ALMOST LIKE BEING IN LOVE

by Williams, Mary J.

  “Breakfast is so much better when it’s served for lunch,” she said as he slid two slices of perfectly cooked bacon onto her plate.

  “Or dinner,” Tilly said, laughing when Kai gave an enthusiastic nod. “I planned to make chicken piccata. However, if you’d prefer waffles again, I don’t mind changing the menu.”

  “You want me to get fat?” Kai teased.

  “I want you to be happy,” Tilly said as serious as he’d ever been about anything. “Are you?”

  “Yes.” Kai nodded. “Most of the time. Right now, I’m over the moon.”

  Tilly didn’t push. Instead, he followed Kai’s lead away from any subject bordering on serious. Light and airy was the goal.

  “Over the moon because of my waffles,” he asked with a roguish smile. “Or me?”

  “Both,” Kai declared with a laugh.

  “In competition with food.” Tilly shook his head. “Guess I need to reassert my dominance.”

  “How?” Kai asked, an interested twinkle lighting her blue eyes.

  “Less eating, more action.”

  Tilly tossed his apron to the floor, letting Kai know he meant business. Grinning, she jumped to her feet.

  “I’m faster than you,” she warned as he walked toward her.

  “Speed isn’t an issue.” Tilly fainted left, then right. In the middle, he grabbed Kai’s arm then hefted her over his shoulder. He ran a hand over her luscious backside. “I had the advantage.”

  “How?” Kai asked, then gasped when Tilly dropped her onto the sofa.

  Following close behind, Tilly covered her body with his.

  “Simple,” he said as he brushed her lips with his. “I wanted to catch you, you wanted to be caught. And, here we are.”

  “Agreed,” Kai said. “Just remember, if I’d wanted to get away, you couldn’t stop me.”

  I know, Tilly thought. I can’t stop you. Never could. And nothing’s changed. However, he had her now. For the rest of the day, Kai was his. If he couldn’t bring himself to say, I love you, he could show her.

  In a perfect world, Tilly would be content to be with Kai now and then. But the world wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops. Sunshine didn’t beam out of his backside. He was human with real emotions. What he wanted was impossible, but it didn’t stop him from wanting—needing—the woman he loved in his life every day, all the time.

  Tilly kissed Kai. Slow, sweet, and with every bit of his heart on display if she chose to see. He loved her. He made love to her. Looking into her eyes, he willed her to see the truth. When she climaxed, calling out his name, he told himself she understood. And maybe she loved him, too. Just a little.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ♫~♫~♫

  “YOU DIDN’T HAVE to drive me,” Kai said as Tilly parked the SUV on the tarmac.

  “Yes,” he said, turning off the motor. He shot her an enigmatic look. “I did.”

  A black, unmarked car sat near the metal hangar. Feds, obviously. Rather than deal with the fuss of a commercial flight, the FBI arranged to have Gunter Litchfield transported from a local airport on a private jet. Kai approved.

  What Kai didn’t approve of was the lump in the pit of her stomach or the heavy feel of her heart. She didn’t understand why the idea of saying goodbye to Tilly had her thoughts and emotions, not to mention her rioting organs, in such a tizzy.

  Kai wasn’t a fool. She knew Tilly was special, different from any man she’d known. However, she wasn’t the type of woman who sentimentalized relationships. Her world moved at a dizzying pace—just the way she liked it. The busier she was, the more she appreciated the occasional day off.

  Ten days away from the hustle of work was unprecedented. By now, Kai should have been chomping at the bit, desperate for an exciting assignment—or any assignment at all.

  And, after spending so much time with Tilly, in a confined, isolated space, she should have been sick of the sight of him.

  Instead, Kai wished for one more day. One more hour. Tilly sat less than three feet away, yet she already missed him. Already ached for his touch.

  “I’ll get your suitcases,” Tilly said, exiting the vehicle.

  “Thank you,” Kai called after him, wondering how during the drive from the cabin to the airport, they went from warm camaraderie to the coolness of strangers.

  Kai took her purse from the backseat and opened the car door. Somewhere along the way, she’d screwed up. When she arranged a long-overdue rendezvous with Tilly, she expected sexual fireworks. A chance to get him out of her system.

