How to Lead a Life of Crime
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The MANDEL
ACADEMY
* * *
Course Catalog
Early Winter/Spring 2012
The Fundamentals of Business
The ideal course to kick start any business-related career. Polish your math skills. Study basic economic theory. Master the use of key terms and industry jargon. Acquire all the skills necessary for creative accounting, embezzlement, and most forms of fraud.
Assassination Techniques
An advanced course for Enforcement majors (at least three semesters required). Learn to recognize and defeat measures commonly used to protect prominent persons—from traditional forms of defense (bodyguards and body doubles) to the latest high-tech tools (personal armor and information technology).
Human Psychology
No matter what your major, an understanding of Homo sapiens will be the basis of a successful career. This course will teach you how to trace human behavior—from sexual promiscuity to mate selection—back to its evolutionary roots. You’ll discover how the human brain was wired to address threats to the species’ survival—and learn why concepts like altruism have been rejected by modern science.
The Art of Persuasion: Influence Peddling, Coercion, and Extortion
The art of persuasion demands information. Learn how to dig for dirt on rivals or enemies—and how to use sensitive information for your benefit. An essential course for all Mandel students, the class offers instruction on basic electronic surveillance, informant recruitment, trashcan espionage, and more.
Hand to Hand Combat
Required for Enforcement majors and recommended for all students, this class will help you acquire the skills and training necessary to engage in short-range combat. This course borrows techniques from boxing, wrestling, Krav Maga, ninjutsu, and a variety of other disciplines. You will learn the basics of unarmed combat, knife-fighting, and the use of improvised weapons.
International Politics
Wherever war rages, there are fortunes to be made. In this class, Mandel’s Politics and Business majors will learn how to work hand-in-hand to profit from the sale of weapons, medicines, and black-market goods in war-torn areas around the globe. Politics majors will focus on promoting conflicts and awarding lucrative war contracts to Mandel-associated companies. Business majors will identify new opportunities and explore novel tactics—from the sale of fissionable material to the use of child soldiers.
Wealth Management
Once you’ve made your fortune, you’ll need to protect it. This useful course will teach you how to avoid sharing your hard-earned wealth with the United States government. Hide your money in places the IRS can’t look. Make use of tax loopholes designed to help the wealthiest citizens. Or renounce your US citizenship altogether and choose a new homeland where the rich stay rich and the poor keep quiet.
Partnering with Corrupt Regimes
Sometimes the best partners are those with whom no one is allowed to work. The United States government has forbidden American companies to trade with countries it has labeled State Sponsors of Terrorism. Doing business with Iran, North Korea, and Burma may be tricky, but it’s far from impossible. And the profits can be astronomical. This semester, two of the Mandel Academy’s most illustrious graduates will be visiting this course as guest lecturers. For an entire week, these famous billionaire brothers will share their experiences making money in Iran.
Basic Electronics : From Credit Card Skimmers to Key Stroke Loggers
A required course for all Technology majors, this class will ensure that you’re up-to-date on the basics. Learn how to craft simple devices that can skim credit and debit card information. Construct hardware-based loggers that will record every keystroke (and password) made on a target computer. The fundamentals of surveillance are also covered, including instruction on assembling eavesdropping equipment, covert listening devices, and roving bugs.
Crime Scene Cleaning and Bio-Waste Removal
A required course for Enforcement majors. When business gets messy, Mandel alumni need cleaners. This class will teach you how to scrub a scene of bodily fluids, remove trace evidence such as fingerprints and hair samples, and dispose of human remains. Only students with the strongest stomachs should enroll.
Human Trafficking in the Internet Age
The international trade in human beings is a booming industry, and the Internet has made it safer and more lucrative than ever before. Learn how to set up shop online using Deep Web resources—or riskier classifieds sites. Recruit employees, procure goods, and attract potential customers. An excellent course for Technology and Leisure Studies majors.
Mining the Masses: Big Profits from Little People
Many students leave the academy with their eyes peeled for a single big score. But those with a little patience find it can be just as rewarding. Some of the largest fortunes in America were built a few cents at a time. Figure out how to take a quarter from every person in America, and you’ll end up with a $75 million fortune. This course will show you how.
Introduction to Industrial Espionage
The most successful companies keep a very close eye on the competition. This course will teach future business leaders all the tricks of the trade—from planting moles inside rival organizations to executing successful “bag-ops.” You’ll learn how to steal trade secrets, bribe key executives, and penetrate computer networks. Top students will be allowed to take part in off-site assignments.
Waste Management: Polluting for Profit
The world’s companies produce over 400 metric tons of hazardous wastes every year. Environmentally safe disposal of these materials can be costly. Fortunately, there are many cheaper alternatives. This course will teach you how, when, and where to dump everything from radioactive substances to used batteries.
Hidden Treasures: Finding and Controlling the World’s Natural Resources
Many of the Earth’s natural resources are on the brink of depletion, and most are ripe for hoarding. When the world realizes that the planet’s supply of water, oil, and minerals is dwindling, the demand will quickly skyrocket. Companies or individuals who have seized control of these profitable resources will soon become the most powerful on Earth.
Brazilian Jujitsu
Required for Enforcement majors under six feet in height. One of the deadliest martial arts, Brazilian Jujitsu takes size and strength out of the equation. With a knowledge of BJJ techniques, a small fighters can easily immobilize, injure, or kill a much larger opponent. A favorite of law enforcement and security professionals, BJJ is essential for those who may need to confront them.
Let Them Eat Cake: Exploiting America’s Obesity Epidemic
The ultimate consumers, Americans will buy and eat almost anything. As the country’s waistband continues to grow, so does the opportunity for profit. Discover out how Mandel alumni have invested in the artificial flavor industry, chemical sweetener manufacturing, and health care insurance—and learn how to live large off the fat of the land.
The Ultimate Insiders: Mandel Alumni and the SEC
Once upon a time, the Securities and Exchange Commission watched over the US stock and bond markets, ensuring that trade was fair and laws were not violated. For the past three decades, Mandel alumni have been infiltrating this venerable institution. Now, the SEC works for us, and this course will teach you how to use your academy connections to their best advantage.
Secrets and Sabotage
You’ve discovered your mark’s deepest, darkest secret. (Or perhaps you’ve invented one for him.) Now what do you do with it? This course, required for all Human Resources majors, teaches students how to conduct successful smear campaigns and character assassinations.
Clandestine Chemistry
The most successful narcos control every step of the drug trade—from production to distribution. That’s why a crash course in “secret” chemistry is essential for all Leisure Studies students. Learn how to build a cocaine processing facility in the South Ameri
can jungle—or rolling meth lab in Appalachia. Find out how to purchase precursor chemicals without tipping off the DEA. And know how to cover your tracks if you have to leave your lab behind.