Always

by Randa Lynn

  The memory of that day still resides in the front of my mind. After that I didn’t heal immediately, but slowly, I got better. I lived my days constantly for Elli, and I enjoyed it. It was the nights after Elli went to bed, and I had time to be alone with my thoughts, that hurt the most. I was able to think about all Vanessa gave up, all she missed because of pure selfishness.

  I spent a good six months being completely heartbroken, then my broken heart turned bitter, and that bitterness remained, eating away at me for years. It wasn’t until recently that my bitterness subsided into nothing more than sadness.

  I feel sorry for Vanessa. I’m sorry that she gave up a life with the most beautiful, funniest, and thoughtful daughter in the world because of no reason at all. But those are choices she’s gonna have to live with. Not me.

  “When did you become a great philosopher?” I laugh, taking the plates to the table.

  He stares at me a little longer. “When I saw the look you got in your eye. It’s the same look I had when I first met your mom. Man, she was the prettiest thing I had ever seen.” He looks down at his hand and fiddles with his wedding ring. It’s been a little over a year, and he still hasn’t taken it off. I don’t blame him. They were married for almost thirty years. Thirty years of them loving each other through it all.

  “Alright, enough with the sentiments. I ain’t about to get sad, tonight, Pops.” I pour sweet tea into glasses and set them down on the table.

  “Scooter, come eat!” I yell, sitting down. Dad takes his spot on the opposite side of the table and Elli plops down by her Papaw.

  “Thanks for the pizza, Papaw,” Elli says as she takes a mouthful of pepperoni pizza. She’s wearing one of the new shirts Lenni got her. It’s got Princess Elli written on it in pink, yellow, and blue colors. It looks perfect on her.

  And I’m beginning to think there isn’t a flaw on Lenni. Not after seeing the smile she put on Elli’s face. Even three hours away, she’s a bigger part of our lives than any other woman has ever been.

  Now, it’s time I make sure she knows it.

  Chapter 15

  LENNI

  “Hey, Lenni,” I hear Amber call from upstairs as I pour myself some coffee. I’ve been working so many hours lately, and I’m dead tired. I’m burnt out. I love being an attorney; just not the attorney everyone expects me to be. I just want to be able to take on cases I want. Not cases that my father feels will better benefit the firm.

  After mulling over it countless times in my head, going back and forth, I’ve finally decided what I want with my professional life. I want to have my own law office. I need that. It’s time that I have my own career aside from the help my father has given me. I’m so grateful for his help, but I don’t have the same passion he has. He is for helping people, but only if it helps him in return. He only takes clients that rake in the dollar signs.

  I don’t blame him; it’s his job, his livelihood. He and my mom live for the more extravagant things in life, and they wouldn’t have that luxury of doing so if he didn’t do what it took to provide that life.

  I want simplicity.

  I want a family that lives small and loves large.

  I want what Wes and Elli….oh my God.

  I slap my hand over my mouth in disbelief. I can’t believe what has just happened. What I just realized. Oh my God.

  “Earth to Lenni.” Amber waves her hand in front of my face, knocking me out of my reverie. “You look like you’ve just had one of life’s greatest epiphanies.”

  Holy hell. I have just had one of life’s greatest epiphanies, and it’s scared me shitless.

  “Spill. Right now, Lenora Jade Blackmon,” she demands as we both take a seat at the dining table.

  “You sure you really want to know?” I ask, taking a giant gulp of scalding coffee. Ouch.

  She furrows her brows and narrows her gaze in on me. “It wouldn’t have something to do with Wes Taylor, would it?”

  I drop my head down on the table. There is no way I can say this without sounding like a lunatic. She is going to think I’ve lost the last bit of sense I have left. I broke up my engagement three months ago. There’s no rationalization to my thoughts right now.

  But I can’t help what my heart and head are telling me.

  That doesn’t mean that the thought of virtually having a ready-made family doesn’t terrify me. It does. Am I ready for this? I don’t know. What I do know is that if I never saw Wes or Ellison again, I wouldn’t be okay with that. The way I felt with him was a feeling I’ve never known, a feeling I never knew was possible. I know it sounds crazy. Hell, it even sounds crazy to me, but a void has been filled since they’ve been in my life, and I’m not sure anyone else could ever fill it besides Wes and Elli.

