by Randa Lynn
Copyright © 2015 by Randa Lynn
All rights reserved worldwide. No part of this book may be reproduced, copied or transmitted in any medium, whether electronic, internet, or otherwise, without the expressed permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. All characters, events, locations, and names occurring in this book are the product of the author’s imagination, or are the property of their respective owners and are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual events, locations, or persons (living or dead), is entirely coincidental and not intended by the author.
All trademarks and names are used in a fictitious manner and are in no way endorsed by or an endorsement of their respective owners.
Contains sexual situations, violence, sensitive and taboo subjects, offensive language and/or mature topics.
Recommended for age 18 years and up.
Cover Photos: Dollar Photo Club
www.dollarphotoclub.com
Editing:
Stephanie Gibson
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Dedication
My husband. You’ve supported me unconditionally. You’ve loved me without fault. After all this time, you still give me butterflies. Thank you for being my always. I’ll love you ‘til we both fly away.
Prologue
LENNI
2 MONTHS EARLIER
I hear muffled sounds as I walk down the stairs. I can’t make out what he’s saying, so I quietly inch my way down, just close enough so I can see and hear him. Peering around the corner, just before the stairs curve towards the first floor, I watch as a smirk flickers across his face. “Yeah, tomorrow. Love you.”
My heart falls into my chest. My hands clinch against the banister so tightly, my knuckles turn white. Who could he be talking to? He hasn’t uttered those words to me in over three years. Is he cheating on me, his fiancée?
My already broken heart bleeds with sadness, begging to be loved by the one man I have given my all to. I shouldn’t be surprised. I can’t remember the last time he’s shown me any sort of affection.
I take a deep breath, willing myself to suppress the emotions stirring within me. I don’t want him to see me upset. I don’t want him to know I was eavesdropping. That would only lead to repercussions.
I take the final steps down the stairs. As my foot reaches the bottom, his head whips in my direction, his smirk morphing into a look of disgust. He eyes me up and down disapprovingly. I hold my breath, preparing for what he’s about to spit out. “Well, don’t you look ridiculous?”
Words. They have the power of a wrecking ball. If you don’t use them wisely, they can obliterate every ounce of self-worth a person has. His words, they’ve whittled away the person I was, the person I should be. Now I’m a mere morsel of the woman I’ve always dreamt I would be.
I instinctively look down, masking the hurt splayed across my face. I felt beautiful until this moment. Now I want to run away, cower in a corner, and cry thanks to him. I should be used to it. I should expect it. But when someone you love is holding the dagger, it cuts down to the very depths of your soul.
On their own accord, tears well in my eyes. I make the mistake of letting one fall. I wipe it away quickly, but not in time. ”You’re fucking pitiful,” he barks, grabbing my elbow with angry force. He jerks me back like a timid child. “I never should have agreed to marry you,” he murmurs as he heaves me back towards the stairs.
I fall face first into the banister, sinking down onto the cold, wood floor. A scorching, throbbing pain instantly shoots through my head—and my heart. I instinctively throw my hands up to cover my face. I wish I could click my heels together and leave; pinch myself and wake up from this horrible nightmare.
But I can’t, because this nightmare is real life. My life.
After a few moments I slowly remove my hands, forcing myself to face the ugly reality. The smell of copper overpowers my senses. Warm blood seeps through my fingers, trickling down my arms. It cascades from my forehead, staining my mint colored dress. Tears fall down my cheeks in an unrestrained downpour.
When did he become this evil? When is enough, enough?
Ryan jerks me up from the ground. “Get. The. Fuck. Up.”
I wish I could make him change. I wish I could make him love me again; be the kind, loving man I fell in love with. This? This isn’t him. This is someone completely different.
I timidly look up into his eyes. And for the first time ever, I see no morsel of the man I love. I don’t see the man who promised to love me forever. I see the absolute devil, and I despise every ounce of him.
“Get your goddamn ass up to that room and change out of those bloody clothes. Then clean up this blood and fix your fucking head.” He fervently grabs my chin and squeezes. Tighter, tighter, tighter. “I’ll tell everyone you weren’t feeling well. You’re not going anywhere until that gash is healed. When I get back, you better fucking hope you’re ready for what you’ve got coming.”
My tears fall. They fall for every broken promise he made. They fall for every moment I blamed myself for how he treated me. They fall for all the life he’s sucked out of me.
He shoves me up the stairs. As I fall again, I promise myself I’ll never fall back down because of him.
I’ve never been enough for him. I’ll never be enough for him.
Never enough.
Never. Enough.
Chapter 1
WES
This shit is ironic. Four years ago I was in the middle of a storm of my own. The day she walked out. The day she crushed my fucking heart like it meant nothing. Like we meant nothing. Like the family we had together was nothing more than an inconvenience to her.
Now here I am, exactly four years later, in the middle of another storm with the only thing left in my life that matters.
I peer in the rearview mirror and see Elli in the back seat quivering, unable to keep her composure. Tears threaten to spew over her lashes. There is nothing I have been able to do to help lessen her fear of thunderstorms. Nothing. That pisses me off. When she’s scared, my heart can’t take it.
