he say bad things?’
‘Do you really want to do this now, Lara?’
‘Yes. If people are spreading rumours about me then I want to know what they are.’
‘Before I tell you, I want you to know that I don’t believe any of it – not now that I know you better.’
Lara tried to ignore the fact that, between the lines, Theo was saying that he’d believed the rumours at some point before he knew her better. That was an argument for another day; right now she had enough to worry about.
‘What did he say, Theo?’
Theo sighed wearily. ‘I suppose I’d want to know if it was me,’ he said.
‘Go on.’
‘Your ex told Chas that you were unstable. That you made things up. That you tried to split him up from his new girlfriend. That you’d spread lies about him to try and make him look bad and to get mutual friends to side with you.’
‘Lucien told Chas all that?’ Lara stared at the wall. She’d known Lucien could be cruel, but this seemed off the scale. None of those things had happened. If anyone had been gracious about the whole Siobhan thing, it had been the one party who had every right to be anything but gracious, and that was Lara. The fact that he could do this was just another twist of the knife. She’d left them alone, even though them being together had caused her great personal pain. She could have screamed, shouted, caused a scene, spread the story all over town, but she hadn’t. She’d got on with her life quietly, without fuss, and had tried to work her way out of the pain, focused on building her business.
‘He’s lying,’ Lara said furiously. ‘It’s exactly the sort of lie he’d find funny because he’s sick. I mean, I knew he was sick; I just didn’t know he was that sick. Either that or he’s trying to fool himself because he feels bad about what happened and wants to transfer the blame onto me so his conscience is clear. But I don’t think he’s capable of feeling bad about anything he’s ever done. I didn’t do any of those things, though, not a one. I mean, if anyone lost mutual friends it was me because he persuaded them all to side with him and now I know how!’
‘It’s all bull?’
‘Of course it is! What do you take me for? Don’t you believe me?’
‘I’m sorry… of course I do.’
‘But you believed his version before?’
‘I didn’t know you before; not like I know you now.’
‘So that’s what everyone thinks? That I’m this lying nutjob?’
‘Of course not!’
‘You don’t have to pretend.’
‘I’m not!’ He took her face in his hands. ‘I’m not.’
‘Just everyone who talks to perfect Lucien then. Anyone who talks to Lucien will hear how I can’t leave him alone, how I never got over him.’
Theo let his hands drop again. He looked awkward. ‘To be honest, it did sound a bit like that when you mentioned him. I’m guessing that your attachment to Satchmo had something to do with your break-up? Is that what you were talking about when you said he’d come to you on the worst night of your life?’
‘He went off with my best friend! It’s bound to make anyone sound like that!’
‘Now you’re angry; I knew we shouldn’t have had this conversation,’ Theo said quietly. ‘I think maybe I should go.’
‘No!’ Lara laid a hand on his chest to still him. ‘I’m sorry for overreacting. I don’t want you to go, it’s just… it doesn’t matter. Lucien’s in the past now. Let him say what he wants because I don’t care anymore and nobody who matters will believe him anyway.’
‘You’re sure?’
‘Sure.’
‘So this thing… you and me. It’s not… I don’t know… a distraction?’
‘Of course it’s a distraction,’ Lara said, her frown transforming into a smile. ‘It’s distracting me for sure. But it’s a nice one that I hope can become more. Is that OK?’
‘That sounds OK. So I can tell people now?’
‘About us?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Are you sure you’d want to? I mean, considering the conversation we’ve just had – and yes, I know I said I wasn’t going to care about that, but even so—’
‘Of course I want to tell people,’ he said, laughing. ‘I’m punching so far above my weight here I’ll be a celebrity!’
‘I don’t think that’s true at all, but as you put it so sweetly…’
She leaned back into him to give him a kiss. Beneath her, muscles tensed and twitched – nobody was leaving this bed just yet.
Lara ran a lazy hand down his chest. ‘You’re sure you’d want me there?’
‘Of course I do!’
‘You say that but don’t forget that I hate jazz with a passion.’
‘Yeah, well, we’re not actually proper jazz, you know. We’re more sort of… pop jazz.’
‘Pop jazz? Still sounds a bit jazzy to me.’
‘Come,’ he said, kissing her.
