Bearing Secrets (High House Ursa Book 1)

by Riley Storm

  “The what?” Natalia yelped.

  A voice sounded through the door, the muzzle of the gun tracking over toward Natalia. “Who is it?”

  “Kirell. I’m here to see the Queen. She will want to see me and my mate.”

  It cost him a lot to say those words when he knew they weren’t true. To lie to his fellow Ursidae was something Kirell had never expected to do, something he’d never wanted to do. He’d always been a prideful man, but today he was ashamed of himself.

  Not ashamed of Natalia—she was a good woman—but of the way he was purporting her to be something she wasn’t. The shifters had always banded together to face external threats. In the past, Canim and Ursidae had fought side by side against the forces of humans when they’d been attacked, regardless of any ongoing disputes. They were almost like brothers in that regard.

  “Come in. Slowly.”

  He nodded, knowing he was being watched, and gestured for Natalia to come stand close to him.

  “You’re taking me to see your fucking Queen? I’m so not ready for this,” she hissed at him, lashing out with her voice even as she stood firmly at his side.

  “It’s fine, trust me. Kaelyn is not someone you need to worry about impressing. She hates the official trappings of the office as much as everyone else.”

  “Says the guy in his dress uniform looking smart as hell.”

  He blew air out between his lips. “I’m wearing this to offset the glam of your dress. Normally, I’d wear a shirt and jeans. It’s not a formal visit.”

  “I picked up on that when you dragged me through the back-alley entrance instead of through the front doors. What are you hiding, Kirell?”

  “You.”

  The doors opened and two guards, weapons raised, followed the doors back, using them to obscure much of their body, just in case.

  “Uh, they have guns,” Natalia observed, shuffling closer to him, her voice and body-language fraught with fear.

  “It’s just precautionary. Since we’re not here to cause any harm, you have nothing to worry about.” He nodded toward the waiting room and together they walked forward.

  It wasn’t the Throne Room. Kirell didn’t want to risk meeting there, so he’d gone to the office, where the Queen spent most of her time when she wasn’t officiating over some sort of ceremony or greeting visitors and such.

  “Kirell!”

  He turned as Kaelyn strode across the floor, her short blonde hair contrasting vividly with the black jumpsuit she wore.

  “Your Majesty,” he said, bowing. Beside him, Natalia whispered a curse that he was fairly positive was about him and dropped into a clumsy curtsy.

  “Oh, stop it. Use my name, for the love of the gods.”

  “Gods?” Natalia asked, before biting her lip to stop herself. “Sorry.”

  “You’ve really got her wound up, haven’t you?” Kaelyn admonished, whacking Kirell gently on the arm with the back of her hand as she passed him by. “Sorry, I haven’t been informed of your name yet.”

  “Natalia.”

  “Natalia. It’s nice to meet you. But seriously, don’t listen to this jerk. He likes to follow the rules and traditions and thinks I should be treated like I’m some form of royalty, instead of the head of a household.”

  “You are royalty,” he muttered, but it only earned him a reproving glance.

  “Gods is correct, you didn’t mishear,” Kaelyn continued, otherwise ignoring his outburst. “I’m not sure how much Kirell has told you about the world you actually inhabit, compared to the one you believe you do, but trust me when I say gods, and mean it.”

  “Right.” Natalia sounded anything but certain.

  “I like her,” Kaelyn laughed. Then she looked over at her shoulder at the guards. “Into the passageway with you. I am perfectly safe.”

  One of the guards looked ready to argue, but the Queen drew herself up, the simple act transforming her from Kaelyn to the ruler of High House Ursa in an instant. “Now.”

  The guards didn’t argue this time, stepping out into the secret passageway and pulling the doors closed behind them, so that the trio could have some privacy.

  “This is the one?” the Queen asked him, dropping the act.

  “Yes. She’s aware of what I need from her, and I’ve slowly been bringing her up to speed on the background of the House, and all she’d be expected to know as a new mate to one of the Ursidae.”