  “Am, I think I’m falling in a little more than like with him. I won’t say love, yet. But I definitely more than like him.” I groan exasperatedly. “I’m crazy.” I lift my head up cautiously, terrified to see the expression on her face. “I’m certifiable.”

  She sits stone faced. For once in her life, she has no expression.

  “Care to share your thoughts? Or better yet, don’t,” I correct myself.

  “You just wait one damn minute. You know I’ve got to get my say in.” She holds up her finger motioning for me to wait a second. She fixes herself a cup of coffee then sits back down at the table.

  “Okay, here’s the deal. You’ve slept with Satan and lived in hell for four years. That doesn’t just go away. The hurt is still there, I know it is. Because as much as I hate to admit it, I know you loved Ryan. You were planning a future with him. So help me God, I’m glad as hell you got out before you walked down that aisle, but that doesn’t mean you came out unscathed. I’ll never forget the countless bruises I saw that marred your body. I’ll never forget the cries you let out, refusing to fess up to what he was doing to you.”

  I know she’s right. I live with the reminders every day. I was never good enough for Ryan. I’ve been bruised and battered, my heart has been ripped and torn. I’ve lived in the lowest valleys life has to offer, but I clawed my way out. I fought my way back from the darkness that had swallowed me whole. Four years is a long time to live miserably, but those four years will not dictate the rest of my life. I took control the day I walked away. For once, I chose me. I’ll choose me every day for the rest of my life, no matter who it pisses off. Tears sting my eyes, threating to fall. “I’m sorry, Am…”

  And I am sorry. For four years I allowed him to beat me down further and further. I allowed my strength to deteriorate. The strong, vibrant, happy Lenni I used to be was beaten down to a miniscule excuse for a person. I let Ryan control me even in the moments when he wasn’t present. I allowed myself to be engulfed with his lies, his anger, and his control. I allowed it. I allowed myself to believe he was the best I’d ever have, and I was unworthy of love.

  But domestic abuse is a silent demon. It sneaks up on you, and before you realize it’s happening, your head is too far gone. You begin to believe it is the norm.

  At least that’s the way it was for me. Until that day. I had stared into the devil’s eyes for far too long.

  “No! Don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry. You need to look at yourself in the mirror and apologize. You owe no one else an apology. You understand me?” Her voice is stern, harsh even. Now the tears are freefalling. Amber might have the mouth of a sailor, and she might be as frank as they come, but she’s also the most loyal human being I’ve ever known.

  I go to speak but she holds her hand up, stopping me. “I’m not finished. Now that we’re past speaking of slimy Ryan, let us move on to Wes. I’ll just get it out of the way and say that he is one of the sexiest son of a bitches I have ever seen. By God, if his perfect smile and dimples don’t make your knees weak, then something is seriously the fuck wrong with you. Secondly, we’ll discuss his hat. I’ve never seen someone look so damn good in a hat before. I mean, I don’t know much about baseball, but if I were you I’d let him ride me hom
e anytime, if you know what I mean.” She gives me a wink. “Now, on to my third, and more serious, point. He has a daughter. I know you know that. But do you really know? Len, he is her only parent. Which means, if you pursue a relationship with him, you pursue a relationship with Ellison, too. They’re a package deal. It’s all or nothing. I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into. Fourth, but most certainly not the lesser of my amazing points I have, let me just tell you what I have seen.” She takes a sip of her coffee and stares me straight in the eyes. “I’ve never seen you smile as much as you have since you’ve met Wes. You haven’t even seen the man in a month, or more. I don’t know. But, he has been the reason for every cheesy grin you have thrown lately. The day we were at the lake, I saw the way he looked at you. Like you were the absolute only woman in the world. If I hadn’t sworn off relationships, I’d kill to find someone who cared for me like that.” She takes a deep breath, and I wipe my eyes. “Now, don’t get too used to this sentimental shit I have going on today. But I’m going to continue my seriousness for one more moment. Kay?”

