The Road to Love ; Hearts in the Highlands

by Linda Ford

  “I’m not sure what you mean, my lady.”

  Lady Haversham stamped the stick into the carpet. “Don’t be impertinent with me, pretending no knowledge of what I saw in the parlor.”

  “Saw in the parlor?” Maddie repeated in a faint voice. Could she have seen? Maddie was certain she hadn’t heard the sound of a door until after Mr. Gallagher had moved away from her.

  “You were obviously waiting to have a private interview with my nephew.” She narrowed her eyes at Maddie. “Don’t think I haven’t seen what you’ve been up to. Insinuating yourself into his company. A lonely widower.” She gave a dry bark of a laugh. “You thought he was easy prey, didn’t you?”

  “No, my lady, of course not—”

  Lady Haversham took a few steps toward her, brandishing her walking stick at her. “I’ll not have it, do you hear me? You think you can finagle my fortune for yourself by bamboozling my nephew with your wiles. Parading around in a pair of trousers, pretending to fall in the Highlands so you could stay out all night with him—”

  Maddie fell back. “How could you think such a thing?”

  The old lady narrowed her eyes at her. “I’ve been watching you. With your quiet ways, pretending to be such an innocent. I should never have brought you into my house, you brazen hussy—”

  Lady Haversham began to tremble. Suddenly the cane fell from her hands. “My salts—”

  “Yes, my lady.” Maddie rushed to her side and helped her into her wing chair then fumbled for her smelling salts.

  Lady Haversham looked deathly pale beneath her rouged cheeks. She revived slightly with the ammoniac. “I’m warning you, Madeleine, if you don’t desist with your designs on my nephew, you shall regret it.” Her eyes bulged. Maddie, fearful for her health, only nodded.

  “Shall I ring for your physician?”

  “I’ll cut him out of my will! I shall name Vera my sole beneficiary. Do you hear me?” Her shaky voice rose with each threat.

  “Yes, my lady.” Maddie’s alarm grew at the woman’s pallor.

  “I swear it. I shall summon my solicitor immediately.”

  “Yes, my lady. Let me call Dr. Aldwin.” She rose and hurried away to summon the doctor and Lady Haversham’s maid.

  What had she done? Had she caused Lady Haversham irreparable harm? Maddie paced outside Mrs. Haversham’s room while the doctor examined her.

  Lord, don’t take her in this condition. I pray for your mercy for her. Show her the truth, that she needn’t fear anything from me, that I’m not after her wealth, that I haven’t done anything underhanded with her great-nephew. Maddie wrung her hands, anguished at the rage she’d seen in the old lady’s eyes. Don’t let her depart with unforgiveness in her heart. Have mercy on her soul...

  She swung around when she heard the doorknob turn. “How is she, Doctor?”

  Dr. Aldwin shifted his bag to his other hand as he closed the door softly behind him. “She’ll be all right, I expect, by tomorrow. I gave her a sedative. She gets a little too excited about things no matter how much I tell her to take it easy.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief, her hands clasped in front of her. “She was very upset with me, I’m afraid.”

  The old doctor patted her arm. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Just keep out of her way until tomorrow. Bessie is in there and can attend to her tonight.”

  After the doctor had left, Maddie felt too restless to go to her room. She was tempted to take her—Mr. Gallagher’s, she corrected—bicycle out, but was afraid to leave the house in case there was another emergency with Lady Haversham. She finally settled in the parlor with her Bible. But that room held no peace. All she could think of was what had occurred there earlier.

  Could Mr. Gallagher really feel something for her? Once again, Maddie touched her lips, reliving the feel and scent of him so close to her. How she longed to be held by him again.

  He’d pulled back so quickly. What had passed through his mind? Was it because of his wife? Remembering his words about her and his tenderness toward her, Maddie realized it must indeed be his love for his deceased wife that had stopped Mr. Gallagher. She hated the thought that she was causing him pain.

  She hugged herself now, feeling bereft without Mr. Gallagher’s warm smile and kind words. If she’d thought she’d miss him before, what would it be like now that she’d tasted his kiss and had an inkling of what he might be feeling for her?