  The Queen nodded. “You’re aware that once this is over, you will be required to stay at his side for some time before returning to the regular world?”

  “I do,” Natalia said.

  “You understand that if you say a word of what you saw here, or of what has been discussed between the three of us, you won’t survive to see the next sunrise?”

  Natalia stiffened, looking at him, but Kirell just stared at the wall. He’d tried to avoid threatening her, but he wasn’t about to contradict his Queen. Her word was law to him, and he would carry it out if necessary.

  “I…was not informed it would be such a permanent solution, but I was told to keep my mouth shut. I know how to keep a secret, and I’m being well compensated for my part here. I don’t need more of a reason.” Her eyes were glowing with reddened anger as she stared directly at him.

  “She has spine.”

  Kirell tried not to let his amusement show. “She does, yes. More than I initially thought. She is strong, my Queen. I have faith.”

  Kaelyn looked at him oddly for a moment. Giving Natalia a final once-over, she nodded. “Yes, I do too. She was an excellent choice.”

  “I’m right here,” Natalia muttered unhappily.

  “I know, dear,” the Queen said softly. “Can you give Kirell and me one moment, please? Then you two can be on your way.”

  Natalia looked to him for confirmation and he nodded, wondering what the Queen wanted to discuss.

  “How can I be of assistance?” he asked as he watched Natalia walk to the far side of the room, arms crossed. There was going to be trouble after they left here, he could tell.

  “You must start assuming your duties, Kirell. She will work well, and we cannot wait any longer without a Captain of the House.”

  Kirell hesitated. Why did it bother him so much to act this way? The Queen wanted him in this capacity, and their scheme seemed to be bearing fruit. “What is the urgency, Your Majesty?”

  Kaelyn sagged in irritation at his formality, but Kirell wasn’t about to change now.

  “We both know we didn’t get all the traitors,” she said quietly. “And if Klebra is the leader of those who remain in secret, I’ll eat my crown.”

  “You don’t have a crown.”

  His Queen just glared. “Now you develop the ability to have a conversation without falling all over yourself to keep me happy.”

  Kirell gave her a little smile, one that he didn’t let reach his eyes. “I will find the traitors, my Queen. Like you, I don’t suspect Klebra to be their leader.”

  “Good. You have my utmost trust in this matter, Kirell. Do as you see fit to handle anything that comes of it. Just keep me informed.”

  “Of course.” He bowed his head respectfully.

  “Now, go patch things up with your mate.”

  He almost said, “she’s not my mate”, but the twinkle in his Queen’s eye told him she knew perfectly well.

  “Yes, Your Majesty,” he said with extra formality and a low bow that he punctuated by dropping to one knee. It was completely unnecessary and over the top in such a situation, and he heard a whispered touché from above. It was more than enough.

  Motioning to Natalia, the two of them headed back into the passages. Kirell wanted to breathe a sigh of relief that the meeting had gone so well, but the instant the doors closed behind them, he felt his soul pinned to the wall by Natalia’s fiery gaze.

  Uh oh.

  21

  She was shaking.

  Her arms trembled as she fought down the urge to throttle him with her fists. Not because
she didn’t think it would be nice, but because it wouldn’t do a damn thing. Kirell’s modified DNA would shrug off her attack like it was a fly landing on him, while she would probably end up with—at least—bruised knuckles.

  And that is why she resorted to words. “I can’t believe you would do that to me,” she hissed, slapping his shoulder despite her earlier thoughts. Ow.

  “I told you it wasn’t anything to worry about.”

  Natalia stopped in her tracks. “I’m sorry, your Queen, a proper bad-ass-bitch if I’ve ever met one, just threatened me with my life if I didn’t keep your secret. Maybe you’re used to living in a crazy-ass world where things like that are normal, but most people aren’t! You don’t just walk around and say you’re going to murder someone if they slip up and say something.”