  A smile cuts through my tears. “Kay.”

  “I know you’ve been contemplating leaving your dad’s firm, and I think you should. You’ve never lived life for you, Lenni. It’s about time you start. You want to be a free spirit and give some hot stranger of a guy a shot? Be my guest. I’ll be rooting for you with bells and whistles on.”

  She’s right. I’ve never lived for me. I think, after twenty-six years, I deserve to put me first. I lean forward and wrap my best friend in a hug, and, like the true comedic queen she is, she grabs my boobs and start fondling them. “I’ll be dammed if Wes is the only one who gets to feel these bad boys. Nope. They were mine first.”

  Laughing, I slap her hand away.

  Chapter 16

  WES

  I don’t know when I got here, or when I let my heart get here, but I can’t get the girl out of my head. I’m a fucking pansy—dreaming about her hazel eyes, wishing I was touching every curve of her perfect body.

  I can still smell her, I can still taste the cherry flavored lip gloss she always wears. I can still feel the tremble of her body when I make her come apart.

  It’s been too long since I’ve laid eyes on her. Getting those selfies, or whatever the girls call ‘em, just isn’t cutting it anymore. I need her wrapped in my arms, in my bed, and in my fucking life.

  Elli has been asking about her non-stop. “Daddy, when is Miss Lenni going to come and have a girls’ day with me?” That question is asked at a minimum of five times a day. Elli has never taken a hold of someone so hard before. I love it, but I’m also scared as shit.

  I hope like hell this isn’t a one way street I’m on. Because if I’m being honest, I’ve had my pride stripped one time too many, and if that shit happens again…

  Well, let’s just hope I’m not about to make a fool of myself. Vanessa broke me down, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I loved that girl, or who I thought she was. The Vanessa I knew isn’t the Vanessa who completely walked out of our daughter’s life.

  She left me wrecked, confused, and absolutely fucking afraid. But I manned up and did what any father would do, I made sure my daughter knew exactly how much I loved her. I made sure she didn’t ever have to worry about whether she was loved by anyone or not, and I’ll spend the rest of my days trying to ensure she knows it.

  I can see Lenni giving her the same unconditional love. I can feel how much she cares. When we talk, our conversation always turns to Scooter. Hell, she even talks to her on the phone. Hearing Elli laugh and giggle with her makes my heart speed up and sputter out of control.

  As much as I know Elli and I are ready for Lenni to be a major fixture in our lives, I just hope like hell she’s ready for us to be one in hers.

  There’s no time like the present.

  I bang on the door three times. I stuff my hands in my pockets and trace the house number with my eyes as I wait.

  No one is answering.

  Come on, open the door.

  Should I stay? Should I go?

  I think I’ll go….

  The front door swings open. “Hey! Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Amber queries.

  “Hey, Amber.” I look around. “Is Lenni home?” I’ve suddenly gone from confident to a ball of nerves. I just drove three hours to possibly be turned down. Fuck a duck, I’m stupid. I could have called or something. Shit.

  “Yeah! Come on in. I’ll run up and get her,” she cheers as she turns towards the stairs. I follow inside, amazed by what I see.

  This is a townhouse? Holy shit. I’m way out of my element. The floors are dark just like at her lake house. The walls are beige, and colorful artwork is hung meticulously on the walls. White leather couches and navy chairs take up the living room. To the left of the living room is a huge kitchen. I thought these places were supposed to be downsized or something. That was a crock of shit. It’s huge.

  I walk around the living room looking at the pictures that are placed on the shelves. Most are pictures of Lenni and Amber, but there are several with people I don’t know. One picture is of Lenni at her graduation with an older man and woman. I’m assuming it’s her parents. She resembles her father with his olive colored skin, but has her mother’s million dollar smile.

  I hear the clack of footsteps coming from the stairs, so I make my way over to them.

