Bearing Secrets (High House Ursa Book 1)

by Riley Storm

  Blinking away the last of his fog, Kirell got up from his bed for good, put on a pair of shoes and entered the passageways, on a beeline for his first destination. He didn’t want anyone to know he was up and about. Not yet. The entire House would know of his attack by now, and the longer they thought he was still laid up, the more time he had to operate unimpeded as he tracked down the bastards and split their skulls open with his bare hands.

  “It’s Kirell,” he announced quietly as he approached the doors to the Queen’s quarters, knowing someone was listening.

  A moment later, the wall panel slid open and two guards greeted him, showing him inside before closing it up behind him. They were still clad in full armor and weaponry. The House wasn’t going to return to a normal state anytime soon, especially not after the attack on him showed there were still traitors on the loose.

  “Kirell!”

  Kaelyn came rushing into the room in a billow of silk fabric, yet another guard trailing after her watchfully. She came up to him and slowed, giving him a tender hug.

  “I’m not dead,” he growled, but secretly he was touched at the sign of affection from his ruler. It was nice to know not everyone had abandoned him in his time of need.

  “It’s good to see you, but why are you up? Natalia could have told me that you were awake and I would have come to you. I’m sure you would protest that, but you were at death’s door when they found you. It’s nearly a miracle you survived. You should take your time.”

  “I’ve taken enough time,” he growled. “I need to know who it was. Have you caught them yet? I’m going to kill them myself.”

  “You are in no shape to be doing that,” she said with a sigh. “Not that I expect it to stop someone as stubborn as you.”

  He smiled grimly, a promise of the violence he intended to unleash upon his attackers. “Who are they?”

  Kaelyn looked away, unwilling to meet his murderous gaze. That was all the answer he needed.

  “You haven’t found them?” he asked accusingly. “We both know it was Klebra, dammit.”

  “There’s no evidence, Kirell. None. He covered his tracks thoroughly.”

  “You’re saying you won’t do anything?” he pressed, astonished at what he was hearing from his ruler.

  “What would you have me do? Accuse him of something and be embarrassed when I can’t prove a damn thing? You know as well as I do that would just make it harder to bring him down.”

  “I can’t believe this,” he snarled. “First Natalia leaves me, now you won’t see justice done.”

  “Kirell Ursa,” the Queen said icily, standing erect in front of him, speaking in an imperious tone he’d rarely heard directed at him.

  Swallowing hard, realizing just how close he’d come to crossing a line, he stood straight, ignoring the protest of his body. “Yes, my Queen?”

  “I understand you are mad. I share in your rage. But we must do this properly if we are to succeed. Enough rules have already been broken, don’t you think?”

  He nodded sharply. “Yes, my Queen. Of course. Forgive me for speaking out of line.”

  The room warmed several degrees as Kaelyn returned, setting aside her regal persona now she’d reminded him of his place. “I understand,” she said softly. “I feel rage as well, Kirell. Burning, seething rage, at the loss of my mate. Do not think I don’t understand how you feel. But we must do this by the book. You need to find evidence. Bring me that, and I will gladly let you take Klebra’s head in any manner you see fit.”

  He bowed, ashamed at his outburst. How could he have forgotten about the King? Of how he had been slain in the opening moments of the uprising, in front of the Queen? She must have held him as he breathed his final breaths. Who was he to insult her honor this way?

  “I am sorry, my Queen. I did not think my words through. Of course, you understand.”

  Kaelyn reached up and touched him on the shoulder. “It is as nothing. Now tell me, what did you mean by saying Natalia had abandoned you?”

  “She’s gone,” he said, his voice brittle and cool. “She left while I was unconscious.”

  Kaelyn seemed taken aback by his words. “Are you sure she didn’t just go to get something from elsewhere in the house?”

  “My keys are gone,” he said, matter of factly. “She left.”

  “How odd.”

  His eyes narrowed at her tone. Kaelyn knew something, something that she wasn’t sharing. “What is it?”

  But the Queen shook her head. “It is not for me to say. I am sorry to hear this, Kirell. I know that you care for her more than you let on.”

  Kirell blinked. He did? It wasn’t what he’d expected to hear, and now he was reeling mentally, trying to keep up, but feeling as if he was at least two steps behind. What did she know that he didn’t? How was it possible for her to know that he had feelings for Natalia, ones he hadn’t even acknowledged himself?

  “You need to rest,” Kaelyn urged. “Get some more sleep. I can see you fading in front of me. Don’t push yourself now. You’ll need that strength after you track down Klebra and every one of his allies and deliver their bodies to me.” Her eyes glowed with barely restrained rage.

  “Yes, my Queen,” he said in the same tone. “Thank you for seeing me.”

  “You are always welcome here.”

  He bowed more deeply this time, turned, and headed back for the wall panel, which one of the guards helpfully pulled open for him.

  “Oh, and Kirell?”

  “Yes?” he asked, pausing.

  “Call her.”

  36

  She slid to the floor, holding the envelope containing the job offer, trying to hold back her tears. This would be the third time she’d cried over the situation in as many hours, and frankly she was starting to get annoyed at herself. After all, this was her decision, and it was the right one.