As a father who would do absolutely anything for his little girl, it kills me that I can’t help her. When your entire world is in the form of a four year old little girl, you crack at the first sign of fear in her eyes. That fear is written all over her trembling face.
The rain pummels down on my F-150 as I slowly make my way down the winding county road headed home. Lightning is striking in the distance, igniting the sky with a fiery glow. The thunder roars every few seconds, causing the truck to quake. “Daddy, I’m really s
cared,” I hear Elli say from the backseat.
I can hear the tremble in her little voice. Right when I’m about to open my mouth to reassure her that everything is okay, another bout of thunder and lightning goes off, causing her to squeal in terror.
I usually always check the weather before we go somewhere because I know she gets more terrified if we’re on the road during a storm. I didn’t today. Just my luck, a pop-up thunderstorm has hit, reducing my little girl to shambles.
Idiot.
I reach back and grab her little hand in mine, trying to comfort her as much as I can. “It’s almost over Scooter. You want Daddy’s phone to listen to some of your music?”
She squeezes my hand. “Uh huh.” I grab my phone, headphones connected, and hand it to her in the hope that it’ll drown out her fears.
If I could, I’d protect my little girl from every bad and scary thing in her world. I know I’ll never be able to shield her from all the evils lurking around, but you can bet your ass I’ll always try.
Ellison Grace Taylor is the only thing in this world worth something to me. She is my something. She’s my reason. Who I was before her is nothing compared to who I am now. The second I knew I was going to be a father I stopped thinking about what I wanted and started thinking about what she needed. My world quit spinning on its own axis and started spinning on hers.
Is my life how I pictured it? Hell no. It’s so much better. Never did I think I’d be twenty-seven years old and raising a daughter on my own.
I didn’t know shit about girls. I still don’t, and probably never will, but I’m gonna fake this shit ‘til I make it. I’d like to think I’ve done a pretty good job so far. She’s healthy, happy, and she likes to fish.
That’s my girl.
I turn the overhead lights on to peek back, and I see my little angel sound asleep in her booster seat. My heart surges in my chest. That little girl is mine, all mine. She is my greatest accomplishment.
I’ve dodged about my one hundredth pocket of water in the road to keep from possibly hydroplaning when I see a car parked on the shoulder, its emergency flashers glowing through the rainfall. I slow down. Should I stop? Should I keep driving?
Screw it, I’ll stop.
I pull my pickup off on the shoulder of the road and turn my flashers on. After making sure Elli is still asleep, I hop out.
I tug the bill of my hat down, guarding my eyes from the pellets of rain. As I get closer, I see the car in question is a white BMW. It has a personal license plate that reads “BARBI3”. Oh dear God, it’s one of those bimbos. Why do I get myself into these situations? I should get back in my truck and leave Barbie and Ken behind, but I can’t. I’m not that big of an asshole.
I make my way to the driver’s side of the car. The window cracks, and I am greeted by a very annoyed looking blonde. “Do people around here not have twenty-four seven gas stations? And for Christ sake, cell service sucks!”
Well, she’s a chipper one.
I stifle a laugh. It’s clear as day she’s not from around here. Everybody knows that Fredricks, Georgia, is the epitome of small town America. Our one gas station closes at 8PM and isn’t even open on Sundays. When the sun goes down, so do the people. That’s just the way it’s always been, and I like it. One thing I ain’t fond of is the big city lights.
“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say you’re lost.” I bend down to get a closer look at what I’m dealing with. She’s definitely not ugly, but I can see her horns from a mile away. I see she’s got company, a brunette. What is that shit girls say? Every blonde needs a brunette best friend or something like that. I’m not real sure, females have always been one big clusterfuck of confusion to me.
“No, we’re not lost. We were trying to get to our lake house when my car ran out of gas. Who knew there weren’t gas stations with credit card machines on the pumps?” She turns to look at her passenger. “Really Lenni, where the hell are you making us go? This is like some Wrong Turn shit.”
I’m soaked from head to toe and I’d like nothing more than to get to my house and put on some dry clothes, but I won’t. I can’t leave two women out in this weather stranded, no matter how much this little blonde thing is grating on my nerves.
“I’ve got a gas can in the bed of my truck. It should be enough to get you to wherever you’re going. The road to get to the lake is just a mile up ahead.” I walk back to my truck, rain slamming into my skin, stinging with every hit. I reach over and grab the can out of my truck and walk back to the car. “By the way, this isn’t Wrong Turn.” I give a little wink then make my way to the gas tank.
As I empty the gas can into her car I hear her say, “Holy shit. He’s hot Len.” Their car fills up with girly little giggles. Hmm, the little blonde demon herself has good taste in men, apparently, ‘cause I’d like to think I’m the cream of the crop.
