by Randa Lynn
“I know, and I want to do this,” I whisper as he tightens his hold on me. I focus my eyes on the bookshelf in the corner of my room, pictures and books meticulously placed. “But, why am I scared?”
He runs his fingers through the ends of my hair. “Because life hasn’t given you a reason not to be.” He kisses me on the top of my head and grabs my chin, bringing my head up to meet his. “Are you scared of me, Lenni?”
I think about his question for a moment. Am I scared of him? Am I scared of what he could do to me? Do I even think he would hurt me? A small part of me says yes, but a much larger part sees Wes for what he is—gentle, kind, caring, sweet. “No,” I breathe out.
He brings his hand up to my face, rubbing my jawline with the rough pad of his thumb. “I feel like I’ve known you my whole fucking life. The first time I met you I knew there was something special about you. I’ve never felt such a pull to another human being before,” Wes admits. “I know it hasn’t been too long, but I’ll never get enough of you.”
His confession sends a jolt of electricity straight to my heart, causing it to sputter out of control. I knew he felt something for me. I knew I wasn’t alone in my feelings, but hearing him say the words that I’ve been thinking since the night at the lake leaves me breathless and overwhelmed with a feeling of belonging. I might not be certain of a lot of things in my life, but I’m certain of this. I’m certain that if I don’t give this a chance I’ll spend the rest of my life in regret.
So, I’m going to take the plunge, I’m going to take a chance on life. I’m going to fully live for once in my life. Finally, my fear isn’t greater than my future.
I bring my hand up and brush it along his jawbone, his scruff scratching against my palm. I gaze into his eyes, staring at the man who could change everything, the man who is changing everything. A smile whispers across my face. “So, would you mind helping me pack my things? Or I can do it—“
His lips crash down on mine. I drink him in—his smile, his smell, his taste, his touch—I let it all sink in, and I feel the last wall surrounding my battered heart crash down in a blaze of glory.
Chapter 18
WES
“You ready, Scooter?” I ask, buckling her in the truck. We’re heading to Lenni’s for her birthday party. She insisted that I let her do all the planning and decorating, and I was not about to argue. I would have had it looking like Elli did all the decorating herself. I am not a decorator, and I don’t know the first thing about planning an extravagant party. Much less one that is fit for my little Scooter. So I gave Lenni the money and told her to have a field day.
Elli and I pull into Lenni’s lake house. Balloons are tied to the trees lining the paved driveway and a huge blue, silver, and pink balloon-filled arch is placed directly in front of the door. A banner that reads Princess Elli’s 5th Birthday Ball is hung above.
She went all out with this crap. There is no way the few hundred bucks I gave her paid for all of this. I will have to show my appreciation to her as soon as I get her alone. Fuck me, my girl is perfect.
Lenni moved here a month and a half ago. I tried talking her into just moving in with me, but she wasn’t having it. She was worried it would be too much too soon for Elli. I couldn’t argue with that logic, even if it sucks to have her so close but not with me all the time. I take what I can get, though. When Elli stays with the Clarks or with Zoe, she comes over and stays the night. There isn’t anything better than making love to my girl then waking up to see her beautiful face in my house, in my bed, and in my arms.
Love. Yeah, I love her, but my chicken shit ass is too scared to tell her. I’m nowhere near good enough for her but, thank God, she hasn’t figured that shit out, yet. I hope she never does.
“Daddy, the balloons! I’m so excited!” Elli points out as we get out of the truck.
“You need to tell Miss Lenni thank you when you see her, okay? She worked hard to make your birthday the best.” She grabs my hand and we walk inside.
She squeals and jumps with excitement with everything she sees. Streamers cover the vaulted ceilings in the living room. She’s bought a castle backdrop that has Elli’s Castle and in front is a table chockfull of gifts.
The kitchen island holds a huge three-layered pink and purple cake. On top is a huge tiara. It’s perfect for my little Scooter.