  How could she, a strictly no strings attached kind of woman, have anticipated Tilly would turn out to be much more than an itch she needed to scratch? Funny and smart, with a quick wit and a killer body—pant, pant—he’d done what no person, man or woman, could manage in her entire thirty-six years on earth.

  Jedidiah Tillman had burrowed into her mind. He possessed her body. He was in her blood.

  Kai could admit to herself that Tilly was special. However, she had no answer to the question zinging through her brain. What now?

  “Ready?” Tilly asked.

  Kai nodded. They walked toward the plane, the silence between them deafening. She wanted to say something profound. Instead, she babbled.

  “I had a great time. Really. Wonderful. Amazing.”

  Tilly stopped, turned, and gave her a look that would melt Antarctica. Kai took a step toward him. He reached out his hand.

  “Kai, I—”

  “Ms. Northam?” A man in a black suit and dark sunglasses stood at Kai’s side. “I’m Agent Ross. The prisoner is on the plane. We’re fueled and ready for takeoff.”

  “Give me a minute,” Kai said, her eyes locked on Tilly. “I need—”

  “You need to go.” Tilly shook his head, handing her luggage to a member of the flight crew. “Have a safe trip.”

  “You, too.” Kai gave him an awkward hug.

  Holding her gaze a second longer, Tilly nodded. Without a backward glance, he walked to the SUV, slid behind the wheel, and drove out of sight. Out of Kai’s life.

  “Ms. Northam?” Agent Ross nodded toward the plane. “Shall we go?”

  “Of course.”

  Kai took her seat, fastening her seatbelt. Her heart was heavy, her stomach twisted in an ever-tightening knot. Tilly tempted her, but this was real life. Always on the go. Always running. It’s who she was.

  Looking out the window, she let out a resigned sigh. After all, what choice did she have?

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  ♫~♫~♫

  TILLY LOADED A tray of dirty glasses into the dishwasher. The relative quiet of the kitchen was a welcome respite from a New Year’s Eve celebration he’d reluctantly agreed to attend.

  The party was in full swing. Beck Kramer’s home, the elegant three-story house, too big for one lone bachelor, overflowed with friends and family.

  Lights glittered, music played, some recorded, some live, courtesy of Beck’s rock star bandmates and fellow Razor’s Edge alumni. Together again, a limited tour planned for next summer, the group of friends was tighter than ever. The storms they’d weathered, a thing of the past.

  When the party invitations were mailed, the guests who RSVP’d had no idea they would be treated to a free concert from a stage Beck built for tonight’s festivities. Currently, the band’s lead singer, Jaxon Cross, a superstar in his own right, crooned one of his hits into the microphone, backed up by Kane Harrison on guitar, Beck on drums, Morgan McCloud playing keyboards, and harmonizing, Skye Marlow—the love of Jaxon’s life.

  “People would pay a fortune to witness what’s taking place in the backyard. Probably sell their firstborn just for a chance to see Razor’s Edge in person.” Shaking her head, Sawyer leaned her hip against the counter. “The tickets are free. Yet, where are you? Hiding in the kitchen.”

  “Not hiding,” Tilly said. “I’m keeping ahead of the mess. If not for me, you’ll run out of glasses
before midnight.”

  “Then we’ll switch to plastic cups.” Sawyer laughed. “Not great for the environment, but Beck bought a gross—just in case. Just in case what, I ask you? A zombie invasion? Do zombies drink out of cups?”

  Even though he wasn’t in the mood to do more than drag his sorry ass around like a whipped puppy, Tilly chuckled. Sawyer’s sunny disposition was hard to resist.

  “Depends on which zombies you’re talking about,” Tilly said. “Some are more social than others.”

  “Either way, using the walking dead as an example was pretty weak.”

  “You’re hosting a massive New Year’s Eve blowout,” Tilly told her. “With so much on your plate, I’ll give you a pass—zombie wise.”

  “Thank you.”

