Torn

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  in my bed, and wearing my clothes.” His head tilted as he reached up with his other hand and traced a finger along my neck. I leaned back, and he chuckled as if I amused him. “You’ve already agreed to be with me. How exactly am I not breaking you, little bird?”

  Anger flashed through me, causing my heart to pound in my ears. I lifted my gaze to his. “You will not break me.”

  His grin widened, freezing the fire in my veins. It was also secretive and knowing, like he’d already read the book and knew how it would end. “I’ve only met a few halflings over the many centuries I’ve been alive.”

  Centuries? I knew he was old, but good lord.

  The prince turned, leading me over to where the woman lay. She didn’t move or look up at us. “We once had many humans in the Otherworld. They didn’t last very long. The feeding or the environment always got to them in the end, but we bred them, replenishing our stock before their inevitable deaths.”

  I shuddered with disgust. The fae truly treated humans like cattle.

  He didn’t seem to notice my distaste. “Unfortunately, the Otherworld is dying. Everything is turning cold and dead. The environment is no longer suitable to sustain human life, and without humans, we age . . . and we die.”

  Something occurred to me. “Turning cold? Like the weather?”

  Drake nodded.

  My eyes widened. “It’s happening here. The cold spell.” I thought of the withered, dying vines outside of my apartment. “It’s because you’re here.”

  “It’s adjusting to our needs,” he replied.

  “But will your presence have the same impact here, like it did in the Otherworld?”

  He shrugged. “It could, but it will take thousands of years. The weather will continue to cool. Winter is in our blood, after all.”

  Shock rendered me speechless for a moment. “I thought the courts were dismantled. That summer and winter joined together and—”

  His deep laugh silenced me. “The two courts did not simply join together. We overtook the summer court centuries ago. Winter rules all.”

  I was barely able to process this before he started speaking again.

  “Every so often, a fae would impregnate a human. Things sometimes got out of . . . control while feeding,” he said, grinning, and I remembered what Tink had said he’d seen once in the clearing in the Otherworld. The prince with several women. I imagined that could get kind of complicated. “Before we knew of the prophecy—the loophole surrounding the doorways—halflings were generally seen as an abomination. They were killed.”

  “God,” I muttered.

  “As if your kind treats halflings any better?”

  I pressed my lips together, because he had a point, but whatever.

  “But there were times when one of our kind took a liking to the human, to the child, and the halfling would grow.” Drake walked between the cots, tugging me along with him. The woman’s gaze drifted toward us. Placing a hand on my shoulder, he pushed me down with enough pressure that I couldn’t resist. He forced me to sit beside the woman. “Do you know what we discovered about halflings?”

  A prickle of unease quickly grew until it felt like a thousand tiny needles dragging across my skin. Every muscle in my body grew rigid as he sat beside me. The cot was small, so there was very little room. The side of his body pressed against mine, and my thigh rested against the woman’s leg.

  Drake leaned in, curling an arm around my waist, tightening the chain. “We learned that halflings could feed just like us.”

  My wide eyes met his as a new horror gave birth, chilling my skin. “No,” I whispered.

  “Yes,” he replied, his voice low. “It’s quite simple. It’s like a kiss. You just have to inhale and want it, and it will happen. You just need to know that you can do it. The first couple of times is like . . . taking a hit. It’s a lot for your system to handle, but you will get a handle on it.”

  I shook my head, suddenly understanding his earlier smile. This wasn’t going to happen. No way.

  “I think you need to explore your other half.” His hand left my waist, moving behind me and toward the woman. She stirred and started to sit up. “It’s time that you discover who you truly are.”

  “No way.” I tried to stand, but he held the chain, forcing me to stay seated. Panic clawed at my throat, and I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. “There is no way I’m feeding off of anyone. That’s not who I am.”

  “You don’t know what you are,” he responded. “You have no idea.”

  “I know who I am.” I glanced at the woman. She was staring at us. Waiting. Her expression was blank, devoid of all thought and emotion. Did she know what was happening? “I’m Ivy Morgan. I’m a member of the Order. I’m human, and I don’t feed on other humans.”

  “You are a halfling, and you will do as I say.”

  “Never,” I whispered, my hands curling into fists.

  The prince leaned over as he curled his hand around my chin. His grip was controlling, and I hated every place his skin touched mine. “You do remember that I can make you.”

  My heart plummeted as realization set in. Drake could make me. He could make me do anything. Strip naked and dance around the room. Get on my knees before him. Jump through a window. I no longer had the protection of the clover. I could be manipulated just like any other human. For some foolish, horrible reason, I’d relied on the fact he couldn’t force me into bed to conceive a child, but that barrier didn’t extend to anything else.

  “No.” I tried to yank my head out of his iron-clad grip. Real fear erupted in my gut. “Don’t do this. Please. Don’t make me do this.”