  * * *

  Reid knew he had to see Maddie again and explain why he couldn’t—why they couldn’t—

  Early the next morning, he stood at his aunt’s front door and rang the bell, his palms sweaty. The maid who let him in told him that his aunt was still abed and that Miss Norton had gone out with Lilah earlier and as far as she knew wasn’t back yet.

  “Thank you. I’ll just wait in the front parlor.”

  He stood in the bay window, watching the street through the filmy lace curtain, his stomach clenched in knots. He’d hardly slept. This morning he’d looked a long time at his dear Octavia’s portrait. Was it to engrave her in his mind before facing Maddie?

  He finally spied Miss Norton turning down the street, the dog trotting along in front of her on its short legs. Reid’s heart twisted at the sight of Miss Norton’s fresh features, her pert hat scarcely hiding the beautiful shade of her hair. He watched her approach the house and when he heard the front door opening, he went to the entrance of the parlor.

  She was crouched beside the dog, undoing its leash. “There now, Lilah, hold still while I take this off you—” She looked up at the sound of the door.

  “Good morning, Miss Norton.”

  She rose slowly, letting the dog scamper away, its nails clicking on the uncarpeted portions of the floor. “Good morning, Mr. Gallagher.” She looked as serious as he felt.

  “May I—” He coughed then began again, “May I speak to you?”

  She glanced down the corridor toward the interior of the house. “I’m...not sure. Lady Haversham was unwell last evening.”

  What was the matter with Aunt Millicent now? “Just for a moment. I’ll go see my aunt directly we’re through.”

  She bit her lip then with a slight bow of her head assented.

  He held the door open as she walked past him into the parlor. He closed the door quietly behind him.

  “I...” How could he begin? Where could he begin? “I wanted to apologize for my conduct yesterday.”

  Her gaze slid away from his. “There’s no need, Mr. Gallagher.”

  He took a step closer to her, and he noticed she took a step back. Was she as reluctant as he to rekindle the...attraction he was feeling for her? Part of him was relieved. Perhaps this would make it easier for what he had to say. “There’s every need. I want you to know I’m not in the habit of forcing myself upon ladies—”

  “Please, Mr. Gallagher! There’s no need. You needn’t say anything more.” She half turned away from him as if the whole topic were distasteful to her.

  The last thing he wanted was to upset her further. “I’ll make this as brief as possible, Miss Norton. Just hear me out, please.”

  She bowed her head and he had to strain to hear her words. “Very well.”

  He cleared his throat. “As I said, I’m not in the habit of forcing my attentions upon a lady—any lady. I can only blame my behavior on having been in the rough company of men too long. I—” he stopped, feeling exceedingly awkward “—I’ve grown very fond of you.” His face grew warm. “I would never have kissed you otherwise. It’s just that—” he ran a hand through his hair “—that I’m not ready to enter into...into...that kind of...of union with another woman...not after my...wife...” His voice cracked on the last words.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Gallagher.” Her soft voice came to him after a few seconds. “I don’t wish to cause you any pain. I know you cared—continue to care—for
your late wife. I would do nothing to come between you and...your memory of her.”

  “Thank you, Madd—Miss Norton,” he amended, checking himself in time.

  They were silent for another moment before her voice came to him hesitatingly. “You’ve mourned your dear wife a long time.”

  “I’ll never mourn her long enough!”

  They stared at each other, and in her shocked gaze, he realized he owed her the truth. He took a deep breath and forced himself to continue. “Since it was I who caused her death.” In the stillness that followed, he could scarcely believe what he’d admitted. Miss Norton looked even more stunned. He gave a weary smile. “You find that hard to believe? It’s true.”

  She took a step toward him. “Of course you didn’t do any such thing. Many people feel a sense of guilt when a loved one passes away.”

  Reid collapsed into the nearest chair, feeling utterly old and exhausted. “Octavia died of the influenza...complicated by a...miscarriage.