  Dressed for a party, Sawyer wore a pair of ankle-skimming leather pants. Sky-high sandals with glittery heels and a satin blouse the color of ripe cherries completed her ensemble. She was drop-dead gorgeous and could have easily passed for a groupie—if she weren’t already married to the band’s drummer, and if she weren’t too busy running a successful business.

  But for tonight, Sawyer’s husband was the center of attention, and she was happy to bask in his reflected glory because she loved him. Because, when the focus shifted to her, he was right there, cheering her on.

  “You’re a lucky woman,” Tilly said as he arranged a tray of hot from the oven mini quiches. “All the time, every day, Beck says I love you. No doubts, no misunderstandings. His feelings are right out there.”

  “Come on, Tilly.” Sawyer scoffed. “Don’t rewrite history.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, frowning.

  “You make our relationship sound like a fairytale from day one.” Sawyer sighed. “When Beck and I were first married, we slept in separate bedrooms. On different floors. We circled around each other for months before we even kissed. Love was not part of the deal, remember?”

  “Okay.” Tilly shrugged. “But you and Beck finally admitted how you felt, you were all in.”

  “Circumstances were on our side,” Sawyer reminded him. “We lived in the same town. Then, the same house. You and Kai are different.”

  “Who said anything about Kai?” Tilly slammed the cupboard. Sawyer jumped a foot. “Sorry. Guess my vacation wasn’t as relaxing as I’d hoped.”

  “Today’s been crazy. Last-minute party preparations, a few minor crises to avert. Plus, you didn’t get here until after the guests began to arrive; we haven’t had a chance to talk.” Her smile sympathetic, Sawyer rubbed his arm as she checked her watch. “Thirty-five minutes until midnight. Everyone is fed and well-lubricated. Want to find a quiet place and tell me what happened?”

  “A quiet place?” Shaking his head, Tilly laughed. “Good luck. The house is packed to the rafters. The only reason the entire state of Nevada isn’t busting down the doors is the security posted every five feet. Most people think twice before they mess with big, strapping men who give new meaning to the phrase, armed and dangerous.”

  “Blame the guy singing,” Sawyer said. “Jaxon Cross is a superstar. Between his overzealous fans and a stalker or two, he—”

  “Jax has stalkers—plural?”

  “Apparently.” Sawyer popped a quiche into her mouth. “He seems very copacetic on the subject.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “About my husband’s revitalized rock star status?” Sawyer sighed. “I know how much he missed performing. All I want is for him to be happy. And safe. I’m glad you’re around so much of the time, Mr. Ex-Marine. Gives my peace of mind a nice boost. Unless…”

  “What?” Tilly asked as he loaded the last of the glasses and turned on the dishwasher.

  “I wondered if you might leave us to go running around the globe with Kai.”

  While in France, Tilly asked himself the same question. Trouble was…

  “Kai didn’t ask me to go with her.”

  Sawyer turned her head to the side and smiled.

  “What would you have said if she had asked?”

  Yes. Tilly knew in his heart he wouldn’t have hesitated. He had a good life here in Eatonville. Good friends. A good job. He thought he was content. Kai changed everything. He felt restless. Unsettled.

  His heart belonged to a woman addicted to adventure. She was a free spirit, a wild bird determined to fly as high and as far as possible. And he would never be truly happy without her.

  Tilly could admit the truth to himself. However, if he shared his feelings with Sawyer, his soft-hearted friend, she was bound to worry. And fuss. And try to fix the unfixable. She wouldn’t be able to help herself. So, for her sake and his, he lied.

  “Sometimes things work out for the best.”

  Sawyer didn’t look convinced. But instead of arguing, she did what any true friend would do, she changed the subject.

  “The party is out there.” Sawyer pointed toward the backyard. “Come with me?”

  Moving to the window, Tilly looked at the sky. Stars as far as the eyes could see. There was a lot of beauty in the world, and he was tired of wallowing in self-pity. Maybe good music and pricy champagne were exactly what he needed.

  “Give me a few minutes?”

  “Tilly…” Sawyer sighed.

  “When the clock strikes midnight, I will not be alone,” Tilly promised.

  Sawyer took his hand and squeezed.

  “I’m going to hold you to your word,” Sawyer said.