  “You will want to do this.” He guided my gaze to his, and before I could squeeze my eyes shut or even prepare myself, our gazes locked and there was something in his eyes, something about him that I couldn’t look away from. Time seemed to slow down, and all that existed was the fast, erratic beat of my heart and his gaze. His eyes weren’t just one shade of blue, I realized. They were several dizzying shades of pale blue and violet. Like a glacier deep in the ocean, there was so much depth. “You may even like it,” he murmured, smoothing his thumb over my jaw. “My will is yours.”

  My lips parted. I didn’t agree with him. I couldn’t exactly remember why, but I knew I should, especially when Drake spoke to the woman beside me. I’d forgotten her and jumped a little when she placed her small, frail hand on my shoulder. I twisted toward her even though I knew that wasn’t wise.

  “Show her,” Drake said.

  He was talking to this woman, and I didn’t understand what he meant, but she seemed to know, because her eyes drifted shut and she leaned into me, the front of her body against mine. I thought she was going to kiss me. Her mouth lined up with mine.

  Drake’s hand slipped from my chin to the band around my neck. I hated that band. It symbolized everything that I had lost.

  “You’re hungry, aren’t you?” Drake murmured in my ear, derailing my thoughts. “You’re so thirsty. A need is burning bright in your stomach, lighting up every cell in your body. You need.”

  He was right.

  My stomach felt hollow. My throat felt parched. I’d eaten earlier, but I was . . . I was starving now. I needed.

  “It’s not food you desire. It’s not water that will quench your thirst. You need life. You need a part of her. And she can give you what you need,” he explained, his voice as smooth as a lullaby. “Take it.”

  My heart thundered in my chest. I couldn’t . . .

  “She wants to give it to you,” he said, and I thought for some reason that might not be true. “Show her.”

  Another hand curled around my shoulder, and I was tugged forward. There was no chain stopping me. The woman spoke and her hands moved, but I didn’t understand what she was saying. My eyelids were too heavy, and I couldn’t keep them open.

  “Inhale,” the voice ordered, and that one word was everywhere, outside of me and in me, and I did what felt . . . right.

>   I inhaled.

  The woman jerked, her fingers spasming around my arms. An odd coolness slid over my lips and tongue. It reminded me of iced coffee on the hottest summer day. It was like stripping down and diving into water. But it was more. It was like electricity. A jolt of pure caffeine wrapped in ice. It rushed down my throat, hitting that empty spot.

  And then it hit every place in me.

  It was too much.

  My senses sparked to life. Senses I didn’t even know existed. Something surrounded me, and I . . . I was invincible. My eyes were still closed, but I saw every shade of color. Red. Blue. Green. Yellow. And more, over and over, a rainbow that was inside me. The hunger dulled and the thirst eased off. I wasn’t hollow anymore. Oh no, I was so very full and warm even though the tip of my tongue felt cool.

  “That’s it,” a deep, rough voice said. “Feed.”

  I inhaled again without thinking.

  Nails dug through my thin dress, pulling and tearing at the cloth. There was a sound, a pitiful whimper, but I was alive and my skin was tingling with electricity. I had no idea how much time had passed, but I slowly became aware of the woman no longer clutching my arms. She was on her back, and I was leaning over her. Then I wasn’t on the cot. I was on my feet, and the prince was beside me, his mouth on my throat and his hand in my hair, but I didn’t understand a single thing he said. Then we were moving—walking.

  When I stumbled out of the room, my gaze collided with someone I knew. Someone who had been kind to me. Faye. Maybe it wasn’t her. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t focus on her. Not when the walls were shaking and the floor was rippling.

  Then I wasn’t walking anymore. I was floating, and I was surrounded by warmth as cool air washed over my tingling, sparking skin. I moved restlessly and I didn’t move at all. I wasn’t here. No. I was nowhere near here. It was like being blanketed in clouds. Maybe that’s where I was. Up in the sky where nothing could ever harm me.

  Sensation burned my skin, jolting me out of my daze. I blinked slowly, recognizing the ceiling. The bedroom. I wasn’t in the clouds. I was on the bed. The burn on my leg was a hand, and the heaviness settling over part of my body wasn’t comforting.

  I looked up.

  Hair as dark as a raven’s wing. Not russet-colored. Not warm. Those eyes weren’t green. They were pale blue ice. My heart sped up again, and this godawful feeling in the pit of my stomach spread. This couldn’t happen. I didn’t want this. I never wanted this.

  “No.” The word was weak, a whisper. I cleared my throat. “No,” I said louder.

  He stilled, and I saw pieces of his chest and stomach. His shirt was undone. My stomach churned. He can make you do anything. I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “You want—”

  “No.” The word scalded my tongue, and it felt like I was fighting quicksand. It took everything to force the words out. “No. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. No.”

  For a moment, I thought he would continue, that he would keep speaking and force my eyes open. That I would fall under that spell again, and even though I had a hard time remembering why it was bad, I knew it was terrible. It was evil. It was something I wanted no part of.