  That was the real root of her anger toward him. Fear. Never before had she met someone who so dispassionately discussed killing someone, as if it would be the commonest thing in the world. Not even the thugs back home had the same look of Death about them, as if it was a literal thing. Just thinking back to it made her shiver as she saw the look on the Ursa Queen’s face.

  It wasn’t a threat, she decided. It was a promise, a mathematical equation. If X equalled anything but silence, then the result would be minus one, Natalia’s life snuffed out. Cold. Precise. Uncaring. Natalia had been reduced to a nothing.

  “Listen, Natalia, I’m sorry. I should have given you more warning.”

  “More warning?” She laughed. “How about you should have told me the day you brought this up, that it could involve loss of life? I would have walked away from that then and there. You’re hot, but a bit of bedroom Olympics isn’t enough to compensate for that sort of outcome!”

  Her voice was rising as she spoke, bouncing off the small hallways. Kirell was looking around in a panic, like he was fearful someone was going to come in after them because they heard her shouting. Good. Maybe they would, then the jerk would stop being ashamed of her and be forced to admit that she’s my mate.

  Natalia snorted at that thought.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You don’t want to be seen with me,” she said. “You’re afraid you’ll be judged. Is it because I’m a human? Or am I just not good looking enough for you? Maybe that’s it, you don’t want “the boys” to know how low you sunk?” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier.”

  She ignored his protest and stormed off, hoping she remembered the way back to his room properly. The last thing she wanted was to get lost and be forced to go to him for help.

  A few turns later, a familiar-looking door loomed up in front of her. Of course, every door they’d passed looked familiar, but it felt right. Pushing forward, she emerged, immediately looking toward the real door.

  The couch was there, propped against it. Unless Kirell had started a new fashion trend, she didn’t think it was anyone else’s room. Reaching behind her, she closed the wall panel. It wouldn’t slow Kirell down, but it would be a nuisance, and that was as much as she could ask for just then.

  He came through a few seconds later.

  “Natalia.”

  “Stop it.” She held up a hand, digesting her own thoughts. The comments she’d made to him about being ashamed of her had touched on a nerve, hitting closer to the truth than she’d intended. There was something more to it, something else bothering her.

  You don’t feel worthy either.

  That was it, she realized. All the secrets and lies they were holding, made her feel like she wasn’t good enough to be his mate, even a fake one—like there was some impossible standard she was supposed to meet, and she didn’t.

  “I’m not good enough to be your mate,” she said softly. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? That’s why the sneaking around. Not that you’re ashamed, because you need me, but nobody is going to believe someone like you would settle for me.”

  Kirell frowned. “Natalia, this isn’t real,” he said forcefully. “We’re just faking this. That’s why you’re being kept hidden except when it’s absolutely necessary. The more people see us together, the more they’re going to expect to see us together. So, unless you want to stick around, then staying hidden is the best bet. Remember, in a week or two, you’re going to go back to your old life, and you’ll probably never see me again. This is fake.”

  She nodded, acknowledging the truth of everything he was saying. It was a sham. A lie, a construct built out of necessity.

  So why did it hurt to be told that?

  “You’re right,” she said after a minute, her voice dull and emotionless. “It’s all just a sham. Even the sex is just for fun. I think the death threat got to me.” She looked up, giving him her best fake smile. “Sorry.”

  Kirell looked like he’d bitten into something rotten but he didn’t fight what she was saying. “I need to go talk to the guards. The Queen wants me to start the job now.” He looked around the room. “Are you going to be okay by yourself for a few hours? There’s a tv and everything. We have cable and the specialty channels.”

  “I’m just gonna sleep,” she said, wandering over to the bed, wishing she felt comfortable enough to strip out of her dress immediately, instead of waiting until he’d left. “I’m pretty tired.”

  “Okay. I’ll be back soon. We’ll talk about the ceremony tomorrow and what will be expected of you.”

