The Butcher Boy

by Patrick McCabe

  Who’s that gone by on the bike? What’s he talking about – ducks?

  The next day I got dressed up again and went back down to the cafe I knew they’d have to be in sooner or later. I sat in their place and put the song on. I lit a fag and then I lit another one. It was good looking at the street through the twisty horns of smoke. I put the song over and over but there was still no sign of them. I smoked a good few fags. I smoked maybe twenty or thirty. I came back the next day and did the same again. And I came back the day after that. It was dark when I was going home. The owner was sweeping up. He was an Italian.

  He said: Ees quiet now. Not so much people around now.

  I said there wasn’t. He said it was no good in the town in the winter. I said Joe and the girls and Philip why are they not coming in?

  He didn’t know who I was talking about for a minute. Then he breaks into a big smile. Ah, Joseph!, he says – and Philip! Yes yes yes!

  Then he starts shaking his head and trying to poke a Kit Kat wrapper out from under the seat with the brush.

  No, he says, I am afraid we have not seen them for a long time. They are away. They were good customers of mine. I miss them.

  I said: What are you talking about, away?

  I don’t know, he says, away, that is all I know.

  I went to light up a fag but there was none left only an empty box. I said to him have you any fags no he says I do not sell cigarettes we are closing now please.

  I must have asked him for fags again.

  He says: I told you! Cigarettes, I do not sell them! Now please! He opened the door.

  One fag then, I says, I’ll give you a tanner.

  Please! he says.

  I kept thinking I was going to meet Joe or the blondie one or some of them on the street so I didn’t want to take the jacket off just in case. Leddy started into me over it – for the love of Christ he says and all this but I says what do you care what I wear all you care about is me collecting the brock as long as I do that what do you care if I come in in a cowboy hat! Oh for fuck’s sake! he says and in the end he just threw the fag into the gutter and says: Do it then do what you fucking well like I’m past talking to you God’s curse the day I took you in in the first place!

  I said: Don’t worry, I’ll work twice as hard now that I’m back you won’t have any complaints about me Mr Leddy!

  After that I didn’t wait for him to tell me to do anything. I was cleaning and hosing and chopping and sawing and packing, anything there was to be done it was done hours before Leddy knew it had to be done. I worked until the sweat ran out of me. Then when I was finished I’d be away off to see if I could see Joe for I said to myself that the cafe man was talking through his arse go back to Italy I said. A couple of times I thought I saw them but it was just some other girl with blonde hair. Every night I left the brock cart back in the slaughterhouse yard beside the Pit of Guts and locked up. There was one thing Leddy was right about and that was I had ruined my good jacket all right for when I was heeling a bin into the cart stew or some stuff went all over me. I was wondering should I go back down and clean it before I went near Joe’s for that was what I had decided to do I couldn’t stick the empty streets and the waiting any more. Then I thought: What would you want to clean it for – do you think Joe cares if your coat is a bit dirty? What are you talking about Francie – Joe Purcell? He’s your friend for God’s sake! He’s your best friend!

  I says what the hell am I at at all, thinking that about the jacket. You think some stupid things. It must have been my time in the garage I said. Then I went off down to Joe’s house.

  There was a light on in the front room I thought Joe was probably at his books we could listen to records after what records do you want Joe I’ll get them. Cliff Richard! He was the only one I knew. But Joe would know plenty more it wouldn’t be long before I knew the whole lot. When you move in right up close to me! I says and pasted back my hair. I scraped off as much of the stew as I could then I knocked on the door grinning from ear to ear like I’d won the Sweep hello there Mr Purcell I said I was wondering if the man himself was in. Mr Purcell looked straight at me and jerked back a little bit then he said what? So I had to go and say it all over again. And he began to smile as if I was telling him a joke or something. He scratched his forehead and stared past me like he was trying to catch the attention of somebody passing on the other side of the street. Then he says: Sure Joe is away at boarding school he’s away in Bundoran at Saint Vincent’s College this past six months. I was going to say O of course that’s right I forgot about that but I couldn’t for this brr was starting in my head like the noise the telly used to make if you fell asleep at night watching it. So I didn’t say that at all and then the door clicked shut real soft, all these doors clicking shut and it was starting to rain.

