by Hannah Jay
The Glamour of Alexandra
Alexandra is a twenty eight year old Midwestern mistress. “I love the whole pampering, glamour, fancy dresses and luxury lingerie part of being a mistress. Sure, I can throw on a pair of capris and a cute little top and be out the door in ten minutes; but that is very much not what I am selling.”
“Start with where I work. I was lucky enough to find a brilliant, quite large, loft apartment near downtown but in a very safe area. It’s a small building and there are only four spaces but the owner designed it so that each space has a really private entrance. I have lived there for five years and I have never even seen one of my neighbours. There is a secured parking lot just down the street which is important.”
“It has taken me a couple of years to furnish and decorate my space. I haunt auctions and pick up nice pieces of modern or Art Deco furniture. The whole space is very minimal. Lots of clear, clean surfaces. In the corridor I have a gorgeous hall table with a single tray for envelopes. Black and white, framed photographs and a single, fresh stem of a really sexy flower – think Bird of Paradise or orchid, never roses or carnations – are all my patrons see on arrival. And me.”
“I read somewhere that glamour was actually all about lighting. I think that’s right. It is about contrasts and textures and a sense of presentation. My dates are almost always in the evening and I have my space lighted for effect. There is a pool of light by my double black leather love seats and another on flowers I have arranged on my dining table. In the bedroom there are bedside lights and a light behind the screen I have at one end of the room.”
“I am lucky because I have very dark brunette hair and pale white skin. That contrast lets me wear great clothes and pretty, black, lingerie. But it also means I can use makeup very effectively. I aim for a look which is well outside what my clients see day to day. I don’t use a lot of makeup, just a light foundation, smokey eye shadow, eye liner for emphasis and a cute “flip” plus really, really red lipstick. I pay a lot of attention to what the models in the magazines are wearing and I match it to some extent. I want to look “finished”.”
“For a mistress it is usually clever to dress in layers. And while I thoroughly enjoy lingerie shopping with my patrons – and they enjoy it too – I also prefer to have my money in the bank rather than on my back.”
“Even the wealthy, sophisticated men I prefer to see have no idea what they are looking at when they look at women’s clothes. But they will spot things like really luxurious fabric and the simple design which takes real elegance to carry well. Paying attention to designer consignment – both in my city and on line – means I can buy the Armani and Prada which works for me at a fraction of the retail price.”
“It is easy to fall for the idea that dressing glamorously is somehow about dripping diamonds and being swathed in furs. I have no objection to diamonds and I love vintage furs; but neither are essential to a glamourous look. For me glamour is much more about being really well put together with bag and shoes matching and little touches like a hat and gloves. It is a throw back to a world where women reveled in the fact they were completely different from men.”
“Everything I do from my discreet, vague ads to my scent – I actually buy perfume online which was discontinued in the 1990s – is calculated to appeal to my patrons’ often unconscious nostalgia. But it is not a nostalgia for a particular era exactly, rather it is for a world less complicated and less fraught. The way I put it in my ads is “Step into my world where ladies enjoyed the kindness of strangers”. The allusion to Tennessee Williams is deliberate. I am always delighted at how many of my clients are very literate indeed.”
“I am not show stoppingly beautiful; but I clean up very well indeed and I spend the time I need to make the most of my looks. I keep my hair longish and can range from a quick flip and blow dry to full-on hot rollered curls. But whatever look I am going for I make sure I give myself enough time before my date to really finish the look. That means when I walk into a restaurant I look terrific, I know I look terrific and I feel great. Which shows. I usually have eyes on me when I walk into a nice bar or attractive restaurant. Regardless of what happens later in the date, my patron is going to be delighted to have such a radiant creature join him.”
“If I do my job right, from the moment my patron sees me across the room to the moment he leaves my home he will feel privileged. Lucky. On top of his world. And, of course, that really starts when he sees the reaction I get from the men who I will not be joining.”
“A big part of glamour is timing. Whether it is that moment of hesitation when entering a crowded room so that people can get a good look at your outfit, or a moment or two taken as you are undressing so that your patron can anticipate the pleasures which await, every move I make is considered. It is not a “routine”; rather it is really just a particular way of being in the world.”
“Every mistress is, of course, selling a fantasy. Whether it is “the girl next door” or the pillow chested beauty who just can’t get enough, we all cater to the imagination of our gentlemen. How we play with our patrons’ imagination is the value add a mistress brings.
“An early patron of mine took me to this rather quiet bar which was lightly populated by these stunning women and the men who enjoyed them that I realized what my niche was. The “stunning” women were, for the most part, not all that amazingly great looking. But they were polished and cleverly dressed. I could recognize some designer dresses – I am a bit of a fashion buff - but it was the overall look which worked. They simply looked expensive. Like pampered racehorses. Lightly tanned, beautifully toned, clever haircuts and limo heels: these girls were the glittering prizes men strive for.
“I was totally intrigued. I had no idea if these women were mistresses or not. It didn’t matter, I wanted to be in the business of selling the sheer glamour of how they presented themselves. Having a goal is a wonderful thing because it lets you plan.”
