Up Close and Personal

by Kathryn Freeman

  ‘AF?’

  ‘Really? You can’t work that out? As fu—’

  ‘Got it.’ He hesitated, then went with his heart rather than his head. ‘Can I come round?’

  A beat of silence, and then a long exhale. ‘I’m not at home, none of us are.’

  ‘Oh.’ Because he couldn’t shake off the thought, he voiced it. ‘Is that your way of letting me down gently? Because if it is, if we’re over, I’d rather you told me straight.’

  ‘It’s my way of telling you Mandy and I, with Debs in tow, are on our way to see our parents. Well, to see if they’re still in the same place we grew up.’

  ‘Oh.’ He’d geared himself up for rejection, and the relief that she hadn’t said the words made him temporarily dizzy. Of course, she hadn’t said they weren’t over, either, but he’d take the crumb. ‘Does that mean Mandy’s back home with you now?’

  ‘Yep. She told me to tell you thank you. Her bedroom has never been cleaner or tidier.’

  ‘I rather think it’s me who should be thanking her, for the loan of her room.’ A wave of acute longing came over him as he thought of that house. Of the evenings spent eating pizza with Kat and Debs. Of the nights spent tangled with Kat in her bed. He cleared his throat. ‘Well, have a safe trip. I hope you … find whatever it is you’re looking for.’

  A long pause. ‘Thank you. So do I.’

  Chapter 36

  It had been four days since Kat’s visit home, when she’d found out her father had died several years ago, his alcohol sodden liver giving up the ghost. Her mother still lived there though, a woman Kat had found to be surprisingly … content.

  It had also been four days since she’d phoned Zac.

  The visit home hadn’t resulted in the dramatic this is what you should do vision Kat had secretly hoped for. It had eased some of the guilt she’d felt about abandoning her mum though. And it had made her realise she wasn’t, and never would be, like her. So fear of ending up in a relationship like that of her parents, was no longer an excuse she could use to push Zac away.

  Now she was just left with a simpler equation. Was she, the human equivalent of a tabby cat, really destined to be with Zac Edwards – the human equivalent of a majestic lion?

  ‘What are you so deep in thought about?’ Mandy wandered into the kitchen still in her pyjamas despite it being midday.

  ‘Cats.’ Because she didn’t want her sister to pry any further, she returned to the topic they’d discussed a lot over the last few days. ‘You know I still can’t believe Mum thought so little of herself that she was actually perfectly happy in her life with Dad.’

  Mandy shrugged. ‘We’re all different. Mum didn’t want a grand love, or passion. She wanted security, and that’s what he gave her. Even though it came at a price far higher than we’d ever be prepared to pay.’ She slid Kat a sly look. ‘What do you want?’

  The question took her by surprise, but not nearly as shocking as the answer that immediately flashed into her brain, and slid, warm and satisfyingly, into her heart. Zac was what she wanted. Wes had been her first love; a young, naïve love cultivated against the backdrop of army life where she’d viewed everything through a short-term lens. She’d wanted fun, excitement, a challenge. Escape from the drudgery, and the awfulness, of her childhood.

  She was a different person now. A woman, not a girl. One who’d known loss and heartache, and was happier focusing on her career than on some fantasy that had no place in real life. Then Zac had turned up. He’d frustrated her, annoyed her … and made her rethink everything.

  Mandy sighed. ‘No need to reply. Your answer is written all over your face. Why don’t you go round and see him?’

  And that was the million dollar question. Why hadn’t she?

  Why would a lion want to be saddled with a tabby cat when it could find a lioness?

  ‘If he really is interested, he’ll come to me.’ She hated that attitude, hated thinking of herself as less when she’d spent a lifetime proving that she was worthy of anyone. It’s just she wasn’t, absolutely, convinced she was worthy of him.

  ‘That’s pretty snotty, considering you told me last time he came to you, you were mean to him.’

  It was nothing but the truth, but it nipped at her, mean and sharp. ‘Bugger off, Mandy. It’s my life, my call.’

  Mandy held her hands up. ‘Sure. I just don’t want to see you making a huge mistake out of some sort of weird ego kick.’