  I was still standing there watching the gutters fill up and wondering what I was going to do when I seen Mrs Connolly going by on the far side of the street with Mrs Nugent. She was carrying the umbrella and giving Mrs Nugent a good share of it so she didn’t get wet. They stopped at the hotel corner and I seen Mrs Connolly’s hand going up over her mouth. Mrs Nugent nodded away. She was saying: That’s right. Oh you don’t have to tell me Mrs Connolly! You don’t have to tell me!

  Then they parted and there was nothing only the rain sweeping over the town and the fires glowing in the sitting rooms and the smell of frying and the grey jumpy rays of television screens behind the curtains.

  I went out to the river it was bulging nearly ready to burst its banks you could be eyeball to eyeball with the fish. I was shivering with the cold and the wet. I pulled at the grass along the edge of the bank and counted all the people that were gone on me now.

  1. Da

  2. Ma

  3. Alo

  4. Joe

  When I said Joe’s name all of a sudden I burst out laughing. For fuck’s sake! I said, Joe gone! How the fuck would Joe be gone!

  That was the best yet.

  It was still raining when I called at Mrs Connolly’s house. The rain was dribbling into my mouth. When she opened the door I could smell rashers and I think chips. I could see them all inside sitting by the fire and they were eating scones I heard one of them saying anybody for scones? Me! I’ll have the whole plate if you don’t mind. But I didn’t say that I said nothing of the sort for I had business with Connolly. There was a barometer too, like Nugents. Mild weather it said, some barometer that was. She smiled at me and wiped her hands on her apron ah hello there Francie she said. Then up goes the what do you want eyebrow? I put my foot in against the door in case she’d try to close it before I was finished. The rain was all salty now it was in my eyes and it was getting on my nerves she says what can I do for you Francie and I says oh its just about my father ah yes your poor father she says may the Lord have mercy on his soul. She starts fiddling with her fingers and looking down when she said that so I said no no Have Mercy or any of that Mrs Connolly why did you not mind your own business this is the thing and she looks at me and starts stuttering. Mind my own business? What do you mean what are you talking about? I said you know very well what I’m talking about and she tries the Mrs Nugent trick pushing a tear out into the eye nobody did more for your poor father than me Francie I made all the arrangements for the funeral when nobody else would I cleaned and scrubbed God knows I did and my husband says what were you doing that for and I did it because I had pity on your dear departed father God rest him nobody knows the work that I put into that house. Then she starts sniffling and I says who asked you to clean that’s the trouble with the people in this town they can’t mind their own business can they they can’t mind their own fucking business!

  I raised my voice when I said that and then who’s standing there only some lad with a moustache I don’t know who he was what does he say you he says the best thing you can do is get away from this house as fast as you can before I do this before I do that all these things he was going to do. I told Connolly to keep away from our
house if I seen her back near it it wouldn’t be good for her and I meant it. Moustache took a swipe at me when I said that but I managed to get a hold of his wrist and I held it good and hard until I was finished saying what I had to say to say you just stay out of my way Connolly its nothing to do with you and it never was and I’ll tell you another thing I says I’ll tell you another thing! There was snots on her nose and she was blubbering please please. Moustache was half-bent over, I never saw anyone look so stupid with his hair hanging down in his eyes he didn’t know what to say fuck off or I beg you to leave me alone, so in the end he said nothing just hung there like a halfwit all red because of his big talk. I’ll tell you another thing Connolly I said I don’t want any of your apples either! Do you hear me – I don’t want any of your apples! I don’t need any of your fucking apples!