“I set out to find men who were looking for a girl who was just as polished, as elegant, as unobtainable as the girls in that bar. Instead of spending the money I was making on the day to day, I started saving to buy the outfits, the bags and shoes, the minimalist modern furniture. It takes money to create the illusion of glamour. And I looked for nearly a year before I found the perfect stage, the perfect space, for what I had begun to think of as my glamour show.”
“And I read. Fashion magazines, beauty books, books on being kept, books about decoration and dresses and putting together a “look”. I actually made myself a “look” wall when I first got the loft and had a bed, a chair and a table and not much else.”
“I was inventing Alexandra. I liked the slightly Russian, slightly Greek sound of the name. I liked the faintly European suggestion. There is a Las Vegas glamour. And then there is a Paris, London, New York glamour which is understated. That was where I wanted to go.”
“Dita Von Teese famously said, “I advocate glamour. Every day. Every minute.” She’s right. I realized that to create Alexandra it would not be enough to put on a pretty dress at five for cocktails at 5:30. It was a full time job which resulted in Alexandra being able to walk into any place in the city and have, for a moment, all eyes on her.”
“As I said, glamour doesn’t need to be expensive. Rather it is a discipline. Like yoga or meditation: you wake up and you begin the regime. Whether it is a trip to the gym or a fast walk on a cold day, you take your exercise. You have a day hairstyle and day make up which make sense. You do your skin care and wear your sun block. You see your hair stylist once a week, your pedi/mani waxing girl pretty much as needed. You research your beauty products and you learn how to use them. You-Tube is critical.”
“You look for brilliant, beautiful clothes and furniture. When I started with glamour I wanted nothing more than one, great, luxe outfit with the right shoes and the perfect bag. And a string of pearls like Audrey Hepburn wears in Breakfast at Tiffanys.”
“Bit by bit I invented Alexandra with
the pretty dresses, sizzling lingerie, perfect love nest apartment and alluring, subtle, one off advertising. I am not her but I have to admit I wish I was.”
“A glamourous mistress is not for every man. Which suits me. However, for my patrons – and I spread the glamour around a little – seeing Alexandra three or four times a month is almost a ritual. Drinks, dinner and then back to my space for a nightcap. Alexandra is a glamourous gift my patrons treat themselves to. For a few hours these intelligent, successful men are dazzled.”
“And here is the wonderful, but unexpected, truth about glamour: women become more, not less, glamourous as they grow older. Because glamour is far more about sophistication than it is about raw, youthful, prettiness. So Alexandra’s glamourous nights as a successful mistress will run for several more years. She is just becoming more glamourous.”
Chapter 14 | Off-time for the Perfect Mistress
Ah, what in the world to do? A mistress, even a busy one, will find herself with time on her hands. Let’s face it, being a mistress just isn’t a twelve hour day job any way you cut it. What you do in your spare time is a choice of course. But you can either waste it or work it to your advantage. An ambitious mistress uses her off time to improve her marketability and her skills. And a modern mistress takes time for herself. From an outside perspective, being a mistress seems like the easiest “work” in the world, but those in the business know that it can be physically and mentally taxing. And if you don’t care of both body and mind, you aren’t going to be in the mistress biz for long. So, sit back, relax, and keep reading…..
Men keep mistresses for a wide variety of reasons and while most mistress dates end much the same way, adding value can make the difference between a patron having a so-so experience, and a patron eager to come back again. The more a mistress brings to her encounters, the more likely she is to have loyal (and generous) patrons. So rather than surfing the net or reading fashion magazines, you, as an ambitious mistress, can start using your downtime to be productive.
Stay Informed
The further up the patron ladder you go, the more your patrons will expect from you. Knowing a little about the world is a huge asset. Basic things like headline news, how the economy is doing, which local sports teams are winning, is one side of the equation. And it is a side which will let you carry on a conversation and ask intelligent questions over cocktails.
There are terrific resources online which will keep you in the information loop. Simply scanning Google News once a day will keep you up to date. Remember that reading about issues gives you a knowledge base in order to interact with others. Discussion, debates, differing opinions and viewpoints all serve to expand your world and your attitudes. But bear in mind, spending too much time online means you may miss the stimulation which real live humans can give.
The other side of being informed on the big issues, is the softer, more feminine world of food, fashion, design, wine, and books. You don’t have to be an expert, rather you need to learn your own tastes.
So how do you do this? Get the basics down pat, and then get good at something. Really dig into a subject that gets you excited. Then you can delve further into your favourite aspects, and then get really good at it. Yes, practice, practice, practice---and you will eventually acquire a specialty or a specialization. For instance, you love to bake? Great! Bake cookies, bake bread, bake macaroons. Read cookbooks, scour http://food52.com/ , http://www.thekitchn.com/ and http://smittenkitchen.com/ for starters. Figure out what you love to make most (cheesecake? pie?) and make them until you can do so like a master, like a machine. Make as many flavours and variations as there is time and recipes for. You know the old adage that it takes 100 hours of practice to do something well? So, get started. Whatever gets you moving with a spring in your step is what you should to be doing. And getting to know IT, is really a way of getting to know YOU.