Elli finally spots Lenni and she releases my hand and runs into her open arms. “I love it, Miss Lenni! You did all this just for my birthday?” she asks, full of marvel.
Lenni kisses her on her cheek. “I sure did. Just for my little princess.”
“Thank you. I love you so much. You’re the best Mommy in the world.”
My heart fucking stops, explodes. Done. I am over, gone, forever love-screwed because of her.
You’re the best Mommy in the world.
For over four years, my Scooter hasn’t had a mother. She never had anyone other than Mama or Zoe to look up to.
She’s never had that. She’s never said that word in direct conversation with someone who could possibly become her mother.
Mother. Elli sees Lenni as her mother.
I’m having difficulty breathing. My chest feels like a boa constrictor is wrapping around it. Not because of pain, or sadness, or anything other than…love. Fucking love.
Standing directly in front of me are the two most beautiful girls I’ve ever known, and they’re mine. All mine. No more thinking or guessing. My heart is no longer in my chest. It belongs to them. It’s all theirs. I’m officially one of those sorry bastards who falls in love in a few short months. I don’t give a mother fuck, either.
Elli removes herself from Lenni’s arms and runs to where Dad and Zoe are. Lenni’s eyes lock onto mine as she stands up. Tears cascade down her perfect face, a smile accompanying them.
I eye my girl up and down. She’s wearing blue jean shorts, and a little blouse that shows enough cleavage to leave me drooling and wanting, no needing, more.
She’s barefoot, and dammit, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to see this sight every day for the rest of my life.
I close the distance between us and wrap my girl in my arms. That coconut scent kills me. Everything about her is my drug, and I am a willing addict. I kiss her on her forehead and whisper, “I think she’s a little bit in love with you.”
A small laugh streams from her mouth. “Well, I’m sort of in love with her, too. She’s got these adorable dimples that make my heart melt.”
“Hey! I’ve got dimples, too. I think I’m pretty fucking adorable.” I give her a big smile, making sure my dimples shine.
She slaps me on the chest playfully. “Okay, Mr. Confident, you’re pretty adorable, too. But your daughter has you beat by just a smidge.” She holds up her thumb and forefinger.
My lips find her forehead and I let it remain for a few moments. I love the hell out of this, her. Life is good. “You’re perfect. You didn’t have to do this much.”
She tilts her head back to look into my eyes. “I kind of did, though. Poor thing has probably never had more than a cake and piñata for a birthday party. Every princess deserves at least one dream day in her life.”
Woman’s got my number. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she’s known me my whole life. “You’re right,” I finally admit.
She leans up and gives me a peck on the lips then sashays off into the kitchen where Zoe and Elli are. She turns her head, “You’ll soon realize that I am always right, Mr. Taylor.”
Women. They’re so sure of themselves. “I wouldn’t be so sure—“
“Oh, Wes, shut up! You know she’s right. At least if you want to keep the one who tickles your fancy happy, you’ll always say she is.” Zoe butts in.
I roll my eyes at my sister and flip her the bird.
Z and Lenni have become inseparable. She even likes Amber, and that I didn’t fucking expect. They’re both so… obnoxious, I just knew they’d knock heads. Apparently I don’t know a damn thing about women. Sur-fuc
king-prise there.
The party was a success. Nearly all of Elli’s friends from her daycare class came, and thankfully, they’ve all left. I love my Scooter, but one of her is enough. God help the parents who have multiple girls. I bow down to every one of them, because two hours of multiple four and five year olds squealing at high pitched levels nearly caused me to lose my hearing and my mind.
Lenni, though, was as cool as a cucumber. She never batted an eyelash when they all ran to her for their princess crowns or when they chanted for Dippin’ Dots.
I’ve also got no clue how she managed to get Dippin’ Dots all the way out here, but I’ve come to realize that Lenni has a never ending supply of surprises being pulled out of her hat.
Z slaps me on the back and sits down on the barstool by me. “Well, I’d say that was a success.”