‘Maybe,’ she said, kissing him back.
Fourteen
The weekend had been taken up by work and visits to her mum and there hadn’t been time to see Theo. In the evenings he’d had bookings with his band that were private functions and so Lara couldn’t attend. In some ways this was something of a relief. It was still early days and she didn’t mind waiting a little longer to embark on their first public outing together. There hadn’t even been cause for her to collect Fluffy from his house, because unusually the contrary cat had camped out at her house for most of Saturday and Sunday, when, for once, she might have been glad of a reason to make the journey to Theo’s to find him.
Betsy had called in sick on the following Friday. Lara had been concerned for her welfare, feeling that she hadn’t quite been herself for a little while now – at least not since her teary breakdown on the morning she’d arrived to find Theo at Lara’s house. Betsy had insisted everything was fine and she was just a little under the weather, but Lara could tell that she wasn’t being completely honest about that. Still, she could only hope that whatever was bothering Betsy would pass soon.
On that same Friday, with things a little quiet in the office despite Betsy’s absence, Lara had taken a few hours for herself in the afternoon to accompany her mum to the town hall for a new birth certificate. Then they’d gone down to the river to have ice cream and a walk, and then, later, Lara had treated her mum to supper at her favourite restaurant. All in all, it had been a pleasant enough day. Lara and Fay had chatted about everything, catching up on what they’d both missed since they’d last spoken, but one huge development in Lara’s life was left unaddressed.
For some reason, Lara found herself unable to break the news that she had a new boyfriend, and she wasn’t really sure why that was. Perhaps because, in spite of how compatible they were physically (there was no doubt in her mind there), she still wasn’t sure of any long-term future with Theo. For a start, they were so different – their lifestyles, their friends, their habits and priorities. That wasn’t to say that she didn’t think it was possible to overcome those differences. She really liked him, couldn’t keep her hands off him, found him funny and sweet, but even so, often she’d try to visualise a future with him in it and just couldn’t see how they fitted together as a couple. Could it work? And there was the spectre of Lucien, too, always there, always waiting, in one way or another, to wreck things, just like he always did. She wanted to believe that curse was over, that his power over her was finally broken, but she couldn’t quite.
When Theo had last seen her they’d said they were going to play it cool and they’d been forced to during their busy weekend, but on the following Monday evening he’d been on her doorstep, unable to stay away. And then again on Tuesday and on Wednesday, and by the time the Thursday of Theo’s gig rolled around and Lara had turned off her computer for the day, she was so exhausted she was afraid she might fall asleep as soon as they came on stage.
She took plenty of time to get ready, carefully choosing her outfit of wide-legged black trousers teamed with a black halter-neck that showed her toned arms at their best, wondering all the while what Theo would like to see her in and hoping she’d got it right, her stomach churning and gurgling. By the time she was waiting for the taxi to pick her up she was feeling faintly sick from the nerves that had been building. Theo had gone to the venue early to help set up and carry out the soundcheck, and so Lara had been forced to follow later. Not only did that mean going into the club alone, but that particular club (as she’d only discovered once she’d agreed to go) was the Emerald Lounge, Lucien’s favourite jazz haunt, the one they’d been in the night he’d dumped her.
Lara knew there was a strong possibility he’d be in there tonight, especially if the news had reached him that Lara was dating one of the performers. She tried to console herself with the thought that maybe he wouldn’t. He couldn’t possibly get to every gig and maybe, if he’d caught wind of the fact that Lara would be there, he might have the sense and decency to stay away for once. Admittedly, that didn’t sound very much like the Lucien she had known, but maybe Siobhan had managed to exert some kind of good influence on him during the past year.
One thing she did acknowledge was that, however difficult, however scary it was, if she was going to stop letting Lucien influence her life once and for all then she had to do this. She owed it to Theo too, who was putting so much faith in her, who was sticking his neck out by making their relationship public when they both knew Lucien had seen to it that Lara had – at best – a questionable reputation and at worst sounded like someone who made the nutter from Fatal Attraction look like Mother Teresa.