  “Sure.” She sat heavily on the edge of the bed, staring at the red and gold patterned carpet.

  Kirell took a breath, sounding like he was about to protest, but whatever it was died on his exhale. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he said instead.

  She waited until the door panel clicked closed on the wall, before ripping off the dress and pulling on the sweats that were now dry. Sleep wasn’t going to happen. Not now. There was too much for her to think about.

  I shouldn’t hurt this much…

  22

  The word went out through the House. The Captain wanted to review his guards.

  His guards. They were Kirell’s guards now, and by the end of tomorrow, that would be official on all levels. All at once the mantle of responsibility settled about his shoulders, weighing heavily on him.

  This was no small task. Usually, when a Title Holder died or relinquished their position, the transition was smooth, with everything in order to help onboard the newcomer. The senior members in that section would shoulder a bit more workload while everyone adjusted, but in the end, there was very little in the way of disruption.

  That’s not going to happen here.

  Kirell was inheriting an office devastated by the rebellion. The guards were the best-trained warriors in the House, with the exception of the Queen’s Own. He liked to think they were all loyal to the House as well, but they weren’t. More of them than he’d like to think about had gone down in the internal fighting.

  Now, a unit that should be upward of three dozen strong barely numbered fifteen. It didn’t take long for them to assemble in the training room on the second sub-basement. He watched them from his new office as they entered in ones and twos, milling around, talking to one another. The cameras were wired for audio but he wasn’t going to eavesdrop. Nobody would be saying anything interesting right now.

  They’d be wondering what the meeting was about. They would be talking about him, too, all the typical gossip. None of them out there, if they were traitors, was going to offer themselves up in this environment. Accidents happened of course, but anyone who had been committed to the traitorous cause but remained unfound was very good at hiding their true feelings. It was how they were still alive today.

  Kellas came in at a bit of jog, still dressed in his forestry uniform, having been out walking the grounds. He’d had the farthest to come, and now he was there, all fifteen guards were present and accounted for. It was time to go out there and talk to them.

  So why are you still hiding in your office?

  The mantle he’d been shouldered with shouldn’t have shackled h
im down, but he was having problems stepping out of the room. Once he did that, once he formally presented himself to the guards, then everything that had been verbal until now would become real. His nomination to the position of Captain, and his assuming that role; there would be no going back.

  “You’re going to be fine,” he whispered, trying to boost his own confidence.

  Natalia wasn’t the only one feeling like she wasn’t worthy. Ever since his Queen had said she needed him to assume this position, he’d dreaded actually doing so. What if he wasn’t good enough? The rest of the House, those loyal to Ursa, needed him to be the best Captain they’d had in a long time. There wasn’t time to spare.

  They still had traitors amongst their midst, and if Kaelyn’s feelings were right, then before too long the House would have something else to deal with. Something bigger, that would require all of them. Kirell needed to play his part in helping reassemble the fractured House, but could he do so? He would step out in front of those men, his men, bearing nothing but secrets.

  That was his other problem with the entire situation. Kirell was out there lying to the guards, by pretending like he had the right to be the Captain of High House Ursa. Everyone knew the rule; to be a Title Holder, you needed to be mated. He wasn’t mated. Therefore, he wasn’t eligible. It was a simple as that. Black and white, really.

  Your Queen needs you.

  That was the crux of the issue. Kirell was loyal to the throne, and to the woman who now sat upon it. She was his rightful ruler, having broken no laws by taking over when her mate was killed. So how could he deny the rightful ruler when she told him that the House needed him to be where he was, even if it meant breaking the rules?

  It put him in an uncomfortable position, and Kirell wasn’t sure it was one he could continue on with. What if word got out about what he was doing? If Klebra found out, it would all be over of course, but the guards were a different issue.

  To function as a unit, they needed to trust one another implicitly. All fifteen of them had to believe in Kirell as their Captain with everything they had, or else the system would break down. He did not wish to betray their loyalty and respect like that.