“Yeah, Sis, it really was. Lenni is incredible.”
God, is she incredible? I look around at everything that happened today—the stray wrapping paper, the empty plates in the garbage can, the half-eaten cake, and the streamers still hanging. It’s everything in this world that matters to me. A happy daughter who is so full of love that she’ll never want for any. A life so full of happiness, I’ll never be lonely. A heart so fucking full of love. I could scream it to the world how much I love Lenni and Elli.
“Between you and me, I don’t think anyone else would have been good enough for you and my niece. You’ve been through hell, Wes. You deserve the freaking best and so does Elli.” Z stands up from the stool, pauses, then turns her head back at me. “Mom would be so proud. She would have loved Lenni.” Her blue eyes look just like Mom’s did, her features are just as soft, and it makes me miss that woman more than I could ever imagine. A small smile flashes across her face as she walks to the front door and leaves.
I’m left alone, just my thoughts keeping me company.
And, for once in my life, there’s not a single bad thing running through it.
●●●●●
Dad went over after the party to make sure the playhouse I had ordered Elli was up and there were no mishaps. When I got the call that all was well, I gathered my girls and we headed to the house.
Dad and Z’s vehicles were already parked at the house when we got there. I figured they would both be here, not wanting to miss the excitement on Elli’s face when she saw her playhouse. I hope this thing is what it’s supposed to be. I haven’t seen anything but a picture on the computer, and I still don’t much remember what it looked like.
“Scooter,” I say while kneeling down in front of her, “Daddy and Miss Lenni have one more surprise for you.”
Her eyes light up at my admission. “Really?”
I flick my finger lightly on her nose. “Really. But I’m going to put this blindfold over your eyes so you won’t see it until we’re ready. Sound good?”
She nods her head eagerly. “Okay, Daddy. Yay!”
I remove the blindfold from my jeans pocket and place it over her eyes before carrying her to the back yard where the playhouse awaits her.
Holy shit.
When the playhouse comes into my line of sight, I’m stunned by how huge it is. It’s purple with white shutters. A porch takes up the front and little windows placed meticulously around it. A small rocking chair sits out front, and “Elli’s House” is painted neatly over the door.
How did I not know I bought an actual house? It’s literally got every damn thing my real house has. But my real house is not as gaudy as this little thing. It’s so….purple. Barney would have a field day.
Zoe is standing to the side snorting because she’s laughing so hard.
I snap my head towards her. “What’s so funny?”
“You look like you’ve just seen a unicorn throw-up all over your back yard.” She bends over in laughter.
Fucking hell. It does. There was already all sorts of pink toys lying around, now add a big purple house in the middle, and I’m Crayola’s damn keeper.
But I’d do anything to make my Scooter happy.
“Daddy, can I see it now?” Elli asks, squirming to get out of my arms.
I set her down in front of the playhouse and Lenni moves to her side. “You ready for this, Princess?”
“Yes ma’am!” she cheers.
”Okay. 1, 2, 3….” Lenni counts, yanking off the blind fold.
Suddenly, my eardrums are ringing from the high pitched squeals coming from my five year old daughter. She’s jumping up and down with excitement. “Daddy! Is it mine? It’s all mine?” she asks excitedly, running up to the playhouse.
“It is,” I whisper, knowing she can’t hear me as she opens the door to the playhouse. Lenni runs after her, Zoe right on their tails.
“Son,” Dad says from behind me.
I turn around and see him leaning against his truck. I walk over to where he’s at.
“You happy, kid?” he asks seriously.
Leaning up on his truck beside him, I stuff my hands in my pocket. I take a second to think about his question. I look at the playhouse that holds the only three women in the world I love. My sister, little girl, and the best woman I’ve ever known.
Happy.
“Yeah, Pop. I am happy. Real happy. I never realized how much I was missing until Lenni popped into our lives.” I shake my head. I’m steadily turning into a fucking sap. “Elli called her Mommy today…”
Dad straightens up and throws his arm over my shoulders. I’m a pretty tall guy at six foot three, but he towers over me. He’s broader than I am, wider than I am, and I will admit that when he gets mad, he still terrifies the shit out of me. Getting older has done very little to lower his scare factor.