A bit of her – the fighting bit – also wondered if it might not be such a bad thing to run into Lucien there, if only to confront him about the lies he’d been spreading. She wanted to know why, who he had told, what the extent of them was, but she had a feeling that, though it might provide some closure to find out, she probably wouldn’t hear it from his lips. He’d deny he’d said anything, or he’d play games, show her that knowing smirk of his and clam up, and in the end she might come away from the encounter worse off than when she entered it. Honesty was not his style, and nor was motive when it came to toying with people. He did it because he could, on some kind of perverse power trip – if Lara had learned anything about him during their time together (even though she might not have recognised it fully at the time) it was that.
The taxi dropped her off and Lara walked into the Emerald Lounge for the first time in over a year. Nothing much had changed. The décor still looked the same – muted, stained and, she supposed, kind of cool in its scruffiness. It wasn’t very emerald, that was for sure – more a sort of cigarette brown. There was always a musty smell early in the evening too, as if the building had an underlying damp problem, but later in the night it would warm up and give way to the smells of beer and spirits and sweat as the club filled up. She even recognised some of the same punters, sitting in the same corners in the same clothes. It was depressingly static, and suddenly Lara felt peculiarly like the same girl she’d been a year ago, as if she hadn’t moved on either despite all the efforts she’d made to change her life.
She shook the thought as she turned her gaze to the stage and saw Theo looking back at her smiling. He looked good in the white shirt, black pencil tie and black jeans that was the uniform of the band. Though they were all wearing the same, only Theo wore it well. The sight of him lighting up at her entrance lifted her spirits and her stomach gave a little flip – not with nerves now, but with excitement. She didn’t have to be that girl – she could be this one now, the one who had a gorgeous boyfriend.
It was still early enough that the crowd in the club was small and service at the bar was still quite straightforward. Lara ordered herself a double vodka and Coke and found a seat at an empty table as the band launched into their first number, Theo still looking at her, still smiling. His bandmates were looking at her now too, though with rather less affection. She could just imagine the conversations they’d had when Theo had broken the news that he was seeing her. She could understand them too, really; when she considered their last encounter at Chloe and Gez’s wedding, she was only glad that she hadn’t been able to hear any of it. If those conversations had taken place, as Lara suspected they had, at least Theo hadn’t told her about them. Perhaps he thought it would have put her off coming tonight, and he’d probably have been right.
No one else in the club gave her a second glance.
It wasn’t unusual for a music venue like this to attract solo patrons – jazz enthusiasts that weren’t necessarily interested in socialising but were there purely to see some live performances of their favourite pieces or to discover new bands with new songs. It was one of the few music venues in town where people felt comfortable enough attending alone. Lara sipped her drink as the band started up, and halfway through the first number she decided that she still hated jazz, but maybe she hated the stuff that Jazzy Chas and the Anglo-Sax-ons played just a little less than the rest of it.
The only person paying her any real attention was Theo, whose eyes never left her as he played, until he missed a cue and an irritated Chas jabbed him, raising warning eyebrows before turning to Lara and doing the same. It should have had the effect of making her feel uncomfortable, but for some reason she found it hilarious. She laughed, instantly relaxing, and when Theo looked her way she pulled a silly face to try and make him laugh too. He gave a slight nod Chas’s way and raised his own eyebrows and now Lara laughed again. They were like naughty kids together, trying to wind up the teacher.
By the time they’d got halfway through the set, Lara’s eyes were glazing over. All the songs sounded the same to her, and even Theo’s presence wasn’t helping to keep her focused. But at least it meant that she was feeling relaxed enough to be in that state of boredom, which had to be something positive.
The club filled up around her, though she remained at her table by the stage alone, many of the newcomers choosing to hover near the bar chatting to each other or the bar staff, or line the walls opposite the stage, tapping their feet or nodding in time to the music. There was no sign of Lucien either. Lara had scanned the crowd regularly, dreading to see him in it, but she hadn’t. It looked as if she might just get her wish and could enjoy a night out for once without worrying that he’d ruin it.
‘We’re going to play some old favourites now,’ Chas announced to rapturous applause and whistling. Lara steeled herself for some horrible, discordant, hardly-a-tune trumpet squealing when suddenly she was distracted by the sight of a figure walking towards her table. It took her a moment to realise who she was looking at but, when she did, every inch of her turned cold. It looked as if her luck had run out.
The Break Up: The perfect heartwarming romantic comedy Page 17