  Then I let go of his wrist and said you remember that and I left the pair of them standing I wanted no more to do with them. I went off through the town. I wasn’t too sure what I was at, I kept thinking that’s Connolly dealt with what will I do now. But there was nothing much else I could do so I went off and bought some fags. I lit one and stood there smoking it. Then all of a sudden I heard Joe calling me from the alley near the cinema. Joe! I said and dropped the fag Joe I says is that you? Francie c’mere a minute he said but when I went over there was no sign of him. Then what did I see only the Nugents’ car going by skitting water onto the footpath and Mr Nugent leaning over to wipe the windscreen holding the pipe in the other hand. Mrs Nugent was driving. I didn’t know she could drive. Next thing the car slows and pulls up outside Purcells. I went round the back and stood on the far side of the road behind a parked lorry to see what was going on. Before Mrs Nugent got out she rooted around in the back and took something out a box or something. Then Mr Nugent rang the bell.

  Philip wasn’t there. Where was he? Then there’s Mr Purcell and Mrs Purcell looking over his shoulder ah hello there this is a surprise. After that what does Nugent do only hold up the box I could see it better now it was all wrapped up it wasn’t a box at all it was a present. When I looked again the door was closed and the light was on in the front room. I could see Mr Nugent handing glasses around and throwing back his head someone was telling a funny story. Oh now, he said, I couldn’t hear him but I knew by his face that was what he was saying. All I could hear was rain gurgling from a broken downpipe behind me and in the end I could stick it no longer. When Mr Purcell opened the door he was bleary-eyed and rubbing them and he was in his pyjamas and dressing gown whatever he was at now. I could hear Nugent inside who is it who is it. Someone had turned the light off in the front room I don’t know which of them it was. There wasn’t a sound in the place. I said to him what’s the party for Mr Purcell and he says party what party. The party, I says, the present and all. Party he says I don’t know what you’re talking about. I said to him look Mr Purcell I just wish you’d stop all this I just want to know if its something to do with Joe that’s all is it a coming home party is that what it is? But he wouldn’t tell me he just kept saying what party and what are you talking about or what is wrong with you. I think that was it I knew then that he wasn’t going to tell me anything and when I heard Mrs Purcell who is it who is it or what on earth is going on its one o’clock in the morning and I just said I’m sorry Mr Purcell I’m fed up with people interfering and not telling me things all I asked you was to tell me about the party and you won’t tell me well that’s all right Mr Purcell its your house but you didn’t have to tell me lies. He says I didn’t tell you lies!, but I didn’t want to hear any more of it I said you did Mr Purcell I’m sorry but you did. I said you never used to do that Mr Purcell I used to be able to call down for Joe and you would say sure he can come out and play with you Francie why couldn’t he? You never told me lies or anything like that in them days its true isn’t it?

  His face changed it got all sort of pained and I liked him then it was like the old Mr Purcell he was trying to tell me something but he didn’t know how. But it didn’t matter for I knew what it was he was trying to say. It was all OK until she came along wasn’t it Mr Purcell? It was fine until Mrs Nugent started interfering and causing trouble. That’s the only reason she’s giving you presents – isn’t it Mr Purcell?

  I looked him straight in the eye and I said: Its true isn’t it?

  His eyes looked kind of sad and he said: Francie.

  I knew he wanted to say something else to me but couldn’t because he knew Mrs Nugent was listening inside the sitting room.

  I put my finger to my lips. I wanted him to know that I understood. He rubbed over his eye as if he had a headache and I knew by the way he looked at me it was his way of saying sorry. I smiled. It was good of Mr Purcell to do that. I had known all along the Purcells hadn’t meant it to happen the way it did.

  If only the Nugents hadn’t come to the town, if only they had left us alone, that was all they had to do.

  I didn’t go home I walked around all night thinking what I was going to do. I slept for a while in the chickenhouse a thousand eyes wondered who’s this sleeping in our woodchip world chick chicks I was going to say its me Francie but I was too tired.

  When I woke up would you believe it the flies were at me now. Fuck off away from the stew I said and bam, got three of the bastards, two black splats on the lapel of my jacket, what do you think of that boys, I mean flies.