  “Oh no!” Her voice was full of sympathy.

  He forced himself to continue. “Nobody knew she was with child but myself...and her physician.” The words, even now, ten years later, were so hard to utter, as if saying them brought back every scream of agony when the baby came too soon. And the bleeding...so much blood. Nothing he could do could stanch it. “She might have survived the influenza if she hadn’t been so weakened by the early months of pregnancy.”

  Now that he’d begun, he felt compelled to finish, speaking of things he’d never voiced aloud. “She was always afraid of having children. Her mother had died in childbirth, so it was understandable. It was I who wanted to start a family.”

  Miss Norton drew up a chair close to him. “Please, Mr. Gallagher, you needn’t tell me. I understand.”

  He leaned forward, no longer seeing Maddie, but Octavia in those last agonizing hours. He gripped his hands together, bracing himself to go on. “At first I was patient. As I told you, we traveled a good deal. But...as the years went by, I yearned for children to make our union complete. I began to pressure my wife more. It wasn’t natural not to have children. As she neared her thirtieth birthday, it was as if I panicked a bit, thinking that soon she’d be too old to have children. I became more insistent. I’d spoken to our physician, and he’d confirmed my fears that it became more and more dangerous for a woman to have children—particularly her first—the older she became.”

  He bowed his head, finding it harder to go on. “Eventually I wore down her resistance. She would face childbirth out of love for me. And I would get what I wanted because I’d known how to use someone’s love to get my way. I sometimes wonder whether love really exists or is it all an excuse to manipulate a person to one’s will?”

  “Oh, no, Mr. Gallagher, love does exist! You must believe that.” Her expression radiated only kindness. “God loves us and He’s given us the capacity to love, even when it means sacrifice.”

  He nodded. “Octavia certainly sacrificed out of her love for me.”

  “But you mustn’t ever believe you didn’t love her. Your desire for a family was no evil. You didn’t set out to make your wife feel guilty. Your desire was natural.”

  He looked away from the compassion in her eyes. He didn’t deserve her understanding.

  “She got terribly sick—morning sickness they call it—she could hardly keep anything down. But still, she’d bravely insist on accompanying me whenever I lectured. It was after one of these lectures, that she...collapsed.”

  He passed a hand over his eyes, reliving those days. “I called our physician at once, and he diagnosed the influenza. There were several cases that winter. She must have contracted it at one of the crowded lecture halls. The physician would have been optimistic, with Octavia’s youth, but he said her weakened condition...because of the morning sickness...”

  He forced himself to continue. “After some days, she started bleeding.... I tried to stop it....” His hands kneaded the cloth at his knees, his head bowed low. He wanted to stop talking about it, thinking about it, but he couldn’t. It was as if he were unburdening a great weight he’d carried so long by himself. “There was nothing the doctor could do, he said. I tried to save her but I couldn’t. She slipped away from me. She was so cold, so pale. I tried to warm her, but I couldn’t do anything.” His voice had grown hoarse. He looked across at Maddie, hardly noticing the tears filling her eyes. He wished he could weep, but no tears came. He’d cried all the tears he had in him a decade ago and in the years following.

  Maybe the harsh desert air had dried up everything inside him.

  Miss Norton reached over and covered his hands with hers. “Don’t distress yourself, Mr. Gallagher. You mustn’t speak anymore of it. It wasn’t your fault, please believe that.”

  But she was wrong. It had been his fault. And nothing he could ever do would change the fact. If he hadn’t worn down her resistance...he’d used every argument, every logical reasoning, every cajolement... His very reason had overcome her illogical fears...except they hadn’t been so illogical. They’d been very real fears.

  His selfish desire for a family had been his young wife’s death sentence. He didn’t deserve to be happy again.

  Chapter Fifteen

  When Maddie saw that nothing she said would comfort Mr. Gallagher, and that her presence only seemed to cause him more anguish, she finally left, her heart breaking at the revelation.

  She went up to her room, climbing the stairs slowly, wishing with all her heart she could help Mr. Gallagher accept the forgiveness he sought. She could only pray for him and...leave his aunt’s side.