  So why am I so sad?

  The answer was because she was packing up the last eight years of her life in preparation for heading back to a home she’d never intended to go to, except perhaps to visit when she introduced a fiancé or something to her family. This wasn’t the course she’d expected her life to go on, but sometimes things were out of her control.

  It all started with the government’s refusal to grant her a work visa. Someone up there was cruel and felt like punishing her, though she couldn’t fathom why. All her paperwork had been in order, but some button-pusher had decided to screw her over. She was a contributing member of society; couldn’t they see that?!

  Her phone buzzed loudly from the nearby dresser, but she let it ring. It was going to be Loren again, and she just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. She’d responded to one text to let her friend know she was okay and that she just needed some time to herself, but otherwise she’d ignored the repeated attempts to reach her, convincing herself that being alone was for the best just then.

  Apparently, Loren had other ideas. The storm door creaked open, audible even in her bedroom, and moments after that a key sounded in the lock. Loren and her landlord were the only two who had keys, and only one of them would enter unannounced.

  “Pick up your damn phone next time, will you?” The perky blonde burst into her room and surveyed the situation all in the span of a few seconds.

  “What the hell is going on?”

  Natalia didn’t answer, staring intently on something only she could see on her hands. It was obvious what was going on, so she didn’t bother acknowledging it.

  “I thought you were staying, now I come over here and you’ve got makeup running down your face, so clearly you’ve been crying, and you’re packing everything up? What the hell’s changed?”

  “I can’t stay,” she said softly.

  “Why the hell not?”

  “Because it puts Kirell in danger.”

  Loren laughed. “I’m sorry, did you just say that your six-and-a-half-foot-tall roadblock of a boyfriend would be in danger from you?”

  “He’s not my boyfriend, but ye
s.”

  “Well that’s a load of shit and you know it.”

  Except it wasn’t. How was she supposed to tell Loren that, while keeping all the secrets she’d been sworn to? It was impossible. Too much of it rested on the idea that his real mate would surface at some point and the truth would be revealed.

  “I can’t stay with him. It’s difficult to explain, but…I’m not of the proper caste to be with him. For his family, at least. They don’t approve of me, and he needs their support.”

  Loren flopped down on the bed, sending piles of half-folded clothes into disarray. “That sounds like one of those things idiots tell themselves. Does he know you’re leaving?”

  “No,” she said quietly, still refusing to look her friend in the eye.

  “You’re running away. That’s what I’m picking up on here. You’re running because of something you don’t want to tell me.”

  She grimaced.

  “Don’t you just hate it when someone knows you better than you know yourself?” Loren drawled. “Because this is how I feel when you usually give me the advice. I gotta admit, this is a pretty empowering sensation though. Kind of nice to finally call you out on your shit.”

  “Fuck you,” Natalia said, but didn’t mean it.

  “Why are you really running?” Loren’s voice was softer now, the sarcasm of a moment ago gone just as fast as it arrived.

  “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

  Her friend exhaled slowly. “Okay. Well, let’s get you packed up then. I’ll drive you to the airport. When’s your flight?”

  “I don’t have one yet. I’ll book it once I’m there.”

  “Okay. Well, let’s get going.”

  She finally looked up. “Really? You’re going to help me?”

  Loren sighed. “If I can’t stop you from being a fucking moron and making a huge mistake, then you damn well bet I’m gonna jump in and help you screw it up as royally as possible. That way, after I help you fix it I can tell you I told you so as often as I want.”

  Natalia tried to ignore the vitriol in her friend’s voice, but it was impossible. She was truly disappointed in Natalia, and letting it be known.

  “How can you say this is a huge mistake? You don’t even know what’s going on.”

  Loren fixed her with a bitter stare. “Don’t insult my intelligence just because you’re in a bad mood. It’s easy to see.”

  “What’s easy to see?” she snapped, tired of having that line used on her. The Queen had said the same damn thing.

  “You like this guy Nat. A lot. But you don’t want to admit it, to yourself, to him, who the hell knows, but you’re scared of actually having feelings, and so you’re running away. You think it’s for the best, but you don’t have any idea what he wants or thinks, because you’re too much of a coward to ask him. What if he doesn’t care what his family says, and only wants you? Who are you to deny that from him? That’s his choice, you can’t make that for him.”

  “You don’t understand.”

  “Screw you. We’ve been best friends for years now. You’re closer to me than my own damn sister. Don’t tell me I don’t understand. I know you’re hiding some stuff, but I’m telling you, if he likes you, if he cares for you enough, it doesn’t matter. You have to learn to accept that.”

  “I have to go.”

  “Of course, you do. A situation comes up you don’t understand and can’t make sense of, so you run away. Like when you came here in the first place for school.”

  “That was a little different. I came here to better myself, to go to better schools.”

  “And because you thought it would be better on your mom, because the men would stop coming around, trying to take advantage of you and causing her immense stress. But you never asked your mom how she felt about you leaving. You did what you thought was best for her, without asking her.”

  “You can’t argue that the schools here aren’t better.”