  I HAD ten bob so I went round to the carnival to the shooting gallery. All you had to do was get three bullseyes in a row and you got the goldfish. There was a whole bunch of them swimming around with their bony mouths going here we are here we are. I steadied the butt against my shoulder and pulled the trigger ping!, I missed with the first one but everybody does, I thought the rifle range man was looking at me and thinking: That wasn’t much of a shot. I turned around to give him a dirty look but he had his back to me and was talking away to some woman. Now I’m right I said, here we go, three bullseyes in a row. I wonder how long it took Nugent to get them probably spent a fortune. Here we go I said but I missed again. I don’t know what was wrong. I got a fifty but that was no good. I said to the rifle man: You have these guns rigged haven’t you?

  I knew that was what they did. They bent the barrel a tiny bit off so you would never hit the bullseye. You made sure to give Philip one of the good ones didn’t you, I said. What? he says and starts laughing. I was going to go round to Leddy and ask him for another ten bob but then I thought: Why the fuck should I? Joe Purcell doesn’t care if I bring him a goldfish. I said to myself: What the fuck are you at Francie – goldfish?

  The rifle man had his hands spread on the counter staring at me: Well do you want another go or don’t you?

  I started laughing. No, I don’t. You and your goldfish, I said. You and Philip Nugent are well met.

  I must be going soft in the head I thought, worrying about goldfish. When I walked into that old school in Bundoran to see Joe, what was he going to say? Oh hello Francie – I hope you brought the goldfish!

  He was. He was in his eyeball! Me and Joe had better things to do with our time than worry about goldfish.

  Goldfish! we said, fuck off!

  I went up to the convent school and took a bike from the shed the girls always left them behind. I lit a fag and hopped up on the saddle. I says to myself: So the John Wayne stuff is over is it? We’ll soon see about that! Indeed we will! Puff puff and the fag goes flying over the ditch. Freewheel freewheel tick tick tick and away off down Church Hill. Take ’em to Missouri, men!

  Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Ting-a-ling-a-ling!

  Off into the wind puffing fags and whistling away – My old man’s a dustman he wears a dustman’s hat! Hello there dandelions, fuck off! Chop go the heads with a cut of the stick excuse me just what do you think you’re doing clip clip chop chop aaargh! what the fuck is going on where’s our heads? Hee-yup!, I said and away again. An old woman emptying tea leaves into a drain hello there young fellow did you hear any more news she says. Any more news I say
s more news about what? Ach!, she says and scratches her backside, the communists ah says I what would I know about communists h’ho you won’t be saying that when Mr Baldy Khrushchev presses the button. And he’s going to press it. Make no mistake!

  She closed one eye. You think he won’t?

  She started laughing away to herself oho yes but I’m afraid its too late them that hasn’t their peace made its no use them running whingeing now. I told them that below in the shop get out the beads now says I for this time next week it’ll be too late. We’re not afraid of Khrushchev they says. But be Christ they’re afraid now! Its no joke now me son! she says. Come on in and we’ll say the rosary and then you’ll have a mug of tea before you set off on your travels!

  Right missus I said and down we went on our knees. Thou O Lord wilt open my lips she says please dear Jesus save us from all harm don’t let the world come to an end. She had her eyes closed she passed no remarks on me all I said was mm mm and icky backy wacky talk like what I used to do for Tiddly. In the name of the father and of the son and of the Holy Ghost Amen she says and says you’re a very holy boy son now sit up there till I stick on this kettle right ma’am says I. This is a grand house I says to myself. Black kettle on the hob and a settle bed in the corner and looking out from under it Mr Chinese Eyes the cat glaring what are you doing here who the hell asked you in fuck off from about here this is my house! Here you are now she says man dear I said that’s the best cut of bread ever and sank my teeth into it, gurgle more tea into the cup. Come on now she says there’s more where that came from and maybe something a wee bit stronger when you’ve finished that if you’re able for it. Then off she goes chuckling under the stairs and comes back with a bottle in a brown paper bag. You’ll have a drop she says the cat was in a bad way when he heard that. When we had that drank we took more. Where are you off to she says Bundoran says I. Bundoran, she says, where the fleas ate the missioner!