When I’m done emptying the gas can I slap the roof twice, then walk back to the driver’s window and bend down. “You should be good to go. Next time, fill up before you get out in a rural area like Fredricks. The gas station opens up at 5AM but they close at 8PM, so don’t do this again if you don’t feel like walking. The store is just up the road on your left.”
I hop back in my truck, Scooter still sound asleep, and head home.
●●●●●
“Thanks, Z. I appreciate you coming to watch Elli this early. I just really need to get that extra twelve hours on this next paycheck,” I say, hugging Zoe. “I get off at 6, so I’ll be home by 6:30. She’s been wanting to go down to the lake and play in the sand, so you can take her if you want. Just make sure you put sunscreen on her or else she’ll burn.” And shit if I don’t sound like an overbearing ass.
“Wes,” Zoe calls after me. “You know I’m her aunt, right? Like, I’m not stupid. I can take care of her while you’re not here. But I’m glad you worry. You’re an amazing father to her.”
My baby sister, my only sister, and the only woman in my little girl’s life. My mama worshipped the ground Scooter’s little feet walked on up until she passed away a year ago. She spoiled her rotten. Mama would buy Scooter random stuffed animals every time she saw one. Her room is still chock full of them. Mama refused to go a day without seeing her. No matter how weak or sick she was feeling, she always made sure I brought Elli over or she’d come over. Oftentimes, she’d even come stay at the house, snuggling with Elli all night long. Cancer killed her body, but never her spirit.
I hate knowing that Elli won’t get to grow up knowing the incredible woman my mama was.
She put up with more shit from me than I care to admit. The Pope had nothing on her. She was a true saint. Her heart was golden, and had a never-ending supply of love. Even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m proud that my little Ellison’s heart is as big as her grandma’s was.
“Yeah, thanks Z. I’ll see ya later.” I reply back to my sister as I head out the door.
●●●●●
Twelve hours of pushing mud and pumping water is enough to make a nun turn to drinking. When it rains, there’s no production, no moving coal. It’s just cleanup, and cleanup at a coal mine is a sloppy fucking mess.
I take off my muddy boots at the back door of the house. “Scooter!” I yell. “Daddy’s home.”
Elli runs around the corner wearing her Elsa dress with rubber boots. Her blonde hair is a frizzy mess and her face looks like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. Dear God.
“Daddy! Daddy! Aunt Zoe let me do my makeup!” She beams. “I love it, Daddy. Can I have my own?” She twirls around in a circle, dimples shining.
I crouch down so I’m eye level with the little girl who holds my heart in the palm of her hand. “How about this? If you start picking your toys up like a good girl, Daddy will get you your own makeup for your fifth birthday? That’s not that far off. Think you can do that?”
Her blue eyes light up as bright as the mid-day sun. “Uh huh, Daddy. I promise!” She jumps up and down. “Aunt Z, Daddy said I could have some
makeup! Yay!”
She hugs Zoe’s leg then turns back to me. “But Daddy, when I get my own makeup, I’m still gonna love to fish.” Kicking her feet up she adds, “And I’m gonna wear my boots because you got ‘em for me.” I can’t help but smile.
My little tomboy. But is she a tomboy? Tomboys don’t like makeup, and they don’t wear dresses. Shit, I’m in over my head. Almost five years of this, and I’m still lost as to what the hell I’m supposed to do with a little girl. One day she’s going to want to learn how to do her hair; she’s going to become a woman. I don’t know anything about that. I’m a man, we don’t do…that.
Makes me bitter as hell that she doesn’t have a mother here to love her and teach her all the things little girls need to be taught. Don’t get me wrong, I love that little girl with every piece of my heart, but I’m a man. What the hell do I know about makeup and stuff like that? And boyfriends—yeah that will never happen as long as I live. I’ll castrate any sorry little piss of a boy that dares to even look at her when she’s older. Dear God, no. No boys. Ever. I used to be a teenage boy, so I know what these horny little fuckers are capable of. I’d stick it in wherever it fit in, and no little son-of-a-bitch is gonna stick it in my little girl. Just the thought makes me want to murder someone. No way in hell.
Looking at Scooter dance around to music playing on the TV, I realize just how much she’s missing out on not having a mother. She’s got Zoe, but that’s her aunt. No amount of love Z can give Scooter will surpass the hole that’s been left in her life. It kills me to know one day, I hope later rather than sooner, she’ll realize she’s missing that mother/daughter bond. ‘Cause as much as I love her, the one thing I can’t be is her mother. As much as I can give her, I could never give her maternal love. Despite my selfishness, I’d never want her to grow up without having a woman to look up to.
Knowing that one day I’m not going to be enough for her is a hard pill to swallow. But she damn sure is enough for me.
Chapter 2
LENNI
My eyes flutter open, blinded by the sun’s rays shooting through the large picture window. I get up and slip on my robe as the chill of the room settles over my body. I walk to the window and push the curtains to the side, allowing the view to be uninterrupted. I sit back down on the bed just enjoying the view—trees swaying in the breeze, squirrels running up and down tree trunks and along branches, no one on the water yet. It’s just the uninterrupted beauty of nature.