Not every subject you explore is going to stick. But the ones that do are the ones that are in sync with something deep within you. This can be a source of fun, a hobby, a distraction; or it can be life-changing. You may, for example, discover you have an eye for design, then go on to learn that your penchant is for sleek, simple, modern lines. In furniture, in décor, in art, in your wardrobe choices. You become a more interested and interesting human being because you suddenly see the world around you in a whole new way. This opens up ideas, doors, and is often the springboard for life shifting decisions. The kind of exciting, adrenaline-racing moves that succeed because they are based on self-knowledge rather than based on whims or whimsy. Your drive and focus is like a magnet, bringing new people into your sphere, and in turn you have something to offer as you enter theirs.
How does this tie back to improving your life as a mistress? Well, you absolutely sparkle because your life is much more than the mistress your patron keeps. Ironically, having a big life not at all attached to mistressing makes you likely to be much more successful at your art.
The layers of knowledge and the skills you develop in your off hours are the ones that only those who come to know you are privy to. For others, they get glimpses of something more than that which meets the eye. Your patron invites you to a dinner date; you know which restaurants are best; you know what to order because you know what you like; and the wine list is not some indecipherable hieroglyphic document because you know about grapes and matching food with wine. Your patron, in your capable hands, is guided to a fabulous experience, as well as a fabulous meal. He’ll remember the evening, and remember you in particular. In fact, you might not last long as a mistress, because some smart and perceptive man is going to snatch you up, you gem, and make you his girlfriend, or wife. We romantics still believe in happily ever after. But we also believe we make our own luck. You’ve used your spare time to make yours. Hurrah!
Education
Many people consider their education as essentially finished when they have graduated from high school or college. This does not have to be true, even if you are a mistress. Particularly if you ARE a mistress, in fact. Taking a course or a certificate, or even an entire college degree, will enhance your life as a mistress. Simply having interesting things to talk about as a result of what you are learning will add a dimension to your patron’s experience with you. Having a degree, or working on one, will make you more marketable.
Alternatively, rather than taking random courses which interest you, think about the possibility of taking a certificate course which will give you skills. What do you like to do? Whether it is woodwork or soapmaking, having an mistress’s income and schedule lets you take courses which will give you skills for your post-mistress life, or which will allow you to set up a sideline business to test and get off the ground while you still have your mistress income to fall back on.
Classes
The difference between a class and a course is that a class will teach something pretty self-contained. In most cities, classes are available for everything from basic webpage design to knitting to art.
While most classes are offered in the evenings and are potentially a scheduling nightmare for a busy mistress, there are usually others to be found during the day and on weekends. So, with a bit of planning, a mistress can learn what she wants, or needs to, in a way that doesn’t interfere with her schedule. Most mistresses have their mornings free, so taking a college level course on anything from Chinese art to accounting will only take up a couple of those a.m. hours.
Some classes will further your knowledge in a subject you already know something about. You can work your smart phone, but can you get the most out of it? You can take a picture, but can you take a picture worth framing? Learning the basics of photography or graphic design gives a mistress the ability to work proficiently with photographers and ad designers by speaking the industry jargon they understand. You can speak their language, as it were. Or you can cleverly learn graphic design. If you get really good at graphic design, there is also great potential in setting up a sideline business or working as a freela
ncer. A work from home gig allows you to work around your mistress schedule while giving you another income stream.
Taking a make-up class can really make a difference in enhancing your look and your make-up application skills. Learning from real pros can let you take your basic make-up and adapt it to different mistress encounters – sultry evening looks are not the same techniques as those for a lunch date. Department stores often offer free makeovers, and although you are not obligated to buy the products, it is nice if you buy a little something, both as a way of compensating the clerk for her time, and so you can replicate the look at home.
From a business perspective, acquiring a basic proficiency in another language can be very lucrative for a mistress. Language classes are easy to find, as are private tutors who will often come to your home to teach. If flexibility is what you need, a tutor is the route to take. Foreign speakers will often trade off time with you so you can practice your Italian with them, for instance, if they can practice their English with you. As a mistress, you don’t have to know the written form of French or Chinese to charm the generous gentlemen from these areas. Learning basic conversational versions of in-demand languages gives a mistress a competitive edge. And it’s just darn useful: you can travel, you can translate, you can order. Translated: freedom, money, survival. Yep, a pretty good skill to have.
Interning
Because you make your money from your patron(s) , you can afford to take on intern jobs which pay little or nothing but provide experience and also fill in any chronological gaps in your resume. Having an intern gig, or a series of gigs, means that your resume will have entries during the time you have been a mistress. No small thing if you eventually are looking for a job. From a mistress perspective, the best thing about interning is that since you are not being paid, you can usually set your hours to mesh with your mistress schedule.