  It wasn’t ego, it was an embarrassing insecurity, but Kat didn’t correct her. Far easier to move the conversation along. ‘Did you say Debs was going to a concert tonight?’

  ‘Yep, Ariana Grande at The O2. She’s over-the-top excited.’

  ‘I can’t believe she got tickets at the last minute. I thought it would have sold out months ago.’

  If Mandy hadn’t been her sister, if she hadn’t lived with her for thirty-one years, she might not have noticed the way she twitched, and her eyes darted, momentarily, away from hers. ‘I guess she was lucky. Maybe they were returns.’

  ‘Or maybe there’s something else going on that you’re not telling me?’ Kat narrowed her eyes at her but just then the girl they’d been talking about walked down the stairs. ‘Hey Debs. Your mum was about to tell me how you got the tickets for the Ariana Grande concert tonight.’

  Debs halted, her gaze flying to her mum. ‘I told you not to say anything.’

  ‘Jeez, I haven’t said anything. But I’ve got a feeling you’ve just let the cat get so close to the opening of the bag, you’ll have to let it out, if you get my drift.’

  ‘He said not to tell you,’ Debs mumbled.

  Kat had a feeling she knew the answer, but she asked anyway. ‘Who is he?’

  Debs threw her arms in the air. ‘God, you know who I’m talking about. He just wanted to do something nice for me, okay? No need to get all funny over it. He’s my friend as well as yours.’

  Kat paused a moment as her brain joined the dots. ‘Zac got these tickets for you?’

  ‘So what if he did? He wanted me to have something to look forward to, after what I’d been through.’ Her voice croaked a little. ‘He said a bunch of other stuff too, about not being able to make up for it, but I told him to shut up ’cos he was being dumb.’

  Kat wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotion that hurtled through her. To think he’d been kind enough, considerate enough, to do something special for the girl he’d only known a short time. Yet was it really so surprising? Wasn’t that Zac all over? ‘But why keep me in the dark?’ It was the one thing that she couldn’t understand. All that talk about her ending things, telling him it was over – had he decided that’s what he wanted now?

  ‘I don’t know. He just said not to tell you.’ She looked down at the floor, and then at Kat. ‘You should make up with him. He’s well nice.’

  With that, she walked into the living room and turned the TV on.

  Mandy burst out laughing. ‘See, my daughter knows a good man when she sees one.’

  Kat tried to smile, but her brain was working too fast. Was she making too much of their differences, and being stupid, as Debs would say? Sure, Zac had women around the world drooling at the sight of him, but that was the image on the screen. She knew the man behind it, and Debs was absolutely right. That man was well nice.

  And if there was a chance that nice man still wanted her after all this, she’d be an utter fool to let him go.

  Yet even as she planned in her mind when to go round and see him, a thought still niggled. He’d been in contact with Debs over the last few days, but not her.

  ***

  Zac drew in a deep breath as he slipped the Aston into the parking space outside Kat’s house and turned off the engine.

  Taking his phone out of his pocket, he glanced again at the last text he’d received from Debs, an hour ago.

  Yes, she’s in. She knows you bought the tickets and doesn’t seem too salty about it. Good luck x

  He’d learnt that when used
by a teenager, salty meant angry/upset and not a flavouring liberally applied over chips.

  Of course, just because Kat wasn’t angry, it didn’t mean he wasn’t about to have the door shut in his face, though he thought it more likely she’d smile politely and invite him in. Then tell him, maybe over a drink, that they were over. She couldn’t forgive him/she didn’t like him that much/she’d had her fun and was moving on/she’d decided she wanted Mark, after all.

  Zac lunged at the door handle. Whatever she had to say to him had to be easier to hear than all this second guessing he kept doing.

  Heart in his mouth, he stepped out of the car and walked up the drive. A few seconds after he’d rung the bell, the door was opened by a slightly older, longer haired version of Kat.

  ‘Wow.’ The woman gave him a very obvious up and down study. ‘There’s no doubting who you are. You’re the man who’s been sleeping in my bed.’