  She’d resolved on that course the night before and would hand in her resignation as soon as Lady Haversham awoke. In the meantime, Maddie could write her letter and begin packing.

  She sat at her desk and bowed her head, asking for the Lord’s wisdom. Then she took up her pen and a sheet of notepaper.

  Dear Lady Haversham,

  It is with a heavy heart I tender my resignation as your companion. Please understand it is with no admission of guilt at your charges that I feel it best we terminate the conditions of my employment, but rather to ease your mind. I’m sorry if you misinterpreted my actions or behavior in relation to your great-nephew. My conduct with Mr. Gallagher has been above reproach. I have never sought his attentions, nor has he forced his upon me, in any way.

  She paused at this last sentence. Searching her heart, she knew it was truthful in essence. Mr. Gallagher’s words and conduct this morning showed clearly that he did not wish to pursue anything with her. And he certainly had not forced himself upon her. She had been a willing recipient to her own folly and grief.

  She continued.

  That said, I would rather leave your household than be the source of any anxiety for you. I wish you and your family all God’s blessings and happiness. Please forgive me for any upset I may have inadvertently caused you.

  Yours sincerely, Madeleine Norton

  She folded the paper, placed it in an envelope and sealed it. Then she wrote Lady Haversham’s name on it. Maddie would either give it to her in person or have her maid deliver it for her.

  Feeling a weight lifted from her shoulders, although a heavier one weighed on her heart at the thought of never seeing Mr. Gallagher’s dear face again, or of not being able to assuage his secret grief, she rose and went to dig out her portmanteau.

  * * *

  After being told his aunt was still sleeping, Reid spent a miserable morning working among the artifacts in the library. No longer were the lifeless relics of the ancient past enough to make him forget everything else. His enthusiasm now was merely to keep up appearances before the young man working attentively by his side.

  In the afternoon Reid spent a while at his aunt’s bedside. She looked pale and haggard and complained of a general malaise.

  “My dear Reid, this is why you m
ust reconsider your decision to go back to Egypt. I feel myself getting weaker every day. I don’t know how much longer I’m good for on this earth.”

  He held her hand. “Don’t talk such rubbish. I’m sure you’ll outlast me.”

  “Oh dear no. You must be here to oversee my affairs. You and Vera are my heirs, you know.”

  He shifted on his chair, unable to give her the reassurance she sought. In an effort to lighten her mood, he said, “Uncle George’s collection is coming along very well. I’m working with my new assistant to write everything up in a catalog that I can present to the college.”

  She gave him a wan smile. “I knew you’d know what to do with all his treasures. Your Uncle George would have been so proud of you with your knighthood.” She patted his hand and closed her eyes.

  “I don’t want to tire you. Would you like me to call Miss Norton for you?” Part of him longed to see Miss Norton again. What was the point after telling her he wanted nothing to do with her? He would only hurt her more.

  “No, not that woman. I want Bessie.”

  He rose, troubled by his aunt’s reaction to Maddie’s name. “All right, I’ll fetch her.”

  On his way out, he looked around for Miss Norton, but didn’t see her anywhere. It was for the best, he reasoned, placing his hat on his head before walking out. He left by the back to get his bicycle from the mews. Once on the walkway in the garden, he couldn’t help one last glance at the upper-story windows, wondering if she was behind one of them.

  When he got to the shed, he felt a pang at the sight of the second bicycle, remembering the rides he’d enjoyed with Miss Norton. Were they never to be repeated? Obviously not. She’d take no pleasure in a man’s company who had treated her so shabbily.

  * * *

  When Maddie heard that Lady Haversham was still feeling under the weather, she decided not to aggravate the elderly woman with her presence. The letter could wait one more day.

  After packing most of her things, Maddie left the house. On the spur of the moment, she decided to take her bicycle out. Mr. Gallagher’s bicycle was not there. She wondered whether he still wanted her to take care of this second one when he left England. Clearly not, if she wouldn’t be in his aunt’s employ.