“I’m gonna tell you this once, cause we’ve been too fucking sentimental lately. But that one,” he says pointing towards the playhouse, “she is her Mama as far as I’m concerned. Vanessa was only the woman who brought her into this world.” He clears his throat. “Hang on to that one, son. ‘Cause if you don’t, someone is gonna come along and snag her up. She reminds me of your Mama. Her heart is golden, and she doesn’t even know it.”
●●●●●
Zoe and Dad left a few hours ago, and we spent the evening sitting outside watching Elli play in her playhouse. I’d say it was a successful gift.
Lenni gave her a bath and put her to bed while I put together some of the toys she got from her party.
“Hey, handsome,” Lenni says softly as she sits down on the couch by me. I throw my arm around her, pulling her closer. I kiss her on the top of her head. “Hey, beautiful.”
With her head still nuzzled into my chest she whispers, “It was a good day, don’t you think?”
Yeah, it was a good day. Best day I’ve had in a long damn time, probably ever. She made my little Scooter’s every dream come true.
And mine, too.
“Yeah it was. Thank you. For everything.”
“I loved doing it for her,” she says as she leans up to look me in the eyes. “She called me her Mommy today…”
An involuntary tear trickles down her cheek. “Why are you crying, baby?”
She lets out a small laugh. “I never knew I wanted this. I never knew I could have this. Dating a man as amazing as you. You have a daughter. A beautiful daughter who I couldn’t love more even if she were my own.” She takes a deep breath and continues, “I can’t believe she called me her mommy, I’m just, I don’t know.”
“I can,” I state matter-of-fact.
“Why do you say that?” She eyes me curiously.
I straighten up and grab her hand, bringing it to my lips. “Because, you’re the only woman who’s ever acted like her mother. You’re selfless, kind, and you are always thinking about her. Even when she’s not with you.”
“I love her,” she murmurs.
The living room is dark, only the glow of the TV dancing around the room, but it’s enough for me to be able to look into those gorgeous hazel eyes. I lean in closer to her and lay a light kiss to her lips.
>
Barely pulling away, I whisper, “And I love you.”
Her breathing stops and her eyes widen. “You l-love…me?” she stutters out.
“I do, Len. Dammit, I really do.”
“Why? Me…?” She seems absolutely dumbfounded that I said those three little words.
I take my hand and gently brush it down the side of her face, wiping the tears away with each stroke. “Because you’re just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the out. You didn’t only choose me, you chose Elli, too. And that? That means the world to me. And you? Yeah, you. I love you because you are you, and that’s all I ever want you to be, Lenni.”
She chokes out, “I love you…too.”
Hearing those words, my heart is completely consumed. She might not have been the first girl I ever loved, but she will damn sure be my last. I take her hand in mine and lead her to the bedroom.
Laying her down on my bed, I show her just how much I love her. Just how much she means to me.
I take her, every inch of her perfect body.
Chapter 19
LENNI
I feel around the bed, unable to open my sleepy eyes. I reach all around me, feeling nothing but covers. Where is Wes?
Oh my God, Wes. I fell asleep here last night. And Elli was here. Crap.
My eyes fly open, I look around the room. I’m naked. I’m naked in Wes’s bed. I careen my head towards the door. It’s closed, thank goodness. I scoot up and sit down on the bed, bringing the covers around, cocooning my body. I look around for my clothes that Wes haphazardly threw around the room last night in a fit of passion.
Last night. Goodness, it was amazing. I never knew my heart could be filled with such love. With Wes I feel adored, wanted, needed, and cherished. With him, love isn’t ugly or rigid. It isn’t hurtful or strained. With him life and love are simple, honest, and real. I never expected this, but it’s the unexpected things in life that turn out to be the most beautiful.