  Alone, Tilly took a bottle of champagne from the refrigerator. He peeled away the foil, gently twisted the cork, and smiled to himself as the sound of a familiar pop filled the room. He took a drink and sighed.

  Knowing if he left through the backdoor, he would run into a crowd of revelers, Tilly walked past the pantry and took the back stairs to the third floor. Sawyer would kick his ass in the morning, but as he let himself into the master bedroom and opened the French doors that led to a private balcony, he figured, technically, he hadn’t lied.

  No one was alone when their companion was a five-hundred-dollar bottle of Dom Perignon.

  Leaning against the railing, Tilly stared at the backyard below without really seeing. Where was Kai, he wondered. Still in Florida? Already on her way to some other exotic location? Was she alone? And the most important question. Did she miss him even a fraction as much as he missed her?

  “Thirty seconds until midnight,” Beck called out from the stage, drawing Tilly’s attention. “Grab someone you care about and get ready to ring in another year. For me, the last twelve months have been the best of my life. I won’t press my luck and hope for better. So, join me and raise a glass to a year filled with love, health, and happiness.”

  “Why the hell not.” Tilly took another drink of champagne.

  “Here we go,” Beck yelled, pulling Sawyer onto the stage and into his arms. “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one—”

  Over the crowd shouting Happy New Year, Tilly’s lips quirked into a humorless smile as he lifted the bottle in his own version of a toast.

  “And a shove it up your ass New Year,” he said, quoting Kai.

  “Sounds about right.”

  Tilly spun around, sloshing champagne everywhere.

  “Kai?” he asked.

  She wore her hair in one long braid, a badass black leather jacket, jeans, and a pair of biker boots. Very Kai. Then again, what wasn’t? Certain she wasn’t there, Tilly blinked.

  “Since you stole my line,” she said. “I’ll take yours—though I’m a bit late. Merry fucking Christmas, Tilly.”

  “You have to be a hallucination.” Tilly rubbed his eyes. When he looked again and she was still there, he shook his head. He peered into the bottle. “Maybe I was drugged?”

  “Nothing wrong with your eyesight or the wine.” Kai stepped closer, further into the light. She held out her arm. “Touch me. I won’t disappear.”

  Tilly gripped the bottle with deadly force. H
e kept his other hand balled into a fist.

  “Don’t you want me to be real?” Kai asked.

  “No,” Tilly ground out the word.

  Hurt flared in Kai’s beautiful blue eyes. Her pain was like a punch in the gut. Still, Tilly didn’t move.

  “Why?” Kai swallowed. “Why, Tilly?”

  “Simple,” he said through gritted teeth. “If you’re real? If I take you in my arms, I’ll never let you go, Kai. Never again. And I know that’s not what you want.”

  Kai’s eyes filled with tears. She never cried, Tilly thought. Never.

  “Take a chance, Tilly,” she whispered, opening her arms. “Maybe once, just once, you might be wrong about what I want.”

  Tilly dropped the bottle, dropped his defenses, and pulled Kai close. She sank into him, solid, soft, and very real. He breathed in the scent of wild strawberries, a shudder running through his body.

  “How are you here?” he demanded, then shook his head. “Know what? I don’t care.”

  The kiss was everything. Sweet, hot, and a little desperate. Slowly, as Tilly settled into the idea that Kai wasn’t a dream, he changed the angle of his head and took a deeper, longer, more thorough taste. She threaded her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp as she touched her tongue to his.

  Not a dream, Tilly thought. Heaven. Right here on earth.

  Taking a seat, Kai in his lap, Tilly cupped her cheek, his thumb tracing the outline of her lips.

  “I meant what I said.”

  “You’ll never let me go?” Kai asked. When Tilly nodded, she smiled. “I’m right where I want to be. But let’s be clear. If I wanted to leave, nothing you could say or do would stop me.”

  “I know,” Tilly said. “If I tried, we’d both be miserable.”

  “Yes.” Kai kissed the palm of his hand.

  “Guess I’ll ask again. How are you here?”

  “Simple.” Kai shrugged. “On the flight from France, I gave my statement to Agent Ross. Pretty cut and dry. Once we landed in Florida, I checked in with the proper authorities.”