  ‘Ah.’ He wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. Nerves now jangled with discomfort and embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry about that. It was extremely generous of you to allow it.’

  Mandy – it had to be her – started to laugh. ‘Hey, no thanks needed. It’s been way too long since I’ve had any man in that bed, never mind one as hot as you. I’m just bummed I wasn’t there to appreciate it.’

  He couldn’t be sure, but he thought he might actually be blushing now, which only added to his feeling of discomfort. ‘I suspect you’re happy to be back in it now.’

  ‘I am.’ She smiled at him then, and the warmth, the openness, left him in no doubt she was Kat’s sister. ‘But you don’t want to be standing here, talking to me. You want my sister.’ She pushed the door wide open and waved for him to go inside. ‘Take all the time you need. Debs and I are about to go shopping. I suspect we’ll be a very long time.’ A beat later, she shouted inside, ‘Debs, grab your bag. We’re heading out. Now.’

  A second later, Debs appeared in the doorway, and Zac felt a rush of affection as she smiled shyly up at him. ‘Hey.’

  ‘Good afternoon.’

  She giggled and glanced over at her mum. ‘See what I mean? He talks so posh.’ Then she looked back at him. ‘Thanks again for the tickets.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ Still feeling unbalanced about being on Kat’s doorstep, he slid his hands into his pockets and tried to slow his heart. ‘I hope you enjoy it.’

  ‘Me and Anna can’t wait. Our mates are all well jealous.’

  Zac knew, from the way his heart gave a sudden jump, that Kat had just appeared in the hallway. The moment he met her eyes, everything around him faded away. He wasn’t aware of Debs and Mandy saying goodbye, or of walking into the house he’d once lived in. He was only aware of Kat, her incredible dark eyes, that mesmerising face. The trim body dressed in casual jeans and a black T-shirt, yet so much sexier than a tight fitting, plunging neckline dress on another woman.

  ‘You took your time.’

  He blinked, slowly coming out of his haze. ‘Sorry?’

  ‘I phoned you four days ago.’ She huffed. ‘Since then you managed to find the time to contact my niece, but not me. I was starting to think you didn’t want to see me.’

  His jaw dropped. ‘Good God, you think I wanted to stay away from you?’ He so desperately wanted to reach out and touch her, but he couldn’t assume he had that right. ‘I thought you wouldn’t want to see me.’

  She shook her head and walked further inside. ‘I phoned you, didn’t I? I apologised for how I was the last time. I’d hardly have done that if I was still angry with you.’ Another sharp exhale. ‘Do you want a drink?’

  ‘No, thank you.’ He halted as they came to the kitchen. ‘And there’s a big difference between being angry with me, and actually wanting to see me.’ He felt his throat close up around his next words. ‘Did you want to see me, Kat?’

  She walked round the breakfast island and leant against the sink. Zac felt like she was deliberately putting the worktop between them. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

  He laughed, low and humourless. ‘Because you can never forgive me for what I did? Because you only wanted a fling.’ He had to really work on keeping his voice even. ‘Because I’m not Wes. Or Mark.’

  Chapter 37

  Kat couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was the insecure one when it came to wondering if Zac wanted her, wasn’t she?

  Yet one look at his tortured expression, and she realised she wasn’t on her own here. Zac was just as unsure about how she felt. In fact he had to be even more unsure, because she’d been far more squirrely about revealing her feelings.

  ‘I’m in love with you.’ His quietly spoken words rocked her back. ‘But I need to know if there’s any chance one day you’ll feel the same way.’

  She rarely cried, and never in front of a guy, but she could feel the back of her eyes stinging. ‘You utter berk. You want to know the reason I’ve been dithering about going to see you?’ He nodded his impossibly handsome face, those stunning green eyes looking so achingly vulnerable. ‘It’s absolutely not because I can’t forgive you for what happened. It wasn’t your flaming fault, so there’s nothing to forgive. Now, what else was there? Oh yes, if you were Mark, I wouldn’t have slept with you, because as I told you before, I’ve never fancied Mark. As for Wes, there was only ever one of him, but he was only right for me then, he wouldn’t be right for me now.’ She paused to drag more air into her lungs. ‘The fling, yes, I might have only wanted that at first, but that’s because I wasn’t sure what else would be possible between us.’ Her eyes caught and held his. ‘I’m still not entirely sure about that, but I know one thing.’ Her heart began to race and she had to cling to the worktop to keep her balance as she said the next words. ‘I’m in love with you, too.’