  The prince grunted in exasperation. “Soon.” He lifted himself up, but I could still feel his weight, and I thought I might be sick. I no longer saw rainbows. “Soon you will say yes,” he said. “There is no other option.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I slept for what felt like forever.

  I didn’t remember the prince leaving the bedroom or the door closing behind him before I fell asleep, but the sun had set and rose before I woke up. I was a little disoriented upon waking, only because I wasn’t sure of how much time had passed, but I sat up and I was full . . . of energy. Like I’d received the deepest, most rejuvenating sleep possible. It wasn’t an abnormal level, like I’d done speed or anything, but I felt good and I . . .

  And I remembered everything.

  I fed on a human yesterday.

  I jolted forward and winced as the heavy chain dragged over my still-sensitive skin. I realized that I wasn’t chained to the bed, but I didn’t move. I sat frozen, realizing something else. My dress was torn, the material pooling around my elbows. Scratches marred my upper arms. The woman—she had done that, because of what I had done to her.

  “Oh God.” I leaped from the bed.

  Dragging the chain behind me, I raced into the bathroom and dropped to my knees. Seconds later, everything that I’d eaten in the last day came back up. When I was done, my sides ached. I sat back, holding the top of the gown to my chest and supporting my weight with my other hand. Cold sweat dotted my forehead.

  Oh God, I had hurt that woman. I’d taken from her what was not mine to take. I didn’t even know if she was okay or if I had taken too much. Feedings could kill humans.

  I hadn’t known I was capable of feeding like a fae.

  My fingers curled around the top of my dress as I stared blankly at the tile floor. I didn’t know who I was anymore. My breath caught in my chest. I’d forgotten how easy it was to fall under a fae’s control. It had happened to me before, when I was younger, but I’d truly forgotten how easily it could happen.

  One look and I’d been under the prince’s control.

  I’d been in complete control of myself, and a second later I hadn’t been, and I’d done something that went against everything I believed in.

  That poor woman.

  I knew I hadn’t willingly fed on her, but that didn’t lessen any of the guilt festering deep inside me, and that guilt quickly grew, because it wasn’t just a consequence of what I’d done to that woman. My stomach churned again.

  I couldn’t remember the details of what had happened between the prince and me. After I . . . I’d fed, it was like I’d been detached from my body, gone someplace else. It was like being slipped a roofie, but I was somewhat lucky, because he had stopped. I remembered that, but it didn’t make me feel any real sense of relief.

  An oily feeling settled over me, blanketing my entire body. I felt heavy, weighed down, and my skin, the bones and muscles, didn’t feel like my own. And they hadn’t been my own yesterday. I had no control. I knew that. My brain told me over and over that what happened yesterday with that poor woman wasn’t my fault. I’d been under a manipulation, a compulsion, and I hadn’t given Drake permission to touch me, to do anything with me. It wasn’t my fault, but I still wanted to flay layers of my skin off. I wanted to strip off the dress and burn it, along with the bed and this entire house.

  I wanted to cut what little memories I had out of my head with a butter knife.

  What he had done wasn’t remotely okay. I hadn’t been in the right frame of mind. He’d controlled me, forcing me to feed, and then took advantage of me being as high as a kite.

  My stomach twisted again and I lurched forward, clutching the toilet. I heaved, and the only thing that came up this time was spittle and air, but it burned my throat and hurt my stomach. Once I thought I wouldn’t be sick again, I pushed away from the toilet.

  I leaned back against the tub and dropped the end of the chain in my lap, closing my eyes and waiting for my heart to slow down. I focused on taking deep, even breaths and figuring out what my next steps would be. I had to have next steps. Something. I couldn’t sit on the bathroom floor.

  I needed to shower.

  I could do that.

  I opened my eyes and forced myself off the floor. I closed the bathroom door, and was dismayed upon realizing the lock had been removed. I had no idea when that had happened. I cranked on the water, turning it up as hot as I could stand, and then I placed the chain on the sink. I stripped off the gown and picked up the chain without looking at my reflection.

  I stepping under the hot spray of water, gasping as it hit my arms. The scratches stung as they got wet. I didn’t care if showering rusted the stupid band and chain. I stood under the hot water until my skin turned pink. Then I grabbed the bar of soap and lathered up not once
but three times, and I still felt like I could do it again. Hot tears burned my eyes.

  I can’t do this.

  Oh God. I wasn’t sure I could deal with all of this for a moment longer, let alone until I figured a way out of here. I didn’t regret making the deal. I’d had to make sure Ren was safe, but my plan had been so incredibly clueless, foolish even. Gaining time to figure out an escape only put me further under the prince’s control, giving him opportunities I had never foreseen. And now what? I had no idea how I could work at gaining Drake’s trust when I wanted to gouge out his eyeballs the next time I saw him.

  I have to do this.

  There was no choice—not really. Giving up wouldn’t stop time, and even though I didn’t plan on honoring our bargain when our time was up, I had to get out of here. I had to pull it together, because the only other option was that I . . .

  I removed myself from the equation.