  “Perhaps. But the ones in western Europe are just as good for this sort of thing.” Loren crossed her arms, not backing down. “It may not be the exact same, but there are similarities and you know it.”

  Natalia didn’t respond. Her best friend was right.

  “You need to talk to him, Nat. At a minimum, you need to sit down with him; both of you need to tell one another how you feel and stop acting like teenagers. Just because this happened fast, doesn’t mean it’s not a good thing, or real, okay?” Loren blew out air noisily between her lips. “Seriously, this guy hasn’t even screwed up yet, and you’re already running.”

  “I’m not running,” she protested. “I’m doing what the government says I have to do.”

  Loren laughed in her face. Harshly. “You can lie to yourself. You can lie to Kirell. But don’t fucking lie to me, okay? It’s not nice, I don’t deserve it.”

  “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “You’re right.”

  “About what?”

  “You don’t deserve to be lied to.”

  “What else?” her friend pressed, seizing the advantage they both knew she had.

  “I like him. A lot. I’m scared. Okay fuck, all of it, alright? You’re right about every damn bit of it. Fuck.”

  Loren quickly slid off the bed to sit beside her, hugging her tightly. “It’s okay, Nat. It’s okay to be scared, to admit it. Hell, why do you think I never settle down with a boy? Because I’m scared, that’s why. I don’t want to develop feelings. That shit’s terrifying. I understand. But from everything you’ve told me, this guy is a real keeper, so I don’t want to see you fuck it up.”

  “You think I should give him a shot?”

  Loren smiled and lay her head on Natalia’s shoulder. “I think you should give him a hell of a lot more than that. I’ve never seen you talk about a guy like this before, Nat. The way your eyes light up when you talk about him, it’s utterly adorable.”

  “Okay,” she said, her voice a ghost of a whisper.

  “At least you’re all packed. When you go back to him, you can just say you were moving in all along.”

  Natalia groaned. “I am not going to say that, thank you very much.”

  Loren laughed, crawling forward on all fours to the dresser where she grabbed the cell phone and shoved it into Natalia’s hands.

  “What are you going to say?” she asked.

  “That, my friend, is a very good question. I have no idea. I guess I’ll start with an apology and see where it goes from there?”

  37

  As it turned out, the apology had worked out fine. All Kirell had asked was that she come back, so that they could both talk everything over and sort it out face to face. No more hiding, no more avoiding the subject.

  She’d told him she could do that, not a problem. Then he’d added that if she could also bring the car back, he’d appreciate it. She still wasn’t on the insurance. Natalia had laughed and asked him why he was being so lazy, and what had he been so busy doing for the past day that he couldn’t make one phone call?

  They’d shared a laugh over that and she’d promised to come over quickly. First though, she was going to have dinner with Loren and thank her friend for beating some sense into her.

  Now she was heading back to the manor house, carefully guiding the ultra-responsive car around the corners, enjoying the easy feeling of the open road. Her mind kept wandering back to Kirell. No surprise there; he’d dominated her thoughts the way he dominated any room he entered.

  I told him coming back wouldn’t be a problem, but I wonder if he picked up on how much of a lie that was?

  The only easy thing about going back to the manor was the way the car took the curves in the road or accelerated along a straightaway. Her insides were a tangled mess of stress, fear, anxiety, and—most confusing of all—hope.

  Hope that the tiny dream festering in her head could manifest into a reality. That maybe all the craziness of the past week would calm itself down and reveal to her that she’d be able to stay with him. Living at the mano
r held no sway over her one way or another. The fact that he was a shapeshifter didn’t matter a lick. His wealth was nice, but unnecessary. Hell, she’d grown up in poverty; she could survive.

  It was Kirell that mattered. It was the big, good-natured shifter with a solid heart and an emotional inner that he hated to reveal, that had captured her attention. More than her attention, she had to admit. Somehow, in just a few short days, he’d managed to make himself a part of her life.

  That was what scared her the most, she realized. The absolute speed with which her feelings for him had gone from curiosity, to intrigue, to platonic business deal, to lust, to…caring. She wasn’t ready to use a stronger word. Not yet. Not until she knew how it was all going to play out between everything and everyone.

  Cresting the last rise before the entrance to the house, Natalia slowly pressed the accelerator down, increasing her speed on the long straightaway. To her right stretched the outer property of the manor, hidden behind the stone wall and an outer ring of trees.

  “What the hell?”

  Frowning in confusion, she slowed. Up ahead, well in advance of the gate, was a cluster of lights and moving shapes. She slowed, coming eventually to a halt as it became clear the road itself was blocked by a pair of big SUVs, each facing up the road.

  Eyes still on the scene ahead of her, she reached out with her hand to find her purse. Something was going on, and she wanted Kirell to know about it. She had no proof, but the entire thing felt ominous. The shapes she’d seen moving as she first crested the rise had disappeared, leaving only the blocked road. There was nowhere to move the car onto the shoulder and around them either.

  She screamed, jumping in her seat as something tapped lightly on her window. A moment later, a flashlight shone through, illuminating her and her hand.

  “GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM THE BAG!” a voice filled with authority boomed.

  Police? What the hell are police doing out here? Is something going on up at the manor?

  She yanked her hand back.