  He was an actor, good at mimicking emotion. At hiding his true feelings. Yet there was no way that what she saw on his face, and in his eyes, was anything other than the truth; shock, followed by an almost desperate joy. As if he wanted so much to believe what he was hearing, but was afraid he’d got it wrong. Slowly he wiped a hand down his face, his eyes remaining fixed on hers. ‘Would you mind repeating that?’

  She rolled her eyes, and just as she started to walk around the island towards him, he pushed off the wall he’d been leaning against and moved to her. They met somewhere in the middle, and immediately he cupped her face in his hands. ‘Say it again. Please.’

  ‘I love you.’

  His eyes fluttered closed, his expression one of agonised bliss. When he blinked them open again, they glistened like raindrops on moss. ‘You’ve no idea how good that sounds.’ Then, before she could say anything – and she still had so much she needed to say – his mouth pressed against hers and he was kissing her as if he’d never get another chance. His hunger, his need, pulsed through her as his hands dropped from her face to clasp her hips, dragging her fully against every hard inch of him. She was drowning in him, her mind floating somewhere up in the clouds, but she knew she couldn’t give in, not yet.

  Breathlessly she pulled away. ‘Wait.’

  His sensuous mouth swollen, his eyes ablaze, he gazed down at her. ‘What?’ A frown appeared and suddenly he looked stricken. ‘There’s a but coming, isn’t there? Damn it.’

  Before he could move away, she held his arm. ‘It’s not a but, it’s a question.’ Pulse still hammering, she tried to gather her thoughts. ‘Can we really work as a couple? You’re this,’ she waved her hand at him, ‘this film star with the flash good looks and legions of women fangirling all over him. Me, I’m a bolshie bodyguard. It didn’t work out for Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston in the movies, or Richard Madden and Keeley in the TV series. What chance have we got in real life?’

  He let out an incredulous laugh. ‘It didn’t work out for Keeley because she got blown up. As you’re a million times better at your job than Madden, you’d never let that happen to me. As for Kevin and Whitney, they didn’t have a tenth of the chemistry we have.’ His finger began a gentle trail down her cheek.
‘I’m the son of a scumbag, Kat, and you’re this gorgeous, smart, fearless, incredible woman. I can see why you’re hesitant about being with me, but I have absolutely no hesitation about you. I love you.’ His voice caught and he inhaled a deep breath before repeating, ‘I love you, Kat, and I want to spend the rest of my life telling you that.’

  Her heart bounced so hard she thought it was about to break free. ‘The rest of your life?’

  ‘Yes.’ He bent to kiss her. ‘I don’t say that to scare you. I say it because it’s only fair you know that this, you and me, is beyond serious to me. This is it.’

  She didn’t know what to say, her heart felt too full, her eyes too blurred with tears. ‘Will you take me to bed?’

  His soft laugh tickled her insides. ‘You never have to ask.’

  ***

  Zac had never known such bone melting contentment. To have Kat back in his arms, his body replete not from sex, but from making love. There was only one niggle, one small, yet ultimately highly significant point that stopped him from feeling deliriously happy.

  Kat’s reaction to his comment about wanting to be with her for the rest of his life.

  It was true she hadn’t laughed in his face. Hadn’t told him he was delirious if he thought she’d want to be shackled to him forever. Yet she hadn’t hinted that, if she wasn’t fully on board with the idea, she at least wasn’t averse to it.

  ‘Zac?’ She raised her head from its resting place on his chest.

  ‘Umm?’ His eyes dropped to her naked breasts and he found he couldn’t drag them away.

  ‘Hey, I’m talking to you.’

  He smirked. ‘I can listen and look at your breasts.’

  With a strangled noise of frustration, she ruined his pleasure by wrapping the duvet around her. ‘This is important.’