  There’s my girl, the woman who’s been driving me fucking mad. My memory of her has done her no justice. She’s more gorgeous than I remembered. She’s wearing one of those skirts that hug the body. I couldn’t tell ya what it’s called, but I can tell you where I want it. On the floor. I could tell you where I want her. On top of me. I could tell you when I want her. Now.

  She’s got her hair curled and pulled to one side of her face, and she’s wearing these red heels that make her legs look even sexier than they already were. I suddenly fucking love those heels.

  She makes her way down the stairs, stopping a few steps shy of me, and stares at me for a moment. A sexy grin spreads across her face. “Hi, stranger.”

  Just hearing her smooth, silky voice is enough to make me close the distance between us as fast as possible. I grab her from the steps and hold her in my arms, kissing her hard. Her lips part, giving my tongue an in. I take it greedily. Her coconut scent engulfs me, and the taste of cherry lip gloss and her minty breath invade my mouth. My God, I’ve missed this. I’ve missed her smile, her laugh, her kiss. I’ve missed her.

  We break our kiss, but I refuse to let her down. I lay a feather light kiss on her cheek. “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

  She lets out a light giggle. “That makes two of us.” Looking around the living room peculiarly she asks, “Where’s Elli?”

  I let her down gently, and grab her hands. “Ah, she went on vacation with her grandparents for a long weekend. I’m also on my long days off, so I figured I’d come see ya.”

  She looks up at me through those big, thick lashes of hers. “I can’t believe you drove all this way to come see me.”

  I smile and kiss her temple. “Hang on a sec, I’ve got something for ya.”

  I run over to the couch and come back holding a bundle of freshly picked flowers. She seemed like she really liked them last time I picked her some, so I figured I’d try it again. I’ve never bought flowers, or picked them, but I’d do whatever it takes to see a smile on her gorgeous face.

  She reaches her delicate hands up and takes them from me. “Wes. Oh my God, I love them! And you even put a ribbon around them.”

  “It’s stupid? Damn, I was just trying to do something nice.” I shake my head at myself.

  “No! It’s perfect. It’s the sweetest gift anyone has ever given me. You’re perfect,” she confesses. “I’ll be right back.” She heads to the kitchen and puts the flowers in a glass.

  I make my way to the couch and sit down. She sits down on the couch beside me and I retrieve a folded piece of paper from my pocket and h
and it to her. “I think you’ll like this gift better than the flowers, though. Elli made it for you. She stayed in her room for an hour working on it.”

  As she unfolds the paper, her eyes go wide and suddenly fill with tears. Elli instructed me not to look at it until Miss Lenni did. As bad as I wanted to see what she made, I refrained.

  I peek over the top of the picture and see three stick figures. One is tiny with yellow hair. Elli. The other is bald, so I’m assuming that has to be me. Standing next to the stick figure me is a brown headed stick figure. They’re holding hands. Surrounding the little stick family my little Scooter created is little hearts. Now I know why she kept practicing drawing them at the house.

  My heart swells ten times its size. Shit. She drew a family. She drew her family. She drew us, us with Lenni.

  Tears stream down Lenni’s cheeks as a smile spreads across her face. “Wes,” she gasps, “she drew this? That’s her, you...and me.” She wipes the stray tears from her cheeks.

  My breath hitches in my throat, my heart sputters out of rhythm. “She loves you. She asks about you nonstop, and hasn’t forgotten your promise about another girls’ day.”

  She grabs my hand and gives it a tight squeeze. Looking at me from those long, beautiful lashes, we stare at each other for a moment until she breaks the silence. “I love her, too.”

  I’m fucking gone. Done for. It doesn’t make a difference how difficult this will be, I’ll do whatever it takes. I just want to wrap her in my arms and run her upstairs to her room and make love to her like she’s never had before. I want to ingrain myself into every inch of her.

  Lenni Blackmon is my end.

  I wrap my hand behind her neck and bring my mouth to hers, gently kissing her, making her feel all the things I can’t seem to say. “My room. Up the stairs, straight ahead,” she mumbles.

  I don’t have to ask her if she’s sure, the look in her eyes tells me everything her words aren’t. So I do as the woman says. I cradle her in my arms and carry